Pagliacci

[exitstageright]

While we cannot understand how it was for you to be born black, you have overcome many of the obstacles that many black men face growing up in the projects. So you aren't one of "those" kind of "black men". But you only want to date white women and you seem put off because they don't all want to date you. The more I have gotten to know you on this forum, the more I see you responding to everything from your "ME" perspective. I sense that this might come across when you interact in real life as well. Not all white women want to date black men. Get over it. I am not prejudiced or racist, and I have a SIL who is black but for me personally, I don't want to date a black man. For ME there is too many cultural differences to make it work. I don't think I would fair well with a Mexican or Asian guy either. It's just me. I cannot help what I like any more than you can. It seems kind of like whatever you think you can't have, is what you want and then you blame all the women for misunderstanding you. If you broaden your horizons you might surprise even yourself. And the fact that you invited 4 women and will not tell the one that accepted that you did that, says a lot about your character. You are not being honest with her and you only want her for your personal satisfaction, but you won't admit that. And it's that kind of attitude that probably keeps you in the friend zone with the "smart" women IMO.
I would like to marry a rich guy. It will never happen. I don't roam in those circles and don't live like rich people live. The reason I would like to marry a rich guy is so we could do things and not have to be so stressed out working 2 jobs like I am now. BUT I would never marry just any rich guy. I would have to love the guy and him love me and we would have to be compatible. I would not be marrying for money. On the other hand, if I meet someone that I am very attracted to that wanted to date me, but he WASN'T rich, I would not turn him away solely on his financial state. I wouldn't even factor that in as a requirement. It's more like something that would be on my "perfect guy" list that is not based on reality.

Those are all good points. If a woman,of another race, rejects me,it is easier to handle that rejection. But,when someone of your own race rejects you,that is much harder to take. No black woman has ever told me,"I love you",not even my own mother. But white women have told me that they love me.Some white women have told me that I am cute,sweet,and kind. White women are more affectionate towards me.
Now,if you were me,whom would you choose?

 

[blackribbon]

All sterotypes have some truth in them. That is why they are stereotypes.
How can you explain the fact that I did not have a girlfriend in High School?
The black girls did not want me. When I was a young man,the black women did not want me. As a grown man, most black women will not even look at me. They just ignore me. People tell me that,when I am not looking,a woman will approach me and will show an interest in me. As you well know,I am no longer interested,and no longer looking for a black woman. And, are any black women interested in me now? No they are not. I rest my case.

By the way,I do work with a lot of black women.They do say "Hello" to me ,when I say "Hello" to them first. But,none has shown any interest in me. By the way,I have not told them about my dating life.

There are many people who do not have a "girlfriend" or a "boyfriend" in high school. I will not assume that it is because they are all "smart black young men" that the girls look down upon "because they are weak". And to be honest, I'd hope you have changed enough since high school that you would no longer be so hung up on that high school version of you.....you aren't trying to date high school girls now are you?

What do you think that you are doing wrong that makes women "ignore" you. That is not normal civil behavior. I am not so sure how you can have so many women who are "friends" and still be ignored by women as a whole. Which is it?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Those are all good points. If a woman,of another race, rejects me,it is easier to handle that rejection. But,when someone of your own race rejects you,that is much harder to take. No black woman has ever told me,"I love you",not even my own mother. But white women have told me that they love me.Some white women have told me that I am cute,sweet,and kind. White women are more affectionate towards me.
Now,if you were me,whom would you choose?

Why is it so different because you are black, that a black woman rejects you? I have had a lot of white men reject me, but see that's the difference. I don't look at people or relate to them soley based on race. And if I were on here saying what you say, that all white men reject me so I ONLY want to date black men that are blah blah blah blah blah that is just so ridiculous. Do you think you might be a tad hung up on being a scorned black person?

