Once a cheater always a cheater?

[dluvs2trvl]

Do you believe that? Have you been cheated on? Did you forgive the person AND take them back? Have you cheated on someone? Were you forgiven AND taken back?

I was watching a tv news type show that brought this question to my mind...I have been cheated on and I ended the relationship. It just hurt way to much...I think I have finally forgiven him but I don't think I could ever take him back.

 

[GuacaMolly]

Hmm, in my experience, it's true. Not saying that people can't change, but IMO when people cheat they usually also are extremely self centered which means that they may not see the need to change-- and change comes from within. If they don't want it, themselves, for their own reasons-- it will not happen.

I've known and observed both women and men who cheat, and they all made it a habit.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

That's what my father says. And it was certainly true in the case of my mother. But I don't know for sure, so I voted undecided.

 

[unkalledfor]

I've been cheated on before... and No, I didn't take her back, I'm not a "second chances" guy.. oh well, at least it was only a 3 month relationship that was pretty easy to get over...

now recently i've discovered that my most recent ex- which i dated for almost 4 years might've cheated on me.. but doesn't really matter at this point.. lol

I really don't know where this world is headed... where has all the decency and loyalty gone? maybe i just suck at picking the right girls...

 

[Bawsed_Simian]

No. Different people cheat for different reasons. One guy I was dating cheated on me because he thought I had cheated on him - because some girl said so when she got dumped by the guy's brother after she was cheating.

Would he cheat again? No.

Now for some people that isn't true, but as this saying generalizes all cheaters, my answer is no.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

I totally understand what you're saying here...

I really don't know where this world is headed... where has all the decency and loyalty gone?

What I don't understand is, if they wanted out of the relationship why didn't they just end it? We weren't married to them...they weren't bound by marital vows to stay in the relationship...why didn't they just end the relationship and walk away? Why did they have to do something as hurtful as cheating?

When it happened to me, it caused me to doubt our entire relationship. I didn't believe anything any more - nothing he had said or done - the experiences, fun, romance we had shared all turned into a lie - I didn't know what to trust any more...it took me a long time to get over it...and I think it changed me significantly in that I know withhold my trust until someone earns it instead of how I used to be which was to trust right away until I had a reason not to...now I'm not like that when it comes to men which isn't fair but is a consequence of a past relationship.

Anyways...I just don't get why people who are dating have to cheat - just break up!

 

[traingosorry]

No. Different people cheat for different reasons. One guy I was dating cheated on me because he thought I had cheated on him - because some girl said so when she got dumped by the guy's brother after she was cheating.

Would he cheat again? No.

I don't think it matters even that he will cheat again but that he cheated out of spite - believing you had cheated on him. That's disturbing.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

I don't think it matters even that he will cheat again but that he cheated out of spite - believing you had cheated on him. That's disturbing.

I agree...

 

[Sketcher]

Theoretically, a total change is possible with the help of God. I don't want to be the guinea pig, though.

 

[HopeFaithLove4u]

Do you believe that? I'm undecided on that.
Have you been cheated on? Yes
Did you forgive the person AND take them back?Yes, I forgave because I believe people make mistakes and deserve 2nd chances if they are sincere about what they did wrong.....but time proved that he wasn't trust worthy, so I had no choice, but to 'cut him loose'.
Have you cheated on someone? No, I would NEVER do that to someone....I have too much integrity.

I was watching a tv news type show that brought this question to my mind...I have been cheated on and I ended the relationship. It just hurt way to much...I think I have finally forgiven him but I don't think I could ever take him back.

Overall......I, usually, live by Dr. Phil's motto of "the past behavior, will predict future behavior". But, not everyone will be careless.....there are people who will learn from their mistakes and 'do better', if given a 2nd chance.

So, I'm 'on the fence' about it.

 

[K9_Trainer]

Do you believe that?

Generally, I will say yes. However, I won't say that a cheater can't change. If they WANT to change, they are completely capable of changing with God and a little maturing.

Have you been cheated on?

Yes, I have. Almost twice, although luckily he had the guts to actually break up with me the second time.

Did you forgive the person AND take them back?

I did forgive him, and I also took him back. But once your SO cheats, the relationship changes. You'd like to think it'll just go back the way it was and everything will be fine, but it doesn't. You can pretend all you want, but the trust was severed completely. It's not just a little lie that's practically nothing, it has major effects on the relationship and the bond.

If I am ever cheated on again, there won't be a second chance. That's the end of it. Although I say that, I'm not sure if I'd have the strength to go through with it.

Have you cheated on someone? Were you forgiven AND taken back?

Nope, never cheated.

