OCD/Scrup/unbelief thoughts

[Christian-Catholic]

hi Christian catholic,
I´m really sorry about your situation at home, I will pray your mom´s heart changes in this regard. How old are you? Are you in school, or working anywhere? I would suggest you spend time with friends you love and trust - those that understand your underlying issues and concerns. I was having a bad weekend, actually, so I can relate to your anxious feelings. On friday it was my uncle´s 50th birthay party and we stayed really long. I only slept like two hours, than got sick to my stomach, because we ate so much that nite and I dont usually eat after 3 p.m. at all. The whole day after that was bad due to the stomache and as I was weaker physically the thoughts were abnormal too. I felt very anxious waking up today and even tonite after my afternoon nap. But God is with me and I got better again.
is your therapist a psychiatrist? do you have health insurance or you´re paying that person? is your medication expensive? do you have a drug plan? if you´re living in the US, these things can be a bit challenging - but hey, God provides for all your needs. Read Paul´s letter to Philippians, chapter 4.
God is with you.
bluesyboy

Thanks for the prayers Bluesy. Im actually 42 and times are tough in the family financially. The christian counselor I was starting to see was just a psychologist so she was charging 80 an hour and couldnt even pfrescribe meds. The therapist I saw last is a psychiatrist and charged 106 for the last visit. Im on a waiting list at chatholic charities to see a christian or catholic based therapist that would only charge 15 dollars per session but I dont know when I will work my way through the waiting list. I had health insurance but it had a 1500 dollar premium so it was basically useless to help me short term financially so we scraped it. So im basically paying in cash. I only have a part time business right now that isnt earning that much. Right now Im starting to hang out with one of our christian friends who we have known for a while but he doesnt really have alot of time because hes married, but he really understands ocd as it almost killed him.

Yesterday was the first day in 2 months that I started reading the bible again. It was a little stressfull but there were brief moments of joy knowing that the bible is the truth and the Word.

Wow, no food usually after 3pm? My grandmother was like this and she lived to be 100 years old. Im glad that you are feeling better now. Yes it does seem that those thoughts attack when we are at our weakest. I was in a deep state of depression even before this happened so that could have been one of the things that triggered this state that I am currently in now. My christian friend suggested that maybe I should meet a nice god fearing women, but I told him that I dont think I can dump this on anyone till I get through it. Would it really be fair on any woman I meet?

I will read Pauls letter to the philippians today
Thanks Bluesy
God Bless you and everyone here

 

[Christian-Catholic]

I've actually had a Christian OCD counselor tell me my case was to servere for him and refer me to an outpatient clinic / treatment center almost an hour from were a live and to top it off i dont have insurance for thaat type of thing , but God bless him i holde no ill will toward him at all ~ i've found a different person im seeing now and she is helpful , mostly its been God helping me theough it cause its still a daily stuggle but one im postitive i can overcome

DHL, im so glad you found a good therapist to talk to. Believe me, I also had a talk witha christian counselor who was even ignorant of my situation and said I was to blame for being this way. Im just glad that God brought you to a good one.
I will keep you in my prayers

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Please pray for my friend in Calcutta who is clinging for his life.
He Converted to christianity many years back when I first met him and we are like brothers. He has one of the most innocent and naive hearts on earth. I just want him to be ok so we can meet one day again. Im gonna pray the rosary for him today also.
He is in critical condition and he has multiple organ failure. He was starting to get better and actually woke from his coma for a few minutes but now they found an infection in his blood and lungs. The only good news is that it isnt cancerous.
I couldnt stop from crying all morning
He is more family to me then some of my own family members

The only good news is that my friends therapist finally contacted me yesterday as she was out of town , but it wasnt a good time to talk as I had guests over. I will try again today.