 

[exitstageright]

There are many people who do not have a "girlfriend" or a "boyfriend" in high school. I will not assume that it is because they are all "smart black young men" that the girls look down upon "because they are weak". And to be honest, I'd hope you have changed enough since high school that you would no longer be so hung up on that high school version of you.....you aren't trying to date high school girls now are you?

What do you think that you are doing wrong that makes women "ignore" you. That is not normal civil behavior. I am not so sure how you can have so many women who are "friends" and still be ignored by women as a whole. Which is it?

No,I am not still hung up on my high schools days. No....I do not date High School girls. My dating range,for women is from 45 to 65 years old. I am now 60 years old.

Now as far as being ignored by women. Maybe just,maybe it is the fact that I am under six feet tall. Whenever I see a tall man enter the room,during a social function,I notice that most of the women heads are turned toward him.
When I was living in Hawaii,J,a black lady stood me up for a date after church. One Decacon introduced me to F,a white lady. One day,after church,F told me,"S,while I was in the church's bathroom, J gave me a very mean look ,and I do not know why."

I told her,"because you are with a black man. But,J's behavior really do not make sense,because by her standing me up,she obviously do not care about me,nor does she wants me. Yet,she had the nerve,the audacity,and the unmitigated gall to get upset with you!"

So,the conculsion is that black women only notice me when I am with a white woman. I do not make the news. I just report the news.

 

[exitstageright]

Why is it so different because you are black, that a black woman rejects you? I have had a lot of white men reject me, but see that's the difference. I don't look at people or relate to them soley based on race. And if I were on here saying what you say, that all white men reject me so I ONLY want to date black men that are blah blah blah blah blah that is just so ridiculous. Do you think you might be a tad hung up on being a scorned black person?

O.K.,do you really know why? I will tell you. I have had so much emotional damage from black women's attitude,put downs,and other verbal abuse from black women,none of which I deserved,that I can no longer get sexually excited when I see a black woman. So it is not the race. It is the culture I.....just.....hate.....their FREAKIN ATTITUDES!!!!

With my diabetes,and hypertension,I need all the help that I can get.
I do not need other factors hindering me.

 

[blackribbon]

Okay...simple question that only you can answer because you know you...

What is it about yourself that you feel can be changed or improved to make yourself more attractive (personality as well as looks) to women in general...and the women you want to attract in particular?

And what are you doing to make that happen?

You obviously can't grow taller...but the truth is most men are not taller than 6 foot and yet they still get married. Personally, 6 foot is my maximum height preference with 5'7-5'10'' being my preferred height because I really don't like my nose armpit high....I like being able to see over a shoulder.

 

[dayhiker]

Well, if I noticed a group of women showed no interest in me, then I'd look for a different group that showed more interest in me. Why would someone keep going to the same group of people when they continually ignore me? Now I go to the local singles dances. Very few of the ladies there seem to be very interested in dating. So when I go there its not to find a date or GF. If I want a date the place I would go is to the personal growth community because the ladies there are interested in relationships.
So what exit is saying makes a lot of sense to me.

 

[exitstageright]

Okay...simple question that only you can answer because you know you...

What is it about yourself that you feel can be changed or improved to make yourself more attractive (personality as well as looks) to women in general...and the women you want to attract in particular?

And what are you doing to make that happen?

You obviously can't grow taller...but the truth is most men are not taller than 6 foot and yet they still get married. Personally, 6 foot is my maximum height preference with 5'7-5'10'' being my preferred height because I really don't like my nose armpit high....I like being able to see over a shoulder.

There is one theory that is beginning to make sense .When I have my glasses off, on the dance floor and on the stage, I put out a different aura, an aura of a higher and of an attractive energy than when I am just being myself. On the dance floor ,in order not to feel self-conscious ,I
trick myself into thinking that I am performing and not dancing. When I am wearing my glasses, while just being myself ,I must be putting out an aura of a lower ,and of an unattractive energy .

During my last cruise, last month, when I was on the dance floor ,the women loved me, and they seemed happy being with me. They all were smiling at me. But, when the music and the dancing stopped ,their smiles went away. They were no longer interested in me. They started talking to the other men in our singles group.

