Relationships with Non-Christians

[RedAndy]

Hi,

As you can see from my faith icon, I'm an agnostic. I used to be a "believer," but in the last few years my faith has lapsed to the point where I no longer know whether God exists, or whether what the Scriptures tell me are the truth.

I haven't come here looking for advice on how to reconvert - I'm way past that point and I don't see how I could be better off as a Christian than I am now. What I want to know is what the Christians here would say about being in a relationship with a non-Christian such as myself.

My girlfriend is a (fairly liberal) Christian, and we got together long after I had renounced my faith. However, she attended a festival in the summer which was run by some very fundamentalist Christians, and attended a number of talks in which it was explained, in no uncertain terms, that it was wrong to be in a relationship with somebody who was not a Christian.

She has told me that it is not important to her what they say, and that her own interpretation of God's word is that it is perfectly fine for us to be together, but I can see that it is difficult for her. So I want to ask if there is anything I can do to make it easier for her. And, furthermore, is it really wrong to be with a non-Christian?

Thanks in advance for your help,

Red Andy

 

[Confess]

To tell you the truth, I question her faith from what you describe.

She sounds more apathetic then Christian.

 

[WashedClean]

I agree with Confess completely. How she can "interpret" God's word to say that it's perfectly fine, is beyond me.

If you would like to see the actual verses in the Bible that talk about this, let me know. I'm not at a place where I can access them right now.

Personally, I am in an unequally yoked marriage myself to a non-believer. I was saved after being married for 10years. Even though my husband is open to Christ, he's not a believer and that means we have different priorities and mindsets much of the time.

In the case of your girlfriend, is she truly born again? If she is, she would be concerned about what the Bible has to say about relationships with non-Christians. There is a forum here at CF for unequally yoked relationships:

http://www.christianforums.com/f239-unequally-yoked.html

I'm not sure if you're allowed to post there, but you can certainly drop in and read through some of our posts.

Hope this helps.

 

[£amb]

Hi,

As you can see from my faith icon, I'm an agnostic. I used to be a "believer," but in the last few years my faith has lapsed to the point where I no longer know whether God exists, or whether what the Scriptures tell me are the truth.

I haven't come here looking for advice on how to reconvert - I'm way past that point and I don't see how I could be better off as a Christian than I am now. What I want to know is what the Christians here would say about being in a relationship with a non-Christian such as myself.

My girlfriend is a (fairly liberal) Christian, and we got together long after I had renounced my faith. However, she attended a festival in the summer which was run by some very fundamentalist Christians, and attended a number of talks in which it was explained, in no uncertain terms, that it was wrong to be in a relationship with somebody who was not a Christian.

She has told me that it is not important to her what they say, and that her own interpretation of God's word is that it is perfectly fine for us to be together, but I can see that it is difficult for her. So I want to ask if there is anything I can do to make it easier for her. And, furthermore, is it really wrong to be with a non-Christian?

Thanks in advance for your help,

Red Andy

To answer your question about what you can do for her, support her. If she wants to remain faithful to attending church, then don't hinder her.

I think this is why in the seminar it was mentioned that christians shouldn't be in relationships with non-christians. It can (and I've seen it happen with my sister) happen where the christian will fall out of fellowship with other believers and God, just to appease their boyfriend/girlfriend. They don't want the person to feel awkward, so instead of inviting them to church with them, they rather stop going themselves.

As I said, my sister is going through this and has for a long time. Although she is married now for several years, she stopped all together going to church because her boyfriend didn't want to go. He's a great guy and a good friend, but learning more about God is'nt what he wants to do. Me on the other hand, I met my husband who was a agnostic such as yourself, and I invited him to church. He never hindered me from going. Through time, he himself eventually came and became a christian himself. He was searching for answers too.

I wondering if the verse your girlfriend is referring to about christians and non-christians being together is the one referring to married couples who are a believer and a non-believer? Is there anything wrong with being a non-christian? I'm not sure if there's an answer I can give since you've state that you weren't going to reconvert. Since you were a believer, then that should be a question you can answer for yourself.

 

[united4Peace]

I think it's fine for you both to be together.
Im with my husband and have been for 17 years.
Married in the Church, Baptised our Children in the Church and I still take our Children to Church and the odd time he does tag along.
I don't think God has a Problem at all with our marriage, otherwise She wouldnt of Blessed us with all that She has

 

[Key]

Well, truth, depends.

