Ocd is ruining my faith please help!!!

[Farine]

So the unforgivable sin is more than just thoughts or words, it comes from the heart truly, the heart must be so evil and so hardened that you will never care for repentance?

That's a sufficient understanding for the time being. I'm sure an expert will be along to educate both of us. I've read the thread all the way to this point myself. Several people have rightfully mentioned that your concerns prove you haven't committed that choice.

I also appreciate that other members who struggle in this manner have participated. If you heard what my weaknesses were, you would be kind, I'm sure. Please be kind to yourself.

Lastly statements of faith run ahead of our experience. Kingdom of Heaven living works very differently than earthly living. I really didn't understand Paul's writing in the Epistles until I became the 'new creation' Paul wrote about. God understood what He was getting when He got me. He understands how to support you.

 

[lyndsey89]

Claire, You, like me have probably been told lots of times that if you are scared you have committed the unforgivable sin then you can't have committed it? And you, like me, have probably thought that that was a nice thought but struggled to actually believe it?
Well read this testimony (my own personal story, and one which is not easy for me to share by the way!) and think about it. I share this with you in the hope that you will see that it is the heart that is important in understanding this sin, not vile tormenting thoughts that you would do anything to stop.

I officially became a Christian in February 2014. Before that, I was a very bad person and my heart was very far from God. I'd said the sinners prayer a few times but saw no immediate change so then I straight away went back to calling myself an Atheist, mocking God, mocking Christians etc. Now as I said, during that time my heart was very far from God and yet I never had any blasphemous thoughts at all. Don't you think that's strange? I was very bitter and hard hearted and openly declaring myself to be an atheist but had no bad thoughts about God, in fact I barely spared him a second thought.
It was only when God called me to be a true Christian, when I started taking my faith seriously, when I repented and asked Jesus to save me and forgive me, when I believed in him and was trying to get closer to him, that the blasphemous OCD started. Why? Because I desperately DID NOT want to think these thoughts! Then OCD does what it always does - attacks you with doubts and fears about something you really, truly care about.
So do you see how the advice 'If you're worried about the unforgivable sin then you haven't committed it' is true? When I was calling myself an atheist I had no blasphemous thoughts at all! It only started when I really, truly believed and cared. To be worried about something you have to care about it. You haven't committed this sin because you love God and want to please him.

 

[Claire Barber]

Claire, You, like me have probably been told lots of times that if you are scared you have committed the unforgivable sin then you can't have committed it? And you, like me, have probably thought that that was a nice thought but struggled to actually believe it?
Well read this testimony (my own personal story, and one which is not easy for me to share by the way!) and think about it. I share this with you in the hope that you will see that it is the heart that is important in understanding this sin, not vile tormenting thoughts that you would do anything to stop.

Yes I have heard that many times, but I keep thinking I'm different. Ocd has attached itself to seriously everything, I got saved when I was younger and got baptized in may cause I just had this feeling in my mind in heart everywhere I tried to push it aside cause I had a huge fear of being in front of many people and every time I missed the baptism celebration I'll say oh I'll just do it next time until I finally did it and remember the while I was waiting in line to get babtozed I was very nervous but I wanted to cry, I remember getting I'm the big tub of warm water, I had my head down because I was on the verge of crying, and the man that was helping babtize me on the eight if me said to me "don't ever have your head down you are a daughter of Christ" and I lost it I mean I broke down and I'm crying right now just thinking about it, I had no clue why I was crying it wasn't that I was happy or sad or anything, I just cried. When I started going through all this I read a passage in the bible that as soon as I started reading it, it brought me to years it was the one where Jesus asked john the babtist to babtize him and John said why I'm not worthy to babtize you Jesus, and Jesus said yes you are. I can't remember the passage correctly or what verse, but why am I crying is it because the Holy Spirit in inside me and moving me and working in me, I would love to think that's the case, my cousin who is a lot older than me who is a very christian last thinks so? I have more questions but we will tale them one at a time haha.

 

[Claire Barber]

Sorry for all of the auto corrects!

 

[lyndsey89]

You say OCD has attached itself to everything and I totally get that because mine does too. Do you want to know some themes I've gone through/still go through in the past few years? Hyper responsibility - the believe that I am responsible for everyone's safety, the idea that my food and drink is contaminated, the idea that I have poisoned myself/others, the idea that I am not saved, the idea that I have committed the unforgivable sin, believing Bible verses about Pharisees to be about me, hell, whether things I watch/read/play are sinful, vows and promises that I may or may not have accidentally made.....the list goes on.

