Prayers and/or suggestions

[Timber70]

So I am in the process of a divorce that I do not want. In August my wife sent me a text telling me she filed for divorce and I needed to leave. Unfortunately she also texted me and told me I could tell our 11 year old son on my own. Needless to say I was devastated. We have had a rocky marriage since day one. I have come to the conclusion lately that it is easier if I just say this divorce was my fault. I wasnt a perfect or unfortunately a great husband! Just a good husband in todays cultural context. I was not a good Christian head of the household. I have to take full responsibility for that. We tried to reconcile. Talked to a "Christian" counselor who was zero into Christianity. Things fell apart on Thanksgiving day. The good, my walk with the Lord has never been better. When you fall on your face the only place to look is up!! I have asked my wife if we could just sit down and talk. That I DO NOT want a divorce. That i want to work on this. I have expressed my failures and faults, etc. My wife refuses to talk to me. She just wants the divorce. Thankfully the Coronavirus has shut down the courts, but soon they will re open. I pray daily sometimes hourly about restoration or at least the chance to talk one on one. What can I do? My pastor has pounder into my mind that God gave all of us freewill, including my wife. I want another chance, I want to be a great Christian husband. To show my son what that means. I am at a loss and life is a daily struggle.

 

[Llleopard]

I really feel for you in this situation and how helpless and sad you're feeling. But frankly, if your wife has got to the point after many years of unhappiness and you both trying unsuccessfully to fix things, that she will no longer communicate with you except by text, I suspect this ship has sailed and you may not have the choice of reconciliation anymore. I don't mean to be harsh, but realistic.
Keep praying for God to do a work in you, but you may also have to accept that your wife's mind is made up, and the best way to show your son your Christian values is to co parent gracefully and be the best dad you can be.

 

[NerdGirl]

So I am in the process of a divorce that I do not want. In August my wife sent me a text telling me she filed for divorce and I needed to leave. Unfortunately she also texted me and told me I could tell our 11 year old son on my own. Needless to say I was devastated. We have had a rocky marriage since day one. I have come to the conclusion lately that it is easier if I just say this divorce was my fault. I wasnt a perfect or unfortunately a great husband! Just a good husband in todays cultural context. I was not a good Christian head of the household. I have to take full responsibility for that. We tried to reconcile. Talked to a "Christian" counselor who was zero into Christianity. Things fell apart on Thanksgiving day. The good, my walk with the Lord has never been better. When you fall on your face the only place to look is up!! I have asked my wife if we could just sit down and talk. That I DO NOT want a divorce. That i want to work on this. I have expressed my failures and faults, etc. My wife refuses to talk to me. She just wants the divorce. Thankfully the Coronavirus has shut down the courts, but soon they will re open. I pray daily sometimes hourly about restoration or at least the chance to talk one on one. What can I do? My pastor has pounder into my mind that God gave all of us freewill, including my wife. I want another chance, I want to be a great Christian husband. To show my son what that means. I am at a loss and life is a daily struggle.

I'm so sorry to hear about this. It wasn't right of her to tell you by TEXT, of all things, nor to dump the responsibility of breaking such horrible, traumatic news to your son all by yourself.

I will say this: Even if she demands a divorce, you can still pray for restoration. There ARE stories of couples who divorced and later reconciled. Even if she does leave, you can still be an upstanding and respectable father to your son. Demand joint custody and visitation rights. Attend every hearing involving your child, custody, child support, etc. Don't let your wife turn you into someone who expresses bitterness or hatred towards her, or women, or marriage, around your son. Let him see a man who handles himself through this trial with dignity and faith.

Keep praying. Pray about everything. Surrender it all to God.

 

[anewday]

I am sorry you are going through something that you do not want. The two above are correct though. Maybe try to go through the divorce as amicably as possible. You two had a child together, and people have remarried each other after divorcing.

I filed for divorce from my husband in January. After years of abuse and neglect, I just couldn't take it anymore. Despite the fact that he has changed for the better since (as have I), I want nothing to with him on a romantic level.

