It is nice to meet you, FaithfulWife. My name is Neawana (nigh-yah-wah-nah), which in Cherokee means 'clothed in splendor'. My NDN name is Gigagei Tsula (gee-gah-gee chew-la), which means Red Fox. I am Cherokee, Choctaw and Scottish. By my outward appearance, you would never know that my birth mother was full blooded Cherokee. It was my father who gave me the white skin, red hair, hazel eyes and the Choctaw blood. My mother gave me the high cheek bones and very (and I mean very) thick hair.
My adopted parents were told that my mother's family is on the Dawes NDN Roll and on the Oklahoma NDN Roll, but they do not know if my father's family is or not. I was taken from my mother when I was 3 years old and placed in a foster home. She was no longer able to take care of me. She was not supported by her family because she was involved with a mixed blood white man. My adoption was a closed adoption and therefore my records are sealed, because I was adopted in Oklahoma. I grew up thinking that my NDN blood was something to be ashamed of and that I should shun it. But all of that began to change after I accepted Jesus when I was a teenager. Now to present day, I am a wife to a truly wonderful, Godly and loving man, and a mother of eight beautiful children. My husband, Three Hawks (I gave him this name), wholeheartedly supports me learning of my NDN heritage and ancestry, although he does not have a drop of NDN blood in him. And he supports me teaching it to our children. Each of my children have been given an NDN name, as well as a Christian name. My children are Soaring Hawk (son), Shadow Fox (daughter), Talks With Horses (daughter), Thundering Wolf (son), Butterfly Dances (daughter), Little Buffalo (son), Dancing Feathers (daughter), and Little Feather (daughter).
Wakan Takan (G-d) has given me a deep desire and compassion for all Indigenous peoples, but especially for the American NDN Nations. When I was young, he called me to follow a sacred path that has been very painful for me to walk. Because along this path, I have had to confront anger, bitterness, racism, hatred, rejection and opposition. And there have been many times when I have tried to walk another path in life. There have been times when I have rejected my faith because I had been told that otherwise I could not embrace my NDN heritage. And then there have been times when I have rejected my NDN blood because I had also been told that I could not be of the Christian faith if I did embrace my NDN heritage. My faith and my NDN blood have been at odds with one another and have battled against each other for many years. I have struggled, and still struggle to some degree, to reconcile the two with one another.
I say this because I do not fully belong in either. As a child, I encountered relentless ridicule and teasing for just my name, Neawana. I grew up hating this name with a passion and became embarrassed to even speak it. Since I was a child, I have been known as Nea. I recently discovered my name has been mispronounced all of these years. It has been pronounced nee-yah, when it should be pronounced nigh-yah. It has not been until these last couple of years or so that I have finally been able to accept my name and have learned to embrace its beauty and meaning. I am white skinned, and so when my NDN blood is mentioned in conversation, more often than not, I get the reaction of 'oh, you don't look Indian' or I am jokingly called a 'pale faced' Indian, which hurts nonetheless. And when I encounter a full blooded NDN, not matter the tribe, I often come up against being called a 'half breed'. I had one tell me once that I was the result of a cultural genocide. So, you can see why I think I do not fully belong in either world. I do not blame this full blood for saying such a thing against me, considering what was done to his people and our Ancestors.
I have such a deep respect and love for all Indigenous people that I cannot hold a grudge against any of them. It is a gift from Wakan Takan and the reason why he has called me to be a bridge of forgiveness and reconcilation between these two worlds. I often ask myself, who am I to complain when I compare what I have gone through with what Jesus went through for me? This sacred path I walk has also been a joy for me and has changed me forever from within. It has changed me from deep within my soul and heart. I am not the same emotionally or spiritually. I have never felt so close to G-d before or so close to nature. I see this world and people of other colors and races in a very different light now. My Scottish ancestry intrigues me but I am emotionally and spiritually drawn more to my NDN ancestry.
Gigagei Tsula (Red Fox)
My adopted parents were told that my mother's family is on the Dawes NDN Roll and on the Oklahoma NDN Roll, but they do not know if my father's family is or not. I was taken from my mother when I was 3 years old and placed in a foster home. She was no longer able to take care of me. She was not supported by her family because she was involved with a mixed blood white man. My adoption was a closed adoption and therefore my records are sealed, because I was adopted in Oklahoma. I grew up thinking that my NDN blood was something to be ashamed of and that I should shun it. But all of that began to change after I accepted Jesus when I was a teenager. Now to present day, I am a wife to a truly wonderful, Godly and loving man, and a mother of eight beautiful children. My husband, Three Hawks (I gave him this name), wholeheartedly supports me learning of my NDN heritage and ancestry, although he does not have a drop of NDN blood in him. And he supports me teaching it to our children. Each of my children have been given an NDN name, as well as a Christian name. My children are Soaring Hawk (son), Shadow Fox (daughter), Talks With Horses (daughter), Thundering Wolf (son), Butterfly Dances (daughter), Little Buffalo (son), Dancing Feathers (daughter), and Little Feather (daughter).
Wakan Takan (G-d) has given me a deep desire and compassion for all Indigenous peoples, but especially for the American NDN Nations. When I was young, he called me to follow a sacred path that has been very painful for me to walk. Because along this path, I have had to confront anger, bitterness, racism, hatred, rejection and opposition. And there have been many times when I have tried to walk another path in life. There have been times when I have rejected my faith because I had been told that otherwise I could not embrace my NDN heritage. And then there have been times when I have rejected my NDN blood because I had also been told that I could not be of the Christian faith if I did embrace my NDN heritage. My faith and my NDN blood have been at odds with one another and have battled against each other for many years. I have struggled, and still struggle to some degree, to reconcile the two with one another.
I say this because I do not fully belong in either. As a child, I encountered relentless ridicule and teasing for just my name, Neawana. I grew up hating this name with a passion and became embarrassed to even speak it. Since I was a child, I have been known as Nea. I recently discovered my name has been mispronounced all of these years. It has been pronounced nee-yah, when it should be pronounced nigh-yah. It has not been until these last couple of years or so that I have finally been able to accept my name and have learned to embrace its beauty and meaning. I am white skinned, and so when my NDN blood is mentioned in conversation, more often than not, I get the reaction of 'oh, you don't look Indian' or I am jokingly called a 'pale faced' Indian, which hurts nonetheless. And when I encounter a full blooded NDN, not matter the tribe, I often come up against being called a 'half breed'. I had one tell me once that I was the result of a cultural genocide. So, you can see why I think I do not fully belong in either world. I do not blame this full blood for saying such a thing against me, considering what was done to his people and our Ancestors.
I have such a deep respect and love for all Indigenous people that I cannot hold a grudge against any of them. It is a gift from Wakan Takan and the reason why he has called me to be a bridge of forgiveness and reconcilation between these two worlds. I often ask myself, who am I to complain when I compare what I have gone through with what Jesus went through for me? This sacred path I walk has also been a joy for me and has changed me forever from within. It has changed me from deep within my soul and heart. I am not the same emotionally or spiritually. I have never felt so close to G-d before or so close to nature. I see this world and people of other colors and races in a very different light now. My Scottish ancestry intrigues me but I am emotionally and spiritually drawn more to my NDN ancestry.
Gigagei Tsula (Red Fox)
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Hello all!
