Here is the section from my text dealing with Romans 9:
To understand the Romans 9 passage, let us first come to understanding of the concept of "total depravity". One of the primary posits of "Irresistible Grace" is that man is completely, totally, depraved; so much so, that he cannot ever even consider the possibility of accepting Christ as Lord and Savior. But does Scripture support that view? Consider Romans 1:18ff, "For the wrath of God is revealed from Heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men,
who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because that which is known about God
is evident within them;
for GOD MADE IT EVIDENT TO THEM. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, SO THAT THEY ARE WITHOUT EXCUSE. For even though
THEY KNEW GOD, they did not honor Him as God, or give thanks; but they became futile in their speculations, AND THEIR FOOLISH HEART WAS DARKENED. Professing to be wise they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed crawling creatures.
Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity... they exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever.
For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions... and because they did not acknowledge God any longer,
God GAVE THEM OVER to a depraved mind".
In Romans 1 it says very clearly and undeniably that God is revealed to all men. It is then up to each to accept Him or reject Him. Clearly, although "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, there are NONE righteous" (Romans 3), God reveals Himself to each person, in enough measure that the person
HAS the ability to choose. Thus the "They are without excuse". It also undeniably says that God, because of their conscious rejection of Him and embracement of "the lie", gives them over to a depraved mind. Does this mean that their hardened hearts are their own fault? Consider Hebrews 3:13, "Lest any of you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin". The Greek for "hardened" here is "skleruno", which means "made stubborn or obstinate". The same word as used in Romans 9:18; which, apparently indicates that God does the "hardening and softening", but in context with Romans 1, we gain the deeper understanding that the hardening is a result of their conscious choice (their heart darkened because they chose "the lie"), and the "God hardens whom He desires" is understood to mean that He gives over to a base and depraved mind those who reject Him.
Technically, in Exodus 10:1 it reads "made heavy", and verses 10:20, 27, 11:10 and 14:8 mean "made strong". Was Pharaoh a helpless pawn in the machinations of an absolutely-controlling-God? Or was his "hardening" because of his choice to "embrace the lie"? It is theologically sound to understand the latter. God "hardens" people in the sense that He honors their choice to reject Him and gives them over to a base and depraved mind.
Now, if God does not predestine, then what of the passage in Romans 9 that speaks of "pottery"? It clearly says that some are created "for honor", and some "for common". Let us assume that they are on the potter's wheel
because of their choice to submit to Him---they are already saved (as we have already established in this discourse). 1Corinthians 12:4ff tells us that God uses each of us as He chooses, different parts of the body, for the common good, as He chooses. Some for honor, some for common. Perfect harmony, the clay submits to the potter to use as He wills.
Verse Romans 9:23, the "endured with patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction"? What caused them to BE "vessels of wrath", and to BE "prepared for destruction"? Consider the parable of Matthew 13:24ff; the landowner said "Allow the tares (weeds, grass) to grow with the wheat, but in the harvest the wheat will be gathered and the weeds burned." Thus the weeds were "endured with patience", PERFECTLY in harmony with 2Peter3:9! The un-submitted vessels-of-clay, He endures for now, but their rebellious state assures their future destruction (Matt13:30,41-42, 25:32,41; Rom2:5). Is there anything in this passage that indicates God overrides our will to salvation? No. Is there anything in this passage that indicates God honors free will? Consider 9:32 "They did not achieve righteousness, because they pursued it by works rather than faith". Clearly they made the wrong choice. Verse 33 demonstrates that He was a stumbling stone
because they did not believe. Continuing in chapter 10, "They have (wrong) zeal for God; not knowing about God's righteousness, seeking to establish their own,
they did not submit themselves to the righteousness of God. For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness
to everyone who believes." Belief is a choice, very clearly written in this passage. It is not predestined.