The timing of that message was God given! I am in the pit of despair but your words have given me comfort and hope. My heart leaps for joy at how God has turned things around for your marriage and family. Thank you
I'm thankful to him that he can use my failures and his work to redeem me to my family as a sign of hope for you. He did that for me over and over.
I did lose hope multiple times. But right as she was getting reading to choose a house, he made me break the silence. I had the words to speak and he heart was ready.
She had been looking for letters from her mom who died on my birthday 21 years ago. She wanted to find them so badly for something she was doing and I tried to help. For almost 2 weeks we looked. I went through the attic twice. I looked in every space I could think of (remember that).
I was praying to have him show me where it was. To lead me to it so I could deliver the letters to her. She was asking other people for prayers to find it. Yet, nothing.
Now, I was in devotionals daily. I would get days ahead in them. That is important because God used that previous issue to distract me. I missed days 5 through 10. Not normal for me (remember that too).
2 weeks ago I reached the end of my rope and hope. I was in that pit of despair too. But I praised him and I kept asking him over and over to save my marriage, to redeem us, and let us move together into a new home.
2 weeks ago she was about to go through the next step to get a house alone taking our 4 kids and moving forward with the divorce.
2 weeks ago God broke his silence and woke me up at 4am in a panic, which caused me to pray so hard, and seek him in my pain.
Then he woke me again at 8 and instantly my thought was "read". Remember the devotionals I don't miss but get ahead in, but missed 6 days of? I opened that up on my phone and days 5 through 9 were written as if it was tailored for my exact situation. Every single day was as if the author knew what my marriage was going through and the messages were written for me personally. It was almost scary but I knew that God had caused me to do those days so that that day, Friday, I could see it all at once because that was the day he was going to bring us back together. I needed this devotionals for hope and for what he had in store that day.
Later that day I was told today is the day. I was led to pour out everything to her and the words I needed to say just happened to enter my mind so I wrote it all down. I was terrified. But in the devotionals there was direction so I knew it was him and I had to listen and to talk to her one last time before she set up the time to see the house she was looking at online from the realtor. It was a leap of faith.
Ok. Now for the wild card. Remember the letters from her mom she wanted to find that I was praying to find for her and she was praying to find at all? And remember how I said I looked every place I could think of?
Well, I went into the laundry room to get some clothes. In the laundry room is the door to the attic. The same attic I spent 2 weeks going in and out of looking in every box in there twice through. Why are those details important? Because while in the laundry room a strong thought popped into my head, "look in the closet."
I thought...okay why? And it hit me again, "just look in the closet." And my eyes widened. I had been walking past a closet by the laundry room for 2 weeks and neither her nor I remembered that closet was there. We looked in every closet in the house but that one. The Lord blinded me to it because Friday was the day, not any other day.
So I walked to the closet right by the laundry room and opened the door. Right there in a small plastic clear bin on a shelf at eye level was the binder that held her mom's letters. My jaw dropped and I began to thank him.
Later that day I sat down and asked her if I could have a deep conversation. She said yes.
I began to spill out all the lessons I had been put through to date. I read her highlights from each devotional and they were so uncanny to our situation that she began to tear up. I confessed my failures and asked her to forgive me when she was ready, and asked her if she would be willing to talk with our friend we've known since before we were married (I met him in 2nd grade) and he got saved by coming to church with us 18 years ago and later got a masters in theology to become a pastor. Now God had put him in a place he was counseling me to save me and to save my marriage. God put him there when I was 6 so he could use us to saved him to then later save us.
And then I told her God had answered both our prayers and given us a sign that this is his will and he is in control because he answered a prayer for both of us.
When I pulled out the silver binder with the letters she broke right away. She cried more as I explained how it all happened and the timing
She opened up the binder and looked through every letter from her mom. There were even letters from me from 20 years ago in there.
She began to talk about the letters. Which was great because she didn't say a word the whole time before.
I told her if that wasn't a sign then I didn't know what was and that we could make it.
I told her I prayed so much to find that for her but couldn't and I didn't know why I missed it but was happy he finally helped me find it and she held up a book mark that was on with the letters that said "He answers prayer." Made me cry more.
Then she got very emotional at one item in there and I asked if I could hug her and she said yes.
Soon after, maybe 10 minutes or so, she said that she'd be willing to talk with our friend to get counseling.
Two days later we were starting to look at houses together.
Now are we 100%? No. We haven't kissed. I sleep on the couch. We sometimes hug. And of course you can imagine no sex either.
But we're building up daily. We stay up so late spending time together. Sometimes 4am on a work night.
But we are rebuilding our marriage. We've made plans for a trip in Dec just her and I.
Last night we were looking at engagement rings because I want to redo our wedding. But first I want to ask her to marry me (long story short, I never got to ask her... we just kind of said let's just get married as a mutual thing one day.
Not to mention her calling me "babe" for the first time since mid 2019.
All that is God. There are so many details missing since this is from my phone but trait me, God is the champion of reversals and redemption. Nothing is too hard or too small for him.
I hope you have a better day knowing he heard you and is faithful even when we are not faith to him.
