Not sure where to turn!

[Lorak]

Hi,

I am kind of an 'in the background' kinda person most of my life, keep to myself mostly. I have friends but no-one really close, feels lonely sometimes but I've always had my faith to keep me strong. I am having trouble with that at the moment, for a long time now I have been feeling so lost, alone and like there is no point or plan to my life.

I know the bible says Jesus loves me and will never leave me but I feel so far away from Him right now. It doesn't help the fact I have no real church family or Christian friends to confide in. I know I have to surrender my whole life to Jesus, but in truth I am scared. I have a secret I am so ashamed of and it's weighing me down and I can't tell anyone because I am ashamed and don't know who to trust.

I stumbled across this forum while I was looking for some kind of help or guidance as to what to do and thought maybe sharing here would be a good start to admitting I have a problem and I need help (Something I'm not very good at!).

I'm hoping to get some help to start to get through this.

Lorak.

 

[orangeness365]

I'm sorry I don't have any good advice for you, but, um, if you want more responses to your question, I think you should put the same question in the Christian Advice subsection on this website.

 

[seashale76]

Those first steps can be daunting. In my own experience, I've often found that anticipation of whatever outcome I'm fearing to be much worse than the reality. (Especially if we're assuming repenting and turning to Christ is what is worrying you.) You need to take that first step.

I always tell anyone who is turning to Christ that they need to actually go to church, be catechized, get baptized, and then partake of the sacraments. While your personal life in Christ is important- we are also part of the body of Christ. You're not meant to be alone in this. The Church is the hospital for sinners, Christ is the Great Physician, and communion is the medicine for what ails us.

Where to find an Orthodox parish (as I only recommend those being biased as I am on the matter):Orthodox England
Basics about the faith: The Orthodox Faith - Orthodox Church in America
Prayer resources I've found helpful: P r a y e r
Let us
A daily lectionary (esp. good if you have no idea where to start re: reading scripture): http://www.goarch.org/chapel/

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Hi,

I am kind of an 'in the background' kinda person most of my life, keep to myself mostly. I have friends but no-one really close, feels lonely sometimes but I've always had my faith to keep me strong. I am having trouble with that at the moment, for a long time now I have been feeling so lost, alone and like there is no point or plan to my life.

I know the bible says Jesus loves me and will never leave me but I feel so far away from Him right now. It doesn't help the fact I have no real church family or Christian friends to confide in. I know I have to surrender my whole life to Jesus, but in truth I am scared. I have a secret I am so ashamed of and it's weighing me down and I can't tell anyone because I am ashamed and don't know who to trust.

I stumbled across this forum while I was looking for some kind of help or guidance as to what to do and thought maybe sharing here would be a good start to admitting I have a problem and I need help (Something I'm not very good at!).

I'm hoping to get some help to start to get through this.

Lorak.

Hello Lorak,

Welcome to Christian forums. This place can be great place to get help and prayer, but there are times when it's not the Holy Spirit speaking. It is what it is thou. I started out here when I began my battles with lust. Some really good people here.

My testimony
As for 'in the background', that's where I started out too. I was soooo introverted when I came to Christ. It came very natural for me to just run from everything in life. Most the time I ran into my head to escape my problems, and that really didn't work out. Depression crept into my life, played endless video games to escape real life, and lust became my way to escape my pain.

I look back on it now, and I am glad it all happened. My pain lead me to Jesus. He found a way to get my attention, build up a desire to seek out truth, and help me break away from my gaming addiction to begin my search. I can look back and see the road map that I traveled.

Once I broke away from video games, it became apparent that I had this gaping emotional hole in my heart. Loneliness was so painful. One attack, I wanted to hurt myself to divert the pain, I saw myself doing it in my head. Thankfully I didn't do it, but sat there talking to Jesus about it. He said "I'm right here", but I wanted someone I could touch, someone physical there.

