Moriah wishes people would stop "blowing smoke up its skirt" (so to speak, putting it politely) and just come out and speak the truth. The truth that everyone dodges around. The truth everyone puts themselves into denial about at Moriah's expense. The truth God repeatedly slams into its awareness through experience over and over again -- whether when it comes broken on its knees to Him or whether it cries out desperately for help from the humans -- the truth He reserves for revealing to them only if they dare get too close to this center of pestilence: the truth that it bes too late and Moriah bes forever and irrevocably beyond all redemption.
Others who serve Him whisper about it behind Moriah's back. It knows because it hears things from people who don't entirely despise Moriah, who tell it this one or that one has told them "have nothing to do with her, she bes a condemned soul, beyond the reach of God, the devil's own seed" or things to that effect. But they dare not say it openly. They dare not say it to Moriah's face.
Just once it would like them to just come out and say it, instead of the lying false things NOT true about Moriah that they hurl for accusations instead because they bes not "permitted" somehow to speak the actual truth. Just once. Moriah would not report them for flaming if they just spoke the truth. Moriah would hold them blameless if they just had the guts to say it already.
This is the vent thread. We are not supposed to advise unless asked. You asked, Moriah, so I will tell you the truth.
Some time ago, I believe, you came to the Lord Jesus Christ and asked Him to be your Lord and Savior. In these ways you changed immediately: you were cleansed, you were washed, you were forgiven. At that moment you had salvation, you were going to heaven.
You still have salvation, and you are still going to heaven. Something else to say here too: you will have a perfect body in heaven, a perfect mind, a perfect spirit. You will be healed. You will be whole in every way.
Here is the problem that many people don't realize when they come to Christ: you are saved, but you still need to be sanctified.
When you were saved, it was free to you, because it cost Jesus Christ a terrible price. Salvation is free.
But sanctification costs you everything.
Until you are completely sanctified, you will fight a battle with your soul every day. The old man--the person you used to be--is still there, still alive, and still wants control. Furthermore, you still have free will. You can choose to put the old ways and thoughts to death, you can crucify that old man with all its passions and desires, Gal. 5:24--or you can go on with your old life. This is an ongoing battle which will not cease until you see Christ, Phil. 1:6.
If you look carefully at Philippians 1:6, this truth emerges: NONE of us are at that point. NONE of us are completely sanctified, nor will we be until the day we see Christ.
So this is what we have: two natures, one which God's, the other which is the old man. Which do you want?
An old Indian told a pastor that he had two dogs fighting inside of him, one evil, one good. The pastor asked which one was winning. "The one I feed," the old Indian said. As far as our two natures are concerned, we get what we feed. Your free will will never be taken away from you, and you will get what you feed.
Moriah, you have not lost your salvation. Your struggle now, I believe, is with you sanctification. No one can tell you what to do, no one can make choices for you. You must decide yourself whom you will serve, and which nature you will feed. This is your choice. No one can take that choice away from you.
Thanks, Ariel. God bless you. 