If she is liberal enough not to care, then I guess everything is going to be fine between you two, I give her a few more years, till she is just a "Christian" by title alone.

See if she was a devout Christian, then one of the following things would happen, she would drive you crazy, you would convert, or she would deconvert.

Households that have dual faith, have a problem only because of the lack of unity of a common ideal or faith.

Just as a house with a devout Vegan and a Standard American Dieter would have a problem.

Or a house that had an Animal Rights Activist and a person that liked fur living in it.

There will be problems, unless one of you just "Steps down" in your faith. IE: You say "Yah, Gods real" or just nod and agree with her, when she is talking about her religion.

In this each case, someone has to give.

It might not be a problem, you might have no issue with it, one way or the other, and be willing to just "give" for the relationship. I would have to say it also depends on the strength of will, hard hardheadedness, and the level of conviction of beliefs for the two (or more) members in the family.

God Bless

Key

 

[ebia]

Hi,

As you can see from my faith icon, I'm an agnostic. I used to be a "believer," but in the last few years my faith has lapsed to the point where I no longer know whether God exists, or whether what the Scriptures tell me are the truth.

I haven't come here looking for advice on how to reconvert - I'm way past that point and I don't see how I could be better off as a Christian than I am now. What I want to know is what the Christians here would say about being in a relationship with a non-Christian such as myself.

My girlfriend is a (fairly liberal) Christian, and we got together long after I had renounced my faith. However, she attended a festival in the summer which was run by some very fundamentalist Christians, and attended a number of talks in which it was explained, in no uncertain terms, that it was wrong to be in a relationship with somebody who was not a Christian.

She has told me that it is not important to her what they say, and that her own interpretation of God's word is that it is perfectly fine for us to be together, but I can see that it is difficult for her. So I want to ask if there is anything I can do to make it easier for her. And, furthermore, is it really wrong to be with a non-Christian?

Thanks in advance for your help,

Red Andy

I can think of plenty of "mixed marriages" that work fine, and plenty of households where both partners are Christian that do not.
If you can each respect the other's right to hold different views and persue their faith then there isn't a problem. If you can't you are toast whatever, because no two people will entirely agree with each other.

Unfortunately, many Christians can't resist telling other people what to do and cannot get beyond a "one-size fits all" mentality. Christianity isn't about rules and easy to follow certainties, but fundamentalists (pretty much by definiton) will always try to reduce it to that because that's what they want it to be.

 

[Rafael]

Hi,

As you can see from my faith icon, I'm an agnostic. I used to be a "believer," but in the last few years my faith has lapsed to the point where I no longer know whether God exists, or whether what the Scriptures tell me are the truth.

I haven't come here looking for advice on how to reconvert - I'm way past that point and I don't see how I could be better off as a Christian than I am now. What I want to know is what the Christians here would say about being in a relationship with a non-Christian such as myself.

My girlfriend is a (fairly liberal) Christian, and we got together long after I had renounced my faith. However, she attended a festival in the summer which was run by some very fundamentalist Christians, and attended a number of talks in which it was explained, in no uncertain terms, that it was wrong to be in a relationship with somebody who was not a Christian.

She has told me that it is not important to her what they say, and that her own interpretation of God's word is that it is perfectly fine for us to be together, but I can see that it is difficult for her. So I want to ask if there is anything I can do to make it easier for her. And, furthermore, is it really wrong to be with a non-Christian?

Thanks in advance for your help,

Red Andy

Perhaps she has faith that God will bring you around in time. I was agnostic for a long time in life, too, but changed with time and knowledge- opening my mind to see that God speaks to us with life along with His word. He speaks to us through everything, science included, once the eyes of our understanding are opened. It just depends upon what we really want or at least that is what I finally concluded. I was my own god and idol for most of my life and now fight that old nature with the help of God and His abiding Spirit.
I hope the best for your girl friend and will believe all things for now, giving her the benefit of the doubt, because people are sometimes too quick to judge what they do not see or know in other people's lives. We all interpret God's word for ourselves when it really comes down to it, but if we fool ourselves about the importance of seeking and knowing our own Creator, then we just play games of Church.
I think I always knew God was real in the deepest part of me, even when I said I didn't know, but I had to go after proving for myself before I would believe. My faith could never rest on what someone else says.I have to go and find God myself, and I found Him true and man unreliable.
I hope the best for you

 

[TexasGirl06]

Red Andy...
God teaches us that it is not okay to be yoked with a non believer.
God says this....because is wanting to protect His Children.