My way vs His way
I wanted answers and solutions that weren't Jesus, but when I finally gave up and surrendered. Jesus became the answer. He became the anchor in my life. When I wanted to give up on everything, that's when he spoke up and encouraged me, delivered me, and trained me how to live.

Jesus became the teacher I never had, father I never had. No matter what I faced, he was ALWAYS there for me. I began the process of healing from pain I been carrying for many years. The Lord took my shame away from years of sinning. As I began to learn things, I felt compelled to help others who were struggling too.

Conclusion
Today I am married to a wonderful wife, I discovered I am a gifted teacher surrendering to my call as small groups pastor, and the Lord is still teaching me new things.

I hope my testimony helps you to know that you are DEFINITELY not alone in anything your struggling with. If Jesus can save me from myself, he can save you too. My only encouragement is this...

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
- Matthew 11:28-30 NLT

Don't carry these burdens any longer, lay them at his feet. He will give you rest.

EDIT: I just feel like I need to share these songs with you. They are some of the songs that help me to surrender.

Grace Abounds - Hillsong Cornerstone
Fill Me Up - Jesus Culture
I surrender - Jesus Culture

 

[Peripatetic]

Hi Lorak - welcome to CF! I'm also an "in the background" person - sometimes feeling more like invisible. Maybe part of the reason is that I'm not as good at the small talk and shallow conversation that most people want. It's frustrating to have all these important questions, doubts, and ideas... but as soon as I start to talk about one of them, I can see the eyes glaze over and body language suggesting that they'd rather talk about sports or the weather.

I hope you find the right person to listen and offer the advice you need. God may provide that! But I'll offer this: when God and other people seem far away, I find myself thinking a lot. Trying to make sense of things in my life and apply them to scripture and whatever wisdom I've acquired. This process can feel lonely and hopeless if I'm in the wrong frame of mind. But if I keep reminding myself that God is with me, it slowly changes into kind of a challenge. He is like a parent who is with a child, but lets him/her figure things out instead of jumping in and fixing everything right away. I still have to approach my problems with patience and humility, but I view my questions and doubts more as a long-term challenge. When I use that perspective, God doesn't seem as distant.

 

[Lorak]

Thank you for the reply's, it means a lot.

I have been a Christian for many years and have attended churches on and off pretty much all my life. I've had to face many battles in my life, and my faith helped me through them. I fell away 4 years ago after my marriage broke down and since then I put relationships, alcohol and an addiction before my faith. I got hurt after each short relationship ended which made my depression and addiction even worse. I ended up homeless and was forced to move back to the place I grew up. My Dad took me in and after a while things began to even out for me. I gained control of my depression but still have a dependency that's not Jesus.
2 years on and I still run away from my problems and I'm still 'looking' for a regular church to attend but have not made any real effort because I'm ashamed of the monumentous mess of my life I've made and the addiction I have, it's not a mega serious one, but I was still putting it before Jesus and I know now I've got to put Him first in my life. This is why my life feels so empty, alone and like I'm lost.

I have made the first step and prayed myself, confessed and asked Jesus for strength to see this through. I am going to church on Sunday and listen to worship and read my bible daily now. Slowly I know I'm stepping closer and closer to where I need to be. It's a long road I'm on, but I'm on the right road now.

Thank you all!

Lorak xxx

 

[vespasia]

IF, and I do mean if, the issues you have with alcohol and other substances is a big huge one and your struggling with faith it might be worth contacting Betel and asking if their is anything supportive for both near to you.
Betel UK | Restoring broken lives

Please also keep in contact with your GP, they can help you access ongoing medical support as well as signpost you to local support. Many UK churches have 'Vulnerable Adults' safequarding in place and are willling to liase with such support to provide good pastoral care for folk who are upfront to them about the struggles they face. Ask if the church you think might be worth attending has one.

It might be worth asking about small groups that meet within a church across the week if attending a larger service is intimidating.

If you need signposting to anything that is UK specific you are welcome to ask me.

