need help..low confidence and self esteem issues : (

[Pink Angel]

Hey everyone!


I have been introduced to a problem that I have that i HAVE to fix or else i am in deep trouble..

I have low self esteem issues and confidence issues...i need help i need some pointers. I have learned that if I dont love myself who will. So i need to learn to love myself for who I am. I have been reading Dr. Phil's new book Love Smart, bc it tells you how to build "The Character of You" which is realizing who you are and how to love yourself so others can love you. However, it is hard to take advice when he doesnt knwo my situation, bc in the book the advice is great but i feel its hard to fully take it in when it is a general topic meant to fit all women and not just me individually.

Now, I wouldnt say i am depressed or anything but there are days i just want to cry bc i am not who i should be and i am not where i should be in my life. I am 22 and still suck at an age that has self esteem issues....i am 22 i should know and love who i am by now, i should have dealt with this in HS but however i look back on those days...and i was a better person! I was more optimistic and confident and more outgoing, and when i was HS I think that appearance wise i am better off now, i mean i have my own look now, i have slimmed out and i know how to wear makeup and i know how to do my hair just right, i have lost some weight and am a lot thinner than i was my sr year. I dont get how when i dont think i was that pretty in HS how my self esteem was at a good level and now, that i know i look better than i did in HS and i am having issues....what is the difference that i missing here, shouldnt i be better off now? I need help

what can i do to be optimistic and to stop worrying so much....im a huge huge huge worry wort and it is really affecting my social life. What are some tips to get me to love me....has anyone gone through this? what did you do?

I just dont understand and random times when i am by myself....i want to cry....its not that i dont have friends and im afraid to be alone, but the times i AM alone and bymyself for thenight......i choose to be.......because we all need "me" time. Does anyone know what I am going through? Any advice? please I am open to anything and everything please help. Thank you for reading

 

[WileyCoyote]

We ALL have times where we have low self esteem. Part of the solution is to think of yourself the way God thinks of you. God says you are the head, not the tail. He says you are more than a conquerer. He says you are His righteousness.

Don't take this the wrong way, but part of the problem may be that you are reading Dr. Phil. The guy seems like a nut to me.

I hope you are cured from this and see yourself as the individual God made you.

 

[cloudstrife007]

I've read before that one of the ways to build your confidence is to do things that you're good at. Writing, drawing, music, crafts, sports, etc.

I can relate in that I've been a quiet/shy sort of person all my life. I am definitely not a person with a much confidence or self esteem. I'm really bad a decision making and recently I've been going through an issue to find my direction in life.
But what I realized was that God made us who we are for a reason and that we should try to trust God in his purpose/plan. You need to come to terms with who you are because God loves you for being you. There may be flaws in our character but that is OKAY. God didn't make us to be perfect but we can work to improve on some of our flaws because life is a learning process. Talk to God about it.

Take care sister. Keep your head up and look to the heavens above. God is watching over you!

 

[Multi-Elis]

Totally relate... since age 22 (when I was in my first year in university in France I barely had any friends!) though, I've discovered a few tips. I could get self esteem trouble any time, but here are some things I've noticed:
It's true that you have to love your self. But like with loving anybody else, it's a thing that starts with small little circles, that need time to build momentum. As with loving a new person you meet, it takes time.
You can try talking to yourself, saying you love yourself, but don't do it in a narcissistic way. Don't say: "I think you look super good and you are so great, etc." Rather, speak unconditional love: "I love you, even when you make mistakes, and I want to work with you on fixing those mistakes because I think you are worth it, and it will be so fun when those mistakes are fixed."
Also, from your post, it sounds like you don't have very many close relationships. One of the ways to really feel fulfilled and confident, is to be in community with people that you love. And you give to this community, and in giving, somehow you receive. I joined a club this year. The idea is that we all help each other and mentor each other around a common hobby or career goal (in this case, film making). We invest in each other, around common interests. Investing in people is a form of loving people.) Investing freely in this has really made me quite happy. As a side effect, it has been very nice to be respected by other people, even people who are more competent and older than me. The secret is a group functioning where we are very committed to one another, to helping one another. We give freely, as we have received freely. We are like a tribe, loyal mostly to each other. New people are welcome to the club, but unless they are willing to give freely, they don't really stay on.
Churches are supposed to provide this kind of community. But if your church isn't providing it, than you need to find it elsewhere. There are everywhere people who are into doing interesting activities. Volunteering could do it. But make sure that there is a group feeling about it. The best is if you find people interesting in doing the stuff you really want to do.

