Post here when you feel like cutting

[iwillfollow]

You are doing the right thing sharing it here. Believe me, the fear of shame and shyness over anyone knowing, are false fears. With the right people, like Jesuschickseven, knowing about it and staying in close contact with you, as regular as you can manage, you expose your feelings to special people like her, by PM if you feel safer that way, and you open your heart to God, you pray with her. Other 'counsellors' are fine, but when it comes to them refusing to pray with you to Jesus about it, that's where true believers have the advantage for you. Stay as close and open to Jesus-lovers like here as you can. When the urge comes, if you succeed in stopping it or if you fail, just take each day as it comes and don't quit trying and sharing.

Don't say, I failed, it's hopeless, I must do something conclusive once and for all, with thoughts of suicide. Don't think that way at all. Don't be so analytical about it, so final and negative. That's judging yourself, and I can promise you, Jesus is not judging you, so don't be that way to yourself.

The right people will pray with you to Jesus. They won't look down on you. Where you expect them to be in revulsion at you, they are not that way but they are there for you out of love for you and the love of Jesus in their hearts. They are simply there for you, and that's not like most people you know. You can open up to them. The memory of their sincere words, their honest faces, their expressions of sobermindedness and compassion will stick in your mind long after each time you connect with them, and be a deep source of inspiration and help to you. They don't judge or reject you or give up on you, so don't judge or reject or give up on yourself. Hang in there.

 

[iwillfollow]

praying

 

[katey]

thanks for the encouragement. it means so much. i speak to my youth pastor abotu things at churh but i struggle a little because he is a male. my christian friends are fantastic, and i knwo friends are there to help you through things like this but i don't like being a burden on them. i feel like i bring them down all the time because i am feeling down so much.
the councilor that i see on a rtegular basis is just dealing with what happend its a specialist councilor she is a christian but her job isn't based with a christian organisation its a voluntary one. i just find it really hard to pray ebcause of how i feel. i know God sees everything even if you don't share it with him, and he is the one and only person who knows everything about me. but its just so hard because of the things that have happend and i blame myself for a lot of it. and still have feeling of guilt and feel dirty and other bits its just so hard.

 

[Judy02]

Hey, im supposed to be studying right now...but i keep getting these horrible thoughts. its linked with depression, im fearful of my future, and i hate all the suffering that goes on in the world. im also exhausted with feeling this way and so sick of having depression, and i keep feeling tempted about suicide as a way out. at least then id be with god in heaven, but deep down i think id be too scared to go through with it. how do i get rid of them?
im scared...i went to see a counsellor for a few months around may time, but she wasnt a christian counsellor. i dont know if it wud help or not, i dont know what to do anymore.

 

[IKTCA]

Judy,
You know yourself that the suicidal thought came from the enemy who wants to destroy you. Because you know it, you want to get rid of the thought.

Also, the thought that you would be with God in heaven came with the suicidal thought. Both came from the same source, to deceive you and to destroy you. Neither is true.

How to get rid of the thought? Here is the testimony of another SI'er (lily00) who posts here frequently. You can find the original post a few pages back.

I feel like cutting right now. I don't know why. I just feel sad all of the sudden... I thank You for the sky, I thank You for my Mom, I thank You for my sister, my brother, all of my family... I thank You for music, I thank You for flowers and snow and everything good. I thank You for my friends on Christian forums, I thank you Father that you love me and care about me, that you sent you only son to die and rise again for me. I thank You for Your tender mercies, I thank You for Your loving kindness. I thank You for my puppy Mercy. I thank You for watching over me. For helping me daily. For helping me live. I thank You for our apartment for not many always have a home, I thank You for the food You give us for nourishment for many have very little, I thank You for Christmas for peace and hope was born, I thank You for beauty. I thank You that I am never alone. I thank You that You always provide a way out for us. I thank You for Your Holy Spirit. I thank You for Your Holy word. I thank You for being my Father, for being there for me, for never deserting me. I thank You for Spring, Summer, Winter, and Fall. I thank You for all that You have done, are doing, and will do in my Life. I thank You for all who seek out Your will in their lives. I thank You for those who are struggling as I am to do the right thing. I thank You for hearing me in my distress and for holding me in Your arms. I thank You for the stars Father, I thank You for the sea. I thank You for poetry and self expression. I thank You that we are in a country that is free. I thank You for our leaders. I thank You that we can sing and dance and worship You, Lord. I thank You for providing for us because You never had to. I thank You for Your grace because I don't deserve it. I thank You for Your Holy Kingdom, Your Holy angels... I thank You for always protecting me and comforting me. I thank you for being the Lord of the universe and the restorer of my soul. Be with me now oh Lord. I thank You for this day and days to come. In Jesus name, Amen.

