Oh- I'll have to take a look! I realized how close to the surface it still all is this week as my nemesis-- er..I mean my mom... is visiting.
*VENT Warning**
Whew, It took me a bit to read the entire thread I just want to introduce myself.
Putting one's self is in time-out is the best way to avoid saying or doing something that might not set the best example for the kids. If I get like that, I just get Hubby to watch DD and have some time to myself. It only takes a few minutes for me to calm down enough to face her again, but better that than yelling at her.Lol Jemma! I had a quiet afternoon--a rare treat!
MUCH better than yesterday when I had to put myself in time out I don't use time out for DD, but I was getting so frustrated that I figured it was a good thing for me!
I think whenever you can work to avert a tantrum, etc.-- that is the absolute BEST thing! Prevention, as they say, is the best medicine!
Usually when I am placing boundaries I also give the why of it--even with my babies and toddlers. I know they can't really conceptualize the why, but it that way it is still filtering into their brain for when they can conceptualize. For example you could say to your lttle one "Good job staying away from the stove while mommy is cooking! It's very hot and if you touch it you can burnt and it will really hurt. You are sure doing a great job being careful!"
I do this for my babies if they are biting while nursing or give me a playful slap "No biting (or hitting) --that hurts mommy and hurts mommy's feelings." For hitting I also then show them how I like to be touched-I take their hand and say "Gentle touch. Gentle touches on mommy. Mommy likes gentle touches- that feels so nice!"
When I am keeping my toddlers away from outlets- again it's "No touch! Hot! Hurt baby! No touch!"
Thank you for mentioning that book. I'm going to add it to my list of too read. I have a long fuse but when the fuse is done my explosion is large and shameful. I really need help in this area right now especially as my children are reaching an age that they will remember my beastly mommy explosions. I do ask for their help in reminding me to hold my temper, which works surprisingly well but I don't fully feel it is fair to place that pressure on them. Ugh. . .I'm having a tough week.I deal with some anger issues where I end up acting totally opposite of how I believe I should in parenting. So I bought the book She's Gonna Blow!: Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger by Julie Ann Barnhill. I'm not done reading it yet, but I'm finding it very helpful and thought I would mention it in case anyone else was interested!
QUESTION FOR ROSE!!!!!! lol
Meaghan BIT me today while nursing and WOW did it shock me now that she's got those two little bottom teeth. She's going on 9 months old. What I did was say "OW!" really loud. Like I said, it shocked me. She stopped immediately and looked at me, surprised. I said "Meaghan, that hurt mummy! We're finished!" and I put her on the living room floor to play with her toys. She had been nursing for a while so I knew she wouldn't still be hungry so...
Anyway, any advice on how to handle it (gulp) next time?
Also, I think you may have answered another question for me but ( by the way I got my books in the mail last week - HOw to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk AND Biblical Parenting- GREAT STUFF!!!!) how do you start all this stuff when they are just infants? Just talk to them like they are bigger and know that they will internalize it?
For example, how can I get Meaghan to stop pulling hair? MIne when she is in my arms- other babies' when they are close to her.
I love this thread so much.
Lately I've been saying to myself - over and over until I am calm "Shannon you can't teach them not to have tantrums if you are having tantrums. Shannon you can't teach them not to have tantrums if you are having tantrums."Thank you for mentioning that book. I'm going to add it to my list of too read. I have a long fuse but when the fuse is done my explosion is large and shameful. I really need help in this area right now especially as my children are reaching an age that they will remember my beastly mommy explosions. I do ask for their help in reminding me to hold my temper, which works surprisingly well but I don't fully feel it is fair to place that pressure on them. Ugh. . .I'm having a tough week.
Thanks. You're so right about the teaching aspect. I can already see how my fits just lead to more fits from them.Lately I've been saying to myself - over and over until I am calm "Shannon you can't teach them not to have tantrums if you are having tantrums. Shannon you can't teach them not to have tantrums if you are having tantrums."
I am sorry you're having a rough week.
Hang in there!! Do you give him tools-- things that are okay ways to express anger?? Drawing, or using words, or doing an angry dance or standing and doing ninja moves....or whatever..... Have you showed him gentle hands??Where's the smiley hitting his head against a brick wall?!!!!
Don't know if it's just my tiredness or what, but I think I see the end of the rope... DS no.1 does not seem to be learning ANYTHING about expressing his emotions appropriately. He gets angry and then he hits me and that is SO NOT ALLOWED. I feel like I've been trying to teach him for ages: you can be angry but you can't hit me or anyone else, hitting isn't nice, talk about it and let's find a solution together etc etc etc and that my patience is being rewarded with more hitting, because there are no real nasty consequences for him. Or maybe I'm just doing it all wrong. I guess I'm struggling to show him the line / boundary without some kind of punishment.
Like I said:
I'm concerned about her interactions with Jonas - very aggressive lately. She has a sister who is two months younger than Jonas, and she'll play a bit rough with her sometimes, but she's always loving towards her. With Jonas, on the other hand, she's just been plain mean. Anytime he crawls anywhere near her, she whines "no, get him away from me." He doesn't touch her stuff or do anything to her. When I ask why, she just says she doesn't want him by her.
I don't usually leave the babies alone with the two older kids, but occasionally it happens. Last week, I was helping Jonathan in the bathroom. Jonas was standing at the furniture in the livingroom and I was keeping an eye on him, while at the bathroom door. Grace did not know I was watching, and she went over to Jonas, stood over him in a very domineering posture with her hands on her hips and got right in his face making growling type noises. She wasn't just being silly; she had a mean look in her face. I said her name rather sharply and then I asked her why she was doing that. She said that he was bothering her, and I told her that I saw what happened and that he wasn't even near her. She tried to come up with some other excuses, and I just told her that she's not to be mean to any of the kids in the house. I wasn't sure what else to do.
Yesterday, the baby was waking from her nap upstairs. Jonas was again standing at the furniture because that's his favorite thing to do lately, and Grace was sitting on the couch. I ran upstairs and was gone for less than a minute. When I came back, I found Grace with her foot on Jonas' chest as though she were about to push him down. Again, I was rather sharp, and I asked her why she was doing that, and she said rather lamely, "I want to stand there.""
I don't know what to do, other than to always take Jonas with me. I do wear him a lot while I'm there, but if he's not already in a carrier when I need to carry Ella somewhere, I don't take the time to put him on, and it's very difficult to carry both babies, especially up and down the stairs.
I'm going to talk to her mom about what I'm seeing this week, but I'm hoping to have some ideas for helping this situation. They are not gentle discipline. Pretty mainstream: time outs, the occasional spanking, removing privelages.
How do I handle this?
Anyone read either of these books:
Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
[FONT="]How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk[/FONT][FONT="] by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish[/FONT]