Never Had a B/F! Help!

[DarkNLovely]

I am SO ubber embarrassed I almost created a sock for this. But here it goes...

I have NEVER had a boyfriend!

Help! Is there something wrong with me? Honestly EVERY guy I like or consider, I just always seem to find something wrong with him or the situation just never seems right. I think the big thing is that I am scared out of mind and I have no idea what to do! The idea of being alone with a guy or kissing him or holdng hands is so incredibly mordifying that I guess I just stop before I start. What would you recommend? Should I wait for Mr Perfect or should I just date around! I don't know! I get hit on a lot (and that's not bragging) but I usually just shut down and the situation just becomes really awkward and I wouldn't even know whare to go from there! Any advice? Am I hopeless!?

 

[katautumn]

You are not hopeless. I didn't meet my soul mate until I was twenty-three years old and did not marry him until I was twenty-five. If I could go back in time, I would have made different choices and spared myself the heartache that getting into serious relationships with random guys caused in my life.

The biggest issue you need to address is what is it about physical contact that you find mortifying. I don't need to know about your past, but if there was any sort of abuse in your life you may want to seek professional counseling so that you can address these issues. I'm not saying that's the case here, but if it is you need to resolve that. If it's just a situation where being with guys makes you feel awkward, then what you need to do is have a guy friend. Guys pals are a tremendous resource. They will tell you things about the inner workings of a man's mind that will help you when the time comes. Also, being around a guy in a strictly platonic setting where no intimacy is expected from either person allows you to learn how to interact with guys on a personal level.

It won't resolve your fear of physical contact, but it will help you with the interaction aspect of being out with a guy, which really makes things less awkward when the time comes and a gentleman wants to put his arm around you or give you a nice little "goodnight" smooch.

Dating can be a real hassle. While I don't discourage, I found that nine times out of ten, Mr. or Ms. Right finds you or you find them completely by chance. That's how I met my husband. I wasn't even seeking him out.

 

[BeanMak]

Just have fun. Don't worry about not dating one specific guy. When the time is right, you will know it. If one-on-one dating isn't fun for you, go out in groups, meet people, join clubs. When the right guy comes along, you won't hesitate (at least for too long)

 

[faerieevaH]

I had never had a real boyfriend until I met my husband, and I was 28 going on 29 at the time. I was the perfect 'best friend' material. I was too 'pure' to have amourous ideas about. (their words). I was just too serious since I didn't want to just 'date' for the fun of it (after the age of 20 that was, but also before there was no boyfriend).
I still remember how anxious I was. I thought the chances of me ever marrying were slim because not only did I never find someone who seemed right for me, but no one else seemed to think I was right for them either.
Now, barely 3 years later, I am at the other side of the divide, happily married with a young son. Trust me, it is WORTH waiting for the right guy, not just for sex, but to have all that wonderful romance with. When he is right, you might still be nervous about the holding hands part or kissing part, but just tell that special someone that you are, and that it is because you have not had a boyfriend before. If he is worth his salt, he will wait and together you'll grow into intimacy and it will be wonderful!

 

[DarkNLovely]

You are not hopeless. I didn't meet my soul mate until I was twenty-three years old and did not marry him until I was twenty-five. If I could go back in time, I would have made different choices and spared myself the heartache that getting into serious relationships with random guys caused in my life.

The biggest issue you need to address is what is it about physical contact that you find mortifying. I don't need to know about your past, but if there was any sort of abuse in your life you may want to seek professional counseling so that you can address these issues. I'm not saying that's the case here, but if it is you need to resolve that. If it's just a situation where being with guys makes you feel awkward, then what you need to do is have a guy friend. Guys pals are a tremendous resource. They will tell you things about the inner workings of a man's mind that will help you when the time comes. Also, being around a guy in a strictly platonic setting where no intimacy is expected from either person allows you to learn how to interact with guys on a personal level.

It won't resolve your fear of physical contact, but it will help you with the interaction aspect of being out with a guy, which really makes things less awkward when the time comes and a gentleman wants to put his arm around you or give you a nice little "goodnight" smooch.

Dating can be a real hassle. While I don't discourage, I found that nine times out of ten, Mr. or Ms. Right finds you or you find them completely by chance. That's how I met my husband. I wasn't even seeking him out.

Thanks so much! I am really hearing what your saying in regards to guy friends. Don't have a lot. Its always haunted by underlying sexual feelings so needless to say they don't last. The last guy I got really close too only wanted to get into my pants and that was really painful!

