People that always ask favours

[Goodbook]

what do you say to them, to stop them from asking you all the time.
Just wondering, as Theres this one person who is always doing it and its getting annoying. Like she will ring me up and she will have a whole list of things to have to ask me. Most of the time I just say sorry no, but she will kind do a kind of wheedle or weird thing where she will just assume I will do it for her (since im such a nice person) well not actually cos Jesus wasnt manipulated into doing things he actually didnt need to do.

This time its a pick up photos thing, she cant drive, so she got someone to pick up photos and for some reason they cant drive either so it turns out she wants me to go pick up photos from these ppl i havent even met and go all the way across town to visit her. I said couldnt you just get them posted, and then she goes oh there are too many, but im not going to go get them off this person and then store them somehwhere until i see her again.

This isnt just me she does this to everyone. I said are they important, like really urgent and she says no...but i want to see them..ugh.

So i said well if actually do decide to see you, I will pick them up on the way. but am not making a special trip for photos (which dont have anything to do with me) to someones house ive never been to before. She will just have to wait till she gets back to driving again. Do you think thats fair?

Or are christians meant to just do everything and anything everytime someone asks them a favour. No other christians have asked this much favours of me. So she might be a special case...but is it christian to just ask ppl all the time for kinda uneccesary things. Just think its being bossy or overly needy now. It would just be good if I could have a normal telephone call with her without her pulling out a list of things to ask.

My other christian friends who are know her get stressed out having to deal with her needs or demands all the time. At first its ok..she cant do a lot of stuff for herself, but then it becomes like, she will abuse this kindness and take advantage of it.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

do you feel that she is dishonest or trying to take things from people?

 

[Goodbook]

And before anyone accuses me of judging unfairly, no, I myself dont go round saying to people will you do something for me over and over and over.

One lady at work used to really annoy me by saying 'can i ask you something' and next thing you know its a huge favour. Why doesnt she just ask without prefacing it with 'i have things to ask you' Cos then you kinda wait for the big thing shes gonna hit you with thats she wants you to do for her.

I dont really get this constant asking and then doing favours thing. Cos there doesnt seem to be any reciprocation sometimes, and when you ask them something similar all of a sudden they actually not doing the same for you.

Or maybe im meant to actually ask ppl for favours as in some twisted way they can then exercise the opportunity to bless me, I dont know.

 

[Goodbook]

do you feel that she is dishonest or trying to take things from people?

Well..it seems like shes stealing ppls energy at times. It just takes a lot of time and effort to be friends with her.. shes very high maintainance. Thats what others have said.

 

[Goodbook]

I had been praying and the picture I got was the woman at the well...someone who is really thirsty (or insatiably hungry) and cant be satisifed..she needs living water that only the Lord can provide.

I dont go to church with her so not sure what church she goes to but since shes a christian i think she would actually know this or at least be aware shes kinda imposing herself all the time on others.

It makes for a lot of awkwardness because i know other christians are not like this well not all the time. Its ok to have needs but seems like her needs turn into wants and demands.

Not really sure how to handle it.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

i'd say if you have the time to give her a hand, give her a hand if she isn't able to do it on her own. if you don't have the time, then don't.

though, I would remind her of what it says in 1 thessolonians 4:9-12 and 2 thessolonians 3:6-12. she needs to be encouraged to do things on her own if she is indeed able. we are not to be a burden on others if we can avoid it.

 

[Sheep4Christ]

Hi. Well if it's becoming a problem for you just say no.

 

[mina]

If you feel she really needs help, you help her and you stop thinking about how she needs to help you out to make it fair and even and how annoyed you are and etc... . You should do things to help to actually help and actually be kind and not only for things you can get in return.
If you don't want to help her you tell her no and say you can't help her out anymore. If you feel you can't be kind to her or use her neediness as a way to talk badly about her to others, then you need to end the friendship because it's not good for either of you.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

You can say no or discontinue being involved in her life... a woman needs to know her limits.

 

[Goodbook]

Its not actually funny its annoying.
I would just totally ignore her phone calls and then just say NO to everything. Is that christian thing to do.

Like when she rings, just say, im sorry if you are going to ask me to do any more favours for you, I cant. I have reached my limit. goodbye.

