Recovering from an affair

[Blessed&Forgiven]

Hi Blessed&Forgiven

Thanks for your response. Many of your suggestions we are doing so it is good to know we are on the right track. Forgiveness has been 'interesting'. I want to forgive, and have to forgive and do forgive her but i find myself not always living that out. It's like my heart forgives her completely but my head and emotions often lapse and mull over and get affected by what has happened. Oh, how i would like to 'forget'. We are getting counselling and are talking things through a bit so a think we are heading in the right direction.

I like what you said "the time will come when you will just smile about it and think :Oh, God has forgiven her about this and so do I, and it won't hurt you anymore". In your experience, how long has this taken?

Hi Dodger,

In my experience, it took about 24 hours X 7 days for about 4 months time, a lot of talking and crying, a lot of romantic night outs, a lot of prayer (you wont believe it), a lot of patience, and a lot of spending time together. I mean the first 3 months you'll probably will remember and think about this for like 24/7 with lots of whys, but the next 3 months was a bit better coz' you will have spent more quality time with your honey and forget about it a bit, and yeah, it'll take a really2 big effort from the two of you...

anyway, you know what could help, say this to your wife everytime you remember it: "Honey, I've forgiven you, it's still hurting me much now though that sometimes I feel like hating you. But my love for you & God is bigger than that, and I'm willing to do my best effort for our marriage to be revived. Can you know please hug me and tell me that you love me and that you'll never do it again. I really need to hear this from you. Help me to forget all these and feel secure again in your love"

It might help you release the emotional pain inside, and it's so great when someone hugs you and tell you that they love you while you're feeling down, isn't it?

You can do it, don't worry, you'll get there someday... (perseverance needed)
Cheers

 

[Agape4u]

!

 

[HeatherJay]

Dodger, I'm going through the recovery process right now. This all came out last month. God's grace, friends prayers and ours and some counselling are really helping. I have to remind myself of some awesome scriptures to help with my thoughts. here they are...Matt.18:21-35, Phil.3:13, and IICor.10:3-5. These have been a tremendous blessing to me. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, but I know that My Father can see me and You through it. I'll be praying for you. We just read a great book together that may help too. It's helping us to see why it happened in the first place. It's Gary Chapmans, "The Five Love Languages". God Bless You, Bro!!!

Excellent book...definitely a great tool.

 

[dodger1234]

Hi Dodger,

In my experience, it took about 24 hours X 7 days for about 4 months time, a lot of talking and crying, a lot of romantic night outs, a lot of prayer (you wont believe it), a lot of patience, and a lot of spending time together. I mean the first 3 months you'll probably will remember and think about this for like 24/7 with lots of whys, but the next 3 months was a bit better coz' you will have spent more quality time with your honey and forget about it a bit, and yeah, it'll take a really2 big effort from the two of you...

anyway, you know what could help, say this to your wife everytime you remember it: "Honey, I've forgiven you, it's still hurting me much now though that sometimes I feel like hating you. But my love for you & God is bigger than that, and I'm willing to do my best effort for our marriage to be revived. Can you know please hug me and tell me that you love me and that you'll never do it again. I really need to hear this from you. Help me to forget all these and feel secure again in your love"

It might help you release the emotional pain inside, and it's so great when someone hugs you and tell you that they love you while you're feeling down, isn't it?

You can do it, don't worry, you'll get there someday... (perseverance needed)
Cheers

Thanks for this 'time line'. It really helps me to hear that. I guess i am in the 3rd month now. We have just spent 3 weeks overseas together - 24 hours a day - with no phones or people we knew. It was fantastic. I had planned that trip before i knew about things so that worked out real nice.

i think your suggestion is a great one. I cant wait to try it out tonight! Thanks.

 

[dodger1234]

Dodger, I'm going through the recovery process right now. This all came out last month. God's grace, friends prayers and ours and some counselling are really helping. I have to remind myself of some awesome scriptures to help with my thoughts. here they are...Matt.18:21-35, Phil.3:13, and IICor.10:3-5. These have been a tremendous blessing to me. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, but I know that My Father can see me and You through it. I'll be praying for you. We just read a great book together that may help too. It's helping us to see why it happened in the first place. It's Gary Chapmans, "The Five Love Languages". God Bless You, Bro!!!

Thanks Agape4u. I am real sorry to hear that. I know what you mean when you say it is the 'hardest thing' to go through! The verses are great. And so is the book. Thanks. i will try and remember to pray for you.

One thing that took me a month and a half to figure out was that I had to accept what had happened. I found that i was trying to stop the thoughts of my wife with someone else from coming into my mind by chasing them away by prayer or singing or whatever. But it didnt work real well. But once i accepted it (for me this meant actually saying out loud that it happened and i accepted it), i was able to move on a bit. I finally felt i was on the front foot not the back foot.

Thanks again.

 

[Blessed&Forgiven]

Dodger mate,

Good to hear that, that's a good start. Yeah, acceptance was the first step, denial is not taking you anywhere, you just need to open your heart, let that wound hurt and bleed so that both God and your wife can take care of you and mend it. How does that sound?

I pray that God who unified you and your wife will keep the union until eternity, and Dodger, remember this, it's not entirely your wife's fault, it's the BLOODY devil!!!!!!!!!
So bro, hang on there, it will come to pass... Just keep communicating your feeling to your lady... it'll help...

One last piece of suggestion, mate, you have to be strong for your self, don't pity yourself anymore, stop asking why, and just let it go, bro...

1 Kor 13:8 Love never fails
Phil 4:13 I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me
2 Tim 4:22 The Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Grace be with you. AMEN

Cheers

PS: That book suggested above is a good one!