Post Partum Depression

[Bumble Bee]

Apparently post partum depression is a real thing, and apparently it doesn't happen right after delivery. I thought it was simply moms who feel isolated because they aren't able to participate in their usual activities now that the baby is born (which is part of it), and that I escaped it. I was wrong on all counts.

When I had my son, I was so incredibly happy! I came home from the hospital feeling super energized. I cleaned the whole apartment within a couple days of being home and was constantly out and about, which made me cramp for a longer period of time. I had my mom, my mother-in-law, and my nurse ban me to the couch. I ended up needing to return to work earlier than planned for financial reasons, but I had the best of both worlds because I love my job and my baby is able to come with me and stay in the nursery at work. I am able to breast feed him a few times a day while I am working.

I sort of hit a breaking point, though, once he turned two months old. I suddenly found myself crying all the time and being really crabby with people without realizing it. I stopped being able to track time well and couldn't remember basic self care type things. I became a regimented machine and at one point realized that I couldn't remember the last time I took my medication.

I was blessed to be able to start work part time for a month before returning to full time, but my dad dropped a huge bombshell on me on my first day back at work full time. Like, the kind of bombshell that is a skeleton in the closet and makes it hard to be around members of the family. The kind that has been swiftly reburied as deeply as possible with strict orders not to dig it up again.

I am not coping well at all. I hate being away from my baby. All I want to do is be with him and my husband all day every day. I am not happy when we are not all together. I do not remember the last time I felt ok and enjoyed time alone. I constantly beat myself up for forgetting to do this or running out of time to do that. Every little bit of criticism from any one, well meaning or not, is taken super personally and I end up spending at least an entire day trying to talk myself down. My days are spent either feeling like I am mechanically going through the motions, constantly on the verge of tears, or feeling extremely cranky. Little things annoy me. I just don't feel like myself anymore.

I am blessed with a super supportive husband. He has been trying to pick up where I am falling and is always ready to listen when I am having a melt down. I was able to tell him when I felt like harming myself, and he is so wonderful at pointing me back to the Lord when I hit those moments. I love him dearly and am so thankful for him. I love being a wife and a mommy, but I miss being me.

 

[Winken]

One of our granddaughters went through that. It was a couple of months before she began to "being me" again. Prayers!

 

[Bumble Bee]

I have had people say “still?” And “when are you going to just feel better?” When I have told them what’s going on. Of course, that sends me into a cycle of self loathing for not being better when I should.

 

[Tolworth John]

I have had people say “still?” And “when are you going to just feel better?” When I have told them what’s going on. Of course, that sends me into a cycle of self loathing for not being better when I should.

Unfortunetly because depression is unseen, many people do not believe in it.
Do seek professional help, do talk to people etc

Please take care of yourself.
One lady in our church was sick for over 6 months with depression following childbirth.

 

[chaoticfirefly]

Therapy is a good step.

 

[Bumble Bee]

I have been seeing a therapist at my doctor's office, which has been eye opening for some of the things I have been carrying without realizing it.