Honestly, I don't understand how anybody can do that. I love my bf so much that just the thought of cheating makes me sick. I can't even think about it.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

For the most part I believe it is true. People are capable of change, but I am not going to count on it. To my knowledge, I have not been cheated on. If I were cheated on in a relationship that would be the end of it. If I were cheated on in a marriage, it would behoove the cheater to tell me right away. I would be upset and angry, but not as upset and angry as I would be if they didn't tell me and proceeded to have sex with me after having other people cooties on them (thus potentially exposing me and any unborn children I had to STD's).

 

[mina]

Each person is different and people can change. So it might be true for some but not for others. I do think that in most cases if they do it FOR you, they will do it TO you eventually.

 

[deliciousBass]

Do you believe that?

Eh. In general, yes. But of course there are always exceptions (I get so tired of saying that).

Have you been cheated on?

Yeah, couple times. Most recently, my ex when we were separated. Some people might not consider that cheating (even on this site but they're just being stupid and rationalizing and apparently have no respect for the institution of marriage) but I do. It hurt very badly for a long time because I was hoping to reconciliate.

Did you forgive the person AND take them back?

I would have if she was genuinely remorseful. It's different when you're married though. I don't think I could take someone back if I was just in a LTR.

Have you cheated on someone?

Nope, I've never cheated on anybody. I can't imagine cheating on anybody now after the pain I've felt being on the receiving end.

Overall......I, usually, live by Dr. Phil's motto of "the past behavior, will predict future behavior".

Hehe, that's not really a Dr. Phil thing. It's behavioral psychology. And it's more like "Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior."

 

[Inkachu]

I was cheated on many, many years ago. It's nothing that I think about anymore.

I cheated as well, many years ago. It's also nothing that I think about anymore. That was then, this is now.

I think that, once you've engaged in a particular sin, you'll always be predisposed to that particular temptation. But I believe wholeheartedly that Christians can completely overcome and be victorious, and never commit that sin again, with Christ's help.

 

[Niels]

The saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true in most cases. There are exceptions, but don't assume that whomever you want to date is one of the few.

Out of fairness to the other person, it might be useful to know how old they were when they cheated, and whether or not they were Christian at the time. Somebody who cheated when they were very young, and before they were saved, is probably less likely to cheat again than somebody who cheated when they were older and a Christian, but YMMV. This is based on my own observations.

I've neither cheated nor been cheated on, but I've known plenty of people who have. If you find out that you're with a cheater, then it's best to either end the relationship... or get used to being cheated on... because 9 times out of 10 they will do it again.

If somebody cheated on me, I would forgive, but I wouldn't take them back. The relationship would be over.

 

[Luther073082]

Maybe with my inexperience having not been cheated on before but I really don't think so.

Now its something kind of disturbing about someone to know that they cheated on someone but I don't belive I can just determine that someone is going to cheat on me just because they did it once before to someone else.

proceeded to have sex with me after having other people cooties on them

Thats what I love about you Melissa. Herpes, HIV, HPV. . . what do you call them. . . "cooties"

Just don't infect me with Gingervitus.

 

[deliciousBass]

Now its something kind of disturbing about someone to know that they cheated on someone but I don't belive I can just determine that someone is going to cheat on me just because they did it once before to someone else.

I think Molly's post kinda explains that well. The typical cheater is a selfish person (moreso than the average individual if you can somehow measure that) and although it can change, I think it's unlikely until the person really matures which kinda goes along with what ListeningEars said when people get saved.

For example, I have been with two people have left somebody to be with me. And guess what ended up happening?!?! They left me to be with somebody else or to find somebody else! Both of them are very selfish people. Heck, even my ex's family admits she's incredibly selfish and self-centered.

 

[Luther073082]

I think Molly's post kinda explains that well. The typical cheater is a selfish person (moreso than the average individual if you can somehow measure that) and although it can change, I think it's unlikely until the person really matures which kinda goes along with what ListeningEars said when people get saved.

For example, I have been with two people have left somebody to be with me. And guess what ended up happening?!?! They left me to be with somebody else or to find somebody else! Both of them are very selfish people. Heck, even my ex's family admits she's incredibly selfish and self-centered.

I'm not disagreeing as to the cause(s). I am just careful about keeping a big red C on someone for the rest of their life.

 

[deliciousBass]

I'm not disagreeing as to the cause(s). I am just careful about keeping a big red C on someone for the rest of their life.

Well, it's not like they didn't earn it The burden of proving they have changed is on them. Sorry, but that's life and people have to learn to live with the consequences.

It's not that big a deal anyway. Being a cheater doesn't seem to stop most cheaters from finding someone new.