People that always ask favours

[Goodbook]

Waw, i understand. I got asked if i was going home after mass last week and i deliberately said no as this one person always asks for a lift.

You know, afterwards i thought that i was being totally unGodly and unChristian! "The least you do to others you do to me". This is what i thought.

If she asks again i will give her a lift! I need to be more humble. More of a Christian!!!

Lol you shouldn lie just be honest. I havent lied to this friend. I wouldnt go that far. But sometimes I will look at the phone. Shes rung...and then I think..what does she want now? Should I call her back? Or does she want to just say hi?

 

[Goodbook]

I dont resent or dislike this friend bit I do kinda think i know why she didnt marry cos she would exhaust any husband who married her...some women are like that they expect to be treated like a queen.

I am sure I am not high maintence in the same way. Or maybe its just me i just get tired out easily. Maybe ive grown weary of well doing. Which bible says dont be. Maybe i just need to pray for more strength.

Sometimes its difficult to judge or discern where ppl aree at and what drives them or rather why they are now driving you crazy.

 

[James4.7]

I literally just tell them I can't do it, I find it rude and if they continue to do it I will be rude back until they correct their behaviour. If I can do the favours though I will do it usually.

 

[FreeinChrist]

Mod hat

A small clean up was done. Folks stick to the topic or don't post.

 

[Blade]

Goodbook..

I new a woman that her and her husband ran a bible study. She had more power of God then any one I ever new. She prayed 4+hours a day and said if we say anything that is not written dont believe us..

See GOD/JESUS was all over this woman.. she was a grandmother. Everyone wanted to be around them. So I called her so many times a day for YEARS! God forgive me I used her..just to hear GOD. In all those years.. she never got upset never ever once. Never said.. dont call..you call to much.. never. Always happy to answer.. I am NOTHING like that She was ALWAYS baking lol and wow ask about the weather.. no it was as if she was in heaven.. haha I was always like.. a its not like that here and we lived in the same town.

What she did.. is what I know I always have to do to anyone to all. For I am the servant to all. I will bend.. I will let them glory or be right to help them not me.. for this is what Jesus always does.. to this day He still wants to talk and then.. never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever..did I say ever? EVER stop.. ALWAYS ON

 

[Goodbook]

ok I just need to pray for more strength and do what I can to help others I know when I'm weak if I ask for help its nice that someone does things for me when I ask.

I did tell this friend I will do it if I'm in the area but I can't guarantee it, and thankfully my dad had planned a day to see his friend in the same area she is going to be staying so he can give me a ride there at the same time.

For this particular favour though it seemed a bit unnecessary as she'd already asked a friend to pick the photos up for her and then she wants me to drop them off, and they aren't urgent and not sure why they can't just send them to her by mail or courier, she just has a roundabout way of doing things that makes more work for everyone else.

She could have just rang and asked the camera shop to deliver them to her and save everyone the hassle.

 

[Goodbook]

Update well am not picking up photos for that friend (she hasnt told me address anyway) but we had plans to meet after christmas, praying for a fine day, but then she worried if it wasnt to do a raincheck the next day and also that I take her to physio at the same time (which i dont even know where it is) and I said no. Just on the day, see what the weather is like, and take it from there. I cant promise favours in the future when i dont even know that its necesary to do so.

I tell you she wont give up! Also...shes going to be homeless after the 7th of jan unless someone offers her a place to stay. She still refuses to look into any rest/retirement homes, even if its only temporary, which im sure they do for someone whos recovering from an operation. Oy.

 

[Goodbook]

Ok today am going to see her, she still asked about this favour even when basically told her no, then she asked about another one for the next day which i need to tell her NO again.

Today this is going to be a NO FAVOUR day just a time to spend together and ask the Lord and see Hes going to provide anyway, cos seriously i do get the feeling maybe she has some kind of jezebel (dominating) spirit at times.

If worse comes to worse I can ring my dad when she gets a bit stroppy.

 

[Goodbook]

You see I am not a free taxi or courier service or landlady so all the things she asks of me I cant really do. Lol. I am younger not elder so shes kinda bossy.

She basically needs a husband looking after her full time. So am praying for that.

 

[Goodbook]

Well God must have done something cos we went out today and it was all fine and she didn't ask me any huge favours (except one small thing to buy some books) and she was telling me she was reading this book called 'I can't say no' or something like that about women who just got taken for granted which she was telling me about. Written by a doctor who noticed how exhausted these women were getting.

So maybe God is showing her to ease off and good thing was Dad and his friend drove us round so we could just relax and enjoy the day without doing any running around. And the ppl she's staying with I actually know one was my former teacher.

Maybe its just a women thing where we have it in our head to be helpers..but I have noticed that where men do fall short women often then step in, take up the slack which then because of our weaker bodies, we get more tired taking on burdens that are not ours that a man can easily handle. Well thats my theory anyway.

