Platonic bed sharing while married.

[Sectio Aurea]

As I said, it's a personal thing. When I get that close to a girl as friends, the wild thing seems like a natural next step to me. Definitely not true for everyone though, not least my female friends

I couldn't get a voluntary erection while sleeping with a platonic girlfriend no matter how sex starved I was.

 

[Armoured]

Why would you?

Camping trips, stuff like that maybe?

 

[Armoured]

I couldn't get a voluntary erection while sleeping with a platonic girlfriend no matter how sex starved I was.

It's the involuntary ones that usually cause the trouble....

 

[Gadarene]

I couldn't get a voluntary erection while sleeping with a platonic girlfriend no matter how sex starved I was.

I didn't mean physically close. I meant more as result of the emotional depth of the friendship.

 

[Sectio Aurea]

It's the involuntary ones that usually cause the trouble....

Mornings can be a problem

But if you can laugh of the first one, the rest can usually be ignored without incident.

 

[Armoured]

Mornings can be a problem

But if you can laugh of the first one, the rest can usually be ignored without incident.

Would have to be very understanding friends, I guess.

I have to say, I have shared a bed with women platonically long, long ago, and the erection problem never came up, if you'll forgive the pun.

I'm married now, and can still imagine situations where it could be appropriate to share a bed with a female friend platonically, but you'd have to be very careful about it, I think. As I think Gadarene is suggesting, given that you'd have to be very good friends to begin with to get into such a situation, it might be putting yourself in temptation's way, to say the least.

 

[dayhiker]

I have no problem sharing a bed with a platonic friend. Single so don't have the spouse issue. But I can't see it being a problem for me if she shared a bed either. Of course I like to talk about things before they happen.

 

[Verv]

The question is meant to for you to say: "Oh, I see no problem at all with that!" because there is theoretically acceptable times for such a thing to occur...

Say, your wife sleeping in bed with her brother platonically; or, let's say, your wife sleeping in a bed platonically with a childhood friend who is also married just because there is no other beds in the room, marriages should be strong and built on trust, etc. ad nauseum.

Obviously, one appears hypersensitive and having a mistrusted marriage if you are bent out of shape having your spouse forced into a situation of sleeping on the hard ground or merely sharing a bed comfortably wih another after a series of unforeseeable events...

The real question:

Should situations be orchestrated where married people sleep with each other 'platonically?'

The answer is 'no, there really is no reason for that.'

And not because "I do not trust my spouse," but because "I have no particular desire or inclination to sleep in a bed platonically with someone."

You can ask...

'Is it wrong for a 30 year old woman to sleep in the same bed as a 15 year old boy?'
'Is it wrong for a 30 year old man to sleep in the same bed as a 15 year old girl?'
"Should the kids sleep in Michael Jackson's bed?"
And play all manner of switching around of genders and sexes, and sum up all manner of circumstances, all manner of size of bed, all manner of relations between the parties...

But really, cut to the heart of the issue...

Tese things maybe are "OK" to happen in some situations, un-OK to happen in others, but absolutely it is not something that should be organized or aimed for as some sort of desired outcome for either party.

Why? Because there is no good reason for grown, married people (and otherwise) to desire to or to orchestrate these scenarios.

 

[Lovely Jar]

Is it morally ok for a married man (with permission from his wife) to share a bed platonically with a friend of the opposite sex?

That's just silly.
If they're that good a friend you'd give them your bed and you'd sleep on the couch.

 

[USCGrad90]

Not sure why you would want to share a bed with someone other than your spouse, but the crux of it is that regardless of whether or not you have any attraction - there is always the opportunity for temptation that you would not otherwise have.
My wife is my best friend and the only one I desire to have that level of intimacy with.

 

[Joykins]

I suppose it's okay if your wife is okay with it. I don't know how great an idea it is though.

It sounds like it's not OK with her husband, which makes it not-OK from my point of view.

 

[Sectio Aurea]

It sounds like it's not OK with her husband, which makes it not-OK from my point of view.

I totally agree, it is not ok from my point of view either, that is why we stopped sharing beds when she got engaged a couple of years before she got married.

 

[Fenny the Fox]

I see no problem, directly, with such an occurrence. But do advice caution, as others have said, since you never know.

But in a case where two people have known each other/know each other well, are very close, and no attraction is present? I don't see it as a problem.

I have done so myself - with both men and women. Obviously, one of those groups would not pose a problem anyway. lol
But as there was no temptation, no attraction, I saw no problem with it.

Of course, admittedly, I had no SO at the time. Though, so far as I know, he has no issue with it so long as it is someone I don't feel attraction for. And I feel the same way, really. We are both pretty affectionate and touchy people, and even when we first started dating we freely cuddled with other people at times.

Can't say anything ever came of it at any time. But I don't rule out the possibility of awkward and tempting moments happening. I guess it is an issue of "know what you are getting into beforehand" to help deal with anything that could arise. (Pardon the pun...)

 

[Paradoxum]

It sounds like it's not OK with her husband, which makes it not-OK from my point of view.

Yeah, I considered that too, but I wasn't sure how responsible he is for what she does or what her husband thinks. You might be right though... Probably right.

 

[Ana the Ist]

I had a platonic girl friend whom I have known for over 30 years, we have slept together on numerous occasions since we were teenagers, when I mean slept I mean literally sleep, when I got married I stopped sleeping with my friend so often and eventually we stopped when she moved out of town. I still saw her from time to time but missed the closeness we once had for one another. My wife still allowed me to stay with her but she is married now and her husband gets jealous of our friendship so I dont stay with them as often as I would like anymore.

