Saying "I miss you"/ expressing Feelings and emotion

[Stanfi]

Ok, here is the situation, you have been dating someone for about 3 months. They are out of town on business, and you say "I miss you", but they do no say "I miss you back". In fact the reason they say the do not miss you is because they know they will be coming home in a few days and get to see you soon.

So, the question is: Does they fact they do not miss you or will not say "I miss you" bother you or do you not think anything of it.

Also, your SO, does not express much emotion and feelings anyway, is this also a concern of yours? Do you think they don't care about you, or do you simply accept this as part of their personailtiy?

 

[bumblebee62331]

Hmmmmm. I'm not sure. It depends on my mood. But if I know that even though they don't say it, they still feel it, then I would learn to accept that that is how they are. I'm the type of person who would rather my boyfriend never say anything 'emotional' to me if it was simply because he felt I expected him to say that. Does that make sense?

But I understand that sometimes you might just need to hear that. In that case, I would sit down with my SO and discuss it, sharing how I felt about it and finding out how he felt about it, so we could work something out so we were both happy and comfortable.

Sorry if I'm waaay off track, it's late here.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

umm i dunno. i couldn't imagine saying "i love you" or "i miss you" and not getting an "i love you" or "i miss you" back. it seems a little odd to me

 

[peanutbutter12]

I have to admit, that would unnerve me a little too depending on the reaction. Talk to her about it and see what she says and let her know how you feel about the situation.

CJ

 

[Kutl3ss]

Having my girlfriend say she doesn't miss me would bother me a bit, but I wouldn't dwell on it.

 

[Morrighan]

Personally, for me it would be all over if they did not miss me after that amount of time in the relationship.

 

[MN John]

Do you think they don't care about you, or do you simply accept this as part of their personailtiy?

Is it p[art of their personality? You should know them well enough to know whether this is just how they are or not.

 

[feesha]

It scares me how many people are going to end up in unhealthy marriages because they didn't develop themselves as individuals within the relationship, they can't live without their partner for a few days, and they expect their partner to feel the exact same way they do

..IF you are not a healthy INDIVIDUAL, you will *infect* your relationship, and the relationship WILL fail.

ahhh, good call.

 

[feesha]

i also want to say..

when i miss my SO i tell him but i do not expect the same response in return. and i don't tell him with the purpose of hearing it said back.

Also, your SO, does not express much emotion and feelings anyway, is this also a concern of yours?

all humans express emotion and feeling, only, not in the way we are used to or expect. when you are in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex communication can seem foreign. we're not used to it and need to be open to different ways of communicating rather than only wanting our own.

anyway, so i'm in this relationship with a different person from myself who has seperate thoughts and feelings. when communication does fail (because it will between 2 persons with seperate wills) it's because of selfishness: you're not saying what i want to hear, when i want, in the language i want.
human nature. and quite hard to break.. :/

 

[plum]

Well being in a long distance relationship is a bit different that being away from someone for three days and feeling like a piece of you is gone or something Let's just say I think I can handle that just fine. haha. In order for my SO and I to be secure in our relationship being so far apart as we are we must must must be okay being alone, communicating our feelings openly, and exploring our feelings much more often. Distance is not a good thing, but it has benefited us in that we're able to be apart and still be secure, confident, and know that we are loved and can trust the other person fully. I'm sure we have growth to do in this area (what am I, a guru? no way)... but it doesn't seem to be much of an issue for us.

However, back to the OP's direct question... if we share the feeling of longing to be with the other person, we might say "I miss you, honey". If the other person doesn't say anything we assume they're distracted, angry, or just sitting there. When you're on the phone almost exclusively, you need to say words in order to communicate anything at all. So we usually say it back or express another feeling or response. I dunno... if my SO wasn't into expressing his emotions as he is... I'm not sure how easy it would be to communicate with him and understand his heart. It would takea bit more of an active role on my part to ask probing questions and also find out how he likes to express his feelings and when he likes to do that. thankfully, my SO and I just love to talk feelings and thoughts and all that stuff... *shrug* but that isn't all perfect either, mind you.