And do you know what all these themes have in common? They are all things I care about! Obviously I care about my health and therefore worry I will be contaminated. The hyper responsibility thing comes from not wanting to hurt people, wanting to believe I am a good person. And the other themes centre around my salvation.
Of course I care about my health, my salvation, the welfare of others...and this is precisely why OCD attacks me in these areas. The fact that OCD targets me in these areas is proof that these are the things I care about most. Do you get that? OCD is horrible because it attacks us in areas we care about. If it attached it to something we couldn't care less about then the thoughts would have no hold over us, would they?
Once you see and recognise this then it's easier to believe the advice that those who worry they have committed the unforgivable sin haven't really committed it.

I hope this doesn't sound negative but if (like me) you're looking for one defining moment where you can be rid of this fear completely and just know without certainty that you are saved, you might not get that. Some people do and some people don't. The key to defeating OCD is to learn to live with that uncertainty. It may be incredibly difficult but I believe it strengthens faith because what faith is it to believe if we have all the answers? To belief even in the face of incredible fear and doubt takes courage. It strengthens perseverance and our need to hold on to Jesus. It brings us to a place where we know he is our only hope. When I feel overwhelmed by the weight of my illness, I try to think on this.

Lyndsey

 

[Claire Barber]

I know its just this ice is making me really think I believe this blasphemous thoughts and I don't want to I keep praying but I just feel like no one is listening!! Is scared, numb and tired. I cry pretty often and I'm having such a hard time even caring for my child I don't know what to do anymore I even have to take sleep aid pills to get me to finally go to sleep cause I can not quit thinking I'm so tired but I can never fall asleep

 

[Farine]

Hello there Claire,
I know it seems hard to believe that reading words on your screen is making contact to real, life people. Yup. We're real. I admire both you and Lyndsey for continuing when it just gets so hard. I just read what you wrote and took a great, big, deep breath. When I read your words 'I know.. it's just..." that's a key point right there.

The struggle to grab ahold of truth is interrupting the interruption. That's what we're trying to do here. If you have to re-read the posts that you find useful.. the 23rd Psalm.. there are a long list of promises in the Bible about not being afraid. Which means you definitely aren't alone throughout History.

You have feelings. You are not FEELING. I am quoting the Message Translation for 1 Thessalonians 5;23-24 because I like the up-to-date language..

May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together—spirit, soul, and body—and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ. The One who called you is completely dependable. If he said it, he’ll do it!

You are a 3 part being.. it says it here in one verse.. spirit, soul and body.. The OCD cannot ruin, cannot change the blessed, holy, whole status of your spirit. And that is the real you. Here the promise is for you. Jesus.. who called you.. is completely dependable... Yes.. yes. .I know the OCD will protest. I have another Bible verse to address that too.

What you say goes, God, and stays, as permanent as the heavens.
Your truth never goes out of fashion; it’s as up-to-date as the earth when the sun comes up.
Your Word and truth are dependable as ever; that’s what you ordered—you set the earth going.
If your revelation hadn’t delighted me so, I would have given up when the hard times came.
But I’ll never forget the advice you gave me; you saved my life with those wise words.
Save me! I’m all yours. I look high and low for your words of wisdom.


Farine

 

[The Hammer of Witches]

To start out with I was recently diagnosed with ocd and I have had ocd all my life just never realized it. Well I learned about the unforgivable sin and my ocd made me keep think blasphemous thoughts against the Holy Spirit even though i didn't want to the more I tried to not think then the more I thought them. Well I learned later that there is no sin God won't forgive if you believe in him, so that calmed my nerves and then my ocd latched on to something else which was if I really believed. I started questioning EVERYTHING God Jesus Heaven hell the devil the bible my salvation literally everything and now I scared I'm really starting to believe all these thoughts in my mind and really starting to believe I don't believe before this I prayed every night I would ask God to help others even the people I didn't like all the much I had a sense of being complete and of course I questioned things like how hard it was to wrap my mind around how nothing ever created God he was just there but I would just shove them out and not obsess over them I even got babtized finally about a month and half ago cause for I had it heavy on my heart to get babtized for 2 years. I feel empty and worried God has left me and doesn't hear me I still pray constantly I pray a lot more than I did because it almost makes me feel normal again and gives me a piece of comfort and sanity but I just feel like I no longer believe and that worries me so much

I struggled with bad thoughts, and still do sometimes. I have found that in my case it was the bad stuff I fill my head with and am exposed to on a daily basis resurfacing in my mind. The solution? Read the Bible a lot more, abstain from every evil thought, action, word, etc. even the appearance of evil. Fill your head with good stuff, and set your mind on things above, don't think about the stuff of the world. Put on the armor of God, put on Christ. I don't know what OCD is like, I understand it is probably harder than what I struggled with but if you trust in God, he will deliver you. Reading the Bible, fellowship with other believers, prayer, etc. are all things God has given us to help us follow him. Maybe you could search around, find other people struggling with similar problems and could edify each other. Above all, simply live by faith, and trust in God. I will pray for you, may God answer your prayers soon.

