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please help lil ol me who is kinda believing just in case out ):

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by curlycurl, Aug 1, 2019.

  1. Yennora

    Yennora Buy the truth and sell it not. Pro 23:23

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    Hi there @curlycurl! First of all welcome to CF :)

    I think I will try to help by answering some of your concerns and sharing my experience.

    No, you don't have to cut them off at all. You can remain their friend. Check this reply out! -> here.

    No, not at all. You can still listen to non-Christian music and you can still draw. I'm a Christian and I do photography and listen to non-Christian music, I just avoid violent or spiritually negative music. For example, I avoid music with cussing or inappropriate contents or exorcism or else. I try to listen to whatever is neutral or positive. But throw all that is negative away.

    God is a friend not a predator. God's main goal for you is to have a healthy pure life. School will help you have a healthy pure life, since it will add to your success. Drawing will put your talent into action. Music will cheer and sooth you and help you progress.

    My advice:

    Give it all to God. You don't need humans to guide you spiritually. You can use their opinions, but don't let anyone dictate your understanding of God's word. Remember, we are imperfect after all and hence our understanding of God's will. That's why some of us will have conflicting opinions. But it is all about time and our willingness to learn. And God will guide you.

    Simply? If you are truly interested in Christianity as a pathway to live a more content and healthy life both mentally and spiritually, then I advise you to not give up on it.

    I was once living a terrible life and through Christ my life became much healthier and I found my human value and meaning through him. I became true to myself and to others through God. I became more self-confident and more determined through the security God provided me.

    My relationship with God is mainly personal. I stand there, I pray, and he supports me. I try to know God more, I try to please him and he also pleases me and protects me. I can guarantee you that you can approach God without others. Later on you can cooperate with others.

    All the best for you! :)
     
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  2. curlycurl

    curlycurl New Member

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    Thank you for your reply <3
    I undertand that fear is not a good reason to come to good, but I have no idea how to change that, because that is truly my only motivation. How can even change that when I really dont want religion to be real, but my fear makes me stick around. I really dont know how I can change that.

    And I was wondering what you meant by this? Do you mean its good that I'm learing to say those things are blasphemies or sins? Or that I can see that my brain is telling me that even when it makes no sense.
    It's hard for me because I do have many OCD symptoms, and i wouldnt be suprised if i had it. So my mind tells me many very scary and paranoia things all the time.
    Because of me having many anxiety indusing intrusive thoughts, its hard for my to diversitate my own paranoia from logic thinking and perhaps even what God is trying to tell me.
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2019
  3. com7fy8

    com7fy8 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Jesus says it is "impossible" for people. This is why we trust God through Jesus to have us succeed. Every one of us has impossible things that only God is able to have us do. We all have needed correction and strengthening so we overcome evil things in us and discover how to submit to God and share with Him and each other in love, instead.

    I think you are learning English very well.

    "Because of my having many anxiety-inducing intrusive thoughts, it's hard for me to differentiate"

    It is good how you know you need to do this; and God cares about us so He pleases to correct us and have us succeeding. And I personally think this is a life-long process, with commitment to keep at it. And as we keep refusing to give in to the cruel stuff of Satan messing with our mind, we become stronger and better in relating in love with people.

    And, of course, this comes with submitting to God in His peace and obeying what is in His peace >

    "And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)
     
  4. com7fy8

    com7fy8 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I mean it is good how you can see those thoughts are not to be trusted. Also, yes thinking about certain things can be a sin. In the Bible we can read about what needs to have our attention. But God does give us "richly all things to enjoy," we have in 1 Timothy 6:17. So, it can be ok and even good to have enjoyments like your dolls and having skills to work with them.

    God's word can help us to tell the difference . . . to differentiate.

    And God can give us sense to know things.

    And enjoyments are better in loving and sharing with others, rather than in isolation with our own selves. But it is good to be able to be quiet and enjoy God while we do enjoyments by ourselves.
     
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  5. curlycurl

    curlycurl New Member

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    Thank you for responding to me again, and thanks for complementing my english haha!

