Send Suggestive Pics to Deployed Spouse?

[NerdGirl]

Well, I would wonder why he's demanding for my nude pics if it was me, does he use it to please himself sexually? that's masturbation and in my opinion it's a sin even if he's using your pic. Thank God it's in the past now. There's always a slight risk of your pic being out there, emails can be hacked and you never know if yours was before you blocked both emails. Whatever the case try to put it behind you and any time you remember it, pray that God will erase the memory from your mind. God bless

Is this a Catholic belief? That masturbating over thoughts of one's spouse is sinful?

 

[HappyHope]

Well, I would wonder why he's demanding for my nude pics if it was me, does he use it to please himself sexually? that's masturbation and in my opinion it's a sin even if he's using your pic. Thank God it's in the past now. There's always a slight risk of your pic being out there, emails can be hacked and you never know if yours was before you blocked both emails. Whatever the case try to put it behind you and any time you remember it, pray that God will erase the memory from your mind. God bless

I used to think along the same lines...that all physical expression of this nature is to be in the presence of one's spouse or else. Not totally on board with that philosophy anymore for a few reasons. First, let me say I totally get that the imagination can be ever so wicked. The risk of dishonoring the Lord with less than wholesome/healthy sexual thinking is big here.

I cannot speak for everyone. I am only expressing my personal thoughts on this. This is such a sensitive topic and you are free to disagree but I have considered situations where one's spouse is physically unable to be there for the other due to things like separation, deployment, physical handicaps...etc. Or maybe a spouse is depriving the other. I have heard of one couple where the wife became paralyzed...etc. I cannot imagine the Lord doesn't have compassion in situations like these.

Also, the Lord designed us to where both genders can technically please themselves alone. I'm not saying one should be flippant with his/her body. The physical/sexual is a significant part of life so the risk of vulnerability here is real. People have to guard themselves physically, mentally, and spiritually. There are probably times where masturbation is not a sin if guarding against becoming more vulnerable sexually. Correct me if I'm mistaken, Lord God.

Again, I'm not saying one should throw caution to the wind and misbehave or look at filthy stuff or look to please themselves as often as possible. I do know men are typically more intensely visual than women. It was eye-opening to discover this. I can respect that though. This gives me a certain amount of understanding and compassion for my husband and other men. They are made that way just as women are more emotionally vulnerable typically.

Last, I do not know about your church but pastors do not say much about this for a reason I think. It is sensitive sure. But I wonder if it is also because it could go either way. Maybe its right for some at some point maybe it is not right at other times and under certain attitudes. Tricky topic. Lord give us grace and understanding that we may serve you with purity. Anyway, thanks for commenting. Blessings!

 

[Darkhorse]

Not proud but I have done this when my husband deployed and he requested I email him suggestive pics-nude of myself. I was hesitant but eventually I made two bogus email accounts one for him and one for me and sent him such pics years ago.

I think sending such a photo to your husband was a loving and wonderful thing to do.
Don't feel bad about it.

 

[Dave L]

Not proud but I have done this when my husband deployed and he requested I email him suggestive pics-nude of myself. I was hesitant but eventually I made two bogus email accounts one for him and one for me and sent him such pics years ago.

I justified it because I knew a lady in church small group who would flash her deployed spouse on camera while he was in a communication center at his deployed location. He would tell her to do this when no one was looking. Or one nonChristian couple I knew whose girlfriend kept trying to send him dirty magazines labeled “art” (lol) when he was deployed.

I thought emailing personal pics to the hubbykins was a lot better than what others were up to. I regret it though. I deleted the bogus email accounts and pics years ago. But are they still on the internet somewhere? I’m not famous, so I’m not worried too much. But the thought is very unpleasant. Also, the hubby retired from the military, so deployments aren’t a concern anymore.

I’m not justifying it and think it was stupid, but what should I have told my hubby back to get out of his request?

