No it's really one of things that the owners wouldn't know unless we CHOSE to nullify it. He wants me to keep quiet. Go get a month to month somewhere to satisfy the courts and then come back
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Please tell me if I'm wrong
- Thread starter Helpme22
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If he kept paying, the owners wouldn't care, probably.
But it sounds like he's not doing the math on this one. If you could afford another apartment, you probably wouldn't need to go bankrupt.
Can your family earn the big bucks if you move to fly-over country?
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I was thinking you were in one of the big cities on the east coast. Fly over country is the land between LA and NYC (or other big cities out that way.)
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Sounds like your conscience may be bothering you about the writing and about the suggestion you lie to the bankruptcy court?
If it was me, I would stop agreeing to anything which violates my conscience (even if it costs you $ or the fancier apt). Can you go talk to the priest?
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SiyoNqoba
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I'm sorry you're in such a tough situation at the moment.
The only person who you can change and/or control in this situation (and in life, for that matter) is you.
I have to be honest, it seems that you keep being given advice, not just in this thread but in your past threads as well, and your response is always the same "But my husband..." You can't control what your husband does. But you can control the way you react to what he does, and you can control what you do.
I remember reading in one of your past threads how much you earn together, and let me tell you, it is nearly 10 times the size of our income and we still have money left over at the end of the month. You don't have a money problem, you have a spending problem. And I know you know that, but my concern is that unless you drastically change some of your own behaviour, you are just going to return to the exact same financial situation you are in now. You say that you've learnt not to be an enabler, and I am so, so glad of that. But from what I've seen in this post alone, you have a long way to go. I would recommend seeing a counsellor. I know that seems lilke such an easy go-to answer, but you really need to be given strategies to help you not to enable your husband's out of control spending. Someone else suggested seeing a Christian organisation that may be able to help you, I know of Christians Against Poverty, who I've heard wonderful things about, though I'm not sure if they have an office near you.
You do not have to do anything that goes against your moral convictions. You do not have to lie about your bankruptcy in order to continue living in a place that is far too expensive for you (and your husband cannot live there if you are not paying the lease). You do not have to write erotica, no matter how much your husband wants you to. I'm curious, if you simply did not do these things, what would your husband actually do?
Your problems in your marriage are largely due to your financial situation. If you were to remove your financial problems, I would put money on you being able to find many wonderful things about your husband again. Don't let money, which the Bible says the love of which is the root of all evil, be the cause of the downfall of your marriage.
The only person who you can change and/or control in this situation (and in life, for that matter) is you.
I have to be honest, it seems that you keep being given advice, not just in this thread but in your past threads as well, and your response is always the same "But my husband..." You can't control what your husband does. But you can control the way you react to what he does, and you can control what you do.
I remember reading in one of your past threads how much you earn together, and let me tell you, it is nearly 10 times the size of our income and we still have money left over at the end of the month. You don't have a money problem, you have a spending problem. And I know you know that, but my concern is that unless you drastically change some of your own behaviour, you are just going to return to the exact same financial situation you are in now. You say that you've learnt not to be an enabler, and I am so, so glad of that. But from what I've seen in this post alone, you have a long way to go. I would recommend seeing a counsellor. I know that seems lilke such an easy go-to answer, but you really need to be given strategies to help you not to enable your husband's out of control spending. Someone else suggested seeing a Christian organisation that may be able to help you, I know of Christians Against Poverty, who I've heard wonderful things about, though I'm not sure if they have an office near you.
You do not have to do anything that goes against your moral convictions. You do not have to lie about your bankruptcy in order to continue living in a place that is far too expensive for you (and your husband cannot live there if you are not paying the lease). You do not have to write erotica, no matter how much your husband wants you to. I'm curious, if you simply did not do these things, what would your husband actually do?
Your problems in your marriage are largely due to your financial situation. If you were to remove your financial problems, I would put money on you being able to find many wonderful things about your husband again. Don't let money, which the Bible says the love of which is the root of all evil, be the cause of the downfall of your marriage.
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I understand... I suppose I should just find a cheaper house on my own and invite him to come along.. Or not.
But this isn't just financial. There are other kinds of things that happen all the time. For example, he told me last night that We had to bring the snacks for the soccer team today. We have a friend staying in town. So, he said he would get up in the morning and get the snacks while I entertained our guest. I said great! So he came home from the store and told me that he forgot the snacks. Only got the drinks. He asked me and our guest to go to the store and get the snacks while he showers. Then my mom called and told me my grandfather was about to take his last breathe and told me to say goodbye to him over the phone. I was shell shocked. So I did... And then got off the phone gathered my thoughts and got ready for the store and soccer.
