Relations

[tall73]

My sole reservation to that whole thing though is them being exposed to other people's "truths" at too early of an age - before they lack the critical thinking skills to discern between what makes sense to them and what does not.

I agree, however, as you found with the other topic, we can't pick when kids are exposed to ideas, other than us introducing a topic.

I agree with Jesus. I'm of the opinion, and always have been of the opinion, that all morality springs from those basic maxims.

Yes, all of it flows from those two principles.

Too often I think morality is taught as just simply a list of rules. This is wrong, this is right, because that is wrong by association this must be wrong as well, etc etc etc. That's how I was originally taught morality. Someone with the power of God seemingly behind him tells you what is acceptable and unacceptable action - without any real discussion or understanding of why that may be.

Agreed, and in the new testament, while there are lots of imperatives given, the standard of morality is not the commandments anymore, but the Spirit living in us that bears fruit.

 

[Sparagmos]

That seems completely unreasonable and inappropriate for modern life. Who on Earth even has time for that?

I do!

 

[Sparagmos]

Of course I have had sexual desire. I never claimed to be free of sin, but at least I recognise it as sin. And that is the first necessary step to forgiveness.

I feel so sorry for you. You are missing out on such a huge, sacred part of life designed by God. I have to wonder what made you so ashamed?

 

[Sparagmos]

I just have to ask... what do you mean that your not used to a man like him who doesn't want alot of sex. Does this imply you've been with alot of men then in the past?

That aside not wanting sex can be from any numbers of things. Overweight, depression, stress....etc. Most newlyweds though are busy bunny rabbits. Though for some it fades over time. My wife has her issues with sex and it drives me nuts too but I've learned to deal with it. Though shes fine if I want to.... you know, in order to release.

Why are you asking this woman how many partners she has had? Are you looking to cast judgment on her?

 

[Sparagmos]

So, I've been struggling with my husband not wanting to ever have sex with me. I'm not use to a man like this. He says he's just not a typical horny man. I like to have sex often and he could care less. Anyone else struggle with this? How do I deal with this? Makes me feel like he isn't attracted to me but he says he's very much attracted to me just not a sexual person. Still makes me feel gross :-( He said he can give it to me when I want it but it doesn't feel the same. I've never had to be the one to initiate sex with a man before. Help!!

I am not going to be popular here for saying this. I think you should carefully consider whether or not you have married the right man. His sex drive is not going to be any better than it is in the “honeymoon” phase. A woman needs sex to feel loved by her husband, and the intimacy built by sex in a marriage is ESSENTIAL for a long, happy marriage. Perhaps you are unequally yoked? It is possible you could get an annualment for this particular situation. I’m sure you are a Godly woman, but being with a man who does not want to make love to you would drive most woman to adultry or adulterous thoughts. I have a high sex drive and I am so glad I married a man that shares it!

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Why are you asking this woman how many partners she has had? Are you looking to cast judgment on her?

Anyone who right away uses the word judgment tends to not understand what is being said. That said her past determines answers for current questions.

 

[Sparagmos]

Anyone who right away uses the word judgment tends to not understand what is being said. That said her past determines answers for current questions.

Who are you to be the one “offering correction?”

So - what does her past number of partners have to do with her husband’s lack of a sex drive?

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Who are you to be the one “offering correction?”

So - what does her past number of partners have to do with her husband’s lack of a sex drive?

Apparently you never read your bible then. We are not to judge but we are to offer correction/reproof. Read my signature picture below. Also someones past can determine their current situation.

Its like a virgin who has sex with a very sexually active guy and does all sorts of "things" with her. When she stops with him and marrying a nice christian guy, she has expectations based on her past sexual experiences. And if she had slept with many men, it could maybe have screwed up her expectations of sex.

Now this doesn't mean its her fault or anything. But we can't just give her advice based on the husband alone. Puzzles have many pieces. Once you rule out various things, you can find the right solution.

 

[Sparagmos]

Apparently you never read your bible then. We are not to judge but we are to offer correction/reproof. Read my signature picture below. Also someones past can determine their current situation.

Its like a virgin who has sex with a very sexually active guy and does all sorts of "things" with her. When she stops with him and marrying a nice christian guy, she has expectations based on her past sexual experiences. And if she had slept with many men, it could maybe have screwed up her expectations of sex.

Now this doesn't mean its her fault or anything. But we can't just give her advice based on the husband alone. Puzzles have many pieces. Once you rule out various things, you can find the right solution.

I’ve read the Bible many times. It is condescending to attribute difference of interpretation to ignorance in the other person.

I am at a loss as to how experience with other men could cause a woman to have unrealistic expectations of sex. On the contrary, the more experience a woman has had with men, the more she would be aware of what a typical male sex drive is. I think her description of his behavior and lack of desire makes it clear he has a lower than normal sex drive. Yet you seem to want to use the situation to shame her for her sexual past.

 

[Dave-W]

Its like a virgin who has sex with a very sexually active guy and does all sorts of "things" with her. When she stops with him and marrying a nice christian guy, she has expectations based on her past sexual experiences. And if she had slept with many men, it could maybe have screwed up her expectations of sex.

Now this doesn't mean its her fault or anything.

Really? You blame her, and then have the gall to say it is NOT her fault?

Get your story straight.