Deleted files remain on the computer for a long time. Deleting a file only changes its name so the computer doesn't recognize it as a file. Cops bust people using special software to recover deleted files every day. Don't let the computer fall into wrong hands.

 

[lsume]

Not proud but I have done this when my husband deployed and he requested I email him suggestive pics-nude of myself. I was hesitant but eventually I made two bogus email accounts one for him and one for me and sent him such pics years ago.

I justified it because I knew a lady in church small group who would flash her deployed spouse on camera while he was in a communication center at his deployed location. He would tell her to do this when no one was looking. Or one nonChristian couple I knew whose girlfriend kept trying to send him dirty magazines labeled “art” (lol) when he was deployed.

I thought emailing personal pics to the hubbykins was a lot better than what others were up to. I regret it though. I deleted the bogus email accounts and pics years ago. But are they still on the internet somewhere? I’m not famous, so I’m not worried too much. But the thought is very unpleasant. Also, the hubby retired from the military, so deployments aren’t a concern anymore.

I’m not justifying it and think it was stupid, but what should I have told my hubby back to get out of his request?

You seem to be feeling guilty for the behavior you described. Please consider that your relationship with your spouse is personal and not something to be shared at large. If you were to tell your spouse that you were not comfortable sending such personal video, perhaps he would have relaxed his request. If in everything you seek council from Christ, I believe He will give it.

 

[Helmut-WK]

Not proud but I have done this when my husband deployed and he requested I email him suggestive pics-nude of myself. I was hesitant but eventually I made two bogus email accounts one for him and one for me and sent him such pics years ago.

I see no problem in sending nude photos to your husband. You are married, when you both are together, you can show yourself naked to him, and sending photos to him is the same in the "virtual" world. You don't need to be ashamed of that.

But there is the problem of privacy. Unless a judge orders that expert should look after deleted files, it is next to impossible that someone could see any files of a deleted mail account. And now, years later, all data have been overwritten by newer files, the data is gone. But the data could have been stolen (copied) when they were on the net.

The crucial question is: what kind of email account did you create? When I receive an email, it is stored at my email provider, and then when I call my mail program it is downloaded on my computer - and no longer in the net (POP3 account). There is a rather small time window where some hacker could possibly steal it from my provider, and of course someone could snatch and copy an email when its send from one internet knot to the other. If you want to avoid this, you should use encryption (without telling the key in the same mail, of course). But unless some agency is spying after you, the probability is high that no-one looked into the mail (except your husband, of course).

But if you used an account where the mails are stored until you delete him (IMAP account), the danger that some hacker got access to files he should not see is larger, because the "time window" is longer. The security measures are not the same at all providers, so I can't tell you how great that danger was (and even if I knew your provider and knew how long such photos were there, I'm not the expert who could tell you). I guess the chance the files were copied by someone are less than 10%, this is only a deliberately pessimistic guess (coupled with the guess that such mails were at your provider for months or even 2 years).

So you have an impression how great the risk may be that someone saw your pictures. If no one hacked your provider, or the computer of your husband or your computer while such files where there, the files are gone, no reason to worry. If there was some leakage, the pictures are somewhere for years. But as no hint to that reached you it is likely that no one stole a picture.

 

[Thomas White]

I’m not too stressed just felt prompted to get feedback on this. I don’t think the hubby has to pics anymore. Both accounts were deleted long ago. That was 5+ years ago. I’d like to think it wasn’t too bad an issue but I heard once something is online it can never be erased.

As long as he didn't share them, you are fine.

 

[bèlla]

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[PaulCyp1]

Not a problem between you and your spouse. The only down side is that others may see them, but that isn't likely if he is careful.

 

[Sketcher]

Back then I dont think either of us used our phones for email. Also, I'm not too worried. Of all the pics available to people online, mine probably wouldn't be ...how should I say this...widely distributed, lol. I'm with you on emails not being secure. I'm more annoyed that I wasn't more careful to begin with and went against my better judgement I guess. Thanks for commenting!

