Problems with femininity?

[Anguspure]

They're not that open about it. It's the pattern of subtle digs, undermining, passive-aggressiveness etc that I can observe. I've never been able to have the sort of conversation with one of these women where they're able to say, (for example) "Look, I'm just really jealous that you're being given opportunities I wasn't," or whatever.

 

[Zoii]

Fabulous. You use Al Bundy as your inspiration.... a bastion of intelligent thinking

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Modern society promotes toxic relationships, without regard to which party is toxic. Both men and women bring toxic baggage as well as toxic expectations into relationships. No wonder they are toxic. Most of this toxicity comes from ignorance and selfishness.

 

[Dave-W]

You use Al Bundy as your inspiration.

I guess that is better than Ted Bundy ...

 

[Anguspure]

Modern society promotes toxic relationships, without regard to which party is toxic. Both men and women bring toxic baggage as well as toxic expectations into relationships. No wonder they are toxic. Most of this toxicity comes from ignorance and selfishness.

For us it should be different: Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart. (1 Peter 1)
Purified of all the adulterous rubbish of past sin we should be able to just get on with it.

 

[Received]

They're not that open about it. It's the pattern of subtle digs, undermining, passive-aggressiveness etc that I can observe. I've never been able to have the sort of conversation with one of these women where they're able to say, (for example) "Look, I'm just really jealous that you're being given opportunities I wasn't," or whatever.

Keeping in mind my total admiration for women and my belief that women are more powerful than men with their version of power as psychological rather than men's which is physical, I think there's a pretty clear advantage to being a man and having masculine power tendencies.

A woman will skewer another women with these subtle digs, undermining, passive-aggressiveness, as you say, and even cut off entire relationships permanently because of their ability to manipulate psychologically. A guy has the paradoxical advantage of becoming more physically aggressive when it comes to questions of power; he argues with another guy, possibly gets in a fight, and things are either resolved, or if a fight ensues the defeated licks his wounds and finds another social group.

 

[PloverWing]

I read a book that had a huge impact on me called "the Natural Way of things" by an Australian author. It really made me ask...what is it (outside of my physical appearance) that defines my personal identity as a female"

I found The Natural Way of Things in the library, and I've just finished reading it. An intriguing and thought-provoking book. Thank you for recommending it.

 

[bhsmte]

Keeping in mind my total admiration for women and my belief that women are more powerful than men with their version of power as psychological rather than men's which is physical, I think there's a pretty clear advantage to being a man and having masculine power tendencies.

A woman will skewer another women with these subtle digs, undermining, passive-aggressiveness, as you say, and even cut off entire relationships permanently because of their ability to manipulate psychologically. A guy has the paradoxical advantage of becoming more physically aggressive when it comes to questions of power; he argues with another guy, possibly gets in a fight, and things are either resolved, or if a fight ensues the defeated licks his wounds and finds another social group.

In my life's observations, women pay attention to other women more than men do. Women stare atbattractive women more than men do. Women will be critical of other women more than men are. Women can be absolutely ruthless with other women.

 

[GrowingSmaller]

Femininities. Plural. There is not essence.

 

[Jack of Spades]

and the question was raised about whether we have corresponding ideas of "toxic femininity."

I can think of two toxic ideas of femininity:

1) The idea that woman is inferior to man, is dependent of man and needs to submit to a man and play subservient role to him. Globally probably the biggest problem but fading away in the west.

2) The idea that woman is by her nature, at war against men in a zero-sum power struggle and that women can only find empowerment in taking strong stance against men and masculinity.