Need help from a desperate Dad

[Poddie]

ttabor24, I personally would never allow my child to address me in a disrespectful tone. I personally understand your reaction b/c sometimes tough love is needed, especially when it comes to a father and his son. Please don't feel too persecuted by some of the comments. We all need to do a self-evaluation when it comes to our actions at times, especially as a parent. Believe you me, your 16 yr-old will see the error of his ways in time. I do agree that in this challenging period in your life, one should refrain from antics that one might regret.


Congrats on the pregnancy!!! Is it a boy or girl?

 

[Poddie]

I personally do think telling your children how much you and Jesus Christ love them, even in this difficult period, is very important to their upbringing. As long as it is not followed by confrontation and physical altercations, showing them that you have unconditional love for them as a father is very empowering.

 

[Poddie]

Oh and his last tweet last night was. My mom thinks she can take away my phone. Haha. I told her to go away and she did. I got her whipped

Wow. Couldn't be me.

 

[ttabor24]

ttabor24, I personally would never allow my child to address me in a disrespectful tone. I personally understand your reaction b/c sometimes tough love is needed, especially when it comes to a father and his son. Please don't feel too persecuted by some of the comments. We all need to do a self-evaluation when it comes to our actions at times, especially as a parent. Believe you me, your 16 yr-old will see the error of his ways in time. I do agree that in this challenging period in your life, one should refrain from antics that one might regret.

Congrats on the pregnancy!!! Is it a boy or girl?

Thank you. I am the most clam person you will meet but I have tried everything else in the book and nothing was working. So many people that have observed the way my kids treat me have told me I needed to try tough love and have them fear me a little and respect me. So I tried it and this is were it landed me. Two years ago my ex slapped my son and he came running to live with me after a couple of days I told him he should be with his brother and sister. I never thought about getting the courts involved. But I am a rational person

To give you more background. About a year and a half ago I went to pick up my 1o year old for football and told my ex wife I was going to take him to lunch afterwards. She said no I wasn't and came to the door and slapped and bit me

I called the cops but refused to put her in jail. So she turned around and put a restraining order on my because she said I texted the kids too much. She dropped it right before we went to court but I could not call or text my children at all for a month. My daughter right before this had me pay for all of her 16 birthday party and I could not even call her or wish her happy birthday. When I got to see them again my two oldest wanted to spend the night with friends that same night.

These are just some of the instances that have lead me to the point I am right now. Enough is enough. I have a new family now but I am deeply hurting inside because I love those kids

 

[Julie1031]

[/quote]Are you a Christian? As a believer, our motive should always be love. How can you best show love to your children in this situation?[/quote]


How does the way he handled this situation make him a non-christian? I find that to be very rude and not at all "loving" to a fellow Christian seeking help for a situation that is obvioulsy hurting him. He is here asking for help because he is broken and feels defeated. He would not be on Christian Forumns if he wasn't exploring a way to handle this that will align with his faith and beliefs. Let me ask you, would you stand there and let someone rush at you or push you without trying to stop that person? He didn't hit him or throw fists up, he restrained his son. Sometimes talking a teenager down when he's raging is not an option. You must not have a lot of experience dealing with teenage boys.

 

[Poddie]

I agree with an earlier poster. Put some of this drama down for now and focus on your new family. She sounds like a lucky woman b/c you seem very devoted to your kids, but it is time to walk away from this incident for now. It sounds very volatile and you need a reprieve. Focus on God and Jesus Christ through prayer and the Lord will carry you through. It is time to heal. Your kids right now are not at the emotional maturity level to fully comprehend their actions. That's why it feels like communicating with them is like talking to a brick wall.

 

[Poddie]

Are you a Christian? As a believer, our motive should always be love. How can you best show love to your children in this situation?


How does the way he handled this situation make him a non-christian? I find that to be very rude and not at all "loving" to a fellow Christian seeking help for a situation that is obvioulsy hurting him. He is here asking for help because he is broken and feels defeated. He would not be on Christian Forumns if he wasn't exploring a way to handle this that will align with his faith and beliefs. Let me ask you, would you stand there and let someone rush at you or push you without trying to stop that person? He didn't hit him or throw fists up, he restrained his son. Sometimes talking a teenager down when he's raging is not an option. You must not have a lot of experience dealing with teenage boys.[/QUOTE]

I agree in love, of course. God bless all.

