So my alma mater (Fresno State), played and won today, so I guess I really did sell my soul....
I can hardly enjoy one of my few hobbies (college football) without this type of intrusive thought. I used to root in quirky, funny ways, like sitting in a certain position, putting my cap on in certain ways (many of the goofy superstitions of athletes and sports fans). Now it's this stupid idea that I would "sell my soul" for a win during an anxious moment of the game. It's such an intrusion, and actually takes the joy out of the game. I'm either fighting it or TRYING to ignore it - both strategies make it worse. Eventually it revs up and I either "feel" that I have, or will just get too anxious to enjoy anything. Once the anxiety sets in, all potential enjoyment is gone.
The problem is, and this is ocd in general, once that spin cycle starts, there is no stopping it until I either run (too late I've put in 14 miles today and still have this lousy feeling), take a Klonopin (10 minutes and counting), or sleep it off (I am so different in the morning).
Of course, now that I have twins on the way, my ocd is going that way too. I guess there is now a "package deal." I don't even feel right about making jokes like this, but I am sick of it. One obsession gets conquered, then, like a nasty bacteria it morphs into another that appears to be resistant to my attempts to ignore it.
There is to my knowledge, no Biblical account, or even such a thing as selling your soul to the devil. Yet, it seems to pop up (predictably but unexpectedly).
Hope I didn't scare anybody.
I can hardly enjoy one of my few hobbies (college football) without this type of intrusive thought. I used to root in quirky, funny ways, like sitting in a certain position, putting my cap on in certain ways (many of the goofy superstitions of athletes and sports fans). Now it's this stupid idea that I would "sell my soul" for a win during an anxious moment of the game. It's such an intrusion, and actually takes the joy out of the game. I'm either fighting it or TRYING to ignore it - both strategies make it worse. Eventually it revs up and I either "feel" that I have, or will just get too anxious to enjoy anything. Once the anxiety sets in, all potential enjoyment is gone.
The problem is, and this is ocd in general, once that spin cycle starts, there is no stopping it until I either run (too late I've put in 14 miles today and still have this lousy feeling), take a Klonopin (10 minutes and counting), or sleep it off (I am so different in the morning).
Of course, now that I have twins on the way, my ocd is going that way too. I guess there is now a "package deal." I don't even feel right about making jokes like this, but I am sick of it. One obsession gets conquered, then, like a nasty bacteria it morphs into another that appears to be resistant to my attempts to ignore it.
There is to my knowledge, no Biblical account, or even such a thing as selling your soul to the devil. Yet, it seems to pop up (predictably but unexpectedly).
Hope I didn't scare anybody.
