Praying for pregnancy?!

[Amélie Unbound]

Do any of you have people who you know are praying for you to get pregnant, even though they know you don't want children?

My mother-in-law has told me she's praying that I'll either get pregnant or we'll change our minds about adoption, because she wants grandchildren.

Now my mother has told me that a friend of hers is praying that I'll get pregnant, so that my mother will have grandchildren.

(My husband and I are both only-children, so if we don't have kids, our parents won't ever be grandparents.)

It kind of freaks me out to think that people are praying for me to get pregnant. I feel like they're trying to use God against me.

I have seen miraculous answers to prayer in my life, and I believe in the power of God to answer prayer. If I get pregnant, I know that these people will be praising God for their answered prayers. But would God do that to me and my husband, just to make them happy?

The thing is, life is pretty good right now. We don't like kids, we don't want kids, we don't believe God wants us to have kids, and I've been told by my doctor that I will likely never conceive without fertility drugs. So, everything's great. Everything's in order. I would even say that things are exactly as they're supposed to be. But other people want to mess with that, and want to get God involved in their plan for my life, not His plan, certainly not my or my husband's plan, but their plan! Would God change His plan just because they ask him to?

I know my feelings are probably irrational, because God in His wisdom isn't going to give us a child just because other people ask Him to, when He knows our feelings and situation far better than those people do. Right?

I guess if they can pray that I'll get pregnant, I can pray just as fervently that I won't get pregnant, and that they'll mind their own business in the future!

I don't know if I'm expressing my thoughts adequately. It's late and I can't sleep. I just want to know if anyone has thoughts on this, or if anyone else is going through this.


EDITED TO ADD: Don't worry, I'm not relying solely on my supposed infertility to prevent pregnancy. I'm on birth control too. So I think it would take a specific act of God for me to get pregnant!

 

[AveMaria]

It's kind of creepy, to think that there are people who are/could be praying for someone to get pregnant against their will. Frankly, it seems like a violation to me, like a sort of rape.

I certainly hope no one is praying for me to get pregnant, especially since I'm not married, but to be honest, there are some people in my life who I wouldn't put it past. The ones who think I'm being selfish because I didn't get married years ago and start producing grandchildren.

Would it be rude, if someone ever told me they were praying for me to get pregnant, if I smiled sweetly and replied. "How interesting! I've been praying for you to get appendicitis!?

 

[HeyHomie]

As far as I know, no: no one (that I know of) is praying for me and Mrs. Homie to get pregnant. Although there is one couple at church that I wouldn't put it past them...

 

[fuzzymel]

Wow I dont like that idea at all. If someone ever told me that it would not go down well at all. My reaction would probably make them change their mind on me being a good mother anyway lol.

I dont see why God would give you a baby if you always felt that was not what you were called to do. Praying that someone can become a grandmother seems pretty selfish to me.

 

[JulySheMustFly]

Can I just say that is creepy and wrong especially when you believe in the power of prayer. Yet, if you have confidence that God has guided your decisions why would God honor a prayer that would contradict what He has told you?

 

[snoochface]

That really creeps me out, Orchard. How are you not telling these people off? I wouldn't be able to help myself. I loved AveMaria's response, it's so appropriate! These people are praying for selfish things. It's like saying, "Lord, I love my house and all our clothes and the food that you provide for us, but would you please send us a gardener, maid, and 65" TV too?" They should be counting their blessings!

I think you're in a good place though. You trust God and you know you're doing his will.

 

[Amélie Unbound]

Thanks everyone for the replies. It was late last night when I wrote that post, and I feel a lot calmer about this in the light of day.

It's kind of creepy, to think that there are people who are/could be praying for someone to get pregnant against their will. Frankly, it seems like a violation to me, like a sort of rape.

Yes, that's exactly how it feels! Thanks for putting the feeling into words for me, because I couldn't seem to find the words. That's exactly it.

Would it be rude, if someone ever told me they were praying for me to get pregnant, if I smiled sweetly and replied. "How interesting! I've been praying for you to get appendicitis!?

lol That's the kind of thing I wish I could say to people, but would probably never actually be able to. I tend to be polite to a fault. Very funny though.