As far physical contact. I think it's cause I have never had that with anybody before and the thought of it is just so ............AAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhh!!! Ya'know? It's the newness of it that scares me. I can't help but feel it would be a turnoff to a guy. I think it's also safe to say I have abandonment issues thanks to my dad. If I date someone and it dosen't work out or they leave me or cheat on me after me opening up to them, I would really be crushed! How did you know he was right for you?

O.T. Hey! Do you knit?

 

[DarkNLovely]

Just have fun. Don't worry about not dating one specific guy. When the time is right, you will know it. If one-on-one dating isn't fun for you, go out in groups, meet people, join clubs. When the right guy comes along, you won't hesitate (at least for too long)

Thanks! Yeah I had considered going out in groups but again I think myself out of it someway.

 

[DarkNLovely]

I had never had a real boyfriend until I met my husband, and I was 28 going on 29 at the time. I was the perfect 'best friend' material. I was too 'pure' to have amourous ideas about. (their words). I was just too serious since I didn't want to just 'date' for the fun of it (after the age of 20 that was, but also before there was no boyfriend).
I still remember how anxious I was. I thought the chances of me ever marrying were slim because not only did I never find someone who seemed right for me, but no one else seemed to think I was right for them either.
Now, barely 3 years later, I am at the other side of the divide, happily married with a young son. Trust me, it is WORTH waiting for the right guy, not just for sex, but to have all that wonderful romance with. When he is right, you might still be nervous about the holding hands part or kissing part, but just tell that special someone that you are, and that it is because you have not had a boyfriend before. If he is worth his salt, he will wait and together you'll grow into intimacy and it will be wonderful!

Wow! You sound just like me! You don't think my inexperience will send him runnin'? This is a huge fear for me!

 

[Godzila]

Stay single as you are, until God brings you a Godly man.
Singleness is a gift. Treasure it. Marriage is a gift, Thank God for it!

If you have any questions about Guys that you've always curious about, ask away. There are many guys on this forum obviously. Maybe check the men's forum if you really want to know "what they're thinking". It may help you get over anxieties of being intimite with a guy.

But above all, Focus on God and all blessings will come pouring upon you!

 

[MissLady]

I am SO ubber embarrassed I almost created a sock for this. But here it goes...

I have NEVER had a boyfriend!

Help! Is there something wrong with me? Honestly EVERY guy I like or consider, I just always seem to find something wrong with him or the situation just never seems right. I think the big thing is that I am scared out of mind and I have no idea what to do! The idea of being alone with a guy or kissing him or holdng hands is so incredibly mordifying that I guess I just stop before I start. What would you recommend? Should I wait for Mr Perfect or should I just date around! I don't know! I get hit on a lot (and that's not bragging) but I usually just shut down and the situation just becomes really awkward and I wouldn't even know whare to go from there! Any advice? Am I hopeless!?

You're not hopeless hun. I am 28 and only been on one date and it was heck! I say the only good thing that came from it was God telling me to stick to my guns about what I want and how I want it. I am trusting HIM to bring me the right person at the right time. And I pray that if He never wills me to be a wife and mom that He take the desire away. Yes I get annoyed that He doesn't let things happen when and how I want but I trust that it'll come to be when it's meant to. As for dating around I personally do not believe in that. If others can do it without hassle fine, but it's NOT for me.

 

[The Nihilist]

Stay single as you are, until God brings you a Godly man.
Singleness is a gift. Treasure it. Marriage is a gift, Thank God for it!

If you have any questions about Guys that you've always curious about, ask away. There are many guys on this forum obviously. Maybe check the men's forum if you really want to know "what they're thinking". It may help you get over anxieties of being intimite with a guy.

But above all, Focus on God and all blessings will come pouring upon you!

If you're suggesting that she wait around until someone who is obviously from God wanders in and sweeps her off her feet, and she follows your advice, she's going to be alone.

 

[Godzila]

It's been said being single is a good thing.

 

[The Nihilist]

It's been said being single is a good thing.

Yeah, loneliness is freaking fantastic.

 

[Godzila]

I don't think you're going to be able to explain that to an atheist (RecoveringPhilosopher) like you can to a Christian though.

Maybe you're right.

 

[The Nihilist]

I don't think you're going to be able to explain that to an atheist (RecoveringPhilosopher) like you can to a Christian though.

I was a christian for 22 years. I have a bachelor's degree in religious studies with an emphasis on christianity and christian theology. Why don't you try me?

