Questions :S

[Loopi]

Ok, i feel barmy posting here, because i'm not exactly a new christian, more of a prodigal that got very, very lost. I left my pentacostal church about two years ago. Me and my boyfriend both felt that the church was condemning, stunted, and not a reflection of the God we believed in. It seemed focused on teen hype and numbers, not rooted firmly in God in a way we felt right. We both left the church, and after a fruitless search for another, my depression took over and i gave up searching. The church i had attended had planted seeds in my mind that God was angry at me for my self harm, and that i could not be a christian while i was depressed as God brings Joy. While i could see where they were coming from i believe that their statements are unfounded, and still do.

Depression took a hold last year and i wound up in a hospital really at rock bottom. I climbed my way up, and returned to college. Now, as college starts again and the depressions seems to be swallowing me up again, i'm looking for something bigger, something more. I feel dreadfully alone, and lost. I want to return to God, but there really are no churches in the area that share similar views as i do. I want to feel that amazing love, peace, purpose, passion that God gives. It seems like a far off memory but i want it back.

I guess i'm posting here because....i have my doubts and questions. Can God accept a self harmer? Can God carry me through this depression? Will God comfort me when i feel alone? Is God angry at me for denying my faith and turning back to my old ways?

I know at the end of the day God loves me. I gave my self harm to God and he has kept me safe, because he loves me. If he didn't love me, i wouldn't be here to write this. His hand was on me even when i didn't want or know it, and i believe John walked into my life when he did to show me God's love through my darkest times, even though we both lost our ways in faith, he never gave up on me, he remained true in his love to me.

My biggest question is how? How do you go back to God? I know you have to pray and repent but...after all that i've done. I feel filthy inside. And some of my life i'm not ready to give up yet. Some of it i can't find in me to give. And i know God wants all of me.

 

[CShephard53]

Make sure you are putting God first- in other words depending on Him for strength. Also make sure that you are not beating yourself up when you fail. 1 John 1:9, God forgives when we admit we've done wrong.
Make sure you have intimate relationships with those in the body- relationships where you can talk about who you are, your fears, trials, worries, etc.
And make sure you're viewing God as the source for what needs to happen in your life. Trust God's promises in His word.

 

[CShephard53]

We cannot speak on whether God is angry that you denied Him. But we can tell you that He's glad to welcome you back. You asked how you come back. Start in John, and work your way through the rest of the NT. Talk with other Christians in your area.

 

[sunflower2007]

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.


Read the story of the prodigal son. [http://bible1.crosswalk.com/OnlineS...oq=&NavBook=lu&NavGo=15&NavCurrentChapter=15]
He had wasted his father's money and lived a sinful life. As soon as he turned and started walking back home, his father saw him. The Bible says that his father saw him a long way off and ran to meet him. God will meet you where you are. He will help you turn around and come back to Him. Be honest with Him. Tell Him what you have trouble giving to Him. Ask Him to help you. He is an ever-present help in time of need. God is always there to meet you where you are and help you.

You might still feel filthy, but remember that you are clean because God says you are, not because you feel clean. Faith is how we please God. No matter how you feel, know that you are clean and forgiven.

Isa 1:18
"Come now, and let us reason together," Says the Lord, "Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They shall be as wool.

Micah 7:19
He will again have compassion on us, And will subdue our iniquities. You will cast all our sins Into the depths of the sea.

Hebrews 8: 12
For I will be merciful and gracious toward their sins and I will remember their deeds of unrighteousness no more.

Ephesians 1:7-8a
In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace which He made to abound toward us....

Psalms 86:5
For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You.

 

[Sophrosyne]

Most Christians believe that Jesus is God the Son..
If you have read the gospels you will realize Jesus only had anger for those pretending to be God's servants yet leading people to false ideas of who God was...... to profit them.
Jesus accepted and hung out with the people that were the worst at that time..... the rejected ones. He had friends that were prostitutes... Tax collectors, fishermen, and basically anyone that was willing to have faith in him he never turned away.

God poured his holy anger (wrath) out on Jesus on the cross for ALL of our sins..... there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. Jesus is not mad at those that have faith in him. You are most likely feeling satan telling you his lies that God is mad... God is our heavenly father and does not desire you to hurt yourself, he is not mad at you, but mad at the hurt you put on yourself, but he understands and sent help for you to overcome the power of sin and death... the Holy Spirit.
Those people condeming you for sin.... need to take the plank out of their own eyes. People that truly turn to God... will start turning away from sin as God becomes more important than the sin they are into... he becomes their source instead of the pain they draw from. His love infuses them instead of the anger and hate from past wrongdoings and sin that have scarred us all. We trade our sins for his righteousness.... our sicknesses for his health. at the cross.
Find a church that loves Jesus instead of being sin exterminators, they will point you to God instead of pointing at your scars, and making them more important than...... you.