That really creeps me out, Orchard. How are you not telling these people off? I wouldn't be able to help myself.

Well, in the case of my mother's friend, I never actually see her or talk to her, so I have no chance to tell her off! That's one of the things that makes this so frustrating. This woman doesn't even know us, and she thinks she knows what's best for us? It's ridiculous, that she would pray for such a serious life-altering thing for us, when she knows nothing about us except what my mother tells her.

In the case of my mother-in-law, I haven't told her off because I've been bending over backwards trying to get along with her ever since my husband and I got married. No matter what she says or does, I'm trying to keep my conscience clear, so at least I know I've done my part and I haven't done anything to deserve her treatment of me. She makes it so hard though. It's not just this, either. She has been very critical of me, and has pointed out every single one of my faults, but she always says things in a sweet tone, so then if I get defensive or upset, it seems like I'm the one with the problem. And, she always says these things to me when my husband's not around, so he never witnesses first-hand how nasty she is to me, and has no chance to defend me. But I digress.

About people praying that I'll get pregnant, it just seems so wrong that people would use such a beautiful thing as prayer in such a hurtful and violating manner. Now that I've slept on this and am seeing things more clearly, I am confident that God won't honour prayers like theirs.

I can't believe these people want us to have children when we don't even like children, and have personality traits that make us extremely ill-suited for parenthood. Don't they care about the potential children we may have at all? This is just another example of how many people think that having babies is always a good thing. They just have no clue.

 

[mina]

That's really rude. People are just really rude sometimes. I agree that it's wrong to use prayer like that and then TELL you! I don't think God will honour a thing like that either.

 

[invisiblebabe]

That's not praying FOR someone... that's praying AGAINST them. I won't presume to know the mind of God, but I wouldn't be too surprised if instead of getting you pregnant, He would teach them a spiritual lesson on loving their neighbors as an answer to their "prayer," instead.

 

[Everlasting33]

I can't believe these people want us to have children when we don't even like children, and have personality traits that make us extremely ill-suited for parenthood. Don't they care about the potential children we may have at all? This is just another example of how many people think that having babies is always a good thing. They just have no clue.

Exactly! I just do not understand why many people, especially mother in law's, have to impose their way of living/thinking onto other people, especially daughter in law's! Why can't you just live your life like how you want to live???

It really bothers me that there are people out there who think that people should always have children spite any biological predispositions to mental/physical illness, or dislike of them.

To be honest, there are many children in this world suffering because their parents should have never had children.

I am sure that God will not give you a child if you or your husband do not want them!

 

[RedheadedPrincess]

Orchard my dh and I also have people praying that I will get pregnant. It is so frustrating, and I agree that it makes me feel violated.

 

[Rebekka]

Orchard, I'm so sorry to hear this! I agree with AveMaria, it feels like rape. I believe very strongly in the power of prayer myself, and it freaks me out to know that people are praying to make you unhappy.

I avoid telling certain people that we don't want children, to prevent prayers like these. Now, if people are praying for me to get pregnant, at least they don't know that they are praying for something I don't want at all (it would really hurt if I knew that they knew I didn't want children, and still wished that I got them), and so far I don't know that they are saying these prayers. I know some people who would pray for me if they knew I were childfree.

And I have heard some patronising remarks from people about this, in real life and here, insinuating that I would change my mind and that they were praying that I would have a change of heart.

I don't know if this is too much off-topic, but your problem reminds me of this thread in OBOB where it is discussed what to do if a couple doesn't want kids. If you don't want kids as a catholic, some advise to just "get over it" and have them anyway.
Here it is.
http://www.christianforums.com/t5177276-i-dont-like-kids.html

I usually don't post in these threads to avoid flames, and also because I don't want to make more obedient catholics than me disobedient by my bad example, but I couldn't resist now - I deliberately kept it vague and polite.

I noticed I'm no longer the only catholic on the childfree forum - welcome to the RCC, invisiblebabe! Saw your new faith icon!