If one is indeed a Christian.... and one is not, there will be all kids of issues that arise, because of the spiritual difference.
There is much pain.
God would like to protect His Children from this pain.

Often two non believers will get married....and then one will become a Believer. Is divorce the answer? No way.
But...life will be hard for the Believer.

Back to your original question....
Your girlfriend has received some accurate Biblical guidance.

 

[Zeena]

Hi,

As you can see from my faith icon, I'm an agnostic. I used to be a "believer," but in the last few years my faith has lapsed to the point where I no longer know whether God exists, or whether what the Scriptures tell me are the truth.

I haven't come here looking for advice on how to reconvert - I'm way past that point and I don't see how I could be better off as a Christian than I am now. What I want to know is what the Christians here would say about being in a relationship with a non-Christian such as myself.

My girlfriend is a (fairly liberal) Christian, and we got together long after I had renounced my faith. However, she attended a festival in the summer which was run by some very fundamentalist Christians, and attended a number of talks in which it was explained, in no uncertain terms, that it was wrong to be in a relationship with somebody who was not a Christian.

She has told me that it is not important to her what they say, and that her own interpretation of God's word is that it is perfectly fine for us to be together, but I can see that it is difficult for her. So I want to ask if there is anything I can do to make it easier for her. And, furthermore, is it really wrong to be with a non-Christian?

Thanks in advance for your help,

Red Andy

She should not even be looking at you as a potential suiter..

Freinds, indded,,

But we are not to be unequally YOKED with unbelievers!

She is walking after the flesh =P

 

[RedAndy]

Now my husband disagree's with this,
he figures all women regardless of their religion, belief or nonbelief will drive you crazy

That may be the most accurate thing I've read on this thread!

In seriousness, I see that opinion is divided on this thread. I should point out that although I'm no longer a believer, I'm not - strictly speaking - an atheist, and I certainly have no problem with believers. I certainly wouldn't try to deconvert her.

My girlfriend and I have talked about this and I feel that as long as I respect her beliefs and she respects my (lack of) beliefs, we can make it work. Thanks to those who gave advice on how I can make it easier for her. I hope I can still be here in a few years' time telling you all how a "mixed-faith" relationship has worked out.

 

[Zeena]

It's not a matter of you 'trying' to deconvert her..

It's a matter of edification, so that she is capable of loving you the way God intended. Men (woman included) can only reflect what has been giving them!

If she not given the Love of God through you she cannot reflect unless she goes to God personally, putting you aside.

 

[TexasGirl06]

RedAndy.....
Allow me to share some biblical fact with you, regarding "a Believer".

When Jesus died on the cross, and came to life again....and eventually ascended into Heaven...

something happened that did not happen in the Old Testament times.

Since Jesus ascended, when one becomes a Christian. A real Christian.... the Holy Spirit dwells in the Christian. The HS lives in the body of the Christian.
And...the Holy Spirit will never leave the person.
Is the person guaranteed to always walk in obedience to God? No.
But, the HS will never leave.

I mention this... because you talk about how you were a Believer .... and now you are not.

I was raised in "a Religion". That did not make me a Christian. No way. I walked away from that scene big time. I wasn't a Christian who became a non Christian.

When I came to know Jesus as my Lord and Savior.... I became a Christian...and the HS dwells within me...and that will never change.

 

[salida]

RedAndy--

If you want a long term relationship involving depth with someone, I would tell her good bye, so long. She doesn't seem like she is on fire for God but is tap dancing in the background about it all.

Also, both people should be filled with the Holy Spirit because "this" is what causes unconditional love and long term love. Without it - humans don't have the ability for this and the love is limited. Thus, we get bored and want conditional love. Therefore, humans keep getting this girlfriend and get tired. Go on to the next one and get bored and tired and it doesn't end. Why? Because the Holy Spirit isn't in them.

Case and point: God should be in both of your lives all the way or you will be chasing your tail.

***Also, you mentioned different interpretations? No, not really. The Bible interprets itself and is very clear on basic issues. Sometimes people read the Bible to fit their lifestyle but not Christ's. Is this the case with this girl?

