Please, I'd love some help!!!

[Jaimelynne04]

I'm so glad to have found this forum! I don't know anyone personally that I could talk to about these things so this is my first post.

The whole "quiverfull" question has really been heavy on my heart lately. Even to the point of keeping me up at night.

My questions are these:

1. I understand the Bible says that children are a blessing but where does it say that we shouldn't choose when to have children?

2. I also believe that if God wants a child born it will happen no matter what anyone does. So for the people that use bc wouldn't it just happen anyway if that was God's intention?

I have 4 kiddos now and would really love to be quiverfull but everyone I talk to says things like:

"God didn't say anywhere that you should just keep having children"

and....

"God gave you common sense and wisdom for a reason...use it"

and....

"God wouldn't want you to be irresponsible and by having so many children that's what you're doing"

I'm just feeling very discouraged and I wish it were just black and white. Or that someone could show me something that would help me. I'm afraid to make the wrong decision. Such as...

What if I am supposed to just use my common sense and plan for each child and I end up bringing more children into the world that God didn't intend.

or

What if I do prevent and then deny a child that God wanted here?

I just don't know which is right and I'm going mad searching for the answer. If any of you could help me it'd be a bigger blessing than you'll ever know! Thank you!!!

 

[jgonz]

1. I understand the Bible says that children are a blessing but where does it say that we shouldn't choose when to have children?

The Bible never says anything about us "choosing" to have children. When you read the Whole Bible, you see that G-d open & shut the womb in His timing, not Rachel's, not Sarah's, not Hannah's....

2. I also believe that if God wants a child born it will happen no matter what anyone does. So for the people that use bc wouldn't it just happen anyway if that was God's intention?

I did use one form of bc or another over the years, and He DID over-ride it every time. However, I believe it has to do with the condition of the husband & wife's heart... Both DH & I were open to however many (or few) He gave us, while many couples absolutely Refuse to open the area of fertility to the L-rd.

The rest of your comments, etc. are typical stuff you're going to get from people who "don't get it" (which can include pastors as well as anyone else).

The place you need to get to is a place of peace... Peace, Trust, Faith.

What I did all those years ago was see a friend of mine get pregnant In Spite Of being on the pill And using condoms Every single time she & her DH were intimate. I told the L-rd, if you want me to get pregnant again, you'll have to do THAT with me. And He did. He knew my DH wasn't at the place to give up his reasoning completely, and He knew I was scared to death about forcing MY will into the situation (we had just had a baby die from surgery trying to correct birth defects. It was a horrible 4.5 months we endured in the hospital, and I was not at a place where I could just 'let go and let G-d', but He knew that and it was ok. ) So that's what happened with us.

 

[Jaimelynne04]

Thank you so much! So in essence, do you think, that if a husband and wife are NOT using any type of bc and totally turn their fertility over...that doesn't necessarily mean pregnancy correct? I mean, it's true that you could turn it over and not get pg again for years right? Or is it the case that once someone declares themselves "quiverfull" they continue to become pregnant everytime the "timing" is right?

Wow, I feel like I really need to work on my faith and trust. That's so scary to do....

 

[-~Truth_N_Trust~-]

Jaimelynne, quiverfull does mean to be open to how many or few God chooses to give you. If it were upto my DH and I we would have more children by now, in the nearly 5 years we've been married we have 2 children and fertility issues. We always wanted a big family, but we have given it to the Lord to decide if we ever have any more, which is kind of hard because I would love to have more, But God has proven Himself Faithful and Wise and He already knows how many and when and who our children will be...
You need to pray about it for yourself. What does your husband think?

 

[FaithfulWife]

Jaimelynn,

Yes--quiverfull means turning it over to GOD to decide how many children you do or do not have. It does not mean having 14 children in 15 years. Some people are quiverfull and God gives them 1 child due to fertility issues--that's His will for them. Some people are quiverfull and God gives them 7-10- or even 15 children! And here's the weird part: it's not irresponsible because what God gives you, He also gives you the resources to care for and provide for. I have to admit, I never thought we'd make it on our little salaries! It's not like we're rich, but we sure learned how to graciously accept gifts, how to hunt for bargains, and how to let God give us what we need. He does!



~Faithful

 

[Sabertooth]

The pivotal question is:

Is conception simply a mechanistic process or a vitalistic one?

Mechanistic means every time sperm and egg get together conception occurs, no matter what.

Vitalistic says that while sperm and egg have to get together, God says yes or no at every occurrence with His purposes in mind.

Prov. 16:33 says,

"The lot is cast into the lap,
but its every decision is from the LORD."


How much moreso the yay/nay factor of conception?

And EVERY person has a purpose from God, from the beginning. Ps. 139:16,


"All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be."

This shows that conception is a DELIBERATE act.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart,
but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."


Prov. 19:21 implies that even among the fertile, we can't force God to give us children outside of His will.


As long as we succeed in keeping sperm and egg separate (which we can't do perfectly), there are no opportunities for Him to act on AND most of those methods have bad side effects, even without placing them under an ethical microscope.


If you subscribe to the mechanistic view, it is YOUR responsibility to control conception with imperfect tools, lest you have too many children.


If you believe a successful pregnancy is the expressed will of God to create a person with a purpose, then that burden is lifted.

 

[Jaimelynne04]

What does your husband think?

I'd have to say he's as equally baffled as I am. I know we've both come to the decision that neither of us like hormonal bc and were really only interested in researching nfp.

 

[Jaimelynne04]

Prov. 19:21 implies that even among the fertile, we can't force God to give us children outside of His will.


As long as we succeed in keeping sperm and egg separate (which we can't do perfectly), there are no opportunities for Him to act on AND most of those methods have bad side effects, even without placing them under an ethical microscope.


If you subscribe to the mechanistic view, it is YOUR responsibility to control conception with imperfect tools, lest you have too many children.


If you believe a successful pregnancy is the expressed will of God to create a person with a purpose, then that burden is lifted.

Aha! Now that's a really good answer! I think I see what you mean there. This is definitely something I'll have to show to my dh. Thank you so much!!!