 

[kaykay9.0]

Please pray for my friend in Calcutta who is clinging for his life.
He Converted to christianity many years back when I first met him and we are like brothers. He has one of the most innocent and naive hearts on earth. I just want him to be ok so we can meet one day again. Im gonna pray the rosary for him today also.
He is in critical condition and he has multiple organ failure. He was starting to get better and actually woke from his coma for a few minutes but now they found an infection in his blood and lungs. The only good news is that it isnt cancerous.
I couldnt stop from crying all morning
He is more family to me then some of my own family members

The only good news is that my friends therapist finally contacted me yesterday as she was out of town , but it wasnt a good time to talk as I had guests over. I will try again today.

Praying....

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Thank you KayKay, I just want the Lord to watch over him.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Guys my best friend died 2 hours ago. I feel so lonely and sad, he was teh kindest gentlest person on earth. When he loved his friends , he loved them with all his heart. He converted to christianity 5 years ago. He is saved and with the Lord now. I just know that the angels in heaven are welcoming a special angel now. I cant stop crying now. these tears wont stop coming. I feel so devestated and my mom is now talking about how he should have worked harder on my project. How can someone be so cold hearted. I just wanted to hug him once
Someone please help me

 

[kaykay9.0]

Guys my best friend died 2 hours ago. I feel so lonely and sad, he was teh kindest gentlest person on earth. When he loved his friends , he loved them with all his heart. He converted to christianity 5 years ago. He is saved and with the Lord now. I just know that the angels in heaven are welcoming a special angel now. I cant stop crying now. these tears wont stop coming. I feel so devestated and my mom is now talking about how he should have worked harder on my project. How can someone be so cold hearted. I just wanted to hug him once
Someone please help me

Praying for you. I do understand grief. I lost my son (my only child) in a freak car accident in 2001 and my father years ago who was shot in an apparent robbery. My mother-in-law passed away this past Monday as well. I know it hurts really, really bad. Just try to be grateful that he knew the Lord and is with Him now. With my own son (who was 16) I just have to believe that the Lord took Him at that time for a reason that I can't know here on earth. I know it hurts anyway though. I'm so sorry. It's ok to cry.

 

[frogtgif]

praying for both of you....

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Kaykay I am so sorry to hear about your losses. You must be such a gutsy person to make it through so much heartache. If you need a friend to talk to ever, please feel free to pm me ok? Ashoke was abused and used most of his life. Its like we both went through so much Loneliness and God helped us to find each other. I only wish that I would have brought him here for you all to meet. He was a big guy but as innocent and naive as a child. His heart was so giving and caring. He even told me to come to thailand once to stay with him and he would take care of me always. I also told him to come here and I would take care of him. WE are brothers and Kindred spirits and for a brief 5 years of my life The lord allowed me to be brothers and friends witha real life angel.
I bet heaven is just a bit happier today.
I also know that I must beat my disorder to honor my Best friend, who is probably looking down at me from heaven right now. I love you bro, and I miss you so muchhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Say hi to Jesus for me ok bro
I will be there with you one day
Amen

Praying for you. I do understand grief. I lost my son (my only child) in a freak car accident in 2001 and my father years ago who was shot in an apparent robbery. My mother-in-law passed away this past Monday as well. I know it hurts really, really bad. Just try to be grateful that he knew the Lord and is with Him now. With my own son (who was 16) I just have to believe that the Lord took Him at that time for a reason that I can't know here on earth. I know it hurts anyway though. I'm so sorry. It's ok to cry.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

ty frog

praying for both of you....

 

[kaykay9.0]

ty frog

Yes, thank you for your prayers, frog.

Continuing to pray for you, Christian Catholic.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Thank you so much KayKay for your prayers. Last few days have been very bad and I went back to the well again for reassurance. The sertraline isnt working at all and its getting frustrating when I cant even keep one therapist for long. Im thinking of applying for social security disability. I cant even work right now and disability would really help in finding a good therapist.

Is anyone here collecting disability? What do you think my chances are?

 

[kaykay9.0]

Thank you so much KayKay for your prayers. Last few days have been very bad and I went back to the well again for reassurance. The sertraline isnt working at all and its getting frustrating when I cant even keep one therapist for long. Im thinking of applying for social security disability. I cant even work right now and disability would really help in finding a good therapist.