Now that the pandemic has stopped the proceedings, I am focused on having a good roommate/friend relationship with him, which has gone pretty good so far.

I am open to having a change of heart, and wondered if this pandemic was God telling me to give him another chance, but that has yet to happen. Our 5 year anniversary is tomorrow, and although we are celebrating, I still just see him as a friend.

Maybe the hurt is so bad for your wife that its easier to keep her distance and only communicate from text. I don't know your situation though. Only time will tell.

 

[NerdGirl]

I am sorry you are going through something that you do not want. The two above are correct though. Maybe try to go through the divorce as amicably as possible. You two had a child together, and people have remarried each other after divorcing.

I filed for divorce from my husband in January. After years of abuse and neglect, I just couldn't take it anymore. Despite the fact that he has changed for the better since (as have I), I want nothing to with him on a romantic level.

Now that the pandemic has stopped the proceedings, I am focused on having a good roommate/friend relationship with him, which has gone pretty good so far.

I am open to having a change of heart, and wondered if this pandemic was God telling me to give him another chance, but that has yet to happen. Our 5 year anniversary is tomorrow, and although we are celebrating, I still just see him as a friend.

Maybe the hurt is so bad for your wife that its easier to keep her distance and only communicate from text. I don't know your situation though. Only time will tell.

Our situations are so similar! I've noticed my husband trying to be more attentive and sweet since I broke down and told him how miserable I am and that I was thinking about leaving. But I have no idea how sincere it is, or if it's just "too little, too late" because he realizes that I've been pushed to my limit. And while I still care about him very much, and want him to be happy and well, I have almost no interest in him in a romantic sense at this point. I'm also stuck in place due to the pandemic, and I've had passing, "Well, maybe this is God telling me I should stay" thoughts. But honestly, the discontent and frustration go so much deeper than he can fix with a few extra hugs and smiles. I still believe that we got married too quickly and it wasn't what God wanted us to do. I didn't know him properly and he's got problems and issues that honestly require professional help and a lot of work on himself, and I feel like he hoped I would be the magical wife/nurse/fix-it-all who would make everything better for him.

 

[SCarneal]

This post was over a year ago. Was there reconciliation? I pray for all the couples in this scenario. I am in my own, so it hurts to hear others are in it too. Not that I didn't know it, but hearing it here makes it more real. I pray you all are well.

 

[Timber70]

This post was over a year ago. Was there reconciliation? I pray for all the couples in this scenario. I am in my own, so it hurts to hear others are in it too. Not that I didn't know it, but hearing it here makes it more real. I pray you all are well.

There is no reconciliation, unfortunately. We are still in the divorce process. I pray every day for His will. I have realized His will may be for this marriage to end. I dont understand why, but I know He doesnt have to give me a reason.

 

[SCarneal]

There is no reconciliation, unfortunately. We are still in the divorce process. I pray every day for His will. I have realized His will may be for this marriage to end. I dont understand why, but I know He doesnt have to give me a reason.

None of can know but it may not be his will. However, other people can resist his will instead of letting him heal the marriage. Then his will may be shifted to bringing you closer if the other refuses to draw to him. However, and I'm saying this out of a place where I'm having to do the same thing, but don't give up. Keep praying. The holy spirit can move and change hearts.
I'll be praying for you because it's not over.

 

[Hazelelponi]

There is no reconciliation, unfortunately. We are still in the divorce process. I pray every day for His will. I have realized His will may be for this marriage to end. I dont understand why, but I know He doesnt have to give me a reason.

I'm so sorry to hear this. Although I do caution, make very certain to have the very best lawyer possible. Your relationship with your son is at stake, and your wife doesn't seem the least bit reasonable.

 

[Timber70]

None of can know but it may not be his will. However, other people can resist his will instead of letting him heal the marriage. Then his will may be shifted to bringing you closer if the other refuses to draw to him. However, and I'm saying this out of a place where I'm having to do the same thing, but don't give up. Keep praying. The holy spirit can move and change hearts.
I'll be praying for you because it's not over.