I REALLY feel better now... I don't feel like it anymore. This is great. Thanks for having this!!!!!!!!!!!! My joy is back!!!!

Rupert

I am praying for you. Pray with the same mind.

 

[katey]

help!!!!

i am tryin to resists thing so much. its just soo hard i realy feel like cutting. have tried all the stratergies and they arent working. am sat here crying while i am typing becaue my minds ready to just give up. am just so tired emotionally and physically. have tried to get to asleep and its making things worse

 

[jesuschickseven]

John 4:10 "If only you knew the gift God has for YOU and who I am, you would ask me, and I would give you the living water."

John 4:13 "People soon become thirsty again after drinking water. But the water I give you takes away thirst altogether. It becomes a perpetual spring within you, giving you eternal life."

(Here is a hint: Jesus was not talking about physical thirst, but the longings of your heart and soul.)

To all you christians out there who struggle with cutting; remember that Satan is making you feel this way because he hates you and feels threatened. He knows what you could do if you would truly surrender everything to God and BELIEVE that he can heal your depression, cleanse your soul, erase your past, ease the pain of your memories, and fill you with a peace and joy that is only found in Jesus.

I know that for two years I prayed, but really truly in my heart I was not surrendering! I still held on to the hate and resentment toward my mother and other people in my life. I still held on to a few "pet sins" that I honestly did not want to stop doing.

Because of this I hated myself and always felt so dirty and unworthy that it was impossible for me to believe God would want me or that he would want to heal me of cutting.

It took someone to challenge me face to face and I was angry with them at first, but I slowly began to realize they were right. I couldn't stop cutting and get my life right with God because I didn't really and completely WANT to stop! I didn't place God first, I didn't love him enough, and I refused to forgive people.

I'm not saying this is you, but it could very well be. Don't take this lightly...stop and think, do you truly love God more than anything? Do you want him to be first in your life? Would you give up anything for him? You can't live for God until you want to...

Your sister in Christ....jesuschick

 

[Judy02]

hey all. sorry if my previous post scared people a bit. im just so sick of feeling this way. depression is just exhausting me both physically and mentally. iv got a really bad headache now, after the way i was feeling yesterday. Do counsellors really help? iv wondered whether sitting there talking about it makes it worse...why wont god heal me?

 

[Mayflower1]

Hello. I really don't feel like cutting write now but I just feel this is a good place to vent. I cut this morning at Jack in a Box but last night I had a very rough time and I guess I am still getting over it. I feel better now but last night I wrote a goodbye letter, and scared to death I called my old therapist. My pastor and one of the people from my support team came over and they talked to me for awhile. I really don't know why I wrote it... I felt like I was behind glass and it wasn't me writing it. I had been feeling down all week and everything but my old therapist calls it "dissociation" or something like that. The reason why I can't see her anymore is because she thinks that I have that and she doesn't know much about it. I tried to fight cutting this week but I still cut. I just got tired of feeling so I stopped feeling. I acted like I was happy, especially yesterday, and I just tried to forget about everything but I guess it just blew up in my face. My therapist wanted me to stay in the hospital for the weekend but I just couldn't. I wouldn't ever do that though... I love the life God gave me. Just thinking about it though makes me want to cut again but I won't, not this time. I had even written over and over bad things about myself again again. Words I would never say aloud. I am just trying to take it one day at a time. I am just happy that I have a family that cares about me and who is there for me. I might not know what is going on right now but I am seeing a psychiatrist and a new therapist sometime next week. I would just appreciate your prayers because it has just been kind of a rough time right now. Lily00

 

[iwillfollow]

Judy, IKTCA is right. Thoughts of suicide are from satan. I've had experience with nonChristian head-shrinkers, and the supreme flaw in their thinking is 'Well, so long as you know that it's what you really want, it's okay'. This is, literally, where the devil creeps into the details, for to such a person, there is no such thing as 'sin', making that head shrinker's office a devil's playground.