 

[Aedh]

Now, I wouldnt say i am depressed or anything but there are days i just want to cry bc i am not who i should be and i am not where i should be in my life. I am 22 and still suck at an age that has self esteem issues....i am 22 i should know and love who i am by now, i should have dealt with this in HS but however i look back on those days...and i was a better person! I was more optimistic and confident and more outgoing, and when i was HS I think that appearance wise i am better off now, i mean i have my own look now, i have slimmed out and i know how to wear makeup and i know how to do my hair just right, i have lost some weight and am a lot thinner than i was my sr year. I dont get how when i dont think i was that pretty in HS how my self esteem was at a good level and now, that i know i look better than i did in HS and i am having issues....what is the difference that i missing here, shouldnt i be better off now? I need help

what can i do to be optimistic and to stop worrying so much....im a huge huge huge worry wort and it is really affecting my social life. What are some tips to get me to love me....has anyone gone through this? what did you do?

I just dont understand and random times when i am by myself....i want to cry....its not that i dont have friends and im afraid to be alone, but the times i AM alone and bymyself for thenight......i choose to be.......because we all need "me" time. Does anyone know what I am going through? Any advice? please I am open to anything and everything please help. Thank you for reading

oo now don’t be so down we all have times in life where we fail to do things up to our standards. or we feel that we are not where we should be at a certain point in life. that’s mainly due to comparing ourselves to others. Thinking well “so and so had this done by 20!!” . but you cant do that.... It will cause you to blame yourself .......everyone is different and we have to move along life at our own pace and that means accepting unexpected failures and set backs.

chin up

 

[SnapCount]

Trust in yourself, and don't second-guess your decisions or actions if you thought it through carefully.

The world has always belonged to people who take smart risks and always will.

 

[-~Truth_N_Trust~-]

How is your relationship with God?

Also, losing weight can carry with is difficulties, because you start to see yourself differently and other people differently. Make sure you are not just focussing on your looks now because you feel you can - I mean, still be happy that you look awesome! But just watch your focus...

 

[kallenfranchise]

Yea, stop listening to Dr.Phil.

When you feel depressed
Isaiah 40:31, Isaiah 41:10, 1 Peter 5:6-7, Psalms 43:5, 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

When you need encouragement
Philippians 2:1, Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 31:3, 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

When you feel discouraged
1 Peter 5:10, Galatians 6:9, Proverbs 14:23, Proverbs 28:19, Genesis 31:38-42

When you need guidance
Psalms 25:4-5, Proverbs 3:5-6, John 16:13, John 14:26, Proverbs 4:11, Psalms 37:23-24

God Bless You!!!

 

[Multi-Elis]

More on loving yourself.
I don't know what the book you are reading says, but loving yourself is done in the same way as you love others. I was talking about investing in others, saying that that was a way to love them. In the same way you invest in yourself: teaching yourself, learning, trying to find ways to be more wise, and more mature. Making the effort to learn, making the effort of making an effort, training yourself to be better... at doing something well, these are ways to love yourself. It's not being in love with yourself, it's the more long lasting commitment to your long term good. And that's exactly how you are supposed to love others. Married couples are not always in love with each other, sometimes they have to hang on because of their commitment. It's the same in loving yourself. And I insist: it's not an over night thing. It's little waves that gain momentum over time. And loving yourself should go hand in hand with loving others.

So you love yourself a little bit, and you love others a little bit. Then you love others a little bit more, so you love yourself a little bit more.