I will pray for you also, brother. If you are in the same place you know the pain, the hurt, the doubts, the sleepless nights and for me the idle moments of the day when your thoughts are consumed by nothing but the future proceedings and what will occur. So, I will indeed pray for you daily.
Jim

 

[SCarneal]

I will pray for you also, brother. If you are in the same place you know the pain, the hurt, the doubts, the sleepless nights and for me the idle moments of the day when your thoughts are consumed by nothing but the future proceedings and what will occur. So, I will indeed pray for you daily.
Jim

I am right there with you. She let me come home to maximize time with the kids before they move and to help with getting the house ready to sell.
I've lost 15 lbs from stress and not eating much. I'm crying out to God to save the marriage, and I've done everything I have been led to do that I know of here. Today I heard the same message twice, once from a devotional and the other from listening to the Bible in a year podcast. Both of them today had the message literally to wait, be still, and let God do his work. Sometimes we go forward. Sometimes we retreat. But other times we are told to be still and since that was covered twice today, I am taking that as my direction. Which sucks because I am tired of those sleepless nights, pain, hurt, and doubt. I want the reconciliation and I want to know now because in a few weeks to a month she wants to get moved to a new home. I'm praying it's with us together, not her alone. My thoughts echo like yours and take me to desperate places. His timing can be stressful but my trust is growing in him.
Praying helps. But the impact isn't always immediate. Sometimes it takes all day before he noticeably moves to engage me in my prayer.
Point is, we are living through a trial that hurts deep and is hard to see a way out.
I prayed today for you and I'll do it again and again. We can get through this with his help. Nothing is impossible through him.

 

[Timber70]

I am right there with you. She let me come home to maximize time with the kids before they move and to help with getting the house ready to sell.
I've lost 15 lbs from stress and not eating much. I'm crying out to God to save the marriage, and I've done everything I have been led to do that I know of here. Today I heard the same message twice, once from a devotional and the other from listening to the Bible in a year podcast. Both of them today had the message literally to wait, be still, and let God do his work. Sometimes we go forward. Sometimes we retreat. But other times we are told to be still and since that was covered twice today, I am taking that as my direction. Which sucks because I am tired of those sleepless nights, pain, hurt, and doubt. I want the reconciliation and I want to know now because in a few weeks to a month she wants to get moved to a new home. I'm praying it's with us together, not her alone. My thoughts echo like yours and take me to desperate places. His timing can be stressful but my trust is growing in him.
Praying helps. But the impact isn't always immediate. Sometimes it takes all day before he noticeably moves to engage me in my prayer.
Point is, we are living through a trial that hurts deep and is hard to see a way out.
I prayed today for you and I'll do it again and again. We can get through this with his help. Nothing is impossible through him.

I am right there with you. She let me come home to maximize time with the kids before they move and to help with getting the house ready to sell.
I've lost 15 lbs from stress and not eating much. I'm crying out to God to save the marriage, and I've done everything I have been led to do that I know of here. Today I heard the same message twice, once from a devotional and the other from listening to the Bible in a year podcast. Both of them today had the message literally to wait, be still, and let God do his work. Sometimes we go forward. Sometimes we retreat. But other times we are told to be still and since that was covered twice today, I am taking that as my direction. Which sucks because I am tired of those sleepless nights, pain, hurt, and doubt. I want the reconciliation and I want to know now because in a few weeks to a month she wants to get moved to a new home. I'm praying it's with us together, not her alone. My thoughts echo like yours and take me to desperate places. His timing can be stressful but my trust is growing in him.
Praying helps. But the impact isn't always immediate. Sometimes it takes all day before he noticeably moves to engage me in my prayer.
Point is, we are living through a trial that hurts deep and is hard to see a way out.
I prayed today for you and I'll do it again and again. We can get through this with his help. Nothing is impossible through him.

