I posted this on a struggling thread and someone suggested I post here. I need all the prayers I can get! I’ll start by saying I made a profession of faith when I was 11 years old. The only thing I can remember is being bothered and telling my parents. I don’t even remember our conversation but I’m sure they told me what I needed to do to be saved and just believe and I’m sure I said ok and I went before the church that same night right after. I don’t remember actually believing though. I do remember I still didn’t feel settled then and here I am 34 and I’m still not settled. I will say there was really only a few other times I was bothered more than a few days but I always said well I must be saved because of the time when I was 11 and pushed it aside. I feel terrible but I would want to avoid church when I could or avoid the Bible because it would cause me to be disturbed. For the past 8 weeks I have been living in agony. Terrified that the Lord will come back tomorrow. I think what if he comes back on Easter. My problem is I “feel” like everything is true.. God the creator, his son Jesus, resurrection, second coming but I cannot just say yes I 100% believe and surrender my doubt. I’ve read some things that say maybe you can’t be saved because you feel like God wronged you in your life or he’s let bad things happen. I don’t believe that. I’ve read something that says you don’t want to give up sin. That’s not me either. I don’t party, smoke, drugs, or things I feel I couldn’t give up. I want to live a Christian life. My problem is my natural mind has a hard time believing the supernatural of it all.. the resurrection or miracles or God the creator/know all. I “feel” it’s true but I have a hard time receiving that. I know it’s because our man minds can’t comprehend supernatural but that’s why I have a hard time believing. I also have anxiety and ocd. I read you can have religious ocd and I believe I have that. I keep going over and over things and I never feel like I can surrender and fully trust. I know there is all this evidence but yet I’m still struggling. I even been told the Bible is real so you can believe what’s in it but I struggle with that. I think why would all my family and friends tell me it’s true but I still can’t believe after that. Then I think there have archeology findings that support the Bible so why can’t I believe. Then there have been atheist who say even they were turned believer. I pray this can be me. I even recently read that if you don’t believe Christianity then what do you believe. Do you believe that everything could have just been so without a creator. The thing is I really don’t. I’ve always thought the first life obviously had to start with one being. Sometimes I feel like I believe but then I feel like I’m just trying to trick my mind that I believe and then other times I feel like I will never be able to surrender. I feel absolutely terrified. I want more than anything else to get this fixed. Again it’s like I feel it’s true. But then I feel like the reason I’m having a hard time fully believing is because it’s always been a familiar story but a hard one for me too understand. Almost like it’s the Easter bunny or Santa story as bad as that sounds but then if I didn’t believe at all then why else would I be so afraid to go to hell or to be left behind. I am so skeptical because of the supernatural aspects and my mind can’t grasp it or something. I know it’s because it’s a man mind but I don’t know what to do to change it. I read verses that are so discouraging that make me feel like I won’t be saved but then I’ll read some encouraging verses. I also know there are atheist who didn’t believe at all who have been saved so it gives me some hope. However I feel like time is running out. I pray God will have mercy on me. I pray he will give me Grace to be saved. Please please offer any help! I don’t know how to get off of the wheel of skepticism and doubt even when I have evidence before me. Please please help and please please pray for me.