I guess to answer your question, I really missed that special quality of intimate platonic friendship that you can only get from opposite sex friends. The conversation, advice, differing perspectives and emotional and spiritual support. It is an experience I find very very special hence the new girl friend.

Why wouldn't you try to cultivate this sort of close, intimate, personal, platonic friendship with one of your male friends (let's assume you have a guy friend who would do this) by sleeping in the same bed with him?


It reminds me of that conversation regarding foot-rubs at the beginning of Pulp Fiction. One character makes the point that a foot-rub has some unspoken, extremely subtle, nonspecific sexual connotations to it. The other character claims that there's nothing inherently sexual about it at all. The first character asks the second if he would ever give a guy a foot-rub...and the argument is over.

I would say it's a similar situation here, and no matter how you try to rationalize it as purely nonsexual, the fact that you wouldn't want to do this with a guy friend implies otherwise. It's not the friendship you miss...you can still be friends...but once you stopped sleeping together, you drifted apart. You (and probably her too) miss the unspoken, unacknowledged, sexual aspects of sleeping in the same bed as her.

It's wrong.

 

[~Anastasia~]

It's not wise, and I'd have to echo the question of "why".

If it's just to maintain a friendship, then one is "using" the sleeping in a bed together as a form of intimacy, and I don't think it's appropriate to cultivate intimacy to that level outside of marriage (when either person is married to someone else, and even more so since both of you are?).

Having friends of the opposite sex when one is married is permissible, but for me I just don't think it's wise for those friends to be too intimate. Your husband/wife should fill the role of best friend, ideally. Another person of the opposite sex should not.

Not that these are hard and fast "rules" or "laws" ... it's just a matter of doing what's wise for the health of your marriage and to prevent temptation.

That's my opinion, anyway.

 

[MoneyGuy]

What about those of us who sleep in the buff?

Nooooooo!

 

[Sectio Aurea]

Why wouldn't you try to cultivate this sort of close, intimate, personal, platonic friendship with one of your male friends (let's assume you have a guy friend who would do this) by sleeping in the same bed with him?

I have shared a bed with male friends in the past, I just cant have the same experience with my male friends, for a start, most males would object to cuddling up with me, secondly males converse on a whole different level so they just cant give me that differing perspective that females can. Its the opposite sex perspective that I find so enriching and valuable which I believe helped me to be better, stronger and wiser than most of my male mates when it comes to the female psyche.

It reminds me of that conversation regarding foot-rubs at the beginning of Pulp Fiction. One character makes the point that a foot-rub has some unspoken, extremely subtle, nonspecific sexual connotations to it. The other character claims that there's nothing inherently sexual about it at all. The first character asks the second if he would ever give a guy a foot-rub...and the argument is over.

I would say it's a similar situation here, and no matter how you try to rationalize it as purely nonsexual, the fact that you wouldn't want to do this with a guy friend implies otherwise. It's not the friendship you miss...you can still be friends...but once you stopped sleeping together, you drifted apart. You (and probably her too) miss the unspoken, unacknowledged, sexual aspects of sleeping in the same bed as her.

We stopped sharing beds over 20 years ago, we drifted apart geographically when she moved to another city almost 4 years ago, but we keep in contact and she is coming to stay with us in May for a week without her husband and no she is not sharing a bed with us.

It's wrong.

Why?

 

[Ana the Ist]

I have shared a bed with male friends in the past, I just cant have the same experience with my male friends, for a start, most males would object to cuddling up with me, secondly males converse on a whole different level so they just cant give me that differing perspective that females can. Its the opposite sex perspective that I find so enriching and valuable which I believe helped me to be better, stronger and wiser than most of my male mates when it comes to the female psyche.



We stopped sharing beds over 20 years ago, we drifted apart geographically when she moved to another city almost 4 years ago, but we keep in contact and she is coming to stay with us in May for a week without her husband and no she is not sharing a bed with us.


Why?

I didn't realize cuddling was part of the routine. If your male friends didn't object, would you cuddle them in bed as well?

 

[Sectio Aurea]

It's not wise, and I'd have to echo the question of "why".

If it's just to maintain a friendship, then one is "using" the sleeping in a bed together as a form of intimacy, and I don't think it's appropriate to cultivate intimacy to that level outside of marriage (when either person is married to someone else, and even more so since both of you are?).

Having friends of the opposite sex when one is married is permissible, but for me I just don't think it's wise for those friends to be too intimate. Your husband/wife should fill the role of best friend, ideally. Another person of the opposite sex should not.

My platonic girlfriend and I shared beds every now and again for years before I met my wife, my wife was very aware of our close friendship and she still supports it completely to this day. My wife is my best friend. I havent slept with my platonic girlfriend in decades yet we are still intimate in our friendship and I have no desire to share a bed with her.

Not that these are hard and fast "rules" or "laws" ... it's just a matter of doing what's wise for the health of your marriage and to prevent temptation.

That's my opinion, anyway.

I havent experienced any temptation with a platonic girl friend before, perhaps because they are more like family than friends. I believe my experiences with platonic girlfriends has helped me get wiser and made my marraige even stronger. I could never share a bed with just any female friend of mine, it would have to be a close friend of ours whom my wife can trust like my present platonic girlfriend who is my wifes best friend. Note-We have only shared a bed once in 3 years.