 

[Utah Knight]

Everyone has these times however we need to overcome them. We need to remember we were created just the way we were ment to be. We may see our own faults but that is ok everyone does but we must not dwell on them. We are the only ones who can change our own selves if you know what i mean. In stead of thinking what is bad about your self think of what is good. If you catch your self thinking of you short comings push them away and replace those with what you like about yourself. If you see you are not getting the advice you need here go to this section of the forum http://christianforums.com/f721-self-esteem.html

 

[shadistarr]

First of all you're not alone! Did you get a chance to read through some of the "20's is hard" thread. I think we all struggle sometimes.

I'm a big endorser of counselling... maybe there's something more to your self-esteem issues? A Christian Counsellor might help you with that.

 

[Naxanis]

Keep your head up miss, you're not alone. I too have endured confidence issues of my own and it never seems to get any easier. These past few months for me have been a nightmare in terms of this very subject, so I know all too well about what you are experiencing. Don't yourself a favor though and never ever give up! When your spirit dies, what do you have left? I will pray that you may recieve strengh to overcome your struggles. You can do it ma'am!

Sincerely,

Naxanis

 

[ciaradawn]

I don't think you should stop listening to Dr. Phil. Sometimes we need a different voice than what God gives. Sometimes we just need something different. If it's helping you then why stop something that's helpful?

I noticed that you said you think you should be happier at this point in your life. Don't psych yourself into thinking that you SHOULD be happier. You're the one telling yourself that you're not happy enough. I'm 24 and I still cry about my life sometimes. I have self esteem issues too. I think you're headed in the right direction. Remember that you're young and these times are hard. They also go by a lot slower and everything is magnified; so every issue seems huge. Hang in there! You'll be okay! I don't really have any pointers other than to just do what you're doing and with time you will feel better. Don't expect it to be an instant thing. Work on one thing at a time, take baby steps and you'll get there.

 

[Multi-Elis]

I'd like to recommend the web site Authentic Happiness (dot) Org. It's an institute where they have done scientific research into what makes people long lastingly happy. You can read an article about this here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/happiness_formula/
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/happiness_formula/4783836.stm

Quoting from the article:
First, family and friends are crucial - the wider and deeper the relationships with those around you the better.
The second vital ingredient is having meaning in life, a belief in something bigger than yourself - from religion, spirituality or a philosophy of life.
The third element is having goals embedded in your long term values that you're working for, but also that you find enjoyable.



What especially struck me about the website is the Signature strengths test, which helps you find out what long term qualities you are naturally born with, so that you can get a little more direction in life and pursue them even more. But first, i'll explain something about these stregnths: they are world-wide accepted virtues, with some very rare exceptions. All over the world cultures admire things like courage, wisdom, capacity to learn, social intelligence. And these things are endorsed in the bible, (especially proverbs, or the teachings of Jesus) and they are things that can be developed even more. These strengths bring lasting happiness and sense of well being, but are worth doing besides the side effects they bring. They don't include "self esteem" "out going" and "appearances", these are just things people care about in America in the 20 and 21 century. They don't necessarily bring long term happiness and satisfaction. And unlike real strengths, they don't help the rest of society.


So I advise you to do this test and find out what God given things you are good at and that you can use to serve others and completely enjoy doing it all along. Mine were "appreciation for beauty, learning, curiosity, team-spirited, and gratefulness" and my mother's were "Self control and self discipline".


hope it helps!

 

[thebigj]

Any advice?

Flood the school, Donnie.

 

[Greenriser]

I think you've got to shake yourself up, you might still feel crap if you get some knockbacks in your life, but they will be easier if you have fun.

Take a chance on a dance class for instance, any style, you could do jazz or hiphop cause u don't necessarily need a partner with those, then you could move to salsa or latin when u find someone you wanna go with. I do hiphop, it's challenging but good

 

[ernest_theweedwhackerguy]

Hey everyone!


I have been introduced to a problem that I have that i HAVE to fix or else i am in deep trouble..