One brother ,on that cruise told me, "S...,the reason why you strike out with the ladies is because your GAME is just not strong enough!" Many black men have told me that since I was in the Navy. But,nowI have a come back answer! I told him, "Look! I have played games with baseballs, footballs, volley balls, and bowling balls. I do not play games with women's hearts! He was dumbfounded.

So, after this cruise, I admit that I played a game with these four women. But, you would have to admit that playing games do work. When I was nice and honest,nothing worked.

 

[exitstageright]

Well, if I noticed a group of women showed no interest in me, then I'd look for a different group that showed more interest in me. Why would someone keep going to the same group of people when they continually ignore me? Now I go to the local singles dances. Very few of the ladies there seem to be very interested in dating. So when I go there its not to find a date or GF. If I want a date the place I would go is to the personal growth community because the ladies there are interested in relationships.
So what exit is saying makes a lot of sense to me.

I told my oldest brother, who disapproved of me dating white women, this.


"If I cannot find fruit on one branch, I am going to look for fruit on.......... another branch"

 

[exitstageright]

Okay...simple question that only you can answer because you know you...

What is it about yourself that you feel can be changed or improved to make yourself more attractive (personality as well as looks) to women in general...and the women you want to attract in particular?

And what are you doing to make that happen?

You obviously can't grow taller...but the truth is most men are not taller than 6 foot and yet they still get married. Personally, 6 foot is my maximum height preference with 5'7-5'10'' being my preferred height because I really don't like my nose armpit high....I like being able to see over a shoulder.

In order for me to be more attractive, I guess that I will just have to.....fake it. I will just have to pretend that I am someone else. I am a good actor.

 

[exitstageright]

Okay...simple question that only you can answer because you know you...

What is it about yourself that you feel can be changed or improved to make yourself more attractive (personality as well as looks) to women in general...and the women you want to attract in particular?

And what are you doing to make that happen?

You obviously can't grow taller...but the truth is most men are not taller than 6 foot and yet they still get married. Personally, 6 foot is my maximum height preference with 5'7-5'10'' being my preferred height because I really don't like my nose armpit high....I like being able to see over a shoulder.

Well... I have also decided to join this Meet Up group called "HAI", which stands for Human Awareness Institute. The next meeting is Thursday, December 11,2014. But ,I have a Dress Rehearsal on that night.Therefore, I will have to wait until the next meeting.

Here is what they are all about.


"Do you wonder why others are in satisfying loving relationships and you are not? Do you wonder what you're "doing wrong"? Are you confused about what “Intimacy” actually means? (No, it doesn't mean “sex.&#8221 Are you frustrated with one-night stands or platonic dates? Are you ready to create the relationship of your heart’s desire? You deserve it! This Meetup group is dedicated to teaching you the very necessary skills of Intimacy that you need to create deep, long-lasting relationship(s). The end result? You will feel free to express yourself fully, receive others in a loving way and have the very best in communication skills (the most vital ingredient to creating lasting love!). Join us!



YOU WILL LEARN TO:

*Express yourself in ways that draw people to you. They will want to know you better.

*Be present with yourself and others, creating an interpersonal dynamic that provides safety and love.

*Feel confident when reaching out to meet someone new.

*Effortlessly create fun and easy connections with people.

*Create conversations that flow easily and naturally.

*Be your authentic self and let others truly see you.



Join this experiential Meetup and you'll be on your way to more Intimacy and love in your life!"

Our Mission Statement:
The Human Awareness Institute (HAI) empowers individuals to be potent, loving, contributing human beings. HAI promotes personal growth and social evolution by replacing ignorance and fear with awareness and love.

HAI aims to create a world where people live together in dignity, respect, understanding, trust, kindness, compassion, reverence, honesty and love. The Human Awareness Institute is committed to creating a world where everyone wins.


Now ,what do you think about HAI?