    I just hate how my fear is so consuming and making me unable to think rationally.
    Today the whole day ive been repeating in my head "i hate myself, and I love God Jesus and the Holy Spirit", and i was probably even muttering it a bit to myself because I often to that when I think, I did it because I was angry with my self. I've been dealing with a lot of self hate my whole life. That being one of the reasons i've always struggled to believe God loved me, even as a child, because I cant imagine someone loving someone like me.
    But just now while muttering/thinking I hate myself and love the holy spirit", I think i might have accidentally mixed the two up while saying that mantra, and once I realized I might have said "i hate" to the Spirit istead of to myself I became paralyzed in fear and dread. I know that I dont mean that but it still feels awful.
    I wish my mind wasnt such a war zone and I could just stop the thoughts I didnt mean from popping up.
     
  6. ~Anastasia~

    ~Anastasia~ † Servant of God † Supporter CF Senior Ambassador

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    Hello and welcome to CF.

    Prayers for you!!! And you've done a good job of describing your thoughts and reactions to them. I think you're on a good path. (I have read all of your post and some of the replies but not every reply.) A lot could be said and it will take time to work through it all.

    First of all, you haven't committed the unpardonable sin. It's NOT something people can just accidentally do. The thoughts may be your brain just running on (if you might have OCD or something similar, you'd have to get a diagnosis to find out) or the enemy very commonly attacks people with intrusive thoughts. You aren't responsible for them either way. The best response is not to interact with them or dwell on them, whatever the source.

    Second there's nothing wrong with initially approaching God due to fear. It's not how He wants us to relate to Him, but there's no sin in starting there. It's just a sort of lower level but we all start somewhere and most start there.

    Third God isn't looking for us to do mental gymnastics. It's not like God is some kind of arbitrary being who decided on a whim "let's see ... if they can convince themselves purple elves are real, I'll reward them, but if not I'll torture them forever!" That sort of a "god" isn't what He is like at all.

    It's more a matter of being open to trust Him. Belief is necessary, but it's not "mental assent". The Scriptures even mention that demons believe and even tremble - that's not salvation. I would suggest reading the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) with openness that Jesus existed and what the accounts say are true. Stay in the Gospels and talk to God, don't worry about the rest of the Bible until you are ready (I'd say until you do accept the Gospels.)

    Hell is ... not God wanting to torture anyone. Moses was very close to God, and one time asked to see God's glory. God told him that if he did, it would kill him. Not because God wanted to destroy him, but it's just that God is pure and awesome holiness - and pure LOVE also - He is so much that we in our fallen state can't bear Him. That's what salvation is about. God loves everyone and what He WANTS is to heal everyone to the way He made us in the beginning so that we can be with Him forever. One day this time will end and we won't be shielded from Him anymore. And if we are not healed of how we are now ... just like Moses would have been killed it's not going to be well with us. But God doesn't want that for anyone. He just won't force us either.

    As far as so many doctrines and disagreement - yes. This is a terrible reality and one reason I think many can't bring themselves to believe. The reasons are long and complicated through history. I think it's best to consider that people are "like sheep without a shepherd". Yes, they believe what they've been taught. People usually do. Most either accept it fully or get too much and reject it outright. But I think people are mostly doing the best they can. I don't blame anyone for where they are. But I will say that accepting whatever you "hear" in your mind as God speaking to you sets people up to be easily led astray by the enemy, especially when they can't discern the difference. And the enemy is VERY crafty and deceitful.

    It's a complex process and it took me decades to get there, but I did sort through the reasons why all the disagreements exist and how they came about in looking for the truth, but that's a very complex discussion and lots of people will disagree (and have been taught otherwise). I think it's usually more likely to do harm than good to discuss. But there's a lot of writing from the first an second century alongside Scripture (I mean the stuff that is accepted and written by those who worked right alongside the Apostles - there are also strange and rejected writings best to avoid) that make things much clearer. That's probably not an exercise for someone just beginning though.

    I think I'll stop there. I just see you seem to really be struggling and I wanted to address some of your main concerns. I hope maybe some of it can help.

    Again, welcome to CF. Give yourself time. And you have my prayers, and I'm sure those of others here.

     
  7. curlycurl

    curlycurl New Member

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    Thank you for your words, they help me alot when im feeling so anxious and depressed.
    I really appriciate it.
    I first thought that to live a christian life, it meant no more hobbies like painting drawing and arts and crafts, but I feel alot more positive knowing that isnt the case.
     
  8. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

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    Indeed. There is an almost 2000 year tradition of Christian artwork.
     