Can I get your first name so I know who I am praying for? My process is going on 22 months. I drug my feet for as long as I could. Yesterday I listened to a preacher relay a story about a doomed marriage that was saved at church. Pretty selfish but sometimes those stories bother me the most. Why wont he give me a chance?? One thing I do know, I want his will. I have tried to do too many things on my own without his direction or will. I honestly hope yours can be restored. I will be praying for you daily. You can only change who you are and your faults. God gave her, her own free will.

 

[SCarneal]

Can I get your first name so I know who I am praying for? My process is going on 22 months. I drug my feet for as long as I could. Yesterday I listened to a preacher relay a story about a doomed marriage that was saved at church. Pretty selfish but sometimes those stories bother me the most. Why wont he give me a chance?? One thing I do know, I want his will. I have tried to do too many things on my own without his direction or will. I honestly hope yours can be restored. I will be praying for you daily. You can only change who you are and your faults. God gave her, her own free will.

 

[SCarneal]

I'm Shane. When I prayed I was using the scenario to identify you lol. I may have used your screen name too.
22 months, wow. It was almost 2 years ago I started my decent. It was 18 months ago, almost 19 she first told me it isn't working for her anymore and I moved out. To reiterate, she was never the issue. I was.
I understand that frustration of why won't the Lord do this or that? I couldn't seem to see past what hurts me. When he slammed me to the dirt and taught me a harsh lesson the other night, I cried so hard. I understood her hurt because of what God lead me through that day. It literally had nothing to do with her actions that day either. She was nice and friendly all day. It was God who did it and I'm so thankful because it gave me perspective outside of myself I didn't have before.
I don't know why the Lord allows us to suffer when we're begging him for the chance.
Funny thing, I was begging for a chance and inside me it hit: I gave you many chances and you ignored me. I suddenly realized all the times I had and could've avoided all this, but I was like Pharaoh and ignored God when he was giving me the opportunity.
I know why he hardened my heart though. So I could die. My old self had died inside and I hurt so badly I physically was wanting to die as well. When I finally died inside and was ready to have my body follow, he snapped me back. Now he had me to mold from nothing into a new person. It was a terrible way to get there but he used the worst time in my life to lead me back to him.
Now I'm learning so much from him lesson after lesson to be the man I always was supposed to be. If that is what he needed to lead her back to me then it was worth all the pain which is still not over.
So for you, I encourage you to search the real reason for all this. Because I've personally did not think of any of these lessons before they were taught. I thought I had learned everything and that it was time to reconcile but 2 days ago he hit me with the hardest lesson to date. Yes even worse than her saying it's over. He hit me with an emptiness I couldn't pray out of. I'd love to share the whole story but I'm on my phone and it's a lot lol. But highlights: at one point my friend told me that no matter what I'm feeling, I'm loved. To which in told him that this is not what love is supposed to feel like.
Instantly, the entire day's trial made sense. It was late at night when it dropped on me in that conversation. Right as I sent that to him and read it I realized the point God was making....THIS pain, hurt, fear, emptiness, feeling of abandon and uncertainty is what you did to your family and you say you love them but THAT is not what love is supposed to feel like.
I broke. I was on my knees, face to the floor, crying and begging God for forgiveness and repenting with the deepest regret and sincerity. I haven't cried like that since her and I lost our son before he was born. Very tragic story but to put it in perspective, the pain of the lesson and the intensity of weeping was similar to that. I'm in tears talking about the lesson right now too.
Anyway, back to you, my point is that there are lessons we don't know about yet. God isn't done with you by any means. So do like you are and seek him, trust no matter how hard that is, and know that we are suffering with a purpose. You will make it out of this and serving his will means you will be blessed even if the pain is consuming you at this moment. He's got you.

 

[Timber70]

I'm Shane. When I prayed I was using the scenario to identify you lol. I may have used your screen name too.
22 months, wow. It was almost 2 years ago I started my decent. It was 18 months ago, almost 19 she first told me it isn't working for her anymore and I moved out. To reiterate, she was never the issue. I was.
I understand that frustration of why won't the Lord do this or that? I couldn't seem to see past what hurts me. When he slammed me to the dirt and taught me a harsh lesson the other night, I cried so hard. I understood her hurt because of what God lead me through that day. It literally had nothing to do with her actions that day either. She was nice and friendly all day. It was God who did it and I'm so thankful because it gave me perspective outside of myself I didn't have before.
I don't know why the Lord allows us to suffer when we're begging him for the chance.
Funny thing, I was begging for a chance and inside me it hit: I gave you many chances and you ignored me. I suddenly realized all the times I had and could've avoided all this, but I was like Pharaoh and ignored God when he was giving me the opportunity.
I know why he hardened my heart though. So I could die. My old self had died inside and I hurt so badly I physically was wanting to die as well. When I finally died inside and was ready to have my body follow, he snapped me back. Now he had me to mold from nothing into a new person. It was a terrible way to get there but he used the worst time in my life to lead me back to him.
Now I'm learning so much from him lesson after lesson to be the man I always was supposed to be. If that is what he needed to lead her back to me then it was worth all the pain which is still not over.
So for you, I encourage you to search the real reason for all this. Because I've personally did not think of any of these lessons before they were taught. I thought I had learned everything and that it was time to reconcile but 2 days ago he hit me with the hardest lesson to date. Yes even worse than her saying it's over. He hit me with an emptiness I couldn't pray out of. I'd love to share the whole story but I'm on my phone and it's a lot lol. But highlights: at one point my friend told me that no matter what I'm feeling, I'm loved. To which in told him that this is not what love is supposed to feel like.
Instantly, the entire day's trial made sense. It was late at night when it dropped on me in that conversation. Right as I sent that to him and read it I realized the point God was making....THIS pain, hurt, fear, emptiness, feeling of abandon and uncertainty is what you did to your family and you say you love them but THAT is not what love is supposed to feel like.
I broke. I was on my knees, face to the floor, crying and begging God for forgiveness and repenting with the deepest regret and sincerity. I haven't cried like that since her and I lost our son before he was born. Very tragic story but to put it in perspective, the pain of the lesson and the intensity of weeping was similar to that. I'm in tears talking about the lesson right now too.
Anyway, back to you, my point is that there are lessons we don't know about yet. God isn't done with you my any means. So do like you are and seek him, trust no matter how hard that is, and know that we are suffering with a purpose. You will make it out of this and serving his will means you will be blessed even if the pain is consuming you at this moment. He's got you.

My email is jimpost@hotmail.com sometime share your story I will share with you mine.

 

[SCarneal]

Our situations are so similar! I've noticed my husband trying to be more attentive and sweet since I broke down and told him how miserable I am and that I was thinking about leaving. But I have no idea how sincere it is, or if it's just "too little, too late" because he realizes that I've been pushed to my limit. And while I still care about him very much, and want him to be happy and well, I have almost no interest in him in a romantic sense at this point. I'm also stuck in place due to the pandemic, and I've had passing, "Well, maybe this is God telling me I should stay" thoughts. But honestly, the discontent and frustration go so much deeper than he can fix with a few extra hugs and smiles. I still believe that we got married too quickly and it wasn't what God wanted us to do. I didn't know him properly and he's got problems and issues that honestly require professional help and a lot of work on himself, and I feel like he hoped I would be the magical wife/nurse/fix-it-all who would make everything better for him.

NerdGirl you sound like my wife and I sound like your husband.
I was like him. I needed help. I got it and still in work but it took me a long time to realize she couldn't fix me and it was not her place to do so. It is God's place. I unfairly placed too much on her. Please realize that in a place of deep hurt and where a professional is needed, his mentality cannot make the connections to understand you aren't able to fix him. He's hurting and scared and lost and reaching out for help to the one person he trusts the most, you.
I did that but I should've asked for support from her and trusted God instead. I hurt her with my issues, and by getting upset she wasn't there for me the way I thought she should be. That was wrong of me but was too lost inside my internal despair to think clearly and see that.
I'm that guy now being there for the family, being sweet, trying to reconnect with her. She's like you, keeping me at a distance and was kept in place due to the pandemic.
It took forever to get out of that dark place and God let me die inside so he could rescue me and rebuild me into the man I need to be.
But she is like you as I said. We lost romantic interests but think about it. It takes emotional connecting to rebuild that. It can come back stronger than ever if we let God heal us. I just want my wife to let us get to the next step which is letting the wall down a little so we can talk about the deep issues. Then we can begin to work through to reconciliation which could take 6 months. A year. Who knows? But doing that will connect us emotionally and spiritually again. The romantic will naturally follow that.
I'd be interested in where you and your husband are now. I pray the enemy's lies that are used to tear apart marriage are silenced and all the things and people in the way of you two are silenced as well so you can save your marriage from divorce and rebuild your life together.
God makes no mistake. Your husband is not a mistake. You are not a mistake. Neither is your marriage.
Give it to him and follow his guidance.
I'm doing that and guess what? I'm still separated but we're living together for practical reasons now. Yet there is hope! I lived away for 18 months while God allowed me to break down to the point I was dead inside and wanted my body to follow. From there it is a huge testimony of redemption to him.
Now I'm trusting in him and his guidance to save my marriage from divorce.
I love her very much but I know it's the caring from God that drives me now. In time I have faith he will redeem us and our love will reignite stronger than ever before.
My point: don't give up. God is bigger than us and the frustrations that hurt us. He can heal both of you and make your marriage more amazing than you can imagine!

 

[SCarneal]

My email is jimpost@hotmail.com sometime share your story I will share with you mine.

Jim, I have not forgotten. It'll be a long long email to share my story. Things are quite busy but I wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten and I'm still praying.

 

[Timber70]

Jim, I have not forgotten. It'll be a long long email to share my story. Things are quite busy but I wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten and I'm still praying.

Praying for you also

 

[Sally3]

NerdGirl you sound like my wife and I sound like your husband.
I was like him. I needed help. I got it and still in work but it took me a long time to realize she couldn't fix me and it was not her place to do so. It is God's place. I unfairly placed too much on her. Please realize that in a place of deep hurt and where a professional is needed, his mentality cannot make the connections to understand you aren't able to fix him. He's hurting and scared and lost and reaching out for help to the one person he trusts the most, you.
I did that but I should've asked for support from her and trusted God instead. I hurt her with my issues, and by getting upset she wasn't there for me the way I thought she should be. That was wrong of me but was too lost inside my internal despair to think clearly and see that.
I'm that guy now being there for the family, being sweet, trying to reconnect with her. She's like you, keeping me at a distance and was kept in place due to the pandemic.
It took forever to get out of that dark place and God let me die inside so he could rescue me and rebuild me into the man I need to be.
But she is like you as I said. We lost romantic interests but think about it. It takes emotional connecting to rebuild that. It can come back stronger than ever if we let God heal us. I just want my wife to let us get to the next step which is letting the wall down a little so we can talk about the deep issues. Then we can begin to work through to reconciliation which could take 6 months. A year. Who knows? But doing that will connect us emotionally and spiritually again. The romantic will naturally follow that.
I'd be interested in where you and your husband are now. I pray the enemy's lies that are used to tear apart marriage are silenced and all the things and people in the way of you two are silenced as well so you can save your marriage from divorce and rebuild your life together.
God makes no mistake. Your husband is not a mistake. You are not a mistake. Neither is your marriage.
Give it to him and follow his guidance.
I'm doing that and guess what? I'm still separated but we're living together for practical reasons now. Yet there is hope! I lived away for 18 months while God allowed me to break down to the point I was dead inside and wanted my body to follow. From there it is a huge testimony of redemption to him.
Now I'm trusting in him and his guidance to save my marriage from divorce.
I love her very much but I know it's the caring from God that drives me now. In time I have faith he will redeem us and our love will reignite stronger than ever before.
My point: don't give up. God is bigger than us and the frustrations that hurt us. He can heal both of you and make your marriage more amazing than you can imagine!

 

[Sally3]

Can I ask how you and your wife’s relationship is going now? I need some encouragement as my journey is similar to yours.