Never been.....

[msjones21]

Being in your mid-30's

I hate it when I make typos LOL

I meant mid-20's.

 

[scarlett]

Kissing someone passionately is like removing the bow from that present. Does it look as pretty? Can you resist the temptation of opening it up all the way?

some people can. i do agree with the passionate kissing thing. the first time i was kissed, the guy took me off guard and nearly stuck his tongue down my throat. i didn't appreciate it at all. then again, even if we had started making out on that street corner, am i suddenly an unpretty, ruined package? obviously, no. we maintain our worth regardless of what we've done because we're been covered by His blood.

 

[Stanfi]

Pardon me, but almost 24 isn't "barely out of diapers". Being in your mid-30's isn't too far away from where you're at in life. I found that statement (as playful as it may have been) kind of offensive.

.

I am sorry that you found this statement offensive. However, when you reach your early 30s you will realize just how young you were at your early to mid 20s. Trust me, done been there. I remember thinking I was so old and mature at 18. Ugh, wrong! This is only a lesson time can teach.

 

[msjones21]

It doesn't make you a ruined package. It just means that you can't give the "total" package to your spouse. It's like this. Kissing is the beginning stage of intimacy leading up to sexual intercourse. Alot of times we want to justify our actions (even as Christians) by saying "oh, well, it's just a kiss...it's not sex". But then what happens when kissing isn't exciting enough? Then you're making out and heavy petting gets involved. You may feel a slight sting of regret and conviction, but you blow it off by saying "At least I didn't go all the way".

I want the full package to be for my spouse to "unwrap" on our wedding night, not in little stages all throughout the courtship process because then what's there to look forward to on the wedding night? Just intercourse which is by far one of the least exciting aspects of sexual intimacy.

 

[ps34_18]

then again, even if we had started making out on that street corner, am i suddenly an unpretty, ruined package? obviously, no. we maintain our worth regardless of what we've done because we're been covered by His blood.

well said. I think a lot of people have been putting emphasis on the fact that if you've ever kissed anyone before your spouse, you come to the marriage soiled and unpure. And while I agree that it's better to save yourself completely for the person you marry, I don't think we should be judging anyone for what they may have done previously. I'm one of those people who did not save my first kiss for my future husband, and I strongly regret that I didn't. However, I learned a great deal from my experience about trusting God and His marvelous grace, and I believe He has washed me clean and made me pure again in His sight. Who is anyone to say that I am any less pure than anyone else? Are we not all saved by God's grace and made white as snow by the blood of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ?

 

[msjones21]

I am in 100% agreement. I think I was misunderstood. I came out of a sexually promiscuous lifestyle. Only by God's amazing love and redemption was I made pure and clean again. We can regain our purity even if we've been kissed, had sex, been a prostitute, done drugs, whatever. All we have to do is ask.

What I *am* stating is this, once you've made that covenant with God it's best to set boundaries that you know are realistic. All I'm saying is that in most relationships, couples can't stop with just a kiss. I know that *I* personally could not. That's why I set the boundary of not kissing until my wedding day. It's just important to me in my relationship with Christ and my future husband. I'm not saying that if you don't do exactly what I am doing you're wrong or impure. I would never say that. I wouldn't even say you're not as "pure" as me because whether it's sexual sin or another sin area, we're all "impure" in God's site as far as our works go. The Bible says our works, in God's eyes, are as filthy rags no matter how righteous we may act. I stumble daily in one area or another.

 

[ps34_18]

msjones...please don't feel like I was singling you out. It just seems to be a general vibe I'm getting from this thread that people who have never kissed are somehow "better" or "more pure" than those who have, a highly unfair prejudice that maybe I'm just getting the wrong impression of.

 

[msjones21]

Oh no, I didn't feel singled out, I just didn't want to convey the message that I feel I am more pure than anyone else. As I said, we all struggle with sin, we come short every day. It's only through Jesus Christ that we can bee redeemed.

