I'm so sorry that happened to you, sweetie... but it's great that you are ok.
Why do you feel you need to grieve?
Well, the injury that happened was in the brain stem. So yeah, I know it's a wonder I can even blink, let alone talk and.............KINDA reason.....
But that's just the thing. Almost everything I use to do that gave me pride in myself went poof. I use to sing so well I was told I should do Broadway, I use to be THE MOST creative mortal being on this earth. I mean, I was a writer, I was a designer, and I could come up with catchy titles, and even a few songs that were really good!
But now, my creativity is average, in my opinion, which is the worst loss I have gotten from this accident, I have a TON of cognitive issues.....my memory is weird!
The list goes on of all the aspects I lost and they were all things I thanked God for every moment I could! Then March 11, 07 comes around and they all go away/down a GREAT deal.....
Worst part is, my husband was driving the motorcycle and when he got up and out, he was unable to walk (still is). I put my grieving to the side to help him out. I really shouldn't have because he was fine while I was still in the coma.
I mean, I'm not trying to sound bitter or anything, but due to my falsly placed compassion for him, I put my grieving aside, and he still won't let me grieve properly. It's like, just because I can walk Chris seems to think I lost nothing.
But I lost a TON and whenever I tell him what I lost in my creativity all he can say is: "You still have some! I can't even walk a little!" Yet he can, but that's beside the point.
I mean, Chris just thinks that because I lost a lot, but didn't lose everything that somehow I should be fine, but I'm NOT because what I did lose meant a lot to me.
I wanted to pursue a career in Theatre if costume design didn't work. Now that I can't sing, that'll never happen. I also wanted to write, but that'll never work now either.
The ONLY option I have that I want to do is costume design. And yeah, that's great and all, but it's not performing in any way! I live to entertain and if I design, I'll entertain, but from backstage and that's just not the same.
I know that makes me sound mean and all that junk, but it's how I feel, and just because my husband never had creativity to begin with doesn't mean he can belittle what I lost just because creative juice never touches him and so he can never understand, doesn't mean he can't AT LEAST just listen to me, and stop trying to compete on a scale my losses and his losses.....that's worse than me.
Well. I am always here to listen as are others if you want you can let it all out here on the board. It is very hard when you have a dream and everything has to change because of illness or injury. Perhaps finding others that will listen and be your friend will help some. I cannot possibly imagine what it is like to have a TBI, but many of us have experienced loss in one way or another. Your hubby may be so fixed on his own issues that he is unable to be the understanding or listening type. Keep trying and praying about it though. You just never know. HUGS