 

[del66]

I was in a long distance relationship, just till today. It ended sadly because I came at him from all different directions with guesses of what I thought may be wrong with him ... or going on in his life... just guesses, and all because he does not express, or communicate, and does not say I love you back ...... I thought he didnt love me any more and that it was just a matter of time that he would leave me. Even if i was quiet and not communicating and expressing my feelings.....

I dont understand any of this. Tonight I think honestly that he must have been going through stuff and that he needed time out from the "demanding " parts of his life ... like me....He could have communicated and let me know.... but he just didnt. and now I guess i ruined it.I always did with my farfetched wild left field guesses.
And he calls me paranoid.
I never have and never will have a good man like him in my life ever again. Because for the most part he is good.
The best I ever had.
And I think that he is not coming back. Im sorry ... i went off track on the subject . But i dont think your SO doesnt love you .... maybey they are going through something. god bless you and hope that the lord will fill this person you love with loving communication.
Every couple should communicate.
Trust, Honesty, communication, Love, and Intimacy.
all very important. or there is nothing without all of these.
I did not mean to probe him and throw all these questions at my Love.... but I did not know how else to see if he would voulenteer anything... even a simple I love you ....

 

[Inperfected]

Hmm... i miss you after a day or two? We personally do, becuase we spend virtually everyday together after work and before going home to bed. And when we've missed a few days, yes we start to miss each other. But in general we aren't insecure, that is if you disregard my 3 months in Africa where both of us missed each other like crazy and also felt insecure in the relationship

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Ok, here is the situation, you have been dating someone for about 3 months. They are out of town on business, and you say "I miss you", but they do no say "I miss you back". In fact the reason they say the do not miss you is because they know they will be coming home in a few days and get to see you soon.

So, the question is: Does they fact they do not miss you or will not say "I miss you" bother you or do you not think anything of it.

Also, your SO, does not express much emotion and feelings anyway, is this also a concern of yours? Do you think they don't care about you, or do you simply accept this as part of their personailtiy?

I would have issues with being with a person who did not express their feelings much...but that is me. My bf isn't a feely type person, but he will discuss things with me, and he will say that he misses me. At times I want more from him emotionally, but I must remember that he is a guy.

A girl in most cases will miss a guy even if he is gone for a day (I do) while he may not think in those terms in that short period of time. But it can be different for different people.

 

[Shazamataz]

Starling2003, Just remember that guys can show emotions too!!! I know that lots dont... but don't stereotype them.

But back on track... if my boyfriend didn't show much emotion about how he felt about me, or tell me he missed me, yes that would worry me. I would start to wonder if he really cared about me. I think its normal to miss someone you care about so much, even if they've only been away for a few days. Yes, they're coming back, but that doesn't mean you can't miss them!! Its human. You miss the people you love and care about when you haven't seen them for a while. And the more intimate the relationship, the more you will miss them. And like Starling2003 said... Its different for different people. We all relate to things differently. You may miss them after a day, but someone else might not miss them for a few days or more

 

[Mskedi]

Sometimes I'll go a week without seeing my boyfriend and not think anything of it. We talk everyday and that's fine. Other times I'll miss him after a few hours.

Likewise, he'll miss me sometimes and not miss me other times regardless of the length of time.

I think it has a lot more to do with a person's mood than the actual length of time a person is gone. And since people don't always have their moods in sync with one another, it is completely possible for one person to be terribly missing the other, but for that feeling not to be mutual, and there is nothing wrong with that.

I, personally, would feel much worse if the person I was with said "I miss you" out of some feeling of obligation than if he didn't because he just wasn't missing me at the moment or talking to me was filling that void. I've certainly said it and not had it echoed, and I've not felt hurt... in fact, I don't recall thinking about it much at all. The point of my saying it was not to hear the same thing back, but to tell him that I missed him, that I was thinking of him, and that I value our time together.

 

[Alenci]

In my relationship, we have never said "I miss you." We certainly have never professed love. It doesn't bother me.