 

[faroukfarouk]

I know its just this ice is making me really think I believe this blasphemous thoughts and I don't want to I keep praying but I just feel like no one is listening!! Is scared, numb and tired. I cry pretty often and I'm having such a hard time even caring for my child I don't know what to do anymore I even have to take sleep aid pills to get me to finally go to sleep cause I can not quit thinking I'm so tired but I can never fall asleep

Just try reading and re-reading a comforting passage of Scripture such as John 14.1 thru 27.

 

[redblue22]

Do you feel God is out to get you? Rereading verses seems a lost point. Do you think that if you ask for dessert at God's table that he will serve you a pie loaded with crap?

God is better than that. But if you insist God is out to get you, then maybe the lightning is out to get you. You can repeat whatever you want. Why not repeat love?

 

[FireDragon76]

I have more than a bit of OCD too, as well as generalized anxiety. Rarely I have panic attacks. Mine is not exclusively religious in nature. I am just prone to ruminating thoughts, it's probably because I have Asperger's. I'm also a bit of a control freak. God has given me a sharp mind but it can also be a curse. I had a friend a few years ago, he was an eccentric elderly gay man (he was formerly Catholic, then Episcopalian) who had spent many years on the periphery of mainstream society, and he confessed once to me that he couldn't get his thoughts to stop rattling around in his head and it really was a curse. I have the same type of mind.

I think alone time, getting away from media, and trying to not intellectualize things so much helps. I find a more mystical or relational approach to Christianity helpful than thinking about God in terms of rules and laws. Jesus wants us to think of God as a good parent, not a distant judge.

I think some religious teachings can make it worse. Having a harsh view of God definitely makes OCD worse. This isn't so much about doctrine as what is preached and taught in terms of attitude and how much pastoral support you are getting.

I can also identify with the problem of taking on too much responsibility. I have had it sometimes in the past so bad I get severe panic attacks.

One thing that has helped me some is really trying to find humility. I don't mean just thinking you are humble, actually being humble. That means not demanding your own way all the time, not having to be in control, learning to live with imperfection, listening to the words of a wise pastor or therapist and actually obeying them.

Think about how a little kid would believe in Jesus, and be that little kid. Forget making things complicated. I was inspired to do this by reading about St. Therese of Lisieux (who probably had an organic brain disease as a result of an illness as a child, inducing something like severe obsessions), and her "little way". She was looking for Jesus to be her "elevator" to heaven, or to be like the Good Thief that "sneaked" in. She didn't focus on her flaws, but on God's mercy.

I used to be an Orthodox catechumen: I had to leave that church for pastoral reasons (and that caused a lot of issues in itself, my priest wasn't very compassionate to me hardly ever), but I've always been attracted to that approach to things, and I still practice many of the things I was taught though I'm outside the communion of that church. I find filling my life with holy things helps a lot, keeping my mind on "things above" as has been pointed out is a good thing. It helps get rid of negativity and anxiety.

I struggle a lot with my image of God due to my bad experiences with my father, both my earthly one and my priest. For me as an Orthodox catechumen, keeping an icon of Mary with a candle lit near and remember that she prays for me is a lot of help, and it's gradually helping me to see God in a different light, to actually believe God is merciful to me also (BTW, I go to a Lutheran church but I still consider myself basically Orthodox, at least for now). But if you are not catholic or orthodox, you might need something totally different. Maybe good Christian music or a picture of Jesus. I also like listening to black spirituals, there is something there that speaks to me a lot in a way that a lot of Christian music does not.

Another thing that might help is medication. I have used it in the past, though it had a lot of side effects. Now days I use Chinese herbs when depression gets bad and I try to get enough vitamin D, and that has helped some too. Depression and OCD are very similar and they sort of overlap for most people.

 

[dailyacts]

To start out with I was recently diagnosed with ocd and I have had ocd all my life just never realized it. Well I learned about the unforgivable sin and my ocd made me keep think blasphemous thoughts against the Holy Spirit even though i didn't want to the more I tried to not think then the more I thought them. Well I learned later that there is no sin God won't forgive if you believe in him, so that calmed my nerves and then my ocd latched on to something else which was if I really believed. I started questioning EVERYTHING God Jesus Heaven hell the devil the bible my salvation literally everything and now I scared I'm really starting to believe all these thoughts in my mind and really starting to believe I don't believe before this I prayed every night I would ask God to help others even the people I didn't like all the much I had a sense of being complete and of course I questioned things like how hard it was to wrap my mind around how nothing ever created God he was just there but I would just shove them out and not obsess over them I even got babtized finally about a month and half ago cause for I had it heavy on my heart to get babtized for 2 years. I feel empty and worried God has left me and doesn't hear me I still pray constantly I pray a lot more than I did because it almost makes me feel normal again and gives me a piece of comfort and sanity but I just feel like I no longer believe and that worries me so much

Clarie, My name is David Olsen. I have had OCD since 1984, maybe even before. Please, visit my website, http://www.christianocdsupport.
Always remember your OCD thoughts are not your real thoughts.

