Need prayers and advice

[blugill]

I'm in a tight emotional spot.
I'm torn between helping my ex wife from getting her car repossessed and being angry with her for seeing a new guy.

A little background, she has bipolar and borderline personality disorders. Last year she had a car wreck which lead to two major mental meltdowns that I picked up the pieces of and got her treatment for. We had been divorced earlier that year because she had an affair. She was dumped by the affair guy which was also a factor in her breakdowns.

She was alone and finally got to the point where she needed serious help. I found her an outpatient facility specifically for her disorders. So I paid for her to get treatment and kept her bills current while she went for seven weeks.

She would never admit she had a disorder while we were married not take medication. They helped her through all of that and she's healing and has applied for disability. She should hear back about that by April but even then only about a third are approved right away.

Why I'm angry is that now that she's getting healthy again she's seeing another guy. I feel like I did the work to get her to this point, saw her through hospital stays, kept her afloat, and has normal moods, another guy reaps the benefits.
Now he does live four hours away but I don't see him stepping up to help her keep her car or help her lights stay on.

The problem is that I help anyone. If anyone needs help I'm there front and center to do what I can. Maybe I keep thinking she and I will give it another shot. It'd be so much easier now that she's in counseling and on the right medications. So if I let her car get repossessed then it would make things harder on me too. Our oldest daughter lives with her and our youngest daughter lves with me, they are 19 and 17. The oldest is in college and the youngest will be a senior.
I'm stable and that is what the youngest needs.

So I'm angry and I wallaby to help so I REALLY don't know what to do.

 

[Tammy]

My thoughts, Blugill, are that you should let her go. Whether she is in her right mind or the "not right" mind, she is proving she isn't faithful to you...so why would you want to get involved and be hurt all over again? If you help her, you are only enabling her...not really helping her. You helped her, by getting her to the Dr....and this is how she pays you back....time to move on, Blugill...

 

[ThyLovingkindness]

Hi blugill, I'm glad that the younger daughter lives with you. At this point you have no ties to your ex-wife. I agree that you should let her go, who knows? If you place a distance, she might improve! Over 20 years' ago, I was in an unhealthy relationship for 5 years. When I let go, this person had to get his act together, and he did! We weren't good for each other. Since then I married a wonderful guy and he passed away, but never will I take advantage of another, or allow another to take advantage of me... again! Praying for you, and your daughters, the whole situation, really. Blessings!

 

[saved24]

Praying for you. You are in a hard situation. God bless.

 

[GuusVA]

praying for your situation.

 

[Gods warrior 1]

Praying.

 

[mimi75042]

Praying for you and for GOD's guidance to touch you and show you the right way that you should go. Lifting you and your family up in prayer for peace and comfort. GOD BLESS.

 

[Gods warrior 1]

Praying.

 

[DrewJosiah]

You stepped up to the plate after she had an affair. I may be young and lacking some knowledge in the sense of relationships, but I don't think many men would have done the same thing. You deserve a woman who can see your character and appreciate it, not take advantage of it.
I will be praying for your discernment in this tough situation.

 

[puppii]

Praying for you to know the right thing to do with your ex and that you and your family will be blessed.

 

[blugill]

Well the situation was taken out of my hands this morning.
Her car was repossessed early this morning.
So now it'll be very tough on me unless I just want to be super mean and tell her to figure it out on her own.
It'll take at least 1k to get her car caught up and I'm sure there are fees to pay on top of that.

 

[ThyLovingkindness]

Well the situation was taken out of my hands this morning.
Her car was repossessed early this morning.
So now it'll be very tough on me unless I just want to be super mean and tell her to figure it out on her own.
It'll take at least 1k to get her car caught up and I'm sure there are fees to pay on top of that.

May I ask... why is this your problem if you two are no longer together? The enabler is a part of the problem rather than the solution. People need to know how to help themselves. Praying that you seek God's will in this situation, blessings!

 

[Tammy]

Well the situation was taken out of my hands this morning.
Her car was repossessed early this morning.
So now it'll be very tough on me unless I just want to be super mean and tell her to figure it out on her own.
It'll take at least 1k to get her car caught up and I'm sure there are fees to pay on top of that.

That isn't being mean. That is doing the right thing, in a kind way (she won't think it kind unless you bail her out), and teaching her a lesson.... You are not a door mat, don't let her treat you like one. Do the right thing and let the consequences fall where they do.

 

[Aces High]

Some of you are forgetting that he has an emotional attachment to her, in fact it's much more than that...after all they have been married and have adult daughters together! So don't trivialise his situation!

I would definitely agree however with the general gist of the advice here not to lend any more financial assistance or "helping hand" scenarios at this point.

I don't know you two, nor do I have the life experience to understand these things fully, but...given the length of time you've been together it's obvious that she knows you're a very giving person and therefore she's using you as both an emotional and financial crutch to get herself moving out of your life.

Whether she realises it or just doing it subconsciously, only she'll know.

I am praying for you blugill.

 

[High Fidelity]

I envy your ability to put compassion before anger in the past and even your struggle now, because it shows that above all else, you still care about the well-being of someone that's wronged you.

If it were me then I would help. But you have to let go of the anger. Being angry achieves nothing.

I'm similar in so much as helping unappreciative people in the past. It's not very nice, but I can't see myself being any other way.

 

[christsoccer]

I'm in a tight emotional spot.
I'm torn between helping my ex wife from getting her car repossessed and being angry with her for seeing a new guy.

A little background, she has bipolar and borderline personality disorders. Last year she had a car wreck which lead to two major mental meltdowns that I picked up the pieces of and got her treatment for. We had been divorced earlier that year because she had an affair. She was dumped by the affair guy which was also a factor in her breakdowns.

She was alone and finally got to the point where she needed serious help. I found her an outpatient facility specifically for her disorders. So I paid for her to get treatment and kept her bills current while she went for seven weeks.

She would never admit she had a disorder while we were married not take medication. They helped her through all of that and she's healing and has applied for disability. She should hear back about that by April but even then only about a third are approved right away.

Why I'm angry is that now that she's getting healthy again she's seeing another guy. I feel like I did the work to get her to this point, saw her through hospital stays, kept her afloat, and has normal moods, another guy reaps the benefits.
Now he does live four hours away but I don't see him stepping up to help her keep her car or help her lights stay on.

The problem is that I help anyone. If anyone needs help I'm there front and center to do what I can. Maybe I keep thinking she and I will give it another shot. It'd be so much easier now that she's in counseling and on the right medications. So if I let her car get repossessed then it would make things harder on me too. Our oldest daughter lives with her and our youngest daughter lves with me, they are 19 and 17. The oldest is in college and the youngest will be a senior.
I'm stable and that is what the youngest needs.

So I'm angry and I wallaby to help so I REALLY don't know what to do.

Prayers to you