 

[dayhiker]

I love HAI ... have been involved in the HAI community for 2.5 years now.
I've learned a lot about people and how to communicate at HAI workshops.

All 4 of my GFs have been to HAI.

 

[exitstageright]

I love HAI ... have been involved in the HAI community for 2.5 years now.
I've learned a lot about people and how to communicate at HAI workshops.

All 4 of my GFs have been to HAI.

Well, that is great news to hear! Thanks for the info, Dayhiker. I am very curious what the women on this thread think of HAI. It is just too sad that the American churches do not teach and show young Christian men how to attract a wife. The bible says in Proverbs, "He who finds a wife, finds a good thing," But the bible does not give a blue print on how to find one's good thing.

 

[exitstageright]

Why is it so different because you are black, that a black woman rejects you? I have had a lot of white men reject me, but see that's the difference. I don't look at people or relate to them soley based on race. And if I were on here saying what you say, that all white men reject me so I ONLY want to date black men that are blah blah blah blah blah that is just so ridiculous. Do you think you might be a tad hung up on being a scorned black person?

Please read Dayhiker' s post on post number 87. He has a logical explaination for my actions.

"Well, if I noticed a group of women showed no interest in me, then I'd look for a different group that showed more interest in me. Why would someone keep going to the same group of people when they continually ignore me? "

Amen ,brother, Amen!!

 

[blackribbon]

Okay...so you have joined a group. That is what you are doing. But what do you hope to find about yourself or improve? You have used a dating coach before. What have you learned about yourself that needed to be changed? Obviously what you have been doing hasn't been working...and to be honest, I don't know that you have actually tried a "different" group.

You rejected black ladies something like 30+ years ago. I look around and see black women like Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Condaleesa Rice...and see classy beautiful non-ghetto ladies. Ihave several personal friends who are just like these women...intelligent, cultured, and attracted to intelligent gentle men. I am not saying you need to date a black woman but rather, I think you are seriously handicapping yourself by excluding women by skin color alone.

Where you do look for women to ask out? How well do you know them before you ask? What is the difference between the women who accept and the women who turn you down?

 

[exitstageright]

Okay...so you have joined a group. That is what you are doing. But what do you hope to find about yourself or improve? You have used a dating coach before. What have you learned about yourself that needed to be changed? Obviously what you have been doing hasn't been working...and to be honest, I don't know that you have actually tried a "different" group.

You rejected black ladies something like 30+ years ago. I look around and see black women like Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Condaleesa Rice...and see classy beautiful non-ghetto ladies. Ihave several personal friends who are just like these women...intelligent, cultured, and attracted to intelligent gentle men. I am not saying you need to date a black woman but rather, I think you are seriously handicapping yourself by excluding women by skin color alone.

Where you do look for women to ask out? How well do you know them before you ask? What is the difference between the women who accept and the women who turn you down?

Several women have told me that I do pay attention to what they are saying to me. Yet, they are flabbergasted when I tell what they told me word for word. I have taken some exercises how to stay focus more, and the let the woman, know that I hear by saying, "uh, huh, how did that make you feel?", so on.
Dayhiker knows about HAI ,alsne women has tried to get me to join Hai,but they were in Santa Cruz,Ca,about 80 miles from here.Now,there is a new HAI meet up group just 20 miles from here.

Most of the ladies, that I ask out, that say "NO!" ,are at my church. So much for being equally yoked. I have asked only three out at work. They all say, "NO!"
The ones that have said, "Yes!" ,I have met at speed dating sessions, and at dances.

I did not know any of these women for more than five years. You see, since I was in the Navy ,I never stayed anywhere for more that ten years. Therefore, I have never stayed in any area for 20 years, for anyone to really know me for a long time. Besides, I have no problem asking strangers out.

Most women are not harmed by strangers. Most women are harmed by their spouses, or someone else who they know. I have reassured many women by this saying. "Every friend, that you now have, was at one time a ........stranger." Even the bible says that we ought to be kind and friendly to strangers.