 

[Jedidah]

I can think of plenty of "mixed marriages" that work fine, and plenty of households where both partners are Christian that do not.
If you can each respect the other's right to hold different views and persue their faith then there isn't a problem. If you can't you are toast whatever, because no two people will entirely agree with each other.

Exactly. My husband doesn't believe and we've had no problems caused by the difference in beliefs. The key thing is that we respect each others beliefs and right to believe something different. Similarly, as this was also mentioned, I'm a vegetarian and into animal rights whilst my husband isn't. It doesn't cause a problem for us because again we respect each others choice.

 

[desert_island_1]

The problem I see with this relationship is that what is the purpose of dating? To find a suitable spouse. And since the bible says not to be married to other believers, Christians should not be dating them either.

Kristy

 

[ebia]

The problem I see with this relationship is that what is the purpose of dating? To find a suitable spouse. And since the bible says not to be married to other believers, Christians should not be dating them either.

Kristy

Thats one interpretation of what the bible says.

 

[TexasGirl06]

The problem I see with this relationship is that what is the purpose of dating? To find a suitable spouse. And since the bible says not to be married to other believers, Christians should not be dating them either.

Kristy

I agree.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

One thing I've learnt from being in an unevenly yoked marriage, has been the fact that both me and my dh have grown in our beliefs since getting married. This has caused us problems. It has also given us hindsight in that if the clocks could be turned back 9 years ago, our decision to marry would be different or would have been more soberly considered.

I now realise that I should comply with my husband's wishes (in line with 1 Peter 3:1-2). When we married I was what some may describe as a luke-warm believer. I hadn't studied my Bible in any depth and hadn't really taken on board alot of what is written, on how I should conduct myself. I wasn't a regular church goer to where I could seek the advice of any church elders on something as big as marriage. Likewise for him when we got married he was quite liberal in his own belief.

However, when children came along, we both realised that we had to take our faiths more seriously. The ultimate consequence is that I now have obligations tied to my faith which are in direct conflict with my husband's wishes. On some issues, I have placed myself into a lose-lose situation - do I not respect my husband's wishes which would cause argument (and grieve the Holy Spirit), or do I comply with my husband's wishes which causes me pain because I know that I'd be deliberately grieving the Holy Spirit?

This is where I believe the concept of not even going there is taught. We essentially strive for a lifetime partner who we can support whether we are 20, 30, 60 or 90 yrs of age. There has to be a certain level of respect and harmony exercised by both parties. A non believer (throughout their lifetime) should never be made to feel that they have to do things outside of their core-being and their belief in order to keep the peace, since it will cause them discomfort. Likewise, a believer should never be made to feel that they have to do things outside of their core-being and their belief since it will cause them discomfort of the knowledge that they will be held accountable for all the things done in their life both good and bad (I can't put my hand on the verses which refers to Christ judging us for what we've done both good and bad).

Not saying that you would now, but if you guys have kids and your gf grows in her faith, but you develop in such a way that you don't want your kids going to church, your gf is faced with the dilema of whether she deceives you by going to church without you knowing, where she causes an argument by going to church in defiance of you, or she upsets herself by choosing not to go in the knowledge that it will crush her spiritual development, and her obligation to nurture the kids to believe and know God.

It is quite a lot to think about which is where I guess it's not recommended.

I'd probably end with the thought that both of you need to see where God puts you guys. It might be that you're meant to come back after a period of time in the desert (so to speak ). But all in all, be mindful of how much one changes when one is married, and with this in mind, it might be good if both parties are at least sharing the same belief so that the changes can start off in unison.

 

[heron]

If you want to look at the passage, it's here:
http://www.studylight.org/desk/?query=2co+6&t=lit&st=1&new=1&l=en

It's sort of ironic that the verse doesn't specify marriage at all, but the whole chapter is talking about loyalties in general. How many Christians demand adherence to this verse, but go into business with a non-Christian? The verse says partnership, and the imagery is oxen linked together at the same yoke, pulling a plow or turning a mill. Work... efforts... accomplishing a goal.

The context might have pertained to gnostics or goddess-worshippers respected within their church. The Corinthians had a reputation for corruption. The surrounding text talks more of unclean things than passively neutral things.

Having been in partnerships with people, and marriage, and team projects, I would say that applying this to marraige is more a warning of wisdom than a law. Unequal yoking means that one person is going to do more work than the other, in a lopsided manner, and it will be difficult to get the job done without an aching shoulder.