Quote and whatever Game (Heaps bonus) (2)

[AmazonPanther]

“Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.” --Wisecrack of Dawn

 

[AmazonPanther]

“A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitch hiker can have. Partly it has great practical value - you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mindboggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you - daft as a bush, but very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough. More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitch hiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have "lost". What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with.” –Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

 

[AmazonPanther]

On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

 

[AmazonPanther]

“If you're ever afraid that you're going to get robbed, have a friend rob your house then give your stuff back, because what's the chance that your house will be robbed twice?” --Josh Penn

 

[AmazonPanther]

“I have CDO. It's like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but it’s in alphabetical order, as it should be.” --Anon.

 

[AmazonPanther]

Old Posters

 

[AmazonPanther]

Towel Day

 

[BrittneyNoel]

And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom - Anais Nin

 

[AmazonPanther]

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter.

"Here is your ocean side condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area."

"Heck, Gloria," the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, "we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn't heard about all those stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!"

 

[AmazonPanther]

“And now, in the immortal words of William Shakespeare: Hamlet, Act 2 Scene 1.... "Farewell."” -Marlar

 

[AmazonPanther]

A drummer got bored with his instrument and decided to take up the accordion instead. Walking into a music shop, he spotted one he liked and asked the shopkeeper, "how much is that accordion by the wall, dude?"

The shopkeeper looked at him and said, "Let me guess, you're a drummer, aren't you?"

"Whoa, dude that's amazing. How did you know that I'm a drummer?" he said.

"That accordion by the wall is our radiator."

 

[AmazonPanther]

Cuss Control

 

[AmazonPanther]

“Quick tip after talking to a friend about his recent move. Moving yourself is never a good idea. Professional movers will take only half the time to break the same amount of stuff.” –Marlar

 

[AmazonPanther]

Loch Ness Monster
Loch Ness Monster
Loch Ness Monster

 

[AmazonPanther]

A dad and his young son were in the garden digging for worms for fishing bait. Uncovering a many-legged creature, the boy proudly dangled it in front of his dad's face. The dad said, "No, son, he won't do for bait because he's not an earthworm."

"He's not?" the boy asked with wide eyes. "What planet is he from?"

 

[AmazonPanther]

“Why is it that they sell lemon juice with artificial ingredients... yet lemon floor polish is made with real lemon juice? What's that all about? I want real lemon for my iced tea... so now I drink it with a twist of Mop 'n Glow." -Marlar

 

[encouraging loves animals]

Puzzle got fish in Jelly in her Elizabeth collar today-her collar stinks-have trid to clean it out, but it still stinks of fish!!!

 

[AmazonPanther]

A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say Grace when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from all of the refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously, "but it seems to me that I've blessed all this stuff before."

 

[AmazonPanther]

“I've found that the best way to break up with a girl is to sit down with her, look deep into her eyes and say, "Raise your hand if you're Nick Ehart's girlfriend." When she does, I say, "Slow down there, Champ." The rest seems to take care of itself.” --Nick Ehart

 

[AmazonPanther]

Each evening, Tom Mayborn (a bird lover) stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation."

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights... calling out to owls," she said.

"That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband."