Prayer for Direction

[Southernscotty]

Hello everyone.

I have made the decision to step down from pastoring for the time being.
This has been one of the hardest decisions of my life as I love my congregation with all my heart and to be honest, I am doing it for them.

Ministering the gospel is my life. I live for sharing God's word with others however.
I am suffering terribly from PTSD or something? with what happened last May.

I am embarrassed to say this because I have been trained in so many ways how to help those affected by suicide and you would think I would be able to breeze through something like this.

But I just can't get these images out of my head, Every day is spent going over what my and Dads last words were and the conversations we shared together.

I am the type to keep things quiet for the most part when it comes to me, But right now my mind is so cluttered with these terrible images along with everything else that is going on in my life.

Only Mom and my brother will have anything to do with me, The rest of my family all hate me.
Daily I wonder if my Dad left me everything and then had me to come find him after shooting himself as a direct punishment to me.

I don't know, But guys I hurt so badly inside, It is a raging sea of torment. I break down a lot because I live alone and yet when anyone comes around, I will put on the happy face and pray with them and preach, All the while swallowing the lump in my throat that is like a rock.
I do not believe that I can effectively be a good pastor to my precious church while I am so burdened and suffering so greatly inside.

I feel that this is the correct step for me at this time, I need to let healing come and I believe it will through God's way and in His time.

I shouldn't have came back to the ministry as quickly as I did but I thought keeping my mind off the subject as much as possible was the correct method,
However it is still there when everyone leaves and I have to deal with it anyway
Every morning it is a struggle just to get out of bed.

Prayer for direction please
Love all of you guys and thank you
@Faith78

 

[brinny]

Hello everyone.

I have made the decision to step down from pastoring for the time being.
This has been one of the hardest decisions of my life as I love my congregation with all my heart and to be honest, I am doing it for them.

Ministering the gospel is my life. I live for sharing God's word with others however.
I am suffering terribly from PTSD or something? with what happened last May.

I am embarrassed to say this because I have been trained in so many ways how to help those affected by suicide and you would think I would be able to breeze through something like this.

But I just can't get these images out of my head, Every day is spent going over what my and Dads last words were and the conversations we shared together.

I am the type to keep things quiet for the most part when it comes to me, But right now my mind is so cluttered with these terrible images along with everything else that is going on in my life.

Only Mom and my brother will have anything to do with me, The rest of my family all hate me.
Daily I wonder if my Dad left me everything and then had me to come find him after shooting himself as a direct punishment to me.

I don't know, But guys I hurt so badly inside, It is a raging sea of torment. I break down a lot because I live alone and yet when anyone comes around, I will put on the happy face and pray with them and preach, All the while swallowing the lump in my throat that is like a rock.
I do not believe that I can effectively be a good pastor to my precious church while I am so burdened and suffering so greatly inside.

I feel that this is the correct step for me at this time, I need to let healing come and I believe it will through God's way and in His time.

I shouldn't have came back to the ministry as quickly as I did but I thought keeping my mind off the subject as much as possible was the correct method,
However it is still there when everyone leaves and I have to deal with it anyway
Every morning it is a struggle just to get out of bed.

Prayer for direction please
Love all of you guys and thank you
@Faith78

Praying for you (((hug)))

 

[paul1149]

I will be praying for you brother. You have a tender heart and great love for the Lord.

 

[“Paisios”]

Daily prayers for you Scotty. PM me if I can lend an ear - I care.

 

[ItIsFinished!]

My sweet brother I am somewhat speechless at this present juncture.

I sense your deep sincerity in what you posted.
I am in much tears as I write this.

Brother you are NEVER ALONE!
And very much loved.

Romans 8:36-39 (KJV)

As it is written , For thy sake we are killed all the long ; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
37: Nay , in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

38: For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels , nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come ,
39: Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

AMEN!!!
That will preach brother!

Praying for you friend.
Keep your eyes upon Jesus.

 

[musicalpilgrim]

Joining in prayer with my fellow prayer partners...
the Lord heals and he will heal you too. I have been through the trauma of my son's death. Not realizing he was alone in his suffering, blaming myself for leaving him with a family who had no idea....
Eventually I emerged from the nightmare and realized that the Lord had forgiven me, even though I couldn't forgive myself.
I feel for you in your distress, yes the Lord understands,
Thank you Lord, he is with you,
Thank you Lord, he forgives you, for everything.
Thank you Lord, He loves you completely,
I praise our wonderful Lord as he holds you in his arms.
May the Lord bless you richly as you rest in his love.

 

[Chris V++]

I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. I can't imagine trying to be a pastor when you have so much grief to process. Maybe you need to get out of your environment for a while and possibly travel, or take an extended stay at a monastery. I'm sure your congregation would have you back when and if you are ready. Psalm 147:3. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

 

[Dave G.]

I shouldn't and won't make suggestions regarding your ministry, that is between you and God. I can tell you that my father went under some shall we say bazaar circumstances that culminated in me having to make that big decision nobody want s to be in charge of, pulling the plug on life support ( he was basically brain dead, they could not get blood to his brain for three days, only life support kept the heart going, the lungs pumping). Anyway, I went to work for full 40 hour weeks after about a week off. Nobody knows the pain that was eating at me inside. It took 5 years to begin to feel like myself again. We can't put our lives on hold for 5 years but we also all have different make ups..

Expect things to be strange for some time. You may even encounter some unusual circumstances and incidents/experiences. I had one particular summer of events that through nature and what I believe to be angels I was shown that God in the end is in charge. Trust Him Scott !