 

[amandatea]

Hello everyone. I would like to share my story and get some advice on what to do. I am a divorced father who has since remarried and my wife and I are expecting a child in September.

I have three children from a prior marriage. Their ages are 17, 16 and 12. For the last two years I have had a difficult relationship with them. I don't get to see them all the time like I used to. I get them every other weekend and on Wednesdays overnight.
When I was first divorced and they would act up I would always give in to them because I did not want them to be mad at me and not want to come visit me. I wanted them to love their dad.

My ex-wove is very unreasonable to say the least and I I was really financially harmed in the divorce. I ended up paying her 1600 a month in support and leaving me with all the bills and 1400 to leave off a month. So after bills were paid I did not have any left to give the kids extras and I feel so bad telling them "I have no money".

Recently my wife and I took back over the house my ex wife was awarded in the divorce because she did not make a house payment for over 8 months even thou she was getting enough support from me to pay it. I had to file chapter 13 to save the house to live in.

So needless to say my wife and I are on a tight budget to make the house payment and save some money because when the baby is born she will not be able to work for a while

Back to the kids and I. For the last year I have been pleading with my kids telling them to love and respect me. My daughter I adopted her when she was 7 years old but I have been the only father in her life since she was three months old. She has trouble making and keeping friends and she worships the ground her mother walks on. I have been going to theropy with her on growing our relationship. I text her all the time telling her I love her and most of the time she does not respond. Over the last two years she has texted or called me maybe twice and both times was because she needed something.

My 16 year old son is a hot head. He has been suspended from school the last two years for fighting. He flip flops between his mother and I when it is to his benefit.

My 12 year old is just a small fry and so easy going but he is starting to be disrespectful

Enough with some background info. Here is where I need help. About three months ago my wife and I helped my 16 year old buy a truck because he was doing good and has a job. I felt like it was my responsibility to help him with his first car but I did not have the funds to do that. My wife was in need of a car so we were able to get her a car and my son a truck on her loan. The deal was that he got this truck but his grades had to stay up and he had to stay out of trouble. He also had to make monthly payments to us of 100 until the 1500 was paid off. His mother also put in 500 for the truck

Last Wednesday my son had to work until 9:00pm. 9:30 came around and he was not home yet so I texted him and about 15 min later he said he worked an extra hour. So I told him he has to let me know that stuff because he is only 16. He came home at 10:30 [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed off. I also need to add that he decided a week earlier that he wanted to sell his truck for a car. I did not know if I wanted to do that but he decided he wanted to. He texted me all day wanting me to find the title and I told him I was busy working.

So after he got home [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed of and not talking I went downstairs to login to work so I called him down and told him to look in these two boxes for his title. He picked up a box and threw it down and yelled at me and said WHY DIDN'T YOU LOOK FOR IT! I said excuse me. And he picked it back up and threw it down again and said your always telling us what to do. Why didn't you look for it. So I hoped up and grabbed his shirt and said you are not going to talk to me that way. He pushed me so I pushed him back. He was next to the stairs going up so he tripped on them. He got up and rushed at me so I grabbed him and took him to the ground and told him he better calm the f$&k down. By this time my daughter is down stairs and said dad let him up. So I let him go. The whole event took less then 30 seconds and it was nothing. I wrestle withy boys way worse then this.

He got up and stood by the stairs yelling and me and his sister is holding him back and he pushes her off him and says get off me. She hits her elbow on the railing. I tell him I am taking him to his mothers and he says he is leaving in the truck and leaves.

I tell his sister to text their mother that we are coming to get the truck. She calls me and says she will take care of it. I told her no we are coming to get it because this is between him and I. We go over there to get the truck and she will not answer the door. We call the cops to get the truck and while waiting for the cops she lets my daughter in the house. The cops come and they tell us because we put this name on the title with my wife there was nothing we could do so I call my daughter and my ex wife answers and I tell her she wants to do things the hard way and hung up on her and we left

My youngest still stayed the night and the next morning my wife and I decided we have done enough for these kids and he needed to be in trouble. So we texted him and my ex stating that we are canceling his insurance and that he needed to get some before he could drive it. My ex wive writes back that she thought I would have been a mature adult and just let things calm down. I tested them all and said we are also shutting off the cell phones and your mom can carry them. She wrote back that I might want to reconsider and if I throw the first stone I cannot take it back

Needless to say around 6 that next night the cops showed up and I have been cited with two counts of child abuse. I am crushed. For two days I was in a fog and my wife had to go to the ER for the baby because of stress.

