Pastor and his wife’s behavior toward members

[Matt007]

Dear all,

Just some background info:
I’m 30 years old. I serve in church as the keyboard player. Been serving in church for 23 years.

I’m self employed as a library supplier and business has been quiet since the beginning of 2019. However I went on a 7 day fast for my business, and the day after breaking fast I received many big orders. Praise God.

Life hasn’t been good for me and my pastor and his wife knows about the struggles I gave in life.

Anyway since I’m a library supplier and I’ve managed to secure many big orders through fasting and trusting in God, I didn’t have enough funds to fulfill these orders, in fact I didn’t have any money at all.

So my pastor decides to start a project of some renovations at church and asked people to pledge. I could not pledge since I have no money at all.

Anyway, I decide to attend a huge book event in Europe. Paid for by my cousin, to meet with my suppliers and negotiate better terms to execute these orders on hand.

My pastor and his wife now ignore me and don’t even acknowledge my presence in church even though I still serve. I think it’s because I could not pledge toward their project but they feel as though I did not pledge but could travel to Europe.

I need advice on how to handle this situation. I did nothing wrong. I am always obedient with my tithes. And I’m a very committed server in church.

I’m really discouraged and feel like leaving church.

Thanking you in advance

 

[Bishoftu]

I personally would not go to any church where money plays such a central role and people are required to commit to such pledges.
It is not the pastor or his wife’s place to judge you or anyone else for the financial contributions you make.
It sounds like your “first fruits” giving is your time which is also a valuable gift to the Lord.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Hello Matt,

I am sad to hear the heart ache you are going. First I want to say you are brave, being self employed is not easy and scary. May God bless your business and your heart with this situation.

I totally agree that you have done nothing wrong. Pastor's job is to take care of the sheep and be a spiritual leader. I can speculate, but that would not be helpful.

In my time I learned the hard way that the church is filled with sinners, flawed individuals who have their own struggles. Sometimes those sins or personality flaws can hurt others in the congregation. I would give it time and pray for them. If after a good period of time they have continued with the same behavior, ask to sit down with them and lovely ask if there is a problem.

If there is a problem, the goal is to reconcile and not lose a brother. If they are humble, you will reconcile.

I hope you have a great trip and enjoy yourself in Europe!

 

[Matt007]

I personally would not go to any church where money plays such a central role and people are required to commit to such pledges.
It is not the pastor or his wife’s place to judge you or anyone else for the financial contributions you make.
It sounds like your “first fruits” giving is your time which is also a valuable gift to the Lord.

Thank you for your advice, God bless you richly.

 

[Matt007]

Hello Matt,

I am sad to hear the heart ache you are going. First I want to say you are brave, being self employed is not easy and scary. May God bless your business and your heart with this situation.

I totally agree that you have done nothing wrong. Pastor's job is to take care of the sheep and be a spiritual leader. I can speculate, but that would not be helpful.

In my time I learned the hard way that the church is filled with sinners, flawed individuals who have their own struggles. Sometimes those sins or personality flaws can hurt others in the congregation. I would give it time and pray for them. If after a good period of time they have continued with the same behavior, ask to sit down with them and lovely ask if there is a problem.

If there is a problem, the goal is to reconcile and not lose a brother. If they are humble, you will reconcile.

I hope you have a great trip and enjoy yourself in Europe!

Thank You for your advice, God bless you richly.

 

[Oldmantook]

Dear all,

Just some background info:
I’m 30 years old. I serve in church as the keyboard player. Been serving in church for 23 years.

I’m self employed as a library supplier and business has been quiet since the beginning of 2019. However I went on a 7 day fast for my business, and the day after breaking fast I received many big orders. Praise God.

Life hasn’t been good for me and my pastor and his wife knows about the struggles I gave in life.

Anyway since I’m a library supplier and I’ve managed to secure many big orders through fasting and trusting in God, I didn’t have enough funds to fulfill these orders, in fact I didn’t have any money at all.

So my pastor decides to start a project of some renovations at church and asked people to pledge. I could not pledge since I have no money at all.

Anyway, I decide to attend a huge book event in Europe. Paid for by my cousin, to meet with my suppliers and negotiate better terms to execute these orders on hand.