 

[Journey.In.Grace]

If someone needs help, I will help. However, if it's the kind of type where they want to mooch off and are always asking for help, that's when I try to be kind and considerate and say no, especially when its something they don't even need. A close friend of mine is on Goverment funds (she is disabled so it's not her fault, and is going through wound care at the moment so she can't work), but there was a point where a couple months ago she was low on food, had no money, and was out of soda. She has such a huge soda problem that she was literally having withdrawals, whining and complaining. She was begging people to give her soda. Soda. And has even asked people to order chicken wings for her because she didn't have the money but also had FOOD IN HER HOUSE. She just didn't want to cook and a craving for fast food. It is during these times where I find myself being firm and trying to guide her the right way, especially when she feels bad for even asking or when she asks ME to do it for her, when she knows I don't have any money.

I am happy to say she has gone a full month without doing ANY of that, but she still has the mind set of having people doing things for her. I just think life is difficult for her that she wants it to be done for her, when she should be doing it herself and learn her lessons. I am close to leading her to Christ, so close, and I am continuously pursuing that path.

 

[faroukfarouk]

If someone needs help, I will help. However, if it's the kind of type where they want to mooch off and are always asking for help, that's when I try to be kind and considerate and say no, especially when its something they don't even need. A close friend of mine is on Goverment funds (she is disabled so it's not her fault, and is going through wound care at the moment so she can't work), but there was a point where a couple months ago she was low on food, had no money, and was out of soda. She has such a huge soda problem that she was literally having withdrawals, whining and complaining. She was begging people to give her soda. Soda. And has even asked people to order chicken wings for her because she didn't have the money but also had FOOD IN HER HOUSE. She just didn't want to cook and a craving for fast food. It is during these times where I find myself being firm and trying to guide her the right way, especially when she feels bad for even asking or when she asks ME to do it for her, when she knows I don't have any money.

I am happy to say she has gone a full month without doing ANY of that, but she still has the mind set of having people doing things for her. I just think life is difficult for her that she wants it to be done for her, when she should be doing it herself and learn her lessons. I am close to leading her to Christ, so close, and I am continuously pursuing that path.

I think there is a spiritual lesson there somewhere also about understanding the consequences of one's own actions or inaction. (I know your friend is disabled; which is not her fault.)

 

[Aldebaran]

what do you say to them, to stop them from asking you all the time.
Just wondering, as Theres this one person who is always doing it and its getting annoying. Like she will ring me up and she will have a whole list of things to have to ask me. Most of the time I just say sorry no, but she will kind do a kind of wheedle or weird thing where she will just assume I will do it for her (since im such a nice person) well not actually cos Jesus wasnt manipulated into doing things he actually didnt need to do.

I had a friend like that. In fact, I used to have several friends at the time, and I noticed everytime they came over, they were pleasant, but then on their way out, it was always, "Oh by the way, can I borrow a few dollars from you"? I remembered how we're not to turn away from those who want to borrow from us. That's what Jesus said. So I figured I was obligated to borrow to them who asked of me. But after months of this from so many people, it dawned on me that the main reason they would come over was to borrow money. They were simply using the facade of friendship to get money from me. So I decided to stop letting them borrow money, and then they actually turned against me and became enemies. I never got repaid by any of them either. They always had some excuse. But at least they finally revealed that they were never friends to begin with.

 

[faroukfarouk]

I had a friend like that. In fact, I used to have several friends at the time, and I noticed everytime they came over, they were pleasant, but then on their way out, it was always, "Oh by the way, can I borrow a few dollars from you"? I remembered how we're not to turn away from those who want to borrow from us. That's what Jesus said. So I figured I was obligated to borrow to them who asked of me. But after months of this from so many people, it dawned on me that the main reason they would come over was to borrow money. They were simply using the facade of friendship to get money from me. So I decided to stop letting them borrow money, and then they actually turned against me and became enemies. I never got repaid by any of them either. They always had some excuse. But at least they finally revealed that they were never friends to begin with.

Friendship can exist on various levels! Some are more 'friendly' than others.

 

[Goodbook]

Sorry to hear that. With this friend cos of her long time disability shes learned to really milk it for all its worth.

The soda girl..well yea you have to drawn the line somewhere and get her to face reality...shes addicted and you just decide you are NOT going to feed her addictions.

Never a good idea to lend money to ppl. You not a bank.


Some ppl dont get angry but they do get whiney or sulky and thats what I dont like. Cant you do this one small thing for me...yes but what might seem small to them is actually not so simple to the person doing the favour.

If its what God wants you to do, go the extra mile of course, but often its really not they just taking advantage. I just have to set limits.