We had to hire an attorney for all this and that has depleted our saving for when the baby is born. I cry all the time and I follow my son on twitter and the language he uses and the thing he does is awful.

Yes for some reason I was cited for two accounts of child abuse and my daughter is saying I did something to her and she was not even involved. I do not know what the police report says yet so we just have to wait my attorney said if it goes to court it will be in sept when the baby is born.

I am crushed right now because I did nothing wrong and child services is going to come visit this week and money issues now and we are now stuck paying his truck payment because it is in my wives name.

This should be a happy time and it is living hell. I told my ex wive I was coming to get my youngest tomorrow but she said he does not want to see me. Not sure if that is true but I could take her to court for contempt but I don't have the money or time off of work to do it. Plus to be truthful I am a worried about ever seeing them again. If they can do this for shutting off their cell phones I am not sure what they could do. I will never be able to parent them again after this. I have worked hard ally live for these kids but unfortunately they have a mother that is trashy. I cannot deal with her anymore. She is ruining my life. But I cry all the time now because I love my kids. There is so much more but I think this is enogh. Thanks for reading.

While you came on here seeking advice about this situation, you seem very defensive and not interested in heeding the wise advice you have been given.

You have a "right" to punish your children, but is that the wise thing to do? There are many things I read in your OP that have yielded harmful and disappointing consequences for you and your children. Of course their behaviour was not great, but neither was yours. You are the adult and are supposed to be the example. I agree with another poster who stated that, instead of being agressive with your son when he asked why you hadn't found the info for him, you could have used that to teach, instead of contributing to the anger and aggression of the situation. Yes, you had the right to, but now you are in this situation.

I suggest apologizing for how things happened and seeking to do whatever it takes (within reason) to repair the relationships with your son and daughter. Be humble and not defensive. We are all responsible for our own actions and all actions have negative or positive subsequent consequences. The golden rule applies here as much as anywhere else.

 

[ValleyGal]

How does the way he handled this situation make him a non-christian?

I never said it did. I simply wondered if he is one, because believers need to have a different approach than non-believers. His icons did not indicate if he is a believer, and this site has people from all faiths and even atheists.

I find that to be very rude and not at all "loving" to a fellow Christian seeking help for a situation that is obvioulsy hurting him. He is here asking for help because he is broken and feels defeated. He would not be on Christian Forumns if he wasn't exploring a way to handle this that will align with his faith and beliefs.

Others have suggested other ways of handling it without exacerbating the aggression, yet he won't listen. Yes, he is hurting, but that pain does not give him the right to grab someone's scruff, get in their face or take him to the ground. There are other ways the OP could have handled this than to fight aggression with aggression. This is not the loving thing to do. The loving thing to do is to seize the opportunity to teach a valuable and important life lesson....not to engage in a physical fight.

Let me ask you, would you stand there and let someone rush at you or push you without trying to stop that person? He didn't hit him or throw fists up, he restrained his son.

Actually, from the OP, the youth did not "rush" him:

Why didn't you look for it. So I hoped up and grabbed his shirt and said you are not going to talk to me that way. He pushed me so I pushed him back. He was next to the stairs going up so he tripped on them. He got up and rushed at me so I grabbed him and took him to the ground and told him he better calm the f$&k down. By this time my daughter is down stairs and said dad let him up. So I let him go.

It is quite clear that the first act of physical aggression came from the dad, not from the son. And the only time the dad stopped is when daughter said to. That whole altercation could have been prevented had the dad not grabbed the scruff.

Sometimes talking a teenager down when he's raging is not an option. You must not have a lot of experience dealing with teenage boys.

The son was yelling. That could have been stopped before rage set in. I have a son I raised quite successfully without aggression. I also worked with a lot of at-risk youths who had very difficult behaviour. Not once was there a physical altercation. Ever. There is no need. It could have been prevented by diffusing the anger rather than perpetuating it. The Bible says "fathers, do not embitter your children." Aggression from parents will embitter their children, and is likely part of why the son is having anger issues. Development is part of it, but his individuation needs to be handled with parental skill, not with aggression.