I listen for enthusiasm when he talks to me on the phone, though it can be misleading when he is having a bad day. He never tells me when he is specifically having a bad day, though he gripes about his job frequently.

I pay attention to when he calls me, but this too is misleading. He has to go outside to get cell reception and sometimes the weather is poor or he is busy. Realistically, it is too much to expect for him to call me every day.

I pay attention to how often he seems to want to see me, but this TOO is misleading, since when he does have a chance to come home, he wants to spend his time with his family. Besides that, his father has been recovering from major blood clotting for some time. So I often don't get to see him when he's coming home, and sometimes he doesn't tell me.

When I am able to take these factors into consideration, I still feel sufficiently important to him.

Moral of the story? Everyone has "up" days and "down" days, and things happen- life isn't easy. It takes a lot of effort to look past the small details to see the big picture. Otherwise relationships can be an emotional roller coaster ride. Always cut your S.O. a little slack... he or she is human too.

 

[Lecarde]

You cant expect people to feel the same way, or if they do, to express their emotions the same way. Thats an unreasonable expectation.

 

[HolyOne87]

Ok, here is the situation, you have been dating someone for about 3 months. They are out of town on business, and you say "I miss you", but they do no say "I miss you back". In fact the reason they say the do not miss you is because they know they will be coming home in a few days and get to see you soon.

So, the question is: Does they fact they do not miss you or will not say "I miss you" bother you or do you not think anything of it.

Also, your SO, does not express much emotion and feelings anyway, is this also a concern of yours? Do you think they don't care about you, or do you simply accept this as part of their personailtiy?

Well, if it was me, I would be a tad upset if my SO didn't say it back..but I would assume that they do miss me too. I wouldnt dwell on it though..because then it will cause so much more drama in my head, which isn't good because then it will cause problems.

And as far as my SO showing no emotion or feelings, i would take that as just their personality and that I have to accept that about them.

Just because she doesn't say I Miss you doesnt mean she doesn't miss you. I am sure she does..very much. I know if I was in her shoes, i would miss my SO very much.

 

[princessellie]

Ok, here is the situation, you have been dating someone for about 3 months. They are out of town on business, and you say "I miss you", but they do no say "I miss you back". In fact the reason they say the do not miss you is because they know they will be coming home in a few days and get to see you soon.

So, the question is: Does they fact they do not miss you or will not say "I miss you" bother you or do you not think anything of it.

Also, your SO, does not express much emotion and feelings anyway, is this also a concern of yours? Do you think they don't care about you, or do you simply accept this as part of their personailtiy?

i think after 3 months the little showing of affection is a little bit of a worry, ive been with my SO for 4 mths and see hime usually once a week we always make sure the other knows we haven been thinking of them and that we miss them, but it realy does depend on the person and it is only an issue if it bothers you which im guessing it does from you post

 

[alacarius]

Ok, here is the situation, you have been dating someone for about 3 months. They are out of town on business, and you say "I miss you", but they do no say "I miss you back". In fact the reason they say the do not miss you is because they know they will be coming home in a few days and get to see you soon.

So, the question is: Does they fact they do not miss you or will not say "I miss you" bother you or do you not think anything of it.

Also, your SO, does not express much emotion and feelings anyway, is this also a concern of yours? Do you think they don't care about you, or do you simply accept this as part of their personailtiy?

Hey im new at this so im gonna do my best to try and give you what small wisdom i have on this. i had the same problem with my SO and i let it bother me why wont she say she misses me does she not care those same exact thoughts ran through my mind. they started to cause problems because i let it bother me so much. i first off want to start by saying that everyone moves at different stages and you may be ahead of the other person. this is not a bad thing you just need to be patient and let them catch up, try not to let it bother you if it is supposed to work then they will eventually catch up and they may start to take the lead and start saying and doing things that you have not thought of yet. bassicly dont let it bother you its not that big of a deal you will be fine you might not want to push the issue or it could cause problems. with me it worked out great my girlfriend tells me she misses me and loves me all the time without me saying a thing, it will come. i hope it works out for you