Not strong enough

[knw1991]

Knw everytime i read your posts i feel very strongly that you are clinging on to the past excessively. Don't make a victim persona your own. It will make you miserable and maybe even give you some warped justification for selfish, narcissistic, behaviour.

You need to move on! If you've hurt people apologise to them and to God then you can stop analysing and justifying on forums.

Your past, guilt, shame whatever is making you weak. Let it go and you will be more than strong enough.

i try to move on, but even daily living reminds me of my present state of being lonely and hurt and im reminded of everything that has happened to leave me this way. i havent hurt anyone, i know i have said things or done things to hurt people but at the moment no one has said that i've hurt them.

 

[knw1991]

Knw1991, no-one can take you further than where they are themselves. Of my opinion, many 'councelors' here haven't been too far. Depression is much about repressed/suppressed anger, and it's very much okay to finally let it out. Later on, forgiveness and stuff will follow in their due course. But there's time for everything - even for anger.
I had a father, but I wish to quote here Lewis Carroll who said, "In some ways, you know, people that don't exist, are much nicer than people that do". My father left me being a fearful, overly-vulnerable, untrustful, joyless, ..., beaten child.
I fell into deep depression in my late teens, and never really recovered. (In fact, I must have been depressed all my life, I remember feeling sad&empty, somehow detached from normal life since I was 4-5 yrs). Anyway, I was a bright kid and managed to study medicine, even got my diploma.
But it was too hard to deal in the tough world, with harsh people. So I've been on disability pension since my 30ies. I come from an abusive, neglective, violent background. At school I was bullied, later on in my life abused again and abandoned.
G-d spared me from complete insanity. But I never made it, I never really recovered. Nor did I find anyone human to love me. No. For some reason G-d had decided differently about my life: I have to stay on my own, no matter how tough and unfair it feels. Our G-d didn't spare His own Son - that sure tells something about Him, and His Divine Love! This is not sarcasm, I'm trying to say that His Ways are not the human ways. And we just have to accept it. Period. Even if someone's life on earth is suffer-suffering (from a human point of view) from the beginning to the end, it might be going just as He has planned it. At some point, G-d may give you "celestial revelations", or allow you some earthly happiness - but not necessarily. Accept it, or suffer more - and then later accept it.
Knw, I'm praying that our Father would pity you and shower Love on you. <3 Take care, Annie

i dont want to suffer

 

[whitebeaches]

thank you for your prayers, i cant pull myself out of this

I know its hard and I know you don't want to suffer. the good news is youre not alone. god can and will carry you through this. (((( hugs ))))

 

[knw1991]

I know its hard and I know you don't want to suffer. the good news is youre not alone. god can and will carry you through this. (((( hugs ))))

but will i ever be free, i dont want to suffer the rest ofmy life

 

[whitebeaches]

I personally believe God will heal us. He will heal broken hearts and the sick whether here on Earth or in Heaven. One day the pain will be replaced with happiness.

 

[Jeshu]

I personally believe God will heal us. He will heal broken hearts and the sick whether here on Earth or in Heaven. One day the pain will be replaced with happiness.

Yes that is what we depressed people need - faith in God's love and hope for better to come.

 

[knw1991]

i give up, ive been down this road over and over, nothing will change, even living in the truth that this is a cruel and unfair world makes me depressed and knowing that God expects us to just take it hurts me. none of us asked to be here. he let us be born to imperfect parents. just in being born we are sinners, and then he choses who he will save. i dont want to go on. this all a wicked torturous set up. its like we are just thrown here and we have to deal with whatever pain comes our way and we have to hear everyday about the pain of others. this is hell. i dont want to be here. im leaving for good. thanks for all the help you all gave me.