Christians are taught not to repay evil for evil, and to turn the other cheek. That would have been appropriate in this situation rather than grab the youth's scruff, which did nothing more than set him off. And yes, if anyone grabbed my scruff, I'd push them away too. The son was acting in self defense.

 

[parsley]

You are paying for all those cell phones?
I don't agree that shutting them off was an effective response, but I do think you should not be paying for your ex's phone bill. It was an unreasonable response that would provoke everyone, but it might also be unreasonable for you to pay for all those phones.

Be careful over how the courts would respond to that. If your ex needed her phone to pay bills, and your action suddenly took away her only phone, you will be the one to lose from that action, ultimately.

Aggression from parents will embitter their children, and is likely part of why the son is having anger issues. Development is part of it, but his individuation needs to be handled with parental skill, not with aggression.

Kids can sense the fear in your voice. They can lose respect when they hear you shouting, while sensing you feeling helpless. Then they put themselves above you -- you weakened your response by overreacting.

The most powerful thing you can do in an elevated conversation, is to keep quiet composure and let others feel foolish for shouting.

Picture how a person at a restaurant or muffler shop might build in rage -- it is because someone else has control over their car or meal, and they can't do anything about it. A sitting duck, gone mad with fear.

So now I am facing charges and my wife had to go to the ER because of stress over this because she is pregnant

It would be helpful to her if you calmed yourself before talking with her. I'm guessing you came home and vented, as you probably share what's going on... but there might be times now where you should talk with a friend instead. Like you're doing here.

If she wasn't in the same building at the time, then she was not directly impacted by the incident -- people could have kept that from her.

Yes, your son for a lack of a better word is rebelling, as is my son, but our job is still to be there for them.

 

[turkle]

What a stressful time this is for you. It's understandable that you would feel frustrated and helpless now that you have to legally defend yourself. I will certainly pray for you and your family.

In your OP, you mentioned something very telling:

When I was first divorced and they would act up I would always give in to them because I did not want them to be mad at me and not want to come visit me. I wanted them to love their dad.

This is a very common response from divorced dads. You feel guilt over the divorce, so you want to do whatever it takes to make them like you.

In the Old Testament, David did the same thing. He felt guilt and remorse over his adultery with Bathsheba, and his subsequent murder of Uriah. As you read on, you find that David did not discipline his sons as he should. In fact, he was a weak father. The consequences of this passive parenting was that his own son tried to take his kingdom away from him and kill him.

Likewise, it sounds like your children are also experiencing the consequences. When your primary motivation is to avoid their anger, as you stated, then discipline is lacking. The children become unruly and disrespectful.

You also said that you put your hands on your son first. You were aggressive with him, and he responded in kind. You say you cursed at him. And then the violence began.

You say that your son is a hot head, so I'm sure you knew how he would respond.

You also say that you were wrestling with him. What you describe is not wrestling, it is assault. On both sides.

The trouble is, he is a kid. You are an adult. It is the responsibility of the father to behave appropriately. As scripture tells us, in your anger, do not sin. You need to keep a level head and realize that you are dealing with an undisciplined child. You are responsible for the escalation.

I can understand how your ex feels. As a momma bear myself, I am fiercely protective of my children. She heard their account of what happened, and is concerned. That is understandable.

The very best thing you can do now is apologize to your children. They need to hear it from you. And you need to never lose your temper like that again. They need to be able to look at you as a role model of how they should behave. It is the responsibility of every parent to exercise self control, now matter how hard the kids punch our buttons. We are the example.

Going forward, I encourage you to behave with Christ-like humility. Forgive your children, and love on them. It may take a while for them to warm up to you, but keep loving them.

I think it is really important for them to see you repentant, not defensive. They will learn so much from it, and hopefully incorporate it into their own lives. But first, you need to realize that your behavior was wrong. The more defensive you are of it, the more distance you will put between yourself and your children, as well as between yourself and your Lord. Jesus said "Blessed are the peacemakers (Mat 5.9) This is your chance to become one.

 

[Scott1979]

I think first and foremost you need to seek counseling to deal with your anger. As my mom told me (God bless her) when kids are 16-20 they visit an alien planet and drive you nuts for a few years. You need to be able to walk away when a situation escalates to the point that it did. You have to be a role model for kids. When your son pushed you, you should have walked or ran away. Nothing gets accomplished when you try to match insults and actions with teenagers.