  9. com7fy8

    com7fy8 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I do photography of nature, and I might use a photo for giving a Bible lesson; here is a sample of what I can do on my computer >

    resting 870x1126 tab.JPG
     
  10. eleos1954

    eleos1954 God is Love Supporter

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    Hello and welcome to the forum.

    You need to get into the Word of God yourself. God knows you don't have much knowledge about Him at this point. He wants you to know Him and the way that happens is diligently studying His word.

    God loves you more than your mind can comprehend. He wants you to come to Him out of Love and not being afraid of Him.

    Also, the teaching of eternal torment, is in error. Yes, there are many that teach this ... but again .... they are in error. This incorrect teaching has prevented so many from coming to the Lord than anything I know of.

    What loving God would torture people for eternity? People instinctively know this is absurd .... and they are correct.

    Following would be recommendations of where to start.

    The Gospel of John
    The Gospel of Mark
    I John
    II John
    III John
    Genesis
    Ephesians
    Galatians
    The Gospel of Luke
    The Gospel of Matthew
    I Corinthians
    II Corinthians
    Romans
    Psalms
    Proverbs


    There is a lot to learn .... but you will not be at rest until you do. Don't worry about blasphemy and such ... the Lord is wanting you to learn more about Him ... so do that .... and you will be amazed!

    God Bless you as you begin to learn and walk with Him. Amen.
     
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  11. curlycurl

    curlycurl New Member

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    That's great! (I love birds :) )
     
  12. curlycurl

    curlycurl New Member

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    Thank you for your kind and incouraging words <3
     
  13. Coleton Bryce Ritmanich

    Coleton Bryce Ritmanich John 3:16

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    Hope we all can help.
     
  14. 46AND2

    46AND2 Forty six and two are just ahead of me...

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    My situation was a little bit different, but I understand your fear and desire to believe "just in case." I was raised in a Christian home, and as such, I never really feared hell. I always assumed that I was going to heaven.

    So when I started to lose my faith, it wasn't hell I feared--because my belief in hell waned along with my faith in god--it was the nothingness that I now expect after death. It's hard for me to describe, but the ceasing of consciousness freaks the hell out of me. Pardon the pun. And so I pleaded with god for a long time to renew my faith, and sought answers to my doubts through Bible, prayer, and counsel...all for more than a decade, and even kind of continues now, a decade later.

    This may sound strange coming from a non-believer, but my advice would be to read your Bible. Seek truth. Be open-minded to both possibilities. Eventually, you will become convinced one way or the other, and will feel confident that your decision is not based on fear, but rather the insight you have gained through study and prayer. Because let's face it, belief out of fear is not really belief, anyway--god would see through that, would he not?

    I'm sorry that you had to face mortality at such a young age with people you know passing away. I was fortunate in that I did not have to deal with that until I was quite a bit older. Unfortunately, there is no quick easy answer, in my opinion. And yes, I still have that fear of death. But I don't fear hell. I'm sure many of the Christians here will disagree with me, but if god exists, and is as loving a father as they say, I don't think he'd punish me for all eternity after earnestly seeking him out and simply being incapable of believing. Because belief is not a choice. It's an involuntary conviction based on information and stimuli to which you have been exposed--and the more of that I gain, the more profound my disbelief becomes, despite my continuous attempt at the opposite. I look at my lack of faith in the same way a scientist looks at a hypothesis. By testing it in ways that could falsify it.
     
  15. ajcarey

    ajcarey Active Member

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    I didn't read through every other reply due to lack of time and mental energy, so I might say something that others have already said, but your honesty is refreshing and if you keep seeking, reading the Bible without bias, and still continue to be honest and respond accordingly with what you see you're going to be convinced eventually to embrace the Jesus of the Bible and live for Him (I emphasize "real" because many preach a false jesus who doesn't line up with the Bible). You know your life will have to change and you'll have to give up on much, though perhaps your overreacting some (example: drawing and being artistic can be done compatible with being a Christian if you love God more and don't do artwork that would offend Him- and much artwork doesn't offend Him though some does. Painting beautiful pictures could actually be a great service to God when your life is otherwise in line with Him. There is a piece of artwork my uncle did which has been a very important part of my Christian life because of the Bible truth it represented so excellently). But what shall it profit a man or woman to gain the whole world and lose their own soul, right? You can see that much and it's good you're at least letting that stir you to action to seek more answers.