 

[emilie mayer]

Think about the pain Jesus went through for you

 

[emilie mayer]

Well it sounds like you have given up. Nothing I suggest is going to sink in. You are way to focused on yourself. I do pray for you

 

[emilie mayer]

The truth of it is. God still loves you. If you have accepted Christ as savior then your His. Throwing fits doesnt work with God. He wont give you your way just cause your getting angry u stay where your at till you learn from it...... you might think about that

 

[knw1991]

yea i know thanks for your prayers

 

[SMacGregor]

If our mind is filled with fears, doubts, expectations, intentions, values and beliefs that contradict our goal, you can experience fears of success or failure, trying and failing, not being good enough – all causing stress and anxiety. All this negativity which is deeply embedded in the subconscious mind will behave as negative habits and sabotage us in our endeavours. We need to change our inner paradigm to be able to change our outer personal positive reality.

 

[Noxot]

yeah... when the inside changes the outside changes. being in heaven is much better than being in hell. even suffering serves a very great purpose, like a rubber band being pulled back until you let go of the hurt, then you snap very quickly into the light and greatly rejoice. Jesus often comes down to hades to pull us out of it, he is so kind, but if we think our beloved Lord hates us, what a darkness for light we have, therefore believe God loves you and you shall remove the speck in your eye. Faith is a higher reality of existing, it is the Spiritual reality, the higher reality. but doubt is from a lower reality and it keeps us trapped with other evil spirits such as disbelief, pride in human understanding, blindness and ect. a huge problem Christians have is that they are walking by sight instead of faith, therefore the current things they see, traps them in hurt and pain or joy, whichever they are able to see. but if they may see the Lords face then they are free. if we see how the Lord sees, then we shall not suffer. we can be in hell and nothing will hurt us. suffering in this world is something hard to understand until you realize you are children of God and that all things serve us. so do not be a slave, be a princess in the kingdom of heaven rather than a slave in the kingdom of this world. we often go through depression and suffering, so that we are able to see and grow better than we would have otherwise.

you have to understand that there are many people in this world living out robotic lives, drifting through life until the day they die not living how they truly desire to live, according to their Spiritual man who is their real self. depression is a great helper in not allowing us to go through such a blind and apathetic hell. great darkness gives a great setting for light to be so blindingly wonderful, that as soon as you hold on to the light and never let go, you shall greatly rejoice that the small time of darkness you had that was for your good and not for your evil. you may then greatly rejoice in the quickness God provided you in escaping from darkness, rather than having to for 50+ years slowly, little by little, going to the light. you do not have to suffer, that is the truth. you would not be going through what you are going through if you did not see from a higher perspective that it will make you grow up all the better and faster and be an eternal rejoicing to you. God is freedom and he gives us freedom because we are his children and we inherit from him all that he is, do you think God forced you to go through everything you are going through? no, i can guarantee you that you and God made the decision that you would have the life you are now living, you saw all that happened and could happen, saw how great the rejoicing you could obtain by living the life as yourself, and decided that this is the life you wanted to be saved in with the Lord.

 

[Nilla]

"You&#39;re My Little Girl" by Go Fish (lyrics) - YouTube

from God to you!!

 

[knw1991]

yeah... when the inside changes the outside changes. being in heaven is much better than being in hell. even suffering serves a very great purpose, like a rubber band being pulled back until you let go of the hurt, then you snap very quickly into the light and greatly rejoice. Jesus often comes down to hades to pull us out of it, he is so kind, but if we think our beloved Lord hates us, what a darkness for light we have, therefore believe God loves you and you shall remove the speck in your eye. Faith is a higher reality of existing, it is the Spiritual reality, the higher reality. but doubt is from a lower reality and it keeps us trapped with other evil spirits such as disbelief, pride in human understanding, blindness and ect. a huge problem Christians have is that they are walking by sight instead of faith, therefore the current things they see, traps them in hurt and pain or joy, whichever they are able to see. but if they may see the Lords face then they are free. if we see how the Lord sees, then we shall not suffer. we can be in hell and nothing will hurt us. suffering in this world is something hard to understand until you realize you are children of God and that all things serve us. so do not be a slave, be a princess in the kingdom of heaven rather than a slave in the kingdom of this world. we often go through depression and suffering, so that we are able to see and grow better than we would have otherwise.

