Pushing myself...

[paul becke]

Hi guys! Yep- Andrew is sick. He woke up at 6 am coughing and has a very stuffy nose and sore throat.

It is so hard for him when he feels left out (candy). I love the idea of trading the candy for something else and also the punching bag idea! When I am depressed my mind does not work creatively, so I appreciate the ideas.

If Andrew gets well I have an appt. on Monday with my psychiatrist to talk about how I've been doing since coming off the Abilify. Part of me is scared to try a new medication as I am on so many as it is, but it is clear that I need something!

I don't know why I am letting that phone call affect me so much. I have to let it go.

Praying that you guys have a great weekend as well. Thanks for caring about this crazy old lady!

Hi Court,

Yes, try to let it go, because you must be one of millions and million of people all over the world who feel that way about what might have been. The thing is, you will be rewarded by God many times over for your crosses, most likely in this life, too.

As for needing another drug - of which you are wary, anyway - well, maybe so, but personally I doubt it. Many other people, if not most, would have had a major breakdown as a result of what you've been going through. I strongly suspect that it's thanks to your prayer life and general, spiritual hinterland, that you have seen it through to this point. They have an expression in horse-racing here: 'That horse is as game as a pebble!' Worn to a frazzle, but still in there swinging!

After my mother brought us three young children back from India during WWII, (my father, who she'd divorced for his unrepentant, serial adultery was Anglo-Indian), most of the convoy were sunk. She then went to the War Office (or air-force equivalent) and refused to budge unless and until the Air Marshall saw her (she had been a captain in the British air-force in India, plotting aircraft - when she couldn't plot her way out of a large paper bag, if her back-seat driving was any guide!)

He did see her, and arranged for us to be accommodated in a nice house in the burbs, which had been evacuated by the owners, due to the bombing. After all this she had some kind of breakdown. I have no memory of it, but she was put in a mental ward, until the big cheese came, and said, 'This woman shouldn't be in here, she isn't mentally ill. She's just been through too much.' Words to that effect; and she was sent away for a peaceful convalescence to Ireland.

I think if she had had your spiritual background, she would probably have weathered it all better. It sometimes seems to us that God 'flogs a willing horse.' But he knows what he's doing. You got some of 'the heavy-lifting.' Just not the kind you're wanting right now, for your fitness regime!

I was going to say, 'Take care'! But we need to see you having things a little (at least) easier, don't we?

 

[BlondieLashes]

rowantree- your post made me laugh...Paul- your post made me cry (in a good way!)

Andrew just announced he is thirsty and before he spills things all over the kitchen I have to run, but wanted to say thank you...

 

[BlondieLashes]

I was going to post last night, but we had more severe thunderstorms and a tornado warning....we ended up with a power outage but all else is okay.

Praying we all have a good day today...last night was a comedy of errors!

 

[BlondieLashes]

Grrrrrrr...trying real hard not to be angry with my husband this morning. God help me please. I know he works hard for our family and I respect that. It's just when he lets Andrew down it breaks my heart. It also breaks my heart when all he wants to do is sleep all weekend.

 

[rowantree]

((((((((((((Court))))))))))))

Know what you mean. My husband is OK really but oh boy, how angry he makes me at times !!!! So sorry though, that for you, it involves letting Andrew down.

Praying for you still. xx

 

[BlondieLashes]

Okay...need to vent (again). Andrew keeps leaving his bedroom door open and the dog keeps getting in there and stealing toys. So, my husband yelled at him to keep his door closed so Andrew slammed his door shut to which my husband replied, "I'm gonna kill that kid!" and Andrew heard him! Andrew was in tears and I reassured him that Daddy was just angry and didn't mean it and that Daddy loves him very much....I am just not sure how much more of this tension between the two of them I can take. (And I am not sure how healthy it is for andrew).

 

[Criada]

I'm sorry, sweetie - it's so hard when you have to deal with children being hurt by their father. I think there is very often tension betwwen fathers and sons - some kind of macho instinct makes men jealous of the bond between their wife and son(s). I know my husband is always saying hurtful things to my son, and really doesn't seem to understand when I tell him it is hurtful.

Andrew is very secure in your love though, and that is so important, and will get him through anything his dad may say.
Praying for peace for you and for Andrew, and for undertanding for your hubby

 

[rowantree]

Court, I am so sorry to hear of this tension between your husband and Andrew. It is sad because boys look up to their fathers so much, and I know it is so hurtful to them when things like this happen. I am sorry that your husband cannot see how much it hurts Andrew. I pray that your husband can start to see that comments like that will hurt Andrew so much. I also pray for Andrew in his hurt.

As Criada says, Andrew is very obviously safe in your love and that will see him through.

I know how much this must be hurting you though Court.

I will pray for greater understanding on the part of your husband, and for peace to be in your family.

Vent all you like Court. We will all still be here. Praying.

 

[BlondieLashes]

Thanks Criada and rowantree! Today was tough. My husband got up, had a cup of coffee and went back to bed. He slept 'til football came on although he had promised Andrew to carve pumpkins with him today (I am not strong enough to carve the size of pumpkins Andrew has). When I brought it up, he just said, "We'll do it next weekend." but I could see the disappointment in Andrew's eyes. So, basically my husband slept and watched football all day with an occasional yelling at Andrew. Andrew just wanted to be with Daddy and kept trying to get close to him, but my husband kept telling him he was too tired to play.

After Andrew went to sleep tonight I thought I could talk to my husband about all that went on today, but his "two favorite shows" are on TV and he refuses to talk to me while they are on and I'm ready to go to bed as it's getting late. Just a bad day!