I stand by my recommendation of making sure they are 100% gone from both phones before you replace them, if you haven't already. Tech shop employees haven't changed much since I worked in one. We had an absentee manager, and techs other than me would copy naked pictures from the laptops we worked on. If someone is copying data from one phone to another for you, there is risk there.

 

[Neostarwcc]

That's the problem with posting things online they get saved for the entire world to see. There are pictures of my dead grandparents on google for all to see as well including my dead grandmother in a casket holding a flower from her wake because my cousin thought it was a good idea to take pictures of her at her wake and post them on Facebook for the world to see. My grandparents would be rolling in their graves if they knew that these pictures were out there for the world to see and they got saved on Google. It's bad enough pictures of them are included on the internet from their obituraries but these are actual pictures of the dead. When my niece was born I posted a picture of them just holding my niece on the internet and my grandfather screamed at me to take them down and I had the common respect to do so.

Not quite as bad as naked photos of yourself being on the internet but its still highly disrespectful to have pictures of the dead rolling around on the internet for all to see. I mean it'd be different if my cousin took a picture of her grave and posted it but no, she had to post pictures of a dead body when our grandparents when they were alive didn't even want pictures of themselves ALIVE on the net.

But I can relate to this happening. There is personal information about me on the internet that people posted before I came to Christ about things that I used to do with my life. Information I don't want there because it ruins my image and reminds me of the things I used to do before I came to Christ. Things, I'd like to forget. But, this is why when my wife sent me dirty pictures one time when she was gone I had her just directly send the pictures to my computer and they stayed only on my computer and never went anywhere else and eventually I permanently deleted them all. I'm tech savy so I knew how to get around this issue. No pictures of her ever were posted on the internet they were just kept personally between the two of us.

 

[Brian Mcnamee]

Not proud but I have done this when my husband deployed and he requested I email him suggestive pics-nude of myself. I was hesitant but eventually I made two bogus email accounts one for him and one for me and sent him such pics years ago.

I justified it because I knew a lady in church small group who would flash her deployed spouse on camera while he was in a communication center at his deployed location. He would tell her to do this when no one was looking. Or one nonChristian couple I knew whose girlfriend kept trying to send him dirty magazines labeled “art” (lol) when he was deployed.

I thought emailing personal pics to the hubbykins was a lot better than what others were up to. I regret it though. I deleted the bogus email accounts and pics years ago. But are they still on the internet somewhere? I’m not famous, so I’m not worried too much. But the thought is very unpleasant. Also, the hubby retired from the military, so deployments aren’t a concern anymore.

I’m not justifying it and think it was stupid, but what should I have told my hubby back to get out of his request?

hi a mental picture is worth much more than a physical one. You could tell him how much you miss him and desire himand it will make him want to come home to that woman. The pics are jerk off material and not intimate where you thoughts and expression of love and desire are very personal.

 

[HappyHope]

That's the problem with posting things online they get saved for the entire world to see. There are pictures of my dead grandparents on google for all to see as well including my dead grandmother in a casket holding a flower from her wake because my cousin thought it was a good idea to take pictures of her at her wake and post them on Facebook for the world to see. My grandparents would be rolling in their graves if they knew that these pictures were out there for the world to see and they got saved on Google. It's bad enough pictures of them are included on the internet from their obituraries but these are actual pictures of the dead. When my niece was born I posted a picture of them just holding my niece on the internet and my grandfather screamed at me to take them down and I had the common respect to do so.

Not quite as bad as naked photos of yourself being on the internet but its still highly disrespectful to have pictures of the dead rolling around on the internet for all to see. I mean it'd be different if my cousin took a picture of her grave and posted it but no, she had to post pictures of a dead body when our grandparents when they were alive didn't even want pictures of themselves ALIVE on the net.