She asked me so many times for various things i just lost count, its like that person? Shes going to ask me to do something for her. But thankfully yesterday it was just one thing i could easily do and not a whole list. She even once asked my dad or kinda wheedled me into asking my dad into fixing this bracelet for her. Looking back on it is just well..her modus operandi is I live alone on purpose and im a single woman so everyone has to help me...kind of thing. She refuses to go flatting where she might actually have to share and take some responisbility. Anyway ive just learned to not give in when shes asking something totally unreasonable. I mean i dont know, maybe some women can charm others into painting their toenails for them. I dont think i would do that even if someone paid me.

 

[faroukfarouk]

If someone needs help, I will help. However, if it's the kind of type where they want to mooch off and are always asking for help, that's when I try to be kind and considerate and say no, especially when its something they don't even need. A close friend of mine is on Goverment funds (she is disabled so it's not her fault, and is going through wound care at the moment so she can't work), but there was a point where a couple months ago she was low on food, had no money, and was out of soda. She has such a huge soda problem that she was literally having withdrawals, whining and complaining. She was begging people to give her soda. Soda. And has even asked people to order chicken wings for her because she didn't have the money but also had FOOD IN HER HOUSE. She just didn't want to cook and a craving for fast food. It is during these times where I find myself being firm and trying to guide her the right way, especially when she feels bad for even asking or when she asks ME to do it for her, when she knows I don't have any money.

I am happy to say she has gone a full month without doing ANY of that, but she still has the mind set of having people doing things for her. I just think life is difficult for her that she wants it to be done for her, when she should be doing it herself and learn her lessons. I am close to leading her to Christ, so close, and I am continuously pursuing that path.

PS: LizzyMae:

This would also fit in with conservatives who speak of the moral basis of small government: i.e., it's not virtuous to allow welfare dependency to cause taxes to become grossly inflated. I guess what you are saying is a microcosm of the bigger picture, when it comes to welfare (although I don't deny that there are many genuinely needy people).

 

[Goodbook]

Hmm she keeps ringing.
I had two ask favours today and I said no both times. They will just have to ask some one else or learn to go without.

Although seems cruel, but both will come to a point where they have to stop asking others for helps and rely on God who has ALREADY provided them with the means if they would just actually use it.

One of the ladies even asked me if I would ask MY friend for a favour for her.

I am thinking what to say to confront both of them but havent come up with something im sure they will listen to cos it seems like they are both deaf.

1) learn to drive.
Or 2) go without. Or maybe...they should both get together? Brilliant idea?!

 

[Goodbook]

Was thinking about what the good samaritan would do.

Both ladies see themselves as victims. I learned they were both in car accidents and im not sure which party were in the wrong as it could have been them speeding OR someone crashing into them, the trauma happened years ago.

So anyway both learned to rely on others for helps and are really milking their victim status by asking everyone favours all the time.. I am not sure what the way to deal with this is.

If they never really healed then? Even the good samaritan didnt stay with the guy he helped all the time he had to do his own thing and paid for someone else to look after him. I wonder if the victim then got better or then because he was helped, started seeing it as a way to continue using people all the time?

While that may happen with people who arent christians, these ladies are professed christians. They shouldnt be using other people and exhausting them right?

Its really immature behaviour that is what im getting.

 

[Journey.In.Grace]

Hmm she keeps ringing.
I had two ask favours today and I said no both times. They will just have to ask some one else or learn to go without.

Although seems cruel, but both will come to a point where they have to stop asking others for helps and rely on God who has ALREADY provided them with the means if they would just actually use it.

One of the ladies even asked me if I would ask MY friend for a favour for her.

I am thinking what to say to confront both of them but havent come up with something im sure they will listen to cos it seems like they are both deaf.

1) learn to drive.
Or 2) go without. Or maybe...they should both get together? Brilliant idea?!

Be careful if you intend to advise those two options to your friend. The first one can be offensive, and it would be offensive to me for a reason -- Learning to drive isn't simple, and it isn't something I can jump up and do. I don't have anyone to teach me and I don't have the money to pay for lessons. If you are going to suggest driving, I advise to do it in a kind and loving way; a friend to a friend. I'm just placing my own two feet here in experience. People tell me all the time that to just learn to drive but its not THAT simple. I don't have a thousand friends like they do and I don't work a full time job. In fact all of my money is going to college, every cent. And I find that of greater value than driving.

Whatever you do, just be gentle about it; these kind of things can actually be sensitive to that person.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Be careful if you intend to advise those two options to your friend. The first one can be offensive, and it would be offensive to me for a reason -- Learning to drive isn't simple, and it isn't something I can jump up and do. I don't have anyone to teach me and I don't have the money to pay for lessons. If you are going to suggest driving, I advise to do it in a kind and loving way; a friend to a friend. I'm just placing my own two feet here in experience. People tell me all the time that to just learn to drive but its not THAT simple. I don't have a thousand friends like they do and I don't work a full time job. In fact all of my money is going to college, every cent. And I find that of greater value than driving.

Whatever you do, just be gentle about it; these kind of things can actually be sensitive to that person.

Yes, learning to drive can be expensive!