Im not trying to be offensive Jeshu I just feel hopelesss and skeptical about God
Yes that is okay, I understand how it is for you, I've been there myself, for many years even, I used to beg my wife for the right to kill myself, I do know how low depression can take us.
The truth is that for years Satan has loaded you with bad feelings towards God, yourself and towards others. Hopelessness, despair, hate, guilt, shame, anger/rage, loneliness, lovelessness, scepticism, unbelief, self-harm, doubt and fear are all feelings (spiritual realities) that take us away from God, cast us in the pit and destroy our good life.
Satan has done this so that you would hate God, yourself and others, depression is one of his most successful avenues to get people to embrace death without return. Especially when we hate God, who is the only one who can help us through the pain of depression and make us stronger than depression can bring to bear. If Satan can destroy our faith in God then he has got hold of us and can torture us at will. That fiend loves doing that! He loves hurting us.
It is for you to see the truth - a faithless life is worse than death - it hurts God, ourselves and our neighbour and there is no relief!
Yet God is love, so be honest with yourself how much love have you left over in your heart? How much of God's goodness is left over? No wonder you feel so bad you lost faith in Him.
I have told you this before and I will tell you this again - please fill your heart with His love for then good life will come - for love always brings good things. Love is the most powerful force that exists. With love you can beat the negative feelings that plague you. Faith in God can get you through!
It was God's love that made me stronger than depression, it was God's good life that made me dispose of all the pills I had saved to kill myself. It was faith in God that saved me from my agony. It was faith in God that lifted me out of the pit.
Faith in God can rescue you as well. Believe in God and in His goodness and let Him build you stronger than depression can bring to bear.
I love you to survive this terrible affliction.
(A prose I would like to share with you about all this.)
What Can I Say About Suffering
What can I say, about what have I learned from our Heavenly Father? I can see now that evil lies cause pain to be alive within human existence. I have watched how isolation, forces lies down into suffering souls - as The Wicked cut all ties with truthful love and our crushing depression generate its own misery in our agonising hell down there. I know that in the Pit all lies end up - dragging us down living dead. Yet why would I continue to let bad life be dominant in my inner world of awareness and not God's loving truth to rule my every moment?
I have learned that creeds, values and morals are rules upon rules ruling. Still wicked lies spread like maggots through my flesh, killing all goodness within me, because I'm imperfect! To just let it be and move on is best I learned about that. And so The Word of God spoken in love for God, self and neighbour, is The Voice to heed at all times.
I have experienced that time brings good and bad, up and down, far and wide for everyone. Yet the power of God's love, as even bad sin and great failings ruled me, couldn't subdue Jesus grace over me as His loving truth set me free to be myself - time and again.
I understand that anguish speaks to those experiencing life truly untrue and lovelessly - and that our Heavenly Father never wanted this to rule His kids. Indeed I know that my wretchedness longs for the demise of all my agony. So that misery may never rule my life again, no more Bad Life overshadowing my here and now, instead freedom for me. For in God's loving truth, even through much hurt, I can finally stay on top of things, my loveless lies to hand to Christ as God's Good Life grows within me in return.
I know now that loving truth is the only useful weapon against the forces of evil. Complete freedom for me if I heed God's love in truth to rule my daily life. So why would I foolishly keep letting malefic lies decide my future. Why not forgive, why leave truthful love? While I know that only God's good makes my life a worthwhile experience?
I have seen that life is genuinely worth living in honest loving togetherness. Where everyone who exists is esteemed because they are specially made. For our real value lays not in how much gain we can yield for others. But simply because all existence speaks of life's importance to be loved. The communion of Saints - true love loving people doing the loving - is very important therefore.
So I choose loving truthfulness to steer me through those terrible storms down here. For even through extraordinary agony and times of incredible much suffering, God's truth preserves my life. His loving goodness keeping me from falling. As I found that warm-heartedness is truly effective against the deadly chill of devil's breath. 