Praying for you.

 

[Emmy]

Dear Lorak. Jesus gave us good advice in Matthew 22: 35-40: " The first and great Commandment is: Love God with all our hearts, with all our souls, and with all our minds. The second is like it: Love our neighbour as ourselves."
Then Jesus points out: On these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets. Start with these two Commandments, and let Jesus/God see, that you are following the Commandments, because you love God, and want to get in touch with Him. Keep praying also, and know that Jesus will help and guide you.
The Bible tells us to "Repent and to be Born Again." Give up your selfish wishes and wants, and you will find that you are gradually turning into the daughter which God wants you to turn into. Love and Obey, there is no better way. you might stumble and forget at times, but then ask God to forgive you,
and carry on loving and caring. I say this with love, Lorak. JESUS IS THE WAY.
Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[LilLamb219]

Welcome to the forums!

We have a Depression forum under the Recovery category in case you're interested in posting there too

Let us know how the church service goes!

Thank you for the reply's, it means a lot.

I have been a Christian for many years and have attended churches on and off pretty much all my life. I've had to face many battles in my life, and my faith helped me through them. I fell away 4 years ago after my marriage broke down and since then I put relationships, alcohol and an addiction before my faith. I got hurt after each short relationship ended which made my depression and addiction even worse. I ended up homeless and was forced to move back to the place I grew up. My Dad took me in and after a while things began to even out for me. I gained control of my depression but still have a dependency that's not Jesus.
2 years on and I still run away from my problems and I'm still 'looking' for a regular church to attend but have not made any real effort because I'm ashamed of the monumentous mess of my life I've made and the addiction I have, it's not a mega serious one, but I was still putting it before Jesus and I know now I've got to put Him first in my life. This is why my life feels so empty, alone and like I'm lost.

I have made the first step and prayed myself, confessed and asked Jesus for strength to see this through. I am going to church on Sunday and listen to worship and read my bible daily now. Slowly I know I'm stepping closer and closer to where I need to be. It's a long road I'm on, but I'm on the right road now.

Thank you all!

Lorak xxx

 

[1watchman]

It sounds like you are making progress, Lorak. Reading your Bible daily is very good. Put the Lord Jesus first in your life (note 2 Cor. 10:5); and be in communion with Him all day. He will not fail you.

 

[parsley]

I think it's wise to keep secrets that can be used against you, and only confide in one or two people. We learn from less-important experiences that some people can't be trusted, some want to compete, some want to whistle-blow... every response will be different. So we need to guard our lives.

Find the response that will get you help and relief. Seek out the safe person like a jewel in a land claim-- be specific and intentional.

I would encourage you to look at how doctrines or church cultures might have led to fears of not divulging information. For instance, a denomination that excommunicates for abortions and affairs, or congregations that are so peppy they appear to not understand self-injury or substance use, shoplifting compulsions or gambling addictions. (Not trying to put words in your mouth, sorry.)

The church is full of people who are still tempted to sin, and still give in from time to time. We just don't build up what we're trying to overcome, so we seldom hear about each others' obstacles.

There are also people in abusive situations who don't know how to find their way out... but if mentioning it to others who know the abuser, sometimes they will defend the character of the wrong person.

It seems like keeping this completely quiet is binding you more, the longer you hold onto it. This would be a good time to PM someone, or look in the specific subforums for conversations on similar issues. I hope you find freedom and release!

 

[Midst]

I have been a Christian for many years and have attended churches on and off pretty much all my life. I've had to face many battles in my life, and my faith helped me through them. I fell away 4 years ago after my marriage broke down and since then I put relationships, alcohol and an addiction before my faith. I got hurt after each short relationship ended which made my depression and addiction even worse. I ended up homeless and was forced to move back to the place I grew up. My Dad took me in and after a while things began to even out for me. I gained control of my depression but still have a dependency that's not Jesus.
2 years on and I still run away from my problems and I'm still 'looking' for a regular church to attend but have not made any real effort because I'm ashamed of the monumentous mess of my life I've made and the addiction I have, it's not a mega serious one, but I was still putting it before Jesus and I know now I've got to put Him first in my life. This is why my life feels so empty, alone and like I'm lost.