 

[JLM2007]

Absolutely, I've had this happen! Oh, it is completely rude and hateful. My husband and I were reading this together, and he made such an excellent point--God brought him and I together (actually based on our childfree stance) through the internet. We were both accepting of the fact that we would likely never find someone with the same views, especially childfree views, and would likely never get married. Then, God answered our prayers with a yes, by bringing us together. So, why would the prayers of a busy-body trying to ruin our lives (children would definitely ruin our lives, our peace, our marriage) be answered with my getting pregnant? I cannot imagine this.
In my experience, these kinds of people are best ignored and seen as little as possible--they are closed-minded and conniving, and it is best to free yourself of their presence. Good luck to all!

 

[invisiblebabe]

I noticed I'm no longer the only catholic on the childfree forum - welcome to the RCC, invisiblebabe! Saw your new faith icon!

thanks, RebekkaH! yep, i finally went all the way. not confirmed yet, but i'm hoping that happens within the next year. right now a lot of busy-ness going on with getting ready to move, starting graduate school, and all.

some of those responses in the OBOB forum are disturbing. marriage is not just for procreation - it is also just as much for the purposes of intimacy, fellowship, and personal/spiritual growth. i disagree with telling people who should get married for those reasons (i did not have much at all in the way of fellowship or community, besides my husband - still don't) that they can't marry just because children would not be a good thing for them. then there are health and psychological reasons for not having children - if infertile couples can marry (and who would be dumb enough to say they couldn't, haha) then why shouldn't people who can't have kids for non-reproductive-related health issues? the whole body is a system, after all...

and then there is the issue, what if people need to use birth control for reasons other than contraception?

ah well. i'll end my rant now.

 

[Rebekka]

thanks, RebekkaH! yep, i finally went all the way. not confirmed yet, but i'm hoping that happens within the next year. right now a lot of busy-ness going on with getting ready to move, starting graduate school, and all.

some of those responses in the OBOB forum are disturbing. marriage is not just for procreation - it is also just as much for the purposes of intimacy, fellowship, and personal/spiritual growth. i disagree with telling people who should get married for those reasons (i did not have much at all in the way of fellowship or community, besides my husband - still don't) that they can't marry just because children would not be a good thing for them. then there are health and psychological reasons for not having children - if infertile couples can marry (and who would be dumb enough to say they couldn't, haha) then why shouldn't people who can't have kids for non-reproductive-related health issues? the whole body is a system, after all...

and then there is the issue, what if people need to use birth control for reasons other than contraception?

ah well. i'll end my rant now.

Yes, it's definitely a rantish subject. It's none of other people's business why I wanted to marry my husband. Kids are people who have made my life miserable once (well, LOTS of times, but seeing the past as the past, it can be seen as one very long nasty period that I'd like to close), should they make me miserable for the rest of my life as well because not wanting THEM means - in the eyes of ultra orthodox catholics - that I can't marry (or shouldn't have married) the love of my life who is making me happy???????? I don't follow that logic. It would make me a victim of loneliness for my entire life. If that's what christianity is all about - making people lonely and miserable - then I don't want to have anything to do with it.

Luckily I don't believe that christianity is about having children against your will.

Sorry, that was off-topic!

 

[Mskedi]

Wow.... that's nuts.

I've never even thought that people would pray for something against my will.

And I've never thought of doing something like that. It seems like a very selfish prayer.

 

[Rebekka]

Wow.... that's nuts.

I've never even thought that people would pray for something against my will.

And I've never thought of doing something like that. It seems like a very selfish prayer.

Yes, it is selfish. They are not going to raise those kids, so they won't be negatively affected. Some people want to brag or gossip about their grandchildren/nieces/acquaintances/whatever, and talking about pregnancies or children is interesting to many people (especially some women).

It's awful to create children just to make interesting (well, that's debatable) conversation.

 

[Amélie Unbound]

Thanks to everyone who's replied. Great posts from everyone. I feel a lot better about this now.

 

[Galadriel]

Hey Orchard,
I am a bit late on this, but I read this and just shook my head at the spitefulness of these people who are praying that you get pregnant when you've made it known that you do not want to!

I just wanted to say God knows what's what, and He isn't going to just answer their prayers and leave you in a bind. I don't think God would answer spiteful prayer like that. If you did by chance get pregnant, it would be because God wanted you to have a child, not due to these people.

 

[Amélie Unbound]

Thanks, Galadriel.