The women, that I have met on the Singles' Cruises, just love me, when I am on the dance floor ,dancing with them. But, that is all that they want to do with me, is just dance. But they make out with the other men in our singles' group.
Did you read the mission statements of the HAI group?Those are my goals. What is it about those goals that you do not understand? Those goals are printed out in post number 91. Some,I have even put in bold writing. As far as skin color is concerned,I guess you did not read what I wrote to Michelle.Well,I have had so much emotional damage done to me by many black women,than I can no longer get excited around a black woman any more. Now I have a question for you,blackribbion. Why is it ok for a woman, who has had just one bad experience with a man.to reject me, but, it is not okay for me to be impotent around only black women, who have burned me so many times, that my nickname should be........toast?

 

[blackribbon]

Being kind and friendly does not mean "date".

So you believe you have some problem with being able to communicate with women and you are hoping that HAI will teach you how to improve your communication skills?

Most people will not go out with strangers so it isn't anything personal when a stranger turns you down. Personally, I don't think a date is how you make a friend ...well, unless you are okay with a date realizing that maybe you are more "friend only" material after a few dates and you have a chance to kind of learn more about each other.

How many of the ladies on the cruise did you need to make out with to feel noticed? I believe you already have made it clear that you had one who was interested enough to reinact a movie scene with you.

 

[exitstageright]

Being kind and friendly does not mean "date".

So you believe you have some problem with being able to communicate with women and you are hoping that HAI will teach you how to improve your communication skills?

Most people will not go out with strangers so it isn't anything personal when a stranger turns you down. Personally, I don't think a date is how you make a friend ...well, unless you are okay with a date realizing that maybe you are more "friend only" material after a few dates and you have a chance to kind of learn more about each other.

How many of the ladies on the cruise did you need to make out with to feel noticed? I believe you already have made it clear that you had one who was interested enough to reinact a movie scene with you.

Yes, your are so right! One of the skills I would like to learn is communication skills. Since I just cannot read a woman's mind,I would just have to find a way to connect with her, in order for me to get a clue as what is going on in her mind.
Yes, one did make out with me on a cruise.Many of the single cruises say that they are not looking for anyone.That they just want to have fun. However most of them drink a lot and have jello shot drinking parties.Since I do not drink,I cannot join them in their fun.That is probably why most of them do not notice me. Well, and I know that you will disagree with me,but making out with someone is my way of having fun.So, as many men tend to do,I should not be "keeping score". I have been told"no" more times that I have been told, "yes."
It is an ego thing, you know. And the human male ego is very fragile, just like an uncooked egg.

I just have to learn how to be grateful. "Greatfulness is knowing what you have, and knowing that it is........enough."

 

[blackribbon]

Yes, your are so right! One of the skills I would like to learn is communication skills. Since I just cannot read a woman's mind,I would just have to find a way to connect with her, in order for me to get a clue as what is going on in her mind.
yes, did make out with me on a cruise. So, as many men tend to do,I should not be "keeping score". I have been told"no" more times that I have been told, "yes."
It is an ego thing, you know. And the human male ego is very fragile, just like an uncooked egg.

I just have to learn how to be grateful. "Greatfulness is knowing what you have, and knowing that it is........enough."

Isn't it normal to have more people say "no" than actually say "yes"? Would you say "yes" to everyone single woman who might ask you to makeout or go on a date? And if you are busy finding lots of different people saying "yes" then there is no way you are building a future with anyone.

 

[exitstageright]

Isn't it normal to have more people say "no" than actually say "yes"? Would you say "yes" to everyone single woman who might ask you to makeout or go on a date? And if you are busy finding lots of different people saying "yes" then there is no way you are building a future with anyone.

That is my weakness. I can resist saying" yes" to alcohol, smoking ,and illeagal drugs. I can easily say "no" to a black woman. But, it is very hard for me to say "no" to a white woman. Now, if I was married to a white woman,(as I was before) it would be easy for me to say "no" to the other white woman.