I have made the first step and prayed myself, confessed and asked Jesus for strength to see this through. I am going to church on Sunday and listen to worship and read my bible daily now. Slowly I know I'm stepping closer and closer to where I need to be. It's a long road I'm on, but I'm on the right road now.

Forgive your self. Stop judging your self. Do you judge others in your situation harshly? If so, stop. You are just you, being you. Now you have better options.

One day at a time. Stop, take a breath, look around... through the day. Consider how you have peace and everything you need for at least that moment.

The past is gone.

I can understand the weight of shameful secrets, but the Lord guided me through all of that (after letting me hang for awhile, frankly)... until I realized that there was nothing to any of it.


We are human beings and do plenty of things in private we would not do in public, like using the restroom! Taking showers.

For whatever reason our brains get mixed up and starts to make really gigantic deals out of really ordinary stuff. Or maybe vulnerable, serious stuff... but still. **We** misunderstand. God does not.


So: forgive your self.

 

[aiki]

Hi,

I am kind of an 'in the background' kinda person most of my life, keep to myself mostly. I have friends but no-one really close, feels lonely sometimes but I've always had my faith to keep me strong.

There is always something seriously wrong with a follower of Christ who keeps other people at arms' length. Genuine love for God always results in an expansion of one's love for other people - and especially of those of the faith.

1 John 3:10-11
10 In this the children of God and the children of the devil are manifest: Whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is he who does not love his brother.
11 For this is the message that you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another,

1 John 3:14
14 We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love his brother abides in death.

1 John 4:7-8
7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

If your faith in Christ is real and healthy, it will inevitably lead you into the lives of others. You can't keep to yourself and "love one another."

I am having trouble with that at the moment, for a long time now I have been feeling so lost, alone and like there is no point or plan to my life.

One of the devil's basic strategies is to isolate Christians from each other. We are so much easier to defeat when we are alone, cut off from the support of the Body of Believers, of which every Christian has been made a part. You were not made to be an island. I would urge you, then, to plug into a local community of Christ-followers as soon as you can.

I know the bible says Jesus loves me and will never leave me but I feel so far away from Him right now. It doesn't help the fact I have no real church family or Christian friends to confide in.

When you live as an island, you disobey the command of God to be part of His family of believers, to "love the brethren." All of our disobedience toward God has the effect of making us in some measure "cut off" from God. Sin cannot break our relationship with God as His child, but it can completely stifle our fellowship with our Heavenly Father. The loss of that fellowship can make Him seem a million miles away (though He remains as close as thought). God makes us some promises, however:

Hebrews 13:5-6
5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."
6 So we may boldly say: "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?"

Romans 8:31-39
31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
32 He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?
33 Who shall bring a charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies.
34 Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us.
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
36 As it is written: "For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter."
37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.
38For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come,
39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I know I have to surrender my whole life to Jesus, but in truth I am scared. I have a secret I am so ashamed of and it's weighing me down and I can't tell anyone because I am ashamed and don't know who to trust.

Why would you be scared to surrender your life to the one who gave it to you? Of all people, Jesus is the one who knows best how you ought to live your life. Surrendering to his will and way is to enter into the most fulfilling life possible.

1 John 1:8-9
8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

I stumbled across this forum while I was looking for some kind of help or guidance as to what to do and thought maybe sharing here would be a good start to admitting I have a problem and I need help (Something I'm not very good at!).

We can pray for you and offer advice but the change you need can only come from your Creator.

Jude 1:24-25
24 Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, And to present you faultless Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
25 To God our Savior, Who alone is wise, Be glory and majesty, Dominion and power, Both now and forever. Amen.

Selah.