 

[Goodbook]

I will have to ask God to help me with this, like if she rings..and i feel like shes just buttering me up to ask a favour, then cut the call short and say I have to go.

I notice she does this (Cut calls short) when I call her sometimes. Particularly when I will suggest something she doesnt like to hear. Anyway. If you just going to laugh at me dont bother responding im asking fellow brothers and sisters in christ, not ppl who just want to make fun of me. How would you feel if you were in that situation and not knowing what to do? Which scripture would you turn to for guidance?

 

[Goodbook]

i'd say if you have the time to give her a hand, give her a hand if she isn't able to do it on her own. if you don't have the time, then don't.

though, I would remind her of what it says in 1 thessolonians 4:9-12 and 2 thessolonians 3:6-12. she needs to be encouraged to do things on her own if she is indeed able. we are not to be a burden on others if we can avoid it.

Well apparently shes been like this most of her life always getting ppl to do things for her. She will go from one person to the next, like the woman at the well who had five husbands. Not that im like a husband but she kinda uses ppl like that.

 

[Goodbook]

I did meet one of her bfs that she has known a while, and he actually pretty much bends over backwards going out of his way for her..and then she tells me 'he isnt marriage material' and im like what, heres this guy and ok he might not tick all the boxes in the looks department or maybe going a bit deaf or whatver (shes elderly but sometimes acts like a needy teenager)
Does all these things for her. Helps her move etc and she doesnt see that he does it out of love cos he really likes her! but she kinda just sees him as like her hired hand giving him jobs to do.

My former boss at work was kinda like that too. Had this guy hanging round obviously in love with her but she just saw herself as superior intellectually and wouldnt really give him the time of day or see that he was smitten. She never married either.

 

[Goodbook]

Also she (this boss) was kinda emotionally manipulative as well, saying oh i need you to do this and that...but actually it was really because cos she couldnt be bothered doing it herself (or waiting) and then seeing it as, oh im a good employer giving you stuff to do. Lol

Kinda condescending if you ask me.

 

[Goodbook]

Im thinking those two should meet as they may have heaps in common...and they kinda raised hypochondria or complaining about their ailments as an artform. Even if your ailments are legit doesnt meant you get every one else to carry the slack. Some things are your burden that you wait till you get better to do.

 

[Goodbook]

2 Thessalonians 3:8-10
Maybe just remind her cos shes just mooching off friends at the moment as she cant be bothered flatting or buying her own place even though she actually has the money. Which really irks me. She could go stay in a rest home for a while to recover from this op she had but she wont hear of it, would rather impose on her friends..but im thinking they may not even be good friends but ppl shes asked favours from.

 

[Goodbook]

Well ive learned being rude isnt a good idea cos thats not christian. Had one so called friend do that to me and accuse me when I wasnt even going to ask her for anything. Hmm. Although the other friend is the kind of person who wont take no for an answer sometimes.

Its just if I ignore her totally I cant go to the group anymore since shes there. Why would i let one person ruin my experience? Its like if theres one person at church who not getting along with does that mean i dont ever go to church? I want to be upfront with her but not angry cos its true she cant really help it.

Also was given Proverbs 16:2

 

[Goodbook]

Also God is showing me its not like im saying yes to everything..sometimes really its the person assuming I will. And then making me feel bad if I dont say yes cos they just used to 'yes' ppl in their life.
I just feel disrespected. I have to figure out who my true friends are esp even amongst chistians cos so many say they are ....but dont act like it :-( plus i am trying to be a forgiving person but when someone grieves the holy spirit and is rude, throws a hissy fit cos they dont get their own way im not going to hang round them anymore.

 

[Goatee]

Waw, i understand. I got asked if i was going home after mass last week and i deliberately said no as this one person always asks for a lift.

You know, afterwards i thought that i was being totally unGodly and unChristian! "The least you do to others you do to me". This is what i thought.

If she asks again i will give her a lift! I need to be more humble. More of a Christian!!!

 

[Goodbook]

The point is not that i dont ever say no is that I when I say NO she just keeps asking anyway. If not one thing then another.

Not that its wrong to ask what you need cos Im quite happy to do some things but many things are unnecessary. And shes got ppl running round after her all the time...i find myself on a treadmill when im around her.