I have low self esteem issues and confidence issues...i need help i need some pointers. I have learned that if I dont love myself who will. So i need to learn to love myself for who I am. I have been reading Dr. Phil's new book Love Smart, bc it tells you how to build "The Character of You" which is realizing who you are and how to love yourself so others can love you. However, it is hard to take advice when he doesnt knwo my situation, bc in the book the advice is great but i feel its hard to fully take it in when it is a general topic meant to fit all women and not just me individually.

Now, I wouldnt say i am depressed or anything but there are days i just want to cry bc i am not who i should be and i am not where i should be in my life. I am 22 and still suck at an age that has self esteem issues....i am 22 i should know and love who i am by now, i should have dealt with this in HS but however i look back on those days...and i was a better person! I was more optimistic and confident and more outgoing, and when i was HS I think that appearance wise i am better off now, i mean i have my own look now, i have slimmed out and i know how to wear makeup and i know how to do my hair just right, i have lost some weight and am a lot thinner than i was my sr year. I dont get how when i dont think i was that pretty in HS how my self esteem was at a good level and now, that i know i look better than i did in HS and i am having issues....what is the difference that i missing here, shouldnt i be better off now? I need help

what can i do to be optimistic and to stop worrying so much....im a huge huge huge worry wort and it is really affecting my social life. What are some tips to get me to love me....has anyone gone through this? what did you do?

I just dont understand and random times when i am by myself....i want to cry....its not that i dont have friends and im afraid to be alone, but the times i AM alone and bymyself for thenight......i choose to be.......because we all need "me" time. Does anyone know what I am going through? Any advice? please I am open to anything and everything please help. Thank you for reading

Listen, all you need to do, is believe in yourself and don't fall to todays "standards."
Just be you! And you'll find your true friends, feel soo much better, and quite rejuvenated! I had the same problem, but in high school.
I was trying to be somebody I wasn't, just to fit in, and that got me nowhere but in a hole of depression. How I got out, was by figuring out who my REAL friends are.
How I did that, was I started to be me again. Sure, I lost some friends because they thought I "changed", but in all reality, I just started... Well... being myself.

So, my words of wisdom(If you can call them that), are don't judge yourself! Only God has that right.
Don't try to "conform" to society and it's social standards. Do what YOU want to do. Dress how YOU want to dress.

Hopefully, these words will help you as much as they helped me.

God bless, and if you ever need to talk, you can just pm me.

 

[Missy Baby]

Be true to yourself. Pray to God and tell him about how you feel and ask for guidence.

 

[AtheistAnonymous]

The easiest way in improving confidence is to learn to resist criticism and to basically feel happy about yourself. You need to do what you enjoy doing and even when you can't enjoy that activity, you need to be happy. Happiness can only be achieved by yourself if you open yourself up to it. I once had self-esteem issues, but it was mostly just me being shy. I can easily go up to anyone now and ask them something and it doesn't bother me. I see many people around me who suffer from confidence and self-esteem. My viewpoint is that if I show enough confidence in my responses to a question ,for example, that even if I am wrong, I have the self-esteem to withstand correction and criticism of my answer. From sticking your neck out on a line or risking a limb from time to time, you learn your capabilities of withstanding various aspects of life and your confidence and self-esteem can only grow stronger. There is also one rule to being able to deal with people who talk bad about you! The rule is to NOT care. You can stand in front of them and listen to everything they say and just respond that you don't actually care or view their opinion as significant in your life. That is a REAL self-esteem booster. You just have to not let yourself lower your standards of confidence and self-esteem. Interact more and take some blows so that you can withstand anything and be a better and stronger person.

 

[Multi-Elis]

I was trying to be somebody I wasn't,

Just trying to make sure: the person you are is

what YOU want to do. how YOU want to dress.

?

(It's not a trick question. At age 16 I remember people thinking that I wasn't being who I really was, when actually I was trying to be the kind of person I wanted to be. So maybe it is a trick question after all. Can you explain a little more?)