 

[puddleoffaith]

I am SO ubber embarrassed I almost created a sock for this. But here it goes...

I have NEVER had a boyfriend!

Help! Is there something wrong with me? Honestly EVERY guy I like or consider, I just always seem to find something wrong with him or the situation just never seems right. I think the big thing is that I am scared out of mind and I have no idea what to do! The idea of being alone with a guy or kissing him or holdng hands is so incredibly mordifying that I guess I just stop before I start. What would you recommend? Should I wait for Mr Perfect or should I just date around! I don't know! I get hit on a lot (and that's not bragging) but I usually just shut down and the situation just becomes really awkward and I wouldn't even know whare to go from there! Any advice? Am I hopeless!?

I don't think you're weird at all. I didn't expect to date until I was older (I only start this year at 19). I relate to you in that I had options but none seemed viable. People always wondered why I never had a guy on my arm because there were certainly many looking in my direction. It's almost as if you're labelled "too picky", "unpleasable", etc.

Just wait until you meet someone wonderful that you adore and feels the same way back. There's no need to date someone that's not quite right and risk having Mr.Perfect come around when you're too busy with "Mr.Not-quite-right".

As for type of dating-I'm a pretty conservative Christian but agree with casual dating, particularly if you don't know the person as well. There's no reason why you should just choose someone and commit right away unless you know he's the one. Commitment means a lot more when its done after a long period of getting to know each other-otherwise you're commiting for the sake of commitment and not because you actually think you have a future with the person. On the other hand, I've done very little casual dating and do have a steady. I wouldn't have minded more casual dating, though. But do as you will. I don't think there's anything wrong with either way.

You're 22. YOUNG!!! and not weird. and when you meet that wonderful someone, you will want to hold their hand and maybe even kiss. don't even worry about that.

 

[DarkNLovely]

Your inexperience will probably be viewed by a good Christian man as "purity" I think.

To the average person in modern society, you might be an enigma, but because something is popular or mainstream doesn't make it good or right.. honestly if more people waited longer to get into relationships and took their time, we'd have a much lower divorce rate.

That's such wisdom and so true!

 

[DarkNLovely]

I don't think you're weird at all. I didn't expect to date until I was older (I only start this year at 19). I relate to you in that I had options but none seemed viable. People always wondered why I never had a guy on my arm because there were certainly many looking in my direction. It's almost as if you're labelled "too picky", "unpleasable", etc.

Just wait until you meet someone wonderful that you adore and feels the same way back. There's no need to date someone that's not quite right and risk having Mr.Perfect come around when you're too busy with "Mr.Not-quite-right".

As for type of dating-I'm a pretty conservative Christian but agree with casual dating, particularly if you don't know the person as well. There's no reason why you should just choose someone and commit right away unless you know he's the one. Commitment means a lot more when its done after a long period of getting to know each other-otherwise you're commiting for the sake of commitment and not because you actually think you have a future with the person. On the other hand, I've done very little casual dating and do have a steady. I wouldn't have minded more casual dating, though. But do as you will. I don't think there's anything wrong with either way.

You're 22. YOUNG!!! and not weird. and when you meet that wonderful someone, you will want to hold their hand and maybe even kiss. don't even worry about that.

Thank you so much my sister for this encouragement! I am amazed that you are so young and yet so wise! I also see your point on casual dating as well. Just as a way to kinda get to know different people and not putting ones eggs into one baskett! I guess I could try it just to get the experience. The good news is God has sustained me and while I know it must be wonderful to have a romantic relationship, I have never felt lonely! He is good!

 

[jsu5381m]

I know what you mean by awkward. I feel very frightened with the thought of a woman touching me in those certain areas. Then again, that's why we have the second amendment. I

 

[Think_About_It]

Do not worry, you are still very young. If you are afraid of premature sexual contact I'd advise to keep an eye out for a man with similar ideals, usually one that is active in their Christian community. But do not fret over not having a boyfriend, it is best to concern with building and maintaining friendship relationships as they will be more likely to last through life. Boyfriends can come and go sometimes.

 

[skeptikk]

Stop placing your worth on whether you have a boyfriend or not. You'll meet someone, and until then, date yourself! Fully explore who you are. Enjoy being alone: grab a book and hit up a coffee shop, learn photography, get involved in politics. When you are 100% comfortable with yourself and happy with who you are, people can tell and will be drawn to you. Until that day, remember that your worth as a person is not based on whether someone wants you.