So, I am coming back, from backsliding once again, and having the same issue that has caused me to flee from God every other time. I have an immense amount of self loathing over many of the things which I did over the course of my life. How can I deal with this once and for all? Any advice out there?
Stop trying to save yourself. There is no advice or 12 step program that can save you from yourself. Only Jesus Christ, a Savior who really saves, can save you. Turn away from your sins and trust in Christ. Stop looking at what you did and did not do right and worrying that what you did or did not do has "unjustified you." If you have been justified by grace through faith in Jesus Christ alone He will save you.
On the plus side, the fact that your sins keep horrifying you and bringing you back to the cross is a very good sign. Those who are not disturbed by their sins are the ones who need to question their standing before the Father. But those folks like yourself who keep being brought back to their knees by their sins, take heart! Listen to what Paul says!
Did that which is good, then, bring death to me? By no means! It was sin, producing death in me through what is good, in order that sin might be shown to be sin, and through the commandment might become sinful beyond measure. For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.
(Romans 7:13-25 ESV)
Study this chapter friend!
In short, it's not all about you! It's about Jesus Christ saving helpless sinners. Repent and trust in Him. Stop trying to find something you can do to save yourself and trust in Him. You will constantly struggle with sin and you will constantly fall. Having been justified and being sanctified is like living in a house infested with roaches. Every time you see a roach, step on it! You know of course that there are and will be more roaches. So keep stepping on them by the grace of God, knowing that only He can stop the infestation, and that He has not promised to stop this infestation this side of eternity. Be patient and keep stomping.
This is not to say that there aren't practical things you can do to have a better spiritual life. There are and the most important is to always have a constant, steady, and habitual devotional life. Daily Bible reading is a must. Weekly Church is a must.
Spiritual Christian reading is a must.
Not in order to be saved, but because if you have been saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, you're tired of constantly letting the roaches run over you and want to be a good child of the Father.
So examine youself friend! You seem to clearly have the weight of the Law on your heart. Have you repented AND trusted your salvation in Jesus Christ and Him alone? When I say Him alone, I mean not based on your personal performance, but on your clinging to Christ because of what He has done for sinners?
So examine yourself closely. Pray. If you are repenting and do trust fully in Christ that only He can save you, rejoice! Your sins are forgiven. Get out your Bible and start reading it every single day. As the Rastas like to say, "a chapter a day keeps the devil away." Pray every day. Go to a good Bible based church at least once a week. Fellowship with Christians. But remember, when you fall, don't fret over your salvation. Stomp the roach! Repent, remember that Christ saves sinners, and stomp the roach. You can't save yourself and the roaches will keep coming. But Christ will save His sheep. His blood covers them. Cling to Him and immerse yourself in Him.
For more advice, please
go here. But most importantly, repent and trust in Christ. Get back up, dust the roaches off of you, and start stomping by the grace of God...not in order to be saved, but because He has drawn you back to Him by driving you to your knees as you realize the roaches all over you. But remember, you can't save yourself from yourself.
Brain "Head" Welch - Save Me From Myself (Lyrics) - YouTube
I hope this helps and God bless you dear friend!
You didn't brother! But performance based righteous (aka, the "good news" about a savior who makes salvation possible provided you do a bunch of works) disgusts me. Every single religion or philosophy (which has a notion of "salvation") is all about you you you and your works works works. Save yourself! Pull yourself up by your boot straps! Work harder loser!