Please understand that I am nor trying to judge you here. From the way things sound, you are under a tremendous amount of stress and what happened, happened. The important thing is to move forward from here and rebuild things. Right now I think the best thing to do is to back away from the situation. You have an expecting wife and that should be your top concern right now. Letting things cool down may be the best thing right now. I hope your daughter comes clean about the abuse since you did nothing to her. In the future I would look into some serious family counseling. Good luck.

 

[ttabor24]

Update to all. I just read the police repot and my kids completely lied. What do you say to that valley gal. You are so judgmental and I am defensive because I did nothing wrong. I came on here to seek advice on how to move forward in life not to be judged by any of you. This is what is wrong with Christianity today because of the way I have been treated on here I will step away from my faith for right now and seek non judgement from the world. I am done with this forum.

 

[ttabor24]

One last thing. Ponder this. What does more harm to a child. To have his dad put him in his place and a couple days later come to me and say he is sorry and that would be the end of it or give the kid the ability to run press charges over nothing and lose the relationship with his father and let him grow up to become societies problem.

 

[stormdancer0]

Let your kids know that if they don't want to come over, they don't have to. But I wouldn't pay any more bills for the kids unless ordered to by the courts. Obviously, your kids have been brainwashed by their mother.

You pay what you have to pay, give them the option of coming over, and let things settle down. They are old enough to know the truth, so eventually, they will come back to the truth.

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

consider this hypothetical example: Jesus appears to you right now and says "I paid for all that you and they have ever done wrong and ever will do wrong; why don't you believe Me?"

as long as you hold on to the hurts and mistakes of the past you will be doomed to re-live them in the future. someone has to forgive first. forgiving doesn't mean that you forget and have no bad feelings; forgiving means that you move forward based on the love that you have for your children as if they had never sinned - just like God did for you. of course, this is impossible as long as emotions rule and self is allowed to defend it's actions; you have to be the Christian in this crowd - you have to set the example for them that God has set for you; or it will get a lot worse really fast. strife is the manifest presence of the devil, and your life is filled with strife. strife has a minimum-two-person requirement - if you stop living in strife, it will not be able to continue in your life.

if your kids end up in hell, who cares about the truck or the cell phones? seek God's guidance, and recognize that He isn't judging anyone - He is operating in mercy and grace while calmly trying to communicate through selfless love with all of you in great patience and long-suffering - follow His example

while the devil has you and them in strife, he is teaching your children to destroy themselves. it's not your ex-wife that's ruining your life, it is you who chooses to respond to strife with strife instead of love - stop helping the devil, and follow God's example - cast the care of this on the Lord and walk in peace and love no matter how you're treated, and He will lead you and them out of this.

 

[turkle]

Update to all. I just read the police repot and my kids completely lied. What do you say to that valley gal. You are so judgmental and I am defensive because I did nothing wrong. I came on here to seek advice on how to move forward in life not to be judged by any of you. This is what is wrong with Christianity today because of the way I have been treated on here I will step away from my faith for right now and seek non judgement from the world. I am done with this forum.

Sadly, this is a common response from someone who is unrepentant and hostile.

First of all, you need to know what it is to be judgmental. A judgmental person criticizes another in order to puff themselves up.

A discerning person tells the truth in love. As far as I've read, that's what everyone has done for you. You did something wrong, and it's clear by what you said yourself. But you are refusing to listen, to humble yourself and accept correction. Instead, you insist that you've done nothing wrong. You have behaved like a child, and now are stubbornly refusing to acknowledge it.

Then, you use emotional blackmail against those who have tried to help you. Saying that you are walking away from the faith because you don't like what you received is childish and petty. It is foolish to threaten walk away from your Lord and Savior, who died on the cross for your sins because people are calling you on your bad behavior, and try to blame your lack of faith on those who are taking the time and energy to tell you the truth. Remember, the source of all our information is you.

Sadly, people who refuse to accept responsibility for their own attitudes and behaviors will always repeat the pattern. You can break that pattern by being the adult toward your children. It's not surprising that they lied. And if you are going to pout about it and refuse to reconcile, your relationship with them will be difficult indeed. You will need to take ownership of that. Again, you are supposed to be the adult.