If you commit suicide, you are destroying God's holy temple. He does not approve of this. How do you know you will go to Heaven for doing this?

1 Corinthians 10:13: There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

IOW, there are ways to escape temptation. I spoke of one, the key to which is found in James 5:16: Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

That is why I spoke of 'repeatedly' telling [confessing] of the temptation or urge to cut, whether you do it or not. If the urge hits you repeatedly, the answer is plain, fulfil James 5:16 repeatedly.

I've also had personal experience with God-fearing ministers. I am not Roman Catholic, by the way; I just find James 5:16 to be a way through this mess, these chains of darkness. That is where I spoke before of the effect following James 5:16 has on you, the memory of a person -a shepherd of the flock- who is in self-control, who does not judge you, but who does speak plainly to you after you speak of how you failed and backslid again, that 'yes, it is a sin, you know that, don't you?', and I answer quite honestly, 'yes', and then he says very constructively, 'try not to do it again'. No condemnation, no reviling.

The memory of this lodges in my memory, together with a most curious emotion, a blend of emotions really, an admixture of fear and reassurance; that if I sin again, I can come to him again. Fear is there, that it is rather humiliating to know I must tell this person I failed again. But reassurance also, that he will be the same to me as he was the last time.

So part of this process, is humility. Meekness and lowliness. 'Blessed are the meek'. Self-denial, where there could as easily be self-glorification. This is one of the ways to escape the temptation.

If I said something in this post to glorify myself before you, to impress you with how great I am personally, no matter what it was, you would immediately realize instinctively that my message to you had suddenly taken a drastically wrong turn and was suddenly missing the mark on a very deep and flawed and elemental level, and you would be right. You might not be sure how, but your heart would tell you I was in deep and grevious error somehow.

I'll spell it out for you; vainglory, which feeds lusts, which leads to a breakdown of self-control, which is the opposite of this message.

There is a connection. You would find that fancy clothes (self-glorification) and fancy foods -which also tend towards feeding the physical, mortal lusts- lead to indulgence, and tends towards a loss of self-control, a breakdown leading to a relapse of bad habits like cutting. I think the 'connection' will come out over time as other aspects of this whole business are touched upon.

Let's try it in a 'false light' and see if I'm right. Imagine Jesus in fancy, multicolored clothes, eating too many of the fanciest foods. Instinctively, you know immediately it's deeply wrong. A self-indulgent Jesus? It misses the mark. Jesus fasted 40 days in the wilderness; Matthew 4:2. Jesus praised Saint John the Baptist for wearing plain clothing; Matthew 11:7: And as they departed, Jesus began to say unto the multitudes concerning John, What went ye out into the wilderness to see? A reed shaken with the wind?
11:8: But what went ye out for to see? A man clothed in soft raiment? behold, they that wear soft clothing are in kings' houses.

 

[iwillfollow]

I needed to rephrase my remark on nonChristian counsellors. They're okay, and yes they can help you, but don't replace Christ with their talk that "anything is okay if you know that it's what you really want, and doesn't hurt anybody else," as if there is no such thing as sin. Just stay focussed on Christ.

PS - I really like what Jesuschickseven wrote.

 

[katey]

ok i wasn't going to put it down. but i am. i am trying relaly really hard not to do it. and have re read over the advice that eevryone has given. but my body is just so tird right now. the only thoughts in my head i can make sense of our the suicidal ones. i know i'm not thinking stright and thats whats scaring me.