My pastor and his wife now ignore me and don’t even acknowledge my presence in church even though I still serve. I think it’s because I could not pledge toward their project but they feel as though I did not pledge but could travel to Europe.

I need advice on how to handle this situation. I did nothing wrong. I am always obedient with my tithes. And I’m a very committed server in church.

I’m really discouraged and feel like leaving church.

Thanking you in advance

So their "project" is more important than your need? If you manage to look at tithing in the OT, please discover that money was never given as the tithe. The Israelites were commanded to tithe from their flocks of livestock and the produce of their land. Mechizedek tithed from the spoils of war. In the NT, Paul instructed the brethren to take up a collection for their fellow brethren who had needs - never a tithe to pay for salaries or projects of the church. If anything, the church should be giving you monies to assist you in your needs.

 

[Sabertooth]

@Matt007 , in the 23 years that you have served there, this (a building funds pledge or similar) has never happened before?

What is different, this time?

 

[Lost4words]

Tell them that without you securing contracts you wouldnt have the money to help the church.

If they are upset due to you not having the money to contribute to their projects then they are in the wrong vocation.

 

[gym_class_hero]

I'd approach him and ask him if you have offended him in any way. If he brings up the pledge, you can explain your side of the story. If he doesn't accept it, find a new church. Churches are full of imperfect people seeking a perfect God. Don't let how one believer acts change your heart towards God.

God bless you.

 

[Norbert L]

There's always Matthew 5:23-24 and Matthew 18:15-17.

 

[Bible Highlighter]

Dear all,

Just some background info:
I’m 30 years old. I serve in church as the keyboard player. Been serving in church for 23 years.

I’m self employed as a library supplier and business has been quiet since the beginning of 2019. However I went on a 7 day fast for my business, and the day after breaking fast I received many big orders. Praise God.

Life hasn’t been good for me and my pastor and his wife knows about the struggles I gave in life.

Anyway since I’m a library supplier and I’ve managed to secure many big orders through fasting and trusting in God, I didn’t have enough funds to fulfill these orders, in fact I didn’t have any money at all.

So my pastor decides to start a project of some renovations at church and asked people to pledge. I could not pledge since I have no money at all.

Anyway, I decide to attend a huge book event in Europe. Paid for by my cousin, to meet with my suppliers and negotiate better terms to execute these orders on hand.

My pastor and his wife now ignore me and don’t even acknowledge my presence in church even though I still serve. I think it’s because I could not pledge toward their project but they feel as though I did not pledge but could travel to Europe.

I need advice on how to handle this situation. I did nothing wrong. I am always obedient with my tithes. And I’m a very committed server in church.

I’m really discouraged and feel like leaving church.

Thanking you in advance

I think when things happen like this, it is a way of exposing people's true colors, and it is a call for you to seek your own path in following God in a more pure way according to only by what His Word says (and not by what man says).

In fact, tithing is Old Covenant and it is not New Covenant. Now, this does not mean we are not to give, though. 2 Corinthians 9:7 says: "Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver." See this website here:

No More Tithing | No More Tithing

It seems like your Pastor is not acting in accordance to the Lord's commands laid out in the New Covenant. It seems he is interested in the money and not you.

In addition, while God can use traditional churches today, they are not actually a biblical form of fellowship that we see in the Scriptures. See these two threads here:

The Pastor King (New)
Gods Order in the body of Christ

It's unfortunate that your Pastor only is concerned about your giving him money. Please read 1 Timothy 6 several times in prayer. This chapter teaches that we are to flee in following after riches (or in being rich) and we are to pursue righteousness or godly living instead.

This means that you should pray, and be loving towards your Pastor (even if he has the wrong attitude here). But that does not mean you have to keep attending his church. In fact, I would encourage you to run in the other direction away from his church. But you can pray and love this Pastor from a far in other ways but you do not have to agree with the way he handles things by continuing to support his ministry and by fellowshipping with him. God's ways are higher than man's ways. It may be like everything you have ever known is crumbling around you, but I believe this a push from God to seek the Scriptures for your own life and to just follow what His Word says alone (and not in what men say). For men will let you down, but God never will. Trust in His Word. Trust in God. He will never disappoint you on the things that truly matter (i.e. the fruits of the Spirit).

