PTSD and church

[amanda2of4]

Hello folks,

I'm on here looking for help. Not sure if I'll ever find the answer I'm looking for but I'm struggling with truly connecting to God.

I have complex PTSD. My mother has been abusive for as long as I can remember, but I only recently came to this realization and was officially diagnosed with PTSD. I'm still struggling with truly grasping all of this, and I'm finding more and more that it's affecting my religion. I'm immensely blessed by God in that He has given me unshakable faith. I know He's real, I know Jesus Christ is the Son of God and my Savior. But I also know that my mother, the woman who abused me all my life, also believes in Jesus Christ, and that she is most likely also saved. I also know that she used the Bible as a defense for her abuse, and that my church growing up supported her (granted they didn't know the extent of the abuse). On top of all this, a lot of the abuse happened at church because that was when she was most concerned about her appearance and wanted us children on "our best behavior". Among my siblings, two have fallen away from Christ because of my mother. They both know in their hearts that God is real and Christ is King, but they want nothing to do with a God that would stand with my mother. And I want so bad to be able to make that same decision, but there is no part of me that could ever deny that Jesus is my Savior.

Unfortunately all of this is still affecting me. When I try to read my bible I get sick, I become nauseous and have a panic attack. The same thing happens when I go to church. I almost never go to church because it triggers me and I come very close to self harming every single time. I also don't read my bible for the same reason. Don't get me wrong, I WANT TO! But I have a PHYSICAL response that I can't control, and it's preventing me from pursuing God in the way I want to. I know the typical responses: pray about it, God can heal, if you TRULY believe.... But when I get nauseous and I think I'm going to puke, or I get one of those panic attacks that takes my breath away, gives me chest pains, and makes me feel like I'm going to die, it gets harder and harder to keep going back to the same trigger. In therapy we're taught to AVOID triggers.

What do I do. I can NEVER stop pursuing God. But it's making me sick. And I don't know how to overcome this.

 

[God is good]

Heavenly Father, I pray that you stay close to Amanda and that you bless her and please help her read the Bible and please heal her from her abuse. Please help her mother to really love her as you love her. In Jesus's name amen. God bless you and Jesus is Lord.

 

[Bluerose31]

Hello folks,

I'm on here looking for help. Not sure if I'll ever find the answer I'm looking for but I'm struggling with truly connecting to God.

I have complex PTSD. My mother has been abusive for as long as I can remember, but I only recently came to this realization and was officially diagnosed with PTSD. I'm still struggling with truly grasping all of this, and I'm finding more and more that it's affecting my religion. I'm immensely blessed by God in that He has given me unshakable faith. I know He's real, I know Jesus Christ is the Son of God and my Savior. But I also know that my mother, the woman who abused me all my life, also believes in Jesus Christ, and that she is most likely also saved. I also know that she used the Bible as a defense for her abuse, and that my church growing up supported her (granted they didn't know the extent of the abuse). On top of all this, a lot of the abuse happened at church because that was when she was most concerned about her appearance and wanted us children on "our best behavior". Among my siblings, two have fallen away from Christ because of my mother. They both know in their hearts that God is real and Christ is King, but they want nothing to do with a God that would stand with my mother. And I want so bad to be able to make that same decision, but there is no part of me that could ever deny that Jesus is my Savior.

Unfortunately all of this is still affecting me. When I try to read my bible I get sick, I become nauseous and have a panic attack. The same thing happens when I go to church. I almost never go to church because it triggers me and I come very close to self harming every single time. I also don't read my bible for the same reason. Don't get me wrong, I WANT TO! But I have a PHYSICAL response that I can't control, and it's preventing me from pursuing God in the way I want to. I know the typical responses: pray about it, God can heal, if you TRULY believe.... But when I get nauseous and I think I'm going to puke, or I get one of those panic attacks that takes my breath away, gives me chest pains, and makes me feel like I'm going to die, it gets harder and harder to keep going back to the same trigger. In therapy we're taught to AVOID triggers.

What do I do. I can NEVER stop pursuing God. But it's making me sick. And I don't know how to overcome this.

I am so sorry you went through all of this with your mother. I will be praying for you, that you find healing and comfort from God. I think what you have endured is spiritual abuse, when someone uses the Bible to justify abuse. Maybe researching spiritual abuse will help you. I pray that God show you He is different then your mother and would never hurt you. I pray your mom heals and becomes someone who treats others well. I pray God comfort your spirit and show you his tender love.

 

[Paidiske]

Hi Amanda,

Sadly you're not alone. There are other people who have gone through, or are going through, similar things. I've also struggled with PTSD after an abusive mother; fortunately (?) for me, we didn't go to church, so my triggers are different, but it's still affected my faith walk a great deal.

I wonder whether, for you, it might be possible to try doing things differently? Go to a completely different style of church, one which is different enough not to be triggering? Or learn different ways to pray (breath prayer can be really helpful for someone who's anxious) or prayers involving movement of the body, or... there are lots of things you might never have tried, that might let you feel connected to God while avoiding the triggers. I'm happy to bounce some ideas around if that helps.