 

[hex98co99]

I just want to say that spiritually everyone is clean from their sin (sexual as well) once they come to know and accept Jesus and what he did on the Cross.

But the consequences of the sin commited will still be comming. If some murders a person out of anger then come to Jesus and repents. The person they killed is still dead. And the ex-murderer is still going to prision althought he has been clean spiritually.

I have heard of story of girls actully being restored to their virginity (physically). But that is not the norm most of the time that will not happen.
I know all of you have been cleaned spiritually.
I am not saying that everytime you commite a sin there will alway be some types of consequences. But for the most part there are.
Just kissing some one wont bring big consequences (physical),
having sex is more reskier,
being a prostitute and using drugs even more.

All I mean is that Jesus payed the price for our sins which is death. But the acts we commit we still have a physical affect. Positive or neagtive God will use those affects for his glory.

Do you guys understand?
Do you guys agree?
Hector
><)))">

 

[msjones21]

Just kissing some one wont bring big consequences (physical),
having sex is more reskier,
being a prostitute and using drugs even more.

I agree and I disagree with that statement. Worldly consequences, yes, each of those acts carries a certain degree of severity in regard to the consequences you may reap; however, in God's sight sin is sin no matter how big or small. As Christians we shouldn't let the world dictate which sins are worse than others. Not only does that lend to Christians self-justifying their sins, it also paves the way for Christians to judge other people because their sin isn't as "bad" as the other person's. ALL sin separates us from God.

 

[hex98co99]

I agree and I disagree with that statement. Worldly consequences, yes, each of those acts carries a certain degree of severity in regard to the consequences you may reap; however, in God's sight sin is sin no matter how big or small. As Christians we shouldn't let the world dictate which sins are worse than others. Not only does that lend to Christians self-justifying their sins, it also paves the way for Christians to judge other people because their sin isn't as "bad" as the other person's. ALL sin separates us from God.

That is what I meant by physical consequences.
But we as Christians should love all just as Jesus loved all --like that prostitute that people wanted to stone.
We should still love people like that (an not the sin) but the prostitute still had all the physical consequences(emotional also, although Jesus will take this away overtime sometimes instantly) consequences because of what she did.
Hector
><)))">

 

[msjones21]

Amen Hector. Lest we should forget the types of people Jesus associated Himself with - prostitutes, adulterers, tax collectors. He ministered to them all.

 

[hex98co99]

Amen Hector. Lest we should forget the types of people Jesus associated Himself with - prostitutes, adulterers, tax collectors. He ministered to them all.

Thank Goodness, becasue I dont know if I would made the cut if he did not.

Hector
><)))">

 

[msjones21]

Amen. It's a good thing we're not under the Law. Only a select few received God's annointing. What and awesome privilege we have, since Jesus died for our sins, that we can be annointed by the Holy Spirit.

 

[1god4me]

This is the first time I have posted on this forum and I am not sure if anyone is still watching this thread but when I read through the posts last night I could not help but post a response to offer some things that I have learned.

To answer the first question, it would be a huge turn on if a girl told me that she had "Never Been Kissed". I am a 28 year old male and I have never kissed a girl and have only seriously dated one girl for 4 months. I have made a commitment to myself, my future wife and to God that I will save that first kiss for my wife. The way that I figure it, if the only person that I have kissed or slept with is my wife then she will be the best person I have ever kissed or slept with. In my opinion, ignorance is bliss.

Unfortunately this is easier said then done. One thing that has helped me is by understanding the steps to intimacy. I hope this is not offensive to anyone but here are the steps:

1. Eye to Body

2. Eye to Eye

3. Voice to voice

4. Hand to Hand

5. Arm to Shoulder

6. Arm to Waist (No Frontal Contact)

7. Mouth to Mouth

8. Hand to Head

9. Hand to Body

10. Mouth to Breast

11. Hand to Genitals

12. Genitals to Genitals

By understanding these steps I can determine how far I will go with a girl physically and helps me when I set boundaries in any relationships. Obviously these steps can be taken out of order but this is the natural progression in most cases. For me, I set my boundaries at step 5 or 6 but it is up to each person to determine what boundaries they believe are appropriate and what they can stick to. As Joshua Harris says in his books, I would rather draw the line a mile away from the edge of the cliff so that if I do slip and cross that line I am still not falling to my death. That may be an extreme analogy but I think it is fitting.

