I think most here believe that. You have been given some pretty solid advice so far, I think, from your peers. Those that continue to trumpet the 'we don't know the whole story' line are really not interested in the whole story, but I think have more interest in convincing you that you are really not going through what you are going through. Don't let that happen to you. Stay strong in the Lord and continue to pray for repentance on the part of your husband.
I take this as a dig at me. Earlier, I said that we are only getting one person's perspective. Helpme22, I have no reason to think that you are 'holding out' on us for important and relevant information. But no matter how fair you try to be, you are sharing what seems important from your perspective. We all do that, especially when it comes to something as complicated and emotionally involved as a marriage relationship.
In the past, we've had occasions where one poster came on and posted his perspective on a marital problem, and people gave him certain advice. Then his wife posted her perspective, and the advice took a 180. Recently, we had a wife post a marital problem, and then the husband came on and gave a completely different perspective. At least in one of these cases, I don't see any reason to assume either one of them had tried to be dishonest. We just have different perspectives, different things we notice, different things we consider important, and different blind spots.
For me the takeaway is that it is pretty foolish for someone to sit behind a monitor and give someone else advice to divorce, separate, etc. when they have only heard one side of the story, and that through an Internet conversation. Your husband may not want to go to counseling, but there may be a relative or priest (since you are both RCC) he would listen to outside of a formal counseling situation. If you want advice, at least go to someone who has seen both of you in the flesh.
My advice is not to divorce or separate based on advice you get from the Internet.
Certain posters on here seem to be willing to tell other people to separate at the drop of a hat. You have said that your husband works a full-time job and takes care of the family in various ways. He has been shutting down when faced with a serious crisis and lets you take over. I think of separation as something very serious (especially since I Corinthians 7 tells you not to do it), not something to be toyed with, especially not based on the advice of people who have never even met your husband.
IMO, there are a lot of things you could do without separating from your husband. I would imagine you could, in all good conscience, tell him you cannot write erotica and keep a clean conscience before God, and therefore decline to do it. You could get that second apartment like he asked you to, so when you can't pay rent on the one you are in, you will have a cheaper place lined up to move in to. You could also---in a non-pushy way-- tell him you are expecting him to come up with the plan to lead you out of the situation, and lovingly remind him that you are waiting on his answer and offer him any information that he needs.
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