- Jul 12, 2011
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I have this thing about privacy. I embrace privacy, I enjoy it.
There are somethings I don't have any problem people knowing about. If you ask how my mother is doing, I will tell you the truth- she is fine. Or not. She's having a good day. Or not.
If you ask how my grades are doing when I'm in college, I will tell you the truth- maybe they are good, and if so "I'm doing good!". And if not, "I'm not doing very well". No biggie.
And a problem that I have even discussed here a few times in the past few years I've been here, seems to persist.
You see, when people ask about my health, maybe I'm doing ok, and maybe I'm not. Again, I will tell the truth. I see no harm in that. My health from the past is a different story. I have had a rough time with my health, and I really don't like talking about it much. I can tell you about my many trips to the hospital, the few times I nearly died, all meaningless unless we delve into an indepth discussion about it, which is not needed nor cared for.
However, too often people will stick their noses into something far more private for me- finances. I have grown so tired of it and I am so nauseated by it. He most common answer is “because I care!” You care. THAT much. About someone you don’t even know. Maybe I’m lying about it? Can you verify it? What value is it really to you?
What people miss is that unless they really understand it, in detail literally, then they have no concept of what it is. Sounds cryptic I’m sure and that’s fine. It’s still none of their business, and not only can they not verify it, but I assure you (and them) I will not help them learn of it. Not voluntarily at least.
What bothers me is how people brush off such nosiness. Me, I compare it to rape- it’s none of their business, if they find out it’s against my will, and it serves no purpose other than for their own personal gain. What personal gain? Maybe they want it. Maybe they want some of it. Or maybe they are trying to show how much better than me they think they are, what level of power it is they think they have over me.
And to me it’s very much the same thing as rape, the only difference being one is sexual, physical. The other financial. To me, I really see very little difference. To me the psychological effect is very similar.
And yes I have been raped and I know the severity of it. So when I give this comparison, I do not do or say this lightly. So when people tell me “If you just gave that information out freely without fighting people you wouldn’t have these problems!” Now turn it around. “If you just let that man have sex with you without fighting you wouldn’t have been hurt so bad!” Makes you wanna puke, doesn’t it?
Ok, now with that said, this whole thing baffles me. For so long I had no care in the world WHY people need to know this. I have had my theories. But I look at this and say it’s lawful or unlawful. Black or white, no gray area allowed. A lender or loan officer, maybe. If I want the money bad enough, yes, that’s what I gotta do. And...that’s it. Literally. No other reason, no other person.
I have tried everything. Being nice to being mean. Now I’m very mean about it. Tell people about it, and face a myriad of responses- some people are like “oh, I didn’t know” to other cases where I have been beaten up and one of the worse I was beaten uop and ended up with a loaded/cocked revolver shoved to my head. So when I tell people I have seen it all, I am not kidding. And it has cost me dearly, tens of thousands of dollars in medical and legal bills.
I’m at wits end now. It keeps happening, peoples responses do not improve, and I’m old enough that now I’m not sure I really care what I do to others when they “push it”.
This comes up as it’s one of the primary issues that caused me an early departure from college. These “little kids”, fresh out of high school, asking me such questions, and in one instance a mother demanded it. And I really to this day have NEVER met her daughter before that day. Little girl, literally, 18 years old, looking at the ground telling us “I just didn’t know.” I almost got arrested for what I told her mother.
There is nothing I have not tried to prevent this, short of personally exiling myself from people. Which is EXACTLY what I did for a number of years. But I’m older now. I have to be around people now. When I was younger I didn’t need to be around people. Now I do. And now I don’t know of any way to handle this without conflict.
Any ideas?
There are somethings I don't have any problem people knowing about. If you ask how my mother is doing, I will tell you the truth- she is fine. Or not. She's having a good day. Or not.
If you ask how my grades are doing when I'm in college, I will tell you the truth- maybe they are good, and if so "I'm doing good!". And if not, "I'm not doing very well". No biggie.
And a problem that I have even discussed here a few times in the past few years I've been here, seems to persist.
You see, when people ask about my health, maybe I'm doing ok, and maybe I'm not. Again, I will tell the truth. I see no harm in that. My health from the past is a different story. I have had a rough time with my health, and I really don't like talking about it much. I can tell you about my many trips to the hospital, the few times I nearly died, all meaningless unless we delve into an indepth discussion about it, which is not needed nor cared for.
However, too often people will stick their noses into something far more private for me- finances. I have grown so tired of it and I am so nauseated by it. He most common answer is “because I care!” You care. THAT much. About someone you don’t even know. Maybe I’m lying about it? Can you verify it? What value is it really to you?
What people miss is that unless they really understand it, in detail literally, then they have no concept of what it is. Sounds cryptic I’m sure and that’s fine. It’s still none of their business, and not only can they not verify it, but I assure you (and them) I will not help them learn of it. Not voluntarily at least.
What bothers me is how people brush off such nosiness. Me, I compare it to rape- it’s none of their business, if they find out it’s against my will, and it serves no purpose other than for their own personal gain. What personal gain? Maybe they want it. Maybe they want some of it. Or maybe they are trying to show how much better than me they think they are, what level of power it is they think they have over me.
And to me it’s very much the same thing as rape, the only difference being one is sexual, physical. The other financial. To me, I really see very little difference. To me the psychological effect is very similar.
And yes I have been raped and I know the severity of it. So when I give this comparison, I do not do or say this lightly. So when people tell me “If you just gave that information out freely without fighting people you wouldn’t have these problems!” Now turn it around. “If you just let that man have sex with you without fighting you wouldn’t have been hurt so bad!” Makes you wanna puke, doesn’t it?
Ok, now with that said, this whole thing baffles me. For so long I had no care in the world WHY people need to know this. I have had my theories. But I look at this and say it’s lawful or unlawful. Black or white, no gray area allowed. A lender or loan officer, maybe. If I want the money bad enough, yes, that’s what I gotta do. And...that’s it. Literally. No other reason, no other person.
I have tried everything. Being nice to being mean. Now I’m very mean about it. Tell people about it, and face a myriad of responses- some people are like “oh, I didn’t know” to other cases where I have been beaten up and one of the worse I was beaten uop and ended up with a loaded/cocked revolver shoved to my head. So when I tell people I have seen it all, I am not kidding. And it has cost me dearly, tens of thousands of dollars in medical and legal bills.
I’m at wits end now. It keeps happening, peoples responses do not improve, and I’m old enough that now I’m not sure I really care what I do to others when they “push it”.
This comes up as it’s one of the primary issues that caused me an early departure from college. These “little kids”, fresh out of high school, asking me such questions, and in one instance a mother demanded it. And I really to this day have NEVER met her daughter before that day. Little girl, literally, 18 years old, looking at the ground telling us “I just didn’t know.” I almost got arrested for what I told her mother.
There is nothing I have not tried to prevent this, short of personally exiling myself from people. Which is EXACTLY what I did for a number of years. But I’m older now. I have to be around people now. When I was younger I didn’t need to be around people. Now I do. And now I don’t know of any way to handle this without conflict.
Any ideas?