How things are now, is not how they'll be forever. There is healing, and there is hope for change. I've seen a lot of improvement since I was at my worst, and I'm sure you can, too.

God bless!

 

[Winken]

Hello folks,

I'm on here looking for help. Not sure if I'll ever find the answer I'm looking for but I'm struggling with truly connecting to God.

I have complex PTSD. My mother has been abusive for as long as I can remember, but I only recently came to this realization and was officially diagnosed with PTSD. I'm still struggling with truly grasping all of this, and I'm finding more and more that it's affecting my religion. I'm immensely blessed by God in that He has given me unshakable faith. I know He's real, I know Jesus Christ is the Son of God and my Savior. But I also know that my mother, the woman who abused me all my life, also believes in Jesus Christ, and that she is most likely also saved. I also know that she used the Bible as a defense for her abuse, and that my church growing up supported her (granted they didn't know the extent of the abuse). On top of all this, a lot of the abuse happened at church because that was when she was most concerned about her appearance and wanted us children on "our best behavior". Among my siblings, two have fallen away from Christ because of my mother. They both know in their hearts that God is real and Christ is King, but they want nothing to do with a God that would stand with my mother. And I want so bad to be able to make that same decision, but there is no part of me that could ever deny that Jesus is my Savior.

Unfortunately all of this is still affecting me. When I try to read my bible I get sick, I become nauseous and have a panic attack. The same thing happens when I go to church. I almost never go to church because it triggers me and I come very close to self harming every single time. I also don't read my bible for the same reason. Don't get me wrong, I WANT TO! But I have a PHYSICAL response that I can't control, and it's preventing me from pursuing God in the way I want to. I know the typical responses: pray about it, God can heal, if you TRULY believe.... But when I get nauseous and I think I'm going to puke, or I get one of those panic attacks that takes my breath away, gives me chest pains, and makes me feel like I'm going to die, it gets harder and harder to keep going back to the same trigger. In therapy we're taught to AVOID triggers.

What do I do. I can NEVER stop pursuing God. But it's making me sick. And I don't know how to overcome this.

Wow........... powerful post. Your Spiritual Nature is awesome, while under attack by the mind-mental nature. I certainly would explore applicable prescriptions by a well-known, well-qualified physician. You may want to have a physician evaluate the medications you may be taking, to avoid contraindications.

 

[Jane_Doe]

Hello folks,

I'm on here looking for help. Not sure if I'll ever find the answer I'm looking for but I'm struggling with truly connecting to God.

I have complex PTSD. My mother has been abusive for as long as I can remember, but I only recently came to this realization and was officially diagnosed with PTSD. I'm still struggling with truly grasping all of this, and I'm finding more and more that it's affecting my religion. I'm immensely blessed by God in that He has given me unshakable faith. I know He's real, I know Jesus Christ is the Son of God and my Savior. But I also know that my mother, the woman who abused me all my life, also believes in Jesus Christ, and that she is most likely also saved. I also know that she used the Bible as a defense for her abuse, and that my church growing up supported her (granted they didn't know the extent of the abuse). On top of all this, a lot of the abuse happened at church because that was when she was most concerned about her appearance and wanted us children on "our best behavior". Among my siblings, two have fallen away from Christ because of my mother. They both know in their hearts that God is real and Christ is King, but they want nothing to do with a God that would stand with my mother. And I want so bad to be able to make that same decision, but there is no part of me that could ever deny that Jesus is my Savior.

Unfortunately all of this is still affecting me. When I try to read my bible I get sick, I become nauseous and have a panic attack. The same thing happens when I go to church. I almost never go to church because it triggers me and I come very close to self harming every single time. I also don't read my bible for the same reason. Don't get me wrong, I WANT TO! But I have a PHYSICAL response that I can't control, and it's preventing me from pursuing God in the way I want to. I know the typical responses: pray about it, God can heal, if you TRULY believe.... But when I get nauseous and I think I'm going to puke, or I get one of those panic attacks that takes my breath away, gives me chest pains, and makes me feel like I'm going to die, it gets harder and harder to keep going back to the same trigger. In therapy we're taught to AVOID triggers.

What do I do. I can NEVER stop pursuing God. But it's making me sick. And I don't know how to overcome this.

Hi Amanda,

Are you in therapy right now? If not, I would seriously recommend it. A therapist is a doctor trained to help people overcome injuries of the mind, such as PTSD. I know my experience in therapy made a night and day difference in battling (and eventually conquering) my own PTSD. Now things which used to instantly make me go ballistic don't phase me at all.

In the mean time, while you are going to therapy and working on that injury, you still can have a relationship with God while minimizing triggers. Just look for a different avenue of approach. Like for me, crowds of people were a trigger, so I for a while I did my studying by myself and/or with a small group. Certain buildings were an issue, so I studied in the garden. If you have trigger of getting dressed up sets you off, stay dressed down. Things like that. It's likely going to require some creativity and self-awareness, but it's doable.

If you want to talk any specific examples, feel free to just ask.