    I'm going to just leave you a few Scriptures to consider the lesson in them so I don't make my response unnecessarily complicated: "for the ways of the Lord are right, and the just shall walk in them: but the transgressors shall fall therein." (Hosea 14:9b) "The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes.
    The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb." God's wisdom is true, right, and perfect- even the wisdom of sending transgressors to hell stems from the excellence of the wisdom and rightness of the ways of the God they rejected. Every good thing you and I know is from Him and every truly right principle we know stems from Him. Why would we not want all of Him and not choose to walk in all His judgments and commandments? Obviously because doing so is often not pleasant at the moment nor popular nor consistent with the pride and vainglory of life which the world teaches us to esteem and follow after. But it is the world's corrupt values and expectations and lies which paint the God of the Bible in a bad light- the truth of God itself stands, remains excellent and wisdom cries everywhere to validate it and vindicate it. Being in line with your Creator is right, true, and the ultimate fulfillment (it is what we were made for)- and though right now the fear of hell is all that motivates you to seek the truth about Him and get right with Him, if you still just keep your eyes open to the evidence already available to you and receive it you're going to see and be convinced of even more. Keep doing that and it will you eventually convince you in every way you need to be convinced of how right and proper it is to bow before Him and serve Him.
     
  16. curlycurl

    curlycurl New Member

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    Hi everyone Here I am again. I felt better after talking to you yesterday, but once again now I found myself in a darker hole again. The blasphemous thoughts wont stop terrorizing me and even I have a few that are floating in the back of my head and im scared that if I let my guard down for second i'll say those things out loud in my head (not sure if that makes sense but its like there is a difference between knowing and feeling the thought in your head and actually letting it in and speaking it in your head. Ive been contently trying to keep myself focused. I havent even eaten like 20 hours i think because I am scared the thoughts will start attacking me once its quiet and not focused on keeping my mind busy. Ive just been listening to sermon videos 24/7, I even play them when I'm trying to sleep, because I'm scared my mind will give in once its quiet and I'm trying to sleep. I have even called in sick for work the last 2 days because I work as a cleaner and then when I'm cleaning im totally alone with my mind and I'm scared the thoughts will come (the stress did make me sick though, to the point of being feverish and trowing up) And the thoughts are really awful, the make no sense but are gross and make me want to cry. I have bible at home but I'm scared to start reading it now because I fear the thoughts will come more then.. I know everyone said that If i dont mean them and I can't help them, its okay and God will understand and forgive me, but i keep thinking "what if thats not the case?". what if once I let those thoughts in, its over, or what if God already doesnt want anything to do with me. Because I feel nothing, no feeling of relief or feeling that im being heard, when I'm praying. What is my heard has hardened? Im also doubting about god existence so much, and I realize im not helping that because I'm also watching athiest videos, pretty much hoping for a prove its all not real and I dont have to worry so much and me fearfull. But my doubs also make me scared im hardening my heart and am being blasphemous. Because if I were to watch a faith healing video, I would doubt if it was real, because I'm doubting God's existence as a whole, but i'm thinking, "that means im also doubting the holy spirit right? Is that blasphemy?"
    Plus I feel guilty because I'm even questioning "why is that the unforgivable sin? I dont understand, it almost makes me angry" I cant help feeling that way, i'm trying to understand but its hard. Plus when I read that verse, the part of me that doesnt believe thinks of ways that who ever wrote the bible, "I wonder what gain they had from adding that verse". I even feel bad writing that but thats how I always saw the whole bible, "ways that the people who wrote used to control and manipulate people".

    I feel a bit weird and quilty for coming here in distress again after you guys tried to comfort me, but I'm incredibly lost and scared and I'm not sure what to do.
    My mom has become more christia lately and she is so convinced that God loves her, even if she is not acting perfectly. I see that many people feel that way.
    Then why can't I ever feel that way? Why do I always feel like God doesnt like me and is angry with me, and doesnt want me? If had that feeling as long as I can remember, probably already had those thought since I was like 5 or 6.
    I wish I was like those people who truly really wanted to come to God. For who it was like stepping into a warm hug. But for me it feels like I have to indure a painfull icebath for whole my life, so I have a smaller risk of a life of eternal damnation.
    I won't lie to you if i say that all I really want is to just life my life normally again.
     
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