 

[Dave-W]

I want to add this to the discussion: In Judaism (where all the Apostles and our Lord grew up) it is considered a sin to NOT FULLY enjoy any good gift from God, unless it is SPECIFICALLY forbidden to us.

So the guy or lady who is NOT taking full advantage of the gift of sexual enjoyment with their spouse is sinning.

What did our Lord say about the people who were given talents or minas and did NOT use them? I can tell you it was not good.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I’ve read the Bible many times. It is condescending to attribute difference of interpretation to ignorance in the other person.

I am at a loss as to how experience with other men could cause a woman to have unrealistic expectations of sex. On the contrary, the more experience a woman has had with men, the more she would be aware of what a typical male sex drive is. I think her description of his behavior and lack of desire makes it clear he has a lower than normal sex drive. Yet you seem to want to use the situation to shame her for her sexual past.

Really? You blame her, and then have the gall to say it is NOT her fault?

Get your story straight.

Well what I am saying is without a full story no one can give an accurate answer. It would be like if I said "My wife hit me!". Why did she hit me? Did I do something? Should anyone hit anyone? Do I ever hit her?

We can agree to disagree. America seems to be a country where everyone is offended.

 

[Dave-W]

I have never understood why so many Christians believe that masturbation is a sin. Such a heavy burden of guilt to carry.

I know this is reaching back a bit, but God never designed us to either

A - carry that level of physical frustration or
B - carry that burden of guilt.

Either one will render us ineffective for the Kingdom.

I hope and pray that is changing for the better.

 

[Gwen-is-new!]

So, I've been struggling with my husband not wanting to ever have sex with me. I'm not use to a man like this. He says he's just not a typical horny man. I like to have sex often and he could care less. Anyone else struggle with this? How do I deal with this? Makes me feel like he isn't attracted to me but he says he's very much attracted to me just not a sexual person. Still makes me feel gross :-( He said he can give it to me when I want it but it doesn't feel the same. I've never had to be the one to initiate sex with a man before. Help!!

This is a very helpful read: When You Want Your Husband to Initiate Sex

 

[Gwen-is-new!]

Good to know. Thanks!

Many times the gels don't bring up the T levels, and have terrible side effects - hair loss. There are so many other forms of intimacy that are awesome, and more compatible with an aging body. Here's one description:

Real intimacy is about a relationship with a person who is unique and who
has his own feelings, issues, problems, triumphs, challenges, and baggage.
It is about seeking to understand my husband better and to discover his
perspective and his masculinity. It is about us getting to know each other
and being a safe place for each other. It is about creating a harbor of peace
and a sanctuary where authenticity and vulnerability are cherished and protected.
It is about allowing him to be himself. It is about enjoying each other.

 

[DZoolander]

I’ve read the Bible many times. It is condescending to attribute difference of interpretation to ignorance in the other person.

I am at a loss as to how experience with other men could cause a woman to have unrealistic expectations of sex. On the contrary, the more experience a woman has had with men, the more she would be aware of what a typical male sex drive is. I think her description of his behavior and lack of desire makes it clear he has a lower than normal sex drive. Yet you seem to want to use the situation to shame her for her sexual past.

Basically, what that person seems to be arguing is that ignorance is bliss. Had she not had experiences with other men, she would not know what a normal sex drive is. Therefore, her expectations of what her husband ought provide would grow to what he offered. So, if a woman was married to a guy that wanted it 3 times a day, that would be "normal" because she knew no different. If she was married to a guy that wanted it once every other year, that would be "normal" as well, for the same reason.

Personally, I don't think that's the case. But, I think that's what's being argued. lol

 

[Sparagmos]

Basically, what that person seems to be arguing is that ignorance is bliss. Had she not had experiences with other men, she would not know what a normal sex drive is. Therefore, her expectations of what her husband ought provide would grow to what he offered. So, if a woman was married to a guy that wanted it 3 times a day, that would be "normal" because she knew no different. If she was married to a guy that wanted it once every other year, that would be "normal" as well, for the same reason.

Personally, I don't think that's the case. But, I think that's what's being argued. lol

Why wouldn’t her own sex drive be a measuring stick as well? You seem to be leaving her desires and needs out of the equation. The Poster I responded to knew the husband’s sex drive was less than normal, because she described the situation well enough that most of us were able to determine he had a low sex drive. There was no discussion of the husband’s sexual past, only the wife’s. Par for the course from people with sexist ideas and double standards.

 

[jameseb]

I struggle with this as well, though it is my wife that isn't as interested in sex, and feeling that lack of interest isn't exactly motivating me to pursue it. Unfortunately, I don't believe testosterone will help with her... obviously, heh. Thus far I simply accept it for what it is, though I do wish it were different. I hope others will offer some tips and advice as well. /following

 

[Dave-W]

I don't believe testosterone will help with her... obviously, heh.

No that is NOT obvious. T is what controls libido in both genders, and most women are about 10x more sensitive to it than men are.

 

[jameseb]

No that is NOT obvious. T is what controls libido in both genders, and most women are about 10x more sensitive to it than men are.

I'm sure that's true, but I honestly don't feel that is truly the issue. She has plenty of energy and drive to commit to many activities and other things, but she doesn't seem as interested in sex, or at least reserves all her energy for other activities.