But I can relate to this happening. There is personal information about me on the internet that people posted before I came to Christ about things that I used to do with my life. Information I don't want there because it ruins my image and reminds me of the things I used to do before I came to Christ. Things, I'd like to forget. But, this is why when my wife sent me dirty pictures one time when she was gone I had her just directly send the pictures to my computer and they stayed only on my computer and never went anywhere else and eventually I permanently deleted them all. I'm tech savy so I knew how to get around this issue. No pictures of her ever were posted on the internet they were just kept personally between the two of us.

Sorry this happened to you. I cannot fully imagine the feeling of having family members being disrespected in this way. I would not have liked it either.

 

[HappyHope]

I stand by my recommendation of making sure they are 100% gone from both phones before you replace them, if you haven't already. Tech shop employees haven't changed much since I worked in one. We had an absentee manager, and techs other than me would copy naked pictures from the laptops we worked on. If someone is copying data from one phone to another for you, there is risk there.

We never had those pics on our phones I think. It was some time ago and 3 phones ago for my hubby anyway. It was likely his laptop. Your work story reminded me of funny story. I had a relative who worked at some kind of feed supply store or farm supply distributor or similar and his boss caught people looking at inappropriate material on work computers. So, the owner/manager did the best he could to rectify the situation and set boundaries. He called the workers together for a meeting. He said, "Now you can look at chickens on the computer, but don't be looking at no naked women." As I said--boundaries. Chickens?

 

[bèlla]

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[HappyHope]

There’s nothing wrong with a married man deployed elsewhere enjoying images of his wife sexually.

Desires for physical intimacy don’t disappear when a couple are separated. It isn’t a switch and its natural to yearn for closeness with your spouse.

There are Christian ministries for military wives. That may be a better atmosphere to pose the question.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

Thanks, I sincerely though about the military forum. I even started typing there I think but I saw two advantages to the general advice forum.
1) More input opportunity
2) Expose others to unique situations inside the body of Christ they would otherwise not consider

God bless!

 

[Helmut-WK]

It was some time ago and 3 phones ago for my hubby anyway. It was likely his laptop.

Depending on the kind of storage it may have been difficult to erase them (which is more that to delete them, "deleting" removes information about the data, not the data itself). But if they were deleted long before the laptop was given away, the data was probably overwritten by newer data that was stored there.

Your work story reminded me of funny story. I had a relative who worked at some kind of feed supply store or farm supply distributor or similar and his boss caught people looking at inappropriate material on work computers. So, the owner/manager did the best he could to rectify the situation and set boundaries. He called the workers together for a meeting. He said, "Now you can look at chickens on the computer, but don't be looking at no naked women." As I said--boundaries. Chickens?

Instead of just telling the guys what the should (not) do, he could have set limits in configuring the computers so they could not do anything not appropriate, e.g. by installing a "family filter" program. This requires him (or a trustworthy system administrator) to know more in this field than the workers he wants to keep within boundaries.

EDIT: Some typos, and deleted a superfluous remark.

 

[HappyHope]

Depending on the kind of storage it may have been difficult to erase them (which is more that top delete them, "deleting" removes information about the data, not the data itself. But if they were deleted long before the laptop was given away, the data was probably overwritten by newer data that was stored there.


Instead of just telling the guys what the should (not) do, he could have set limits in configuring the computers so they could not do anything not appropriate, e.g. by installing a "family filter" program. This requires hm (or a trustworthy system administrator) to know more in this field than the workers he wants to keep within boundaries.

As to "chicken" - I'm not sure which meaning you tried to hint at (if you did).

No innuendos meant. Just pictures of literal chickens or other animals were allowed I assume. I assure you that is all I intended to relay. It was funny to me because when my cousin relayed the story, I got the impression the boss was an honorable older country gentlemen who did not know what to say to his young employees. I think the computer was something new for the employees. They took advantage. No double meaning meant. I always wanted to tell that story because it seemed hilarious to me anyway. I should have refrained I guess, lol. My bad.