So me and our guest left for the store and my husband went to the game with our son. He started texting me saying "where are you?". "it's almost half time!". We were hurrying!
Then he texted "we need the snacks now!!!!". So I respond and say we are parking...
As soon as I say that he texts back "false alarm. You aren't late".
We literally almost got into an accident trying to get there FOR HIM!
And oh yeah... My grandfather died. It's like [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]!?!??
But this isn't just financial. There are other kinds of things that happen all the time. For example, he told me last night that We had to bring the snacks for the soccer team today. We have a friend staying in town. So, he said he would get up in the morning and get the snacks while I entertained our guest. I said great! So he came home from the store and told me that he forgot the snacks. Only got the drinks. He asked me and our guest to go to the store and get the snacks while he showers. Then my mom called and told me my grandfather was about to take his last breathe and told me to say goodbye to him over the phone. I was shell shocked. So I did... And then got off the phone gathered my thoughts and got ready for the store and soccer.
So me and our guest left for the store and my husband went to the game with our son. He started texting me saying "where are you?". "it's almost half time!". We were hurrying!
Then he texted "we need the snacks now!!!!". So I respond and say we are parking...
As soon as I say that he texts back "false alarm. You aren't late".
We literally almost got into an accident trying to get there FOR HIM!
And oh yeah... My grandfather died. It's like [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]!?!??
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I am sorry to hear about your grandfather. Forgetting the snacks sounds irresponsible. It doesn't like he had anything to do with your grandfather dying. Did he know about that?
Even if you were rushing to get there with the snacks, it wasn't his fault you almost got into an accident.
Even if you were rushing to get there with the snacks, it wasn't his fault you almost got into an accident.
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If your attorney advised you that you must lower the amount of rent you are paying and you "keep quiet" about keeping your apartment that is over the amount you are allowed to pay in order for your bankruptcy to be approved filing the details falsely, not only could your bankruptcy be rejected by the courts,but you might likely be faced with charges of bankruptcy fraud.Which is a federal crime.The courts also notify anyone you have a contract with such as a lease that you are filing for bankruptcy so I doubt you could keep it a secret anyway.Its all under your SS#.I would not risk even if you think you might get away with it the possibility of going to federal prison or even having a felony on your record because your husband doesn't feel like moving.My advice is do exactly as your attorney advises.Secure another apartment thats within the limits of what you are allowed to pay for a lease and bankrupt on your current lease and move out as you have suggested and your husband can come with you or not.
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Yes and on that note what I have posted above the criminal investigators for the federal government wont care about "but my husband' if she commits bankruptcy fraud.They don't care about that.
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And when I tell him moving is the only option... He will say than don't file! The problem is (despite my requests) he won't look at the numbers and realize we have no choice. We are very short every month and can't keep it up. I mean this is the same guy who took money out of our son's savings so he could go to Catholic school. Which is great.. But he also wants my erotica book money to fill in some of the gaps. It just seems crazy, right? He says he doesn't see anything wrong with the books.. Since 50 shades of Gray took off etc.
He just ignores the numbers... Asks me how things are progressing with the bankruptcy. He won't get serious and understand.
He tells me that if we move and pull our son out of his first grade private school that we will be letting our son down. Which I do not want to do ... Of course.
He just ignores the numbers... Asks me how things are progressing with the bankruptcy. He won't get serious and understand.
He tells me that if we move and pull our son out of his first grade private school that we will be letting our son down. Which I do not want to do ... Of course.
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Hetta
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Letting your son down would be getting prosecuted for fraud and/or not having a roof over your heads. There are priorities in life, and private school is not a priority. In my opinion of course.
There is a craziness here - your husband wants to fund your son's private Catholic schooling with an erotic book? How is that holy?
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Yes! That's basically it. He just doesn't see anything wrong with the erotic books.. Obviously.
And I'm full of resentment over it all. And guilt because I feel like I've let my family down by not being able to fix this and make it all go away.
And I'm full of resentment over it all. And guilt because I feel like I've let my family down by not being able to fix this and make it all go away.
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Hetta
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I hope you do not mind Helpme22, but I linked what you are writing here to something that happened this weekend that I was told about. I hope you do not take offense, and your thoughts on that situation would be welcome also.
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Hetta
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Link was the wrong word, sorry. I mean that I was kind of linking the subject to another post which seemed similar. I apologize. I am talking about the new thread I made.
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