The physical aspects are only one part of this issue. A couple of people have made passing references to mental purity but I want to talk about that in more depth. I am one of the millions of guys who struggle with lust and pornography. It has been almost 2 years since I have had any major issues in this area but it is still a daily struggle. I am sure that I could go beyond step 5 or 6 above and still refrain form sleeping with a girl but I know that I can not go beyond that point and maintain my purity of mind. (To read my journey to recovery from pornography contact me for the URL to my home page or go to my profile and go to my home page)

Some people may ask why mental purity is important? Paul tells us in Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things". Lust and pornography do not fit into any of the categories Paul lays out in Philippians. Christ also tells us in Matthew 5:27-28 that "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart". This is a pretty condemning scripture for me and that is why I make a very conscious effort to refrain from lust and pornography.

IN CONCLUSSION:

FOR GUYS – First, if you are struggling with lust and pornography do whatever it takes to get that out of your lives. For me I had to confide in other guys, get involved in the recovery ministry at my church and ultimately become authentic in front of the entire group by giving my testimony. You will have to find out what works for you, this is just my experience. By doing this you will find that you can relate to other people, especially women, much easier and you will not experience the shame and gilt associated with the pornography.

Second, as guys we have to meet our girlfriends and wives spiritual and emotional needs. Girls, correct me if I am wrong, but in my experience and what I have read and listened to, where a woman’s spiritual and emotional needs are being meet her body will follow. Many guys say that they will meet their wives and girlfriends spiritual and emotional needs when they meet his physical needs. This is backwards. As guys we are biblically commanded to be the leaders in our relationships. I am convinced that if we meet their spiritual and emotional needs starting in the dating relationship, when we get married our wives will willingly fulfill our physical needs. I have had many experiences where girls have taken to me when I start sharing about my involvement in my church and my personal commitments. Girls these days are staving for spiritual leadership.

FOR GIRLS – I can not say much because, like most guys, I still have a lot to learn about you girls but there is one thing I want to mention. As guys it is our responsibility to control our thoughts but girls can help us a lot by rethinking what you wear. I know that right now the fashions are to wear as tight and as little coverings as possible. I would encourage you to go against that flow in this matter and dress modestly for your sake and for the sake of the guys around you. Paul tells us in 1 Timothy 2:9 "I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes". Unfortunately most of the time you get what you are advertising for. If you are looking for a guy who will respect you for who you are and not just how you look then dress in a way to attract that type of guy. This may cut down on the amount of male attention you get but when the right guy comes around, what you are wearing will not matter. I am not saying to always run around in baggy T- shirts and jeans, you can be very attractive and still wear modest clothing.

I am sorry this is so long. I hope that this will help some in their pursuit of physical and mental purity. Thanks for reading.

 

[msjones21]

This may cut down on the amount of male attention you get but when the right guy comes around, what you are wearing will not matter. I am not saying to always run around in baggy T- shirts and jeans, you can be very attractive and still wear modest clothing.

AMEN!

 

[ps34_18]

Girls these days are starving for spiritual leadership.

well said. It'd be nice if more guys realized this...

 

[mina]

well said. It'd be nice if more guys realized this...

i agree. Guys , please become awesome Godly Christian men. Jesus needs you. The church needs you. and women need you.

 

[hex98co99]

i agree. Guys , please become awesome Godly Christian men. Jesus needs you. The church needs you. and women need you.

Hey I will do my best (with Gods help)
Hector
><)))">