you have to understand that there are many people in this world living out robotic lives, drifting through life until the day they die not living how they truly desire to live, according to their Spiritual man who is their real self. depression is a great helper in not allowing us to go through such a blind and apathetic hell. great darkness gives a great setting for light to be so blindingly wonderful, that as soon as you hold on to the light and never let go, you shall greatly rejoice that the small time of darkness you had that was for your good and not for your evil. you may then greatly rejoice in the quickness God provided you in escaping from darkness, rather than having to for 50+ years slowly, little by little, going to the light. you do not have to suffer, that is the truth. you would not be going through what you are going through if you did not see from a higher perspective that it will make you grow up all the better and faster and be an eternal rejoicing to you. God is freedom and he gives us freedom because we are his children and we inherit from him all that he is, do you think God forced you to go through everything you are going through? no, i can guarantee you that you and God made the decision that you would have the life you are now living, you saw all that happened and could happen, saw how great the rejoicing you could obtain by living the life as yourself, and decided that this is the life you wanted to be saved in with the Lord.

Thank you. After 2.5 years in depression a couple of days ago I hit rock bottom, even though it could have been worse but I did something that made me very sick for a few days. At that point I cried for God to help me out of this because I don't know where to turn. I always shriveled back into depression because even though it hurt it was familiar and my "safe zone" I knew what to expect and nothing else could disappoint or hurt me because I was already at my lowest. But that night when I harmed myself badly I knew that I needed a change in my life. I just felt that I needed to do something because this was a dead end and I realized I had no choice but to trust God. A few days prior my friend and I were texting and I told him what I did and he told me about the depression that he experienced and he gave me bible verses about God caring for me. I told him I was desperate for God's love and I was tired of being alone and in pain. He is still there to encourage me and I have been taking steps to trusting in God.Nilla the video you posted here really brought me to tears. I just randomly checked my email on my phone because I have it already set up on my iPhone. I just clicked on the email from Christian forums which I rarely do and I wasn't even sure if the reply was under my thread but I clicked on the link and it was like God was talking directly to me and reading my heart. The lyrics describe my life perfectly and I thank you and everyone here for never giving up on me even when I gave up on myself. I still have fears that I'll relapse into my old ways of being depressed. I know I need to take a day at a time and before the thought of slow recovery angered me but I am excited to finally know God as my father.

 

[Criada]

I'm so glad that you have made that step towards recovery, sweetie.
Keep going, and remember that we're here to support and pray for you when the going is tough.

 

[Chaplain David]

KNW,

I continue to pray for you and am glad for your realizations about the Lord. He will come to us if we seek Him. Sometimes, because of His great love for us, He even comes to us when we are alone, hurting, and trying to isolate ourselves from everything and everyone. God bless you.

 

[Jo1]

GOD BLESS you love. THANK YOU for your loving kindness to me.
you are a HUGE BLESSING. You will be ok love.. love u Joxxx

 

[knw1991]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I feel discouraged and like there is too much filth, unfirgiveness, and pain in my life in order for God to heal me. I struggle with sin, I still haven't forgave my father, I'm just so off track from receiving healing from God.I watched YouTube videos where bible questions were being answered and I learned that God doesn't answer our prayers if our heart isn't clean. I feel ashamed for asking God for so many things after I have said mean things about him in anger and turned away from Him. I still haven't forgiven my father and I don't think I can, not on my own. How will I ever be healed with these obstacles in the way. This is just another setback, I'm tired of losing. It just feels like reaching God is impossible for me.

 

[Criada]

You can always ask God for help, sweetie - none of us can do what's right on our own.
Forgiveness is a very difficult thing, and it takes time. I had to pray for my abusers for years before I was finally able to forgive them... God sees your intention, and He is with you every step of the way.
As for saying mean things about God - remember, He forgives us as soon as we repent - and totally removes our guilt. He has forgotten those things, so you can let them go too
Praying for you, sweetie.