Is anyone here collecting disability? What do you think my chances are?

I don't know about your chances of collecting disability. Where I live here in Texas, is it notoriously difficult to get on disability. My good friend has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and was told it could take as long as 2 years to get it going!I understand some states are easier. Not sure what it would be where you are. I will say, this however, when I was going through it the worst, I was having trouble working too, but I think it would have been worse for me to NOT work in retrospect. Too much free times seems to give our minds more time to ruminate. At least that was my experience. Continuing to pray for you...

 

[Christian-Catholic]

I don't know about your chances of collecting disability. Where I live here in Texas, is it notoriously difficult to get on disability. My good friend has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and was told it could take as long as 2 years to get it going!I understand some states are easier. Not sure what it would be where you are. I will say, this however, when I was going through it the worst, I was having trouble working too, but I think it would have been worse for me to NOT work in retrospect. Too much free times seems to give our minds more time to ruminate. At least that was my experience. Continuing to pray for you...

Thank you so much for your prayers KayKay. Things got superbad last week to the point where I started feeling suicidal again. I asked my dad for his cell phone and drove off at night and parked at our local church where I just sat in the car and asked The lord for a way out and for the strength to do help myself. I called the crisis hotline and a very nice lady answered. I explained everything that was going on with me and she told me that she was pretty sure that my problem is a physiological one and not a faith problem. I then told her that I cant afford a therapist and havent found a good one yet. The lady then gave me the number of a facility that would be able to help me at a very cheap price. I went to the facility and they scheduled an appointment for me for thsi thursday for an evaluation and to probably get a therapist for me. I know this is pure O ocd but now I have the hope of therapy. Its just so hard for me to do any kind of therapy on myself with my mom and brother watching me like a hawk all day. God saw me on the cliff and reached out with his hand when I needed it most. I hope I will finally be able to get through this nightmare. I also have a spiritual director now from our church

 

[kaykay9.0]

Thank you so much for your prayers KayKay. Things got superbad last week to the point where I started feeling suicidal again. I asked my dad for his cell phone and drove off at night and parked at our local church where I just sat in the car and asked The lord for a way out and for the strength to do help myself. I called the crisis hotline and a very nice lady answered. I explained everything that was going on with me and she told me that she was pretty sure that my problem is a physiological one and not a faith problem. I then told her that I cant afford a therapist and havent found a good one yet. The lady then gave me the number of a facility that would be able to help me at a very cheap price. I went to the facility and they scheduled an appointment for me for thsi thursday for an evaluation and to probably get a therapist for me. I know this is pure O ocd but now I have the hope of therapy. Its just so hard for me to do any kind of therapy on myself with my mom and brother watching me like a hawk all day. God saw me on the cliff and reached out with his hand when I needed it most. I hope I will finally be able to get through this nightmare. I also have a spiritual director now from our church

Glad you're getting some help. I'm sorry you are in such distress. Reminds me of when I was in my twenties and started having my first really bad OCD flare ups. I was distressed about to the extent you have been. I hope this passes for you soon and you receive the help you feel like you need. Praying for you~~

 

[shelovesChrist]

CC, praying for you . that God give you faith, strength, and patience during this hard time . that doctor was wrong, it isn't your fault and im glad that the Lord is keeping you . sometimes i felt that dying had to be better than this when it first started and was really bad, but if the Lord hasn't called us home, we still got work to do . He would never put more on us than we can bear so even this , even though it feels so terrible, we can handle . not by ourselves, but with Him . He told us all who were heavy burdened to come to Him and He would give us the rest of our souls . there is peace and joy in Him and these thoughts can't keep us from Him . today is a good day for me , it gets better . keep praying and continue to ask the Lord to keep our minds . we are in His arc of safety and He loves us . when He came down here, He spent so much time healing the sick . We are loved dearly =) And He can make a way , i believe in Him .

