Post here when you feel like cutting

[texannurse]

Sorry if this is already posted. I don't know if I hit the right button ANyway, it's been a month without a cut, BUT I am dealing with some really tough stuff in therapy and I want to go back to the SI. My therapist gave me some rubber bands to snap when I want to cut, and they do help. I just really miss the cutting. I guess the urge isn't that quick to leave. I want to quit, to give up, but I know that life would be not so good if I did. I just need a little courage and some faith to keep going with therapy. I hate the SI but I feel like I need it too! Am I crazy??

 

[stormbeacon23]

No, I get what you mean. I hate that I've started SI-ing (been struggling with it since February), yet when I do it I feel better, feel releaved. Which is a lie, because it is NOT helpful. All it does is make me more depressed, and it really frustrates my friend. My best friend is the only person that knows about it. But yah.

I kinda feel like it right now...but I can't. I'm going to go play a computer game that I have. Helps with the urges.

 

[trying2survive09]

It's been almost 3 months since I last cut myself, but tonight I really want to. There is a lot of stress and situations that I'm dealing with that I just want away from and that are really adding into this desire to SI. I'm so frustrated with myself and with everything. All I want to do is grab something and do it...

 

[goldenviolet]

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[Im-revived]

Obviously at present i don't know the time it is there as I'm in a different country. But am aware you are online, if your going through this right now, your probably feeling like this.
1. Stuck in the middle of stressful situations
2. Frustrated
3. Guilty (for no reason)
4. Angry
5. Possibly dirty/unclean
6. Either Numb or extremely hurt
Thats just to name a few emotions!

If as yet you've not cut, try this:-

Get out of the situation, thats causing agitation,
With the anger and frustration get your pillow and hit it(not to hard though)
Get a pen and write down Why you feel each of the emotions.
Then write on the same page, I will be positive, this isn't going to beat me. Try and think of the positive things you can do. At the end write God loves me (meaning you) If then you feel more positive have a relaxing bath, its hard to do but in time this can be a good help.
If you can't do that, go out, ring a friend. Anything that occupies your mind for at least half an hour.

Im-revived

It's been almost 3 months since I last cut myself, but tonight I really want to. There is a lot of stress and situations that I'm dealing with that I just want away from and that are really adding into this desire to SI. I'm so frustrated with myself and with everything. All I want to do is grab something and do it...

 

[Rabid_Rabbit]

Arrggh. I've managed not to cut for about a month but I'm not sure if I can resist any longer.
I've just had a fight with my mum, who made some remarks that were really hurtful.
I feel at breaking point. Like I'm losing control.

 

[berry2000]

I want to cut so badly right now. I totally hate myself. Everything seems negative...and like it's not gonna get better. I've been struggling for a few days now. It's been 4 months and 3 days. I thought God had healed me. I read the scripture about the woman who had been bleeding for like 10 years and she touched Jesus and he healed her. I thought God healed me. I don't want to do this anymore but my triggers...I'm totally stressed out...and I feel panicked. I know a few quick cuts and I'll feel better...but I also know there are other ways to handle this. I just .......... I don't know I feel so low.

 

[katey]

i've been out of hospital for nearly a week and am really strugling.

 

[purples]

:::raises hand:::

 

[Gothlady]

I used to cut. I overcame it by drawing on myself. Buy a pack of those kids washable markers (that say NON toxic so the ink does not have bad chemicals that may seep into your skin) And draw on yourself. After a while gradually move to paper drawings.

 

[oneandlonely]

*hugs to all that need them*

 

[fragmentsofbeauty]

I cut this morning after I was rejected in a phone interview to go on a mission trip I had really felt I was supposed to go on and all the feelings I thought I had dealt with came flooding back, I never cut before,(besides a suicide attempt) but now I want to again already and it hasn't even been one day

 

[meh]

I cut this morning after I was rejected in a phone interview to go on a mission trip I had really felt I was supposed to go on and all the feelings I thought I had dealt with came flooding back, I never cut before,(besides a suicide attempt) but now I want to again already and it hasn't even been one day

foreverbroken I'm so sorry you had to deal with those feelings. It is difficult for me, too, when God's plan for me seems totally different to what I thought He was telling me. There is comfort in knowing that He does have a plan for you. I know that doesn't make the disappointment easier right now. I hope maybe in time it will help a bit though. Never doubt He has a plan. We are here for you.

 

[Rabid_Rabbit]

I think I'm in for a shocker again. I had been doing really well lately, no cutting and feeling balanced in my emotions. But I can feel it all spiraling out of control again. It's like this vicious cycle.
Yesterday my brain felt totally overloaded and I cut. And today I have been so restless with thoughts racing through my brain out of control. I can't concentrate on anything, I cant sleep or read or sit down or stand up. ARRGGH
The urge to cut and gain back some control is very strong. I'm trying to hold out.
I'm going to see a psychiatrist for the first time on Monday. I don't really know what to expect but I'm trying to trust everything to God.
I guess I'm just feeling a bit lost and crazy at the moment.

 

[Gothlady]

If I'm online and you feel like talking, you can PM me if you want.

 

[berry2000]

I want to cut right now real bad. Not sure what the trigger is exactly just feels like I'm enraged and angry. Like I suppress the things I'm upset about and then my brain shifts and they all surface even stronger and it's this swell of things I'm angry about. And I'm angry at people too. Ugh...this is awful. It feels like the emotions are out of control. And I know cutting would make it all go away again...atleast for a little while...but I also know I haven't cut for almost 6 months and I don't want to blow that.

 

[texannurse]

I am so upset right now. Can we just stop the ride and let me off?? I want to cut really bad, life is pretty horrible right now. I'm trying to stay safe. WHat do you do when life just stinks??

 

[HolyOne87]

I am sorry to hear that life stinks for you texannurse..Sometimes when life gets me down, I take a nice stroll somewhere(maybe in a park or around my church), listen to music(through cd player or my IPOD), and pray.

Try your hardest not to cut. Always remember(and this goes for everyone who feels like cutting), Cutting is only a TEMPORARY relief of pain or hurt someone might be under. And remember that you are stronger than this..that this road of hurtfulness can end.

I will share a quote from a song(that is truly one of my fav. Christian Rock songs)..Maybe some of you have heard it. It is called "You Decide" by Fireflight..I would just like to share a quote from that song right now..

"God is calling out to you again
Let Him pull you, let Him take you in
From the fear that swallows up your life
Will you stay the same or will you fight...You decide"

 

[berry2000]

okay i feel like cutting. It's been like 4 days of on and off battle. Don't know what else to say.

 

[Cat59]

It is probably a bit like a storm inside you at the moment and it's hard waiting for it to settle.
Is there anyone in real life you can go to with this, who can help in addition to here?
In the meantime, I used to try setting small goals, go 5 minutes, 10 minutes, working out how to get through till lunchtime, teatime, and find something to fill that gap. Doing something that requires hands and dexerity like mosaics with paper, making crafty things sometimes would help but it is whatever may have been useful to you in the past.
(((hugs)))