 

[SplendidTree]

Tomorrow is a new day, sister. Praying now.

 

[rowantree]

Aww, Court. I am so sorry about yesterday. It didn't get any better did it? Praying that you can get to talk to your husband soon. It must have been soul destroying for you yesterday. As Cally says, today is another day - let us hope and pray that it it better than yesterday. I guess during the week there is little time to talk to your husband as he will be working all the time?

I was trying to think of ideas whereby you could create some time with him where you can talk. I guess it is not possible for you to make a nice romantic meal or something and try to talk to him then. Your life sounds to be so full and hectic and with him working all the time, I guess that it not possible.

Will be praying for your husband to become more sensitive to both you, and Andrew. Also praying for you Court, because you are carrying all of this and it is so exhausting both physically and emotionally. God bless you Court and praying for a better day today. xx

 

[Criada]

praying that today is a better day, sweetie - and that Andrew has a great day at school!

 

[BlondieLashes]

Okay - now I'm irritated with myself because I just typed a long message about what's going on and hit the wrong button and it disappeared!!!!!!!!!! I am off to pick up Andrew and will respond later tonight or tomorrow! So sorry!

 

[rowantree]

Don't worry Court. I know how maddening that is. We will still be here when you can get to post again. In the meantime be assured of our prayers and love. xx

 

[TomCS]

Okay - now I'm irritated with myself because I just typed a long message about what's going on and hit the wrong button and it disappeared!!!!!!!!!! I am off to pick up Andrew and will respond later tonight or tomorrow! So sorry!

I've done that a time or two myself - it's very irritating.

 

[BlondieLashes]

Thanks you guys! I appreciate the prayers, thoughts and hugs!

Whew! Yesterday was trying! Saw my psychiatrist and he is lowering my Lamictal dosage (because of my low blood count) which has me concerned as it is another bipolar med. I just don't want to sink further into depression.

Andrew had a really rough day which tore my heart out! He didn't want to go to school and was crying and whining and making it rally difficult to get him there. His teacher told me this morning that he was crying off and on all day saying he missed me and wanted to go home. Last night he told me that kids are teasing him calling him a nerd and smarty pants because he has glasses and is smart. This morning he was very clingy and it was so hard to drop him off at school. I am really praying that he has a great day and that school goes well for him and that he stays safe.

He's also saying he doesn't have any friends (which is pretty much true). And the only friend he has is the boy who touched his private parts. He wants to have him over to our house this weekend. I have such mixed feelings about this for obvious reasons. I just want to see Andrew thriving and happy. Asperger's is no walk in the park- that's for sure.

Great- my doctor's office just called and they want me to go in for a chest x-ray as I am still coughing really badly. I can't get to the hospital to have it done as I can't drive very far and I have no one to take me (husband and sister cannot leave work). I have to figure out what to do!!!

I love all of you and appreciate your prayers and listening so much. I don't know what I'd do without your support. (Probably talk to myself - LOL!)

 

[Criada]

Nothing wrong with talking to yourself - sometimes it's the only way to get a sensible answer
Poor little Andrew - I'm so sorry he had a bad day - that's hard on him and on you too Smart kids often take longer to settle in and find friends - but it will happen, sweetie. Praying for him, and for you

Also praying that you can find a way to get to the hospital - you need to take care of yourself somewhere in between looking after everyone else!!

 

[rowantree]

HA ! I talk to myself all of the time Court. I am the only person that makes sense to me - although not quite sure about that to be honest LOL.

I am so sorry to hear about Andrew and school. He is having a tough time for sure. I pray that soon, they stop doing this to him, and that he can feel happy at school. I know how it must break your heart to have to leave him there Court.

I am glad to know that they are giving you a chest X ray, and will pray for a way to present itself of you getting there. It sounds like you need the X ray if only to put your own mind at rest.

Still praying for your depression too, Court. Is it improving any?

Keep in touch when you can, and let us know how it is all going.

We do care and want to go on supporting you and praying for you and your little family.

God bless you Court. You are special and so is Andrew. xx

 

[BlondieLashes]

Thanks you guys! Andrew had a better day (thank you Lord!) and is fairly happy this evening. He still has a runny nose, sore throat and cough. I am going to give it a few more days and if he doesn't clear up it's off to the doctor again!

rownatree- Yes, it breaks my heart every day to leave him at school! I homeschooled him for kindergarten last year and I thought I'd lose my ever-loving mind. He seems to learn better at school, but the social aspects are really difficult to deal with!

My sister thinks she can drop me off for a chest x-ray on Thurs. and her husband can possibly pick me up. Hoping this works because I've had this horrible cough for quite awhile now and been on antibiotics, an inhaler, cough syrup with codine and nasonex and nothing is working!

My depression comes and goes. I just feel very fragile and sensitive. My husband is very sarcastic and his comments are rubbing me the wrong way lately. We were talking on the phone today and I was telling him I need an x-ray and he was telling me I need to get it done and he said, "Boy, you are a mess, but I knew you were damaged goods when I got you!" and normally that would just roll off my back but today it hurt. I am just overly sensitive these days I guess.

well, off to finish dinner and dishes and get ready for homework, bath and bedtime (it took Andrew 3 hours to fall asleep last night because he was so upset about school...hope tonight goes better.)

 

[BlondieLashes]

Whew! Andrew fell asleep relatively easily last night which was a blessing. He went to school this morning without much fuss mainly because I will be seeing him at lunch! Praying he will have a better day and get over his illness. Praying I can get to and from my X-ray tomorrow safely.

Hugs to all!