 

[rfprewitt]

Posting

 

[Judy02]

ok i wasn't going to put it down. but i am. i am trying relaly really hard not to do it. and have re read over the advice that eevryone has given. but my body is just so tird right now. the only thoughts in my head i can make sense of our the suicidal ones. i know i'm not thinking stright and thats whats scaring me.

praying for you darling! try doing something u enjoy to help take ur mind off it, or praising god for what he's done in ur life so far?
xx

 

[jesuschickseven]

To the girls who may wonder if death is the answer...
It is NOT!! You do NOT need to die, but perhaps you need to refocus your life. Who are you living for? Yourself, your family, your friends, or God? When something bad happens do you focus on how bad it makes you feel or what you can do to bring something positive out of your situation?
When you do something wrong do you try to hide it all in order to avoid the pain of embarrasment and punishment, or do you apologize to the people you may have hurt?
Take a look inside yourself and see what you're living for. When all you feel is pain or loneliness try to find someone else who is lonely or in pain and try to make thier day nicer. It may sound really corney but it really does make life worth living.

 

[katey]

i'm not doing to good at the moment am really strugling my day has been awful, everyhting just seems to be falling apart. i just want to curl up in a corner. i'm having so many thogughts go through my head i'm trying so hard not to do anything. but i knowi'm not thinking straight all the time and am scared. am just trying to keep buys but am running out of things to do. i'm so tired but i don't want to go to bed because i don't want to have to face a nightmare aswell

 

[NinadeDios777]

mehl. i don't exactly feel like cutting, but i'm feeling depressed, and like, every little thing is setting me off and i have no clue why. i don't get cutting-triggered by reading posts, but sometimes i get more depressed after reading things.not in postsi'm talking about something else.

 

[rfprewitt]

I am in a very sad place right now. I am very sad. As I'm typing, tears are welling up in my eyes. If only I could explain where I am at and what I am going through. I have so many secrets. So many I must hide. I am always hiding...always pretending everything is okay...always trying to pretend everything is okay. I wish someone could take a knife and cut my heart and lay me bare. Cut through the stories of my life and expose them for all to see so I wouldn't have to scream "SEE HOW I HURT???? DOES ANYONE CARE????? DOES ANYONE SEE MY PAIN????? WHY AM I HERE????" Someone write the words of the pain of my heart....someone make sense of it all....

 

[armadillan]

i used to before... not so much that i scarred or anything major... i have a few scars tho..
but...
ive recently started again...and its really not kewl at all... its not an addiction or anything...and mine is a minor case, unlike one of my really good friends...who really is suffering badly becuz of it...
im the 1st person shes told... and shes getting help tho, so im really happy for her
xx.x.xx

 

[iwillfollow]

First of all, I want to say that I've posted here before to try to cheer a few people up, and afterward, I kind of got the impression a few people at other parts of CF sort of looked askance at me, figuratively speaking, as much as to say, What's wrong with *him*? I thought he was so wholesome and nice, and he posted *there*? Course, it coulda just been my imagination.

But if so, then to all those *other* people, who pretend to perfect lives and shocked sensibilities, I'm here to say, I"m baaaack!

It's like this; what goes around, comes around. So I'm here to cheer a few people up today, and tomorrow, maybe God will send someone to cheer me up.

You know, I think the more depressed and hopeless we feel, the more Jesus pays attention to us. The Gospel is not a 'Gospel of Riches', where if you believe in Jesus, you'll be healthy, wealthy, and wise. That's for the televangelists, who are bought and paid for by rich people.

It's a Gospel where Jesus said Blessed are the meek, the poor in spirit, and they that mourn. His Gospel is especially for you, more than for the rich and happy. He said so, in Matthew 5:3-12 in the Beatitudes. I think Jesus is paying special attention to you because of it, this very moment. Me too, I pray. May He bless and watch over you, and help you through this day, and every day, because He does care and so do I. That's all. I just care about the fact that you feel bad, and you've had a rotten life, and you feel it right down to your toes. The blood of Jesus is for you too. Especially you. In Jesus name.