 

[Solid25]

Hey everyone,

My name is Dave. I know this thread is old but I would like to know if I could be a part of it? I suffer from OCD as well I believe but a lot of my obsession over the past few months has been very confusing.and it is very tormenting because I don't know if I suffer from OCD, depression or both but I can't seem to stop trying to research forums to see if people had very similar thoughts or reaction as mine ( which is now driving me crazy cause I can't find EXACT matches ) although everyone has "similar" stories. I have felt very suicidal over the past few months. I spend alot of days trying to figure my thoughts.

I have a few questions ( if anyone would be kind enough to share or tell me if they have experienced this).

When I think about the past few days and what I was thinking about ( i.e. ruminating over my past feelings of depression and rumination ) I get new thoughts like " you'll never be normal again" , or " you're too lost and confused" , and then I feel that I'm believing these thoughts ( even though these same thoughts came up a few days or months ago they seem to grow stronger and truer ) . Has any experienced this?

Alot of thoughts also have to do with my faith and they're are days where I might have a thought/feeling or concept/idea but I start confusing with is it the devil(condemnation), me, or a conviction I'm supposed to feel. The confusion has been going on so much that I sometimes and almost daily keep thinking back to my past few days and trying to remember the thoughts I had again( Which drives me almost insane ) to see if I can unconfuse myself but then I go through the cycle again...it's become so scary. I almost feel like the confusion will never end and my mind is too broken.

Has anyone experienced things like this? Any help would be much appreciated!

 

[Solid25]

Just to give a more detailed example of that confusion about the devil or conviction:

The other day, I was obsessively researching forums about another obsessive thought and feeling I was going through to see if I could find any assurance and relief that my depression and intrusive thoughts ( as well as the BELIEVING THESE IDEAS ABOUT MY SELF TO BE TRUE ) we're relatable.....after hours of online googling I decided to give into inappropriate contentography. today however I constantly have thoughts like " you look to sin to give you relief from your confusion and obesessions instead of your savior" ...here's where the confusion repeats itself because I'm not sure.....is that thought a condemnation from Satan or a thought of conviction and truth and normal self awareness?.....I'm starting to feel a hatred to self awareness.

Also (another side obsession that I wrestle with ):
Before giving into the inappropriate contentography...I was having thoughts like " if you give into this you will be trampling on the blood of Jesus and with no remorse" i said to myself " no i don't want to do that" but I didn't resist the urge ( this same scenario of having thoughts prior and still giving into sin has happene many times over the past few months ) and still gave in. Now the feeling is so horrible because I keep thinking back to the past few months of sinning and wondering if my heart's truly in the right place ( I feel like it's not and I've certainly gving into drinking and potn many times so it makes me question whether I'm really saved).

Has anyone experienced having a conviction or thought that you'll be trampling on the blood of Christ but still go ahead and sin?

 

[Mari17]

Hey everyone,

My name is Dave. I know this thread is old but I would like to know if I could be a part of it? I suffer from OCD as well I believe but a lot of my obsession over the past few months has been very confusing.and it is very tormenting because I don't know if I suffer from OCD, depression or both but I can't seem to stop trying to research forums to see if people had very similar thoughts or reaction as mine ( which is now driving me crazy cause I can't find EXACT matches ) although everyone has "similar" stories. I have felt very suicidal over the past few months. I spend alot of days trying to figure my thoughts.

I have a few questions ( if anyone would be kind enough to share or tell me if they have experienced this).

When I think about the past few days and what I was thinking about ( i.e. ruminating over my past feelings of depression and rumination ) I get new thoughts like " you'll never be normal again" , or " you're too lost and confused" , and then I feel that I'm believing these thoughts ( even though these same thoughts came up a few days or months ago they seem to grow stronger and truer ) . Has any experienced this?

Alot of thoughts also have to do with my faith and they're are days where I might have a thought/feeling or concept/idea but I start confusing with is it the devil(condemnation), me, or a conviction I'm supposed to feel. The confusion has been going on so much that I sometimes and almost daily keep thinking back to my past few days and trying to remember the thoughts I had again( Which drives me almost insane ) to see if I can unconfuse myself but then I go through the cycle again...it's become so scary. I almost feel like the confusion will never end and my mind is too broken.

Has anyone experienced things like this? Any help would be much appreciated!

I believe you can experience victory over OCD. It's basically a mind trap that tries to suck us in, but it's possible to pull out of that vicious cycle. Do you have any sort of help in the way of medicine/therapy? I can definitely share some of what I've learned about fighting OCD if that would be helpful.

 

[Solid25]

Thanks for your reapores Mari17. Any thoughts on this would be great

 

[Solid25]

Response*