 

[Macca]

Ok, i feel barmy posting here, because i'm not exactly a new christian, more of a prodigal that got very, very lost. I left my pentacostal church about two years ago. Me and my boyfriend both felt that the church was condemning, stunted, and not a reflection of the God we believed in. It seemed focused on teen hype and numbers, not rooted firmly in God in a way we felt right. We both left the church, and after a fruitless search for another, my depression took over and i gave up searching. The church i had attended had planted seeds in my mind that God was angry at me for my self harm, and that i could not be a christian while i was depressed as God brings Joy. While i could see where they were coming from i believe that their statements are unfounded, and still do.

Depression took a hold last year and i wound up in a hospital really at rock bottom. I climbed my way up, and returned to college. Now, as college starts again and the depressions seems to be swallowing me up again, i'm looking for something bigger, something more. I feel dreadfully alone, and lost. I want to return to God, but there really are no churches in the area that share similar views as i do. I want to feel that amazing love, peace, purpose, passion that God gives. It seems like a far off memory but i want it back.

I guess i'm posting here because....i have my doubts and questions. Can God accept a self harmer? Can God carry me through this depression? Will God comfort me when i feel alone? Is God angry at me for denying my faith and turning back to my old ways?

I know at the end of the day God loves me. I gave my self harm to God and he has kept me safe, because he loves me. If he didn't love me, i wouldn't be here to write this. His hand was on me even when i didn't want or know it, and i believe John walked into my life when he did to show me God's love through my darkest times, even though we both lost our ways in faith, he never gave up on me, he remained true in his love to me.

My biggest question is how? How do you go back to God? I know you have to pray and repent but...after all that i've done. I feel filthy inside. And some of my life i'm not ready to give up yet. Some of it i can't find in me to give. And i know God wants all of me.

If anyone needed to put themselves right before coming to God, we would all still be lost.
Continue to give your problems to God, keep asking Him to set you free (in His time He will). He may want you to have knowledge of your problems so that you can help others in your position.
Don't give up hope.

 

[jive4005]

God can accept you... but can you accept God?

His,
Rev J

 

[Johnnz]

You were given a tragically distorted view of God and being a Christian.

You are totally secure within God's love for you. Never doubt that. Most depression has nothing to do with sin or being a poor quality Christian. Martin Luther suffered from bouts of deep depression.

Try and get hold of some good reading on the basics of Christianity. Anything published by IVP us usually good quality.

Feel free to PM if you have more questions.

John
NZ

 

[0n3]

Hey Loppi, I wish I could give you a hug right now.
Last year I was feeling pretty depressed, and I felt like it was never going away. I still had faith in God through it all, but I just felt so distant and numb. I'd look at where I was, and where I had once been, and it all looked pretty hopeless. Some how, I got out of it, but during the process, I didn't really feel like I was getting anywhere. I'm guessing that when you look at your life you feel pretty distant and defeated, cause that's how I felt. I think the most important thing is remembering to take steps. If you try to take one huge leap back to where you want to be, and the joy you are so hungry for, you will end up flat on your face, and probably worse off than you were before. The only way you are going to get anywhere is one day, really just one minute, at a time.

Take a look at the little things in your life--Is your music making you feel depressed and remending you of things that added to your depression? How's your attitude about yourself? Do you see yourself as worthless or dumb? How do you see others? As the bad guys? As betrayers and liars? Look for the good and look for the joy, even when it feels pointless and stupid.

Another big thing that helps is being a servant, looking outside of yourself and seeing hurt in other people's lives. When I first started trying to serve and trying to be selfless, I thought,"how in the world can I help any one when I'm the one who needs the help? how can I do or be anything for anyone when I am so empty?" It felt like trying to squeeze water out of a dry sponge.

I know that coming out of depression sometimes causes me to fear falling back in, to fear falling into a pit of lonliness or self-pitty or bitterness or even just complacency. MewithoutYou's song "January 1979", has a line that says--"If I could become the servant of all, no lower place to fall. If I could be Your servant." When you first look at these lyrics, having no lower place to fall doesn't seem very desirable, because you already have felt pretty low and don't want to be there. But this is a different kind of low. Being a selfless servant whenever you can, to whoever you can is so powerful. It is a place of safety, on solid ground, standing in the palm of God's hand, with no lower place to fall.

Have patience and don't give up!

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

 

[heymikey80]

I guess for me, I have to read 1 John 1. Then if that resolves some of my depression, I read 1 John 2. Honestly I don't feel close to God as long as I'm not doing things I feel He's happy with me doing. It's not so much doing them to get His affirmation -- I know He loves me. I feel more like I'm a 3 year old trying to tag along behind a big big Daddy.

We'll never measure up. And He doesn't care about that. If He did ... He wouldn't have reached out to us and died for that. For us.