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Glad you're getting some help. I'm sorry you are in such distress. Reminds me of when I was in my twenties and started having my first really bad OCD flare ups. I was distressed about to the extent you have been. I hope this passes for you soon and you receive the help you feel like you need. Praying for you~~

Kay im so sorry you had to go through that. I dont wish it on anyone. Today I went for my evaluation and I they got me a therapist. the lady that evaluated me made sure that she gave me a therapist she thinks has a strong faith so I was happy there that I dont have to deal with a secular doctor thats trying to change my mind, and the best part is it wont cost me more than 150 dollars a year and that includes all therapy sessions and meds. They are a zillion times cheaper then the last 2 therapists and they seem to really care about me much more then the last 2. My first appointment with the new therapist is august 11th. So the lady that evaluated me told me to try to stay calm and not tend to the thoughts as much as I can. I also mentioned exposure reponse therapy to her.

Thank you Kay for your prayers, the lord is hearing them and im sure he wont let me go ever.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

CC, praying for you . that God give you faith, strength, and patience during this hard time . that doctor was wrong, it isn't your fault and im glad that the Lord is keeping you . sometimes i felt that dying had to be better than this when it first started and was really bad, but if the Lord hasn't called us home, we still got work to do . He would never put more on us than we can bear so even this , even though it feels so terrible, we can handle . not by ourselves, but with Him . He told us all who were heavy burdened to come to Him and He would give us the rest of our souls . there is peace and joy in Him and these thoughts can't keep us from Him . today is a good day for me , it gets better . keep praying and continue to ask the Lord to keep our minds . we are in His arc of safety and He loves us . when He came down here, He spent so much time healing the sick . We are loved dearly =) And He can make a way , i believe in Him .

ShelovesChrist, im so happy and glad that you are having a better day. Im praying that it will be all gone one day and you will have joy and peace in your life. Your right about the dying part, as I also felt that id rather die then have these thoughts pounding me all day. I remember when things were super bad , I recalled the messianic prophesies that i learned about a few weeks ago, and if I was in normal non-ocd mode I would have had goosebumps at how accurate they are. You know ShelovesChrist, your right about our lord being able to heal anyone, and I believe in him too.
All I can say is that the evaluation lady made me feel so comfortable. It was the first time in a while that I felt at ease , and I thanked her 3 times.

I love u all my brothers and sister in Christ, You are all my heroes but my ultimate hero is Our lord and savior

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Well, I finally got through my first appointment with the therapost at that facility, and i will stick with them for a while even though i felt vibes that my therapist was just rushing me through my first appointment. the person that evaluated me told me that she believed that he is a deeply spiritual person but I didnt feel a hint of that the other day. I also asked him aboiut exposure response therapy and he said that wouldnt work in my cae because my ocd was pure rumination. That really made me feel uneasy as I know that erp helped mitzi overcome her ocd. I have a hard time practicing it at home because my brother follows me whereever I go and my mom keeps telling me how worthless I am just sitting in the house.

I do have a backup just in case this doesnt work. The organization that is affiliated with catholic charites finally called me up (I finally worked my way up their waiting list) and said that If I needed to see them to just call the nice lady that I spoke with on the phone. She was an absolute blessing to talk to and I think im gonna call her up this week. Im still getting the unbelief thoughts and anxiety in my stomach and im still going through the reassurance obsessions. It seems like an endless cycle that will never end

But im still going to church and still praying every day. I pray that God finds a way to bring me out of this wilderness before it gets too hard to take
I will keep holding on

 

[shelovesChrist]

CC, stay encouraged . remember the Lord has time for you , the therapist might have tried to rush you but the Lord won't do that . so be happy that you always have our Savior available 24/7 . Im so proud and happy that you keep praying and going to church . Showing the Lord even in the midst of the trouble and confusion you will give Him praise, even though you can't see clearly, thats true faith ! Some days it feels like i go in circle too . unbelief thought, doubting salvation but remember every inch of faith gained in this is a blessing . the Lord is holding you in His hand , rest in the promises of His word, rest in calvary, rest in Him . praying for you