 

[mama2one]

My pastor and his wife now ignore me and don’t even acknowledge my presence in church even though I still serve. I think it’s because I could not pledge.

have you spoken to them since returning?
asked how they're doing?

sometimes people think something is their fault but has absolutely nothing to do with them but instead could be something going on in the other person's life

often people are battling health issues or family problems
most people at any given time are going through something OR a family member is

so maybe talk with them and ask how they're doing?
blessings

 

[lismore]

I think it’s because I could not pledge toward their project but they feel as though I did not pledge but could travel to Europe.

Hi Matt. How did they know whether you had given or not?

"When you give … do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing” (Matthew 6:3).

If giving is not secret in your church then they're violating the commands of our Lord.

God Bless

 

[lismore]

I think when things happen like this, it is a way of exposing people's true colors, and it is a call for you to seek your own path in following God in a more pure way according to only by what His Word says (and not by what man says).

Right Jason! The Lord could be gently leading Matt into pastures new. God Bless

 

[Andrew77]

Dear all,

Just some background info:
I’m 30 years old. I serve in church as the keyboard player. Been serving in church for 23 years.

I’m self employed as a library supplier and business has been quiet since the beginning of 2019. However I went on a 7 day fast for my business, and the day after breaking fast I received many big orders. Praise God.

Life hasn’t been good for me and my pastor and his wife knows about the struggles I gave in life.

Anyway since I’m a library supplier and I’ve managed to secure many big orders through fasting and trusting in God, I didn’t have enough funds to fulfill these orders, in fact I didn’t have any money at all.

So my pastor decides to start a project of some renovations at church and asked people to pledge. I could not pledge since I have no money at all.

Anyway, I decide to attend a huge book event in Europe. Paid for by my cousin, to meet with my suppliers and negotiate better terms to execute these orders on hand.

My pastor and his wife now ignore me and don’t even acknowledge my presence in church even though I still serve. I think it’s because I could not pledge toward their project but they feel as though I did not pledge but could travel to Europe.

I need advice on how to handle this situation. I did nothing wrong. I am always obedient with my tithes. And I’m a very committed server in church.

I’m really discouraged and feel like leaving church.

Thanking you in advance

I would just continue to do what you are doing. And just ignore the pastor and his wife.

You know you are doing your best, and you are honoring G-d. So continue to do what you are doing.

 

[Joined2krist]

It must be a small church for them to know you didn't pledge. They should also know that you're trying to find your feet financially so why are they being insensitive towards you? You should start considering changing your Church

 

[Matt007]

I would just continue to do what you are doing. And just ignore the pastor and his wife.

You know you are doing your best, and you are honoring G-d. So continue to do what you are doing.

Hi Andrew,
Thank you for the advice. I serve in church on the praise team and it's very awkward to be there and get ignored by the pastor and his wife. They have discussions with everyone else from the team before and after the service but I'm totally ignored.

I don't think this is God's idea of church. To make it worse, it's the pastor and his wife.

 

[Matt007]

It must be a small church for them to know you didn't pledge. They should also know that you're trying to find your feet financially so why are they being insensitive towards you? You should start considering changing your Church

Hi,

Thank you for your reply.

Yes! it is a small church. And the pastor knows my story and how my father used me and accumulated debt in my name and the ditched my entire family, leaving me to pick up the pieces and to provide for my mum and younger sister. It's been a tough journey the last 10 or so years. Now, I'm at the brink of my breakthrough and all sorts of things that should not go wrong is going wrong.
I thought I would have the support of my pastor but that's not happening.

 

[Matt007]

@Matt007 , in the 23 years that you have served there, this (a building funds pledge or similar) has never happened before?

What is different, this time?

The difference this time is that I could not contribute due to my financial situation.

 

[Matt007]

have you spoken to them since returning?
asked how they're doing?

sometimes people think something is their fault but has absolutely nothing to do with them but instead could be something going on in the other person's life

often people are battling health issues or family problems
most people at any given time are going through something OR a family member is

so maybe talk with them and ask how they're doing?
blessings

How can I talk to them when they point blank ignore me. I was the one who was away from church so isn't it their responsibility to find out if I'm ok and if I had a successful trip.

None of that has taken place. So I will not force myself to speak to people who assume things without being upfront and also judge me without cause.