 

[Pioneer3mm]

It is time for "renewal and restoration" for you.
---
During my spiritual/ministry journey,(45+years )
I went through "renewal & restoration"..several times.
- During those times, I thought I could not make it through..
- by His grace and power, I made it.
---
After restoration, door will open for new ministry.
----
More of His healing / restoration power to you.

 

[whereloveandmercymeet]

Praying for you Scotty

 

[hms lion]

praying for you in Jesus name.

 

[Southernscotty]

Thank you guys, I am just taking some time to get my mind wrapped around the situation.
I know 100% that God will sustain me through everything.

I am doing this for the love of my special congregation because I cannot give them what they sincerely need, If I can't focus myself. It isn't fair to them and they deserve much better than 50%

I take this position very serious and I do plan to come back after I build up and get to where I can concentrate fully.
Right now I am in a serious study of God's word and I am in sincere prayer for God's direction on my life and ministry.
I guess you can call it a Sabbatical". I just don't know for how long? That is up to God alone as He will direct me and open the doors that He so chooses.

I don't know how long the normal grieving process is but as I am going through things that are boxed up , It is really hard to find things that I have given him over the years, Certain items that we shared a lot of memories over and talked about often.
In fact I just found the first knife that I used to field dress my first deer and as Dad was showing me how, I was shaking and cut his finger and he never let me forget that. He told everyone he bled worse than the deer... lol
Also I was shocked to receive a beautiful memorial certificate in honor of my father, It is hand signed from President Trump. That was a blessing and made me happy.

 

[whereloveandmercymeet]

I hope that memorial certificate helps to bring you more comfort, it’s nice to know a loved one was appreciated by others too.

For what it’s worth, I think it’s a very loving thing to take a break not just for yourself but also for your congregation, as I’m sure much as you rationally know you need the break you also love pastoring (or you wouldn’t do it) and it’s hard to step away.

Please keep us updated with where you are so we can keep praying

 

[anna ~ grace]

That is ok. God bless you, friend. I know, it is hard. Give your soul a break. Take it one day at a time, friend.

 

[EzekielsWheels]

Hello everyone.

I have made the decision to step down from pastoring for the time being.
This has been one of the hardest decisions of my life as I love my congregation with all my heart and to be honest, I am doing it for them.

Ministering the gospel is my life. I live for sharing God's word with others however.
I am suffering terribly from PTSD or something? with what happened last May.

I am embarrassed to say this because I have been trained in so many ways how to help those affected by suicide and you would think I would be able to breeze through something like this.

But I just can't get these images out of my head, Every day is spent going over what my and Dads last words were and the conversations we shared together.

I am the type to keep things quiet for the most part when it comes to me, But right now my mind is so cluttered with these terrible images along with everything else that is going on in my life.

Only Mom and my brother will have anything to do with me, The rest of my family all hate me.
Daily I wonder if my Dad left me everything and then had me to come find him after shooting himself as a direct punishment to me.

I don't know, But guys I hurt so badly inside, It is a raging sea of torment. I break down a lot because I live alone and yet when anyone comes around, I will put on the happy face and pray with them and preach, All the while swallowing the lump in my throat that is like a rock.
I do not believe that I can effectively be a good pastor to my precious church while I am so burdened and suffering so greatly inside.

I feel that this is the correct step for me at this time, I need to let healing come and I believe it will through God's way and in His time.

I shouldn't have came back to the ministry as quickly as I did but I thought keeping my mind off the subject as much as possible was the correct method,
However it is still there when everyone leaves and I have to deal with it anyway
Every morning it is a struggle just to get out of bed.

Prayer for direction please
Love all of you guys and thank you
@Faith78

I appreciate your candor and may the Lord give you the guidance you seek.

 

[Bobber]

My heart goes out to you in regard to your struggle and trial. My prayer for you is that God gives you a spirit of peace and that the spirit of grief would be broken.

I'm going to add you to my wife and my prayer list and we'll pray each day that this would be the case and come about.

Many times it's just good to let another know they'll just pray but I will seek to encourage you on this one thing. I'd maybe go through the Psalms and underline all encouraging parts and put them on a voice recorder and maybe listen to them repeatedly.

As you know being in ministry there's just so many Psalms speaking of God's willingness to strengthen us in our darkest hours. Peace to you Scotty and know that your brothers and sisters are always here to want to encourage and help.

 

[Dave G.]

My heart goes out to you in regard to your struggle and trial. My prayer for you is that God gives you a spirit of peace and that the spirit of grief would be broken.

I'm going to add you to my wife and my prayer list and we'll pray each day that this would be the case and come about.

Many times it's just good to let another know they'll just pray but I will seek to encourage you on this one thing. I'd maybe go through the Psalms and underline all encouraging parts and put them on a voice recorder and maybe listen to them repeatedly.

As you know being in ministry there's just so many Psalms speaking of God's willingness to strengthen us in our darkest hours. Peace to you Scotty and know that your brothers and sisters are always here to want to encourage and help.

Agreeing and may it multiply every prayer you and your wife pray for Scotty. That's why you might see I put a prayer sign up under your message.

 

[Mydreams]

Lord please help and bless your servant Southernscotty, Bless this prayer. In Jesus mighty name, Amen!

 

[Jonaitis]

Hey man, I'll be praying for you. Fell free to chat it up with me if you are ever interested.

 

[sunshine100]

praying