Sometimes it takes a real tragedy for people to learn humility. Again, David was an example of that. Fortunately, David repented before God, and God called him a man after His own heart. You can choose to behave petulantly, or you can allow God to grow you in maturity and spirit. You can mend the chasm between yourself and your children, or you can make it bigger. It is entirely up to you. I pray that you will choose wisely.

 

[parsley]

I just ran across this uncited quote on how kids deal with difficulties and trauma in the family:


Denial
All stages of the grief process are necessary. Denial may be very functional
for a while. An apparent lack of concern may be your child’s way of coping with a loved one’s death. If an unconcerned and unknowing attitude continues in your child, he/she should be encouraged to talk about their feelings and
emotions.

Let her know you are there to talk with her when she needs you and help her come to terms with the tragedy in her own time. Do not be afraid of
making your child cry—tears can be a much needed safety valve.

Acute Grief
Once a preteen moves beyond denial and begins to accept the reality of the tragedy, he becomes angry. He may lash out, misbehave or get in trouble at school. Anger may be directed at the person who has died for deserting them, or at the parents for getting divorced and changing their home.

It may be directed toward those “held responsible” for the death, such as God, doctors, nurses, etc. In some children, behaving badly indicates a need to act out their feelings of grief, but instead of crying and talking about it, they act out ininappropriate ways instead.

Some preteens, on the other hand, do the opposite. They withdraw into themselves. Many even blame themselves for what happened,
according to North Dakota State University. And if they don't blame themselves, they may blame others, which in turn leads to feelings of guilt.

Physical symptoms of acute grief in teens include insomnia, a loss of appetite, headaches and stomach aches. Do not let your preteen get away with disrespectful and rude behavior, but also do not respond to anger with anger. Let them know it's OK to be angry and upset in an appropriate manner. Talking it out or keeping a journal can help a preteen during the acute grief stage.

Your grieving child needs permission and opportunity to grieve, someone to talk to, and reassurance of being loved. Gentle discipline is as important an aspect of that reassurance as hugs and kisses. Gentle discipline reinforces love and reassures your child that eventually everything will be all right again.

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

Hello everyone. I would like to share my story and get some advice on what to do. I am a divorced father who has since remarried and my wife and I are expecting a child in September.

I have three children from a prior marriage. Their ages are 17, 16 and 12. For the last two years I have had a difficult relationship with them. I don't get to see them all the time like I used to. I get them every other weekend and on Wednesdays overnight.
When I was first divorced and they would act up I would always give in to them because I did not want them to be mad at me and not want to come visit me. I wanted them to love their dad.

My ex-wove is very unreasonable to say the least and I I was really financially harmed in the divorce. I ended up paying her 1600 a month in support and leaving me with all the bills and 1400 to leave off a month. So after bills were paid I did not have any left to give the kids extras and I feel so bad telling them "I have no money".

Recently my wife and I took back over the house my ex wife was awarded in the divorce because she did not make a house payment for over 8 months even thou she was getting enough support from me to pay it. I had to file chapter 13 to save the house to live in.

So needless to say my wife and I are on a tight budget to make the house payment and save some money because when the baby is born she will not be able to work for a while

Back to the kids and I. For the last year I have been pleading with my kids telling them to love and respect me. My daughter I adopted her when she was 7 years old but I have been the only father in her life since she was three months old. She has trouble making and keeping friends and she worships the ground her mother walks on. I have been going to theropy with her on growing our relationship. I text her all the time telling her I love her and most of the time she does not respond. Over the last two years she has texted or called me maybe twice and both times was because she needed something.

My 16 year old son is a hot head. He has been suspended from school the last two years for fighting. He flip flops between his mother and I when it is to his benefit.

My 12 year old is just a small fry and so easy going but he is starting to be disrespectful

Enough with some background info. Here is where I need help. About three months ago my wife and I helped my 16 year old buy a truck because he was doing good and has a job. I felt like it was my responsibility to help him with his first car but I did not have the funds to do that. My wife was in need of a car so we were able to get her a car and my son a truck on her loan. The deal was that he got this truck but his grades had to stay up and he had to stay out of trouble. He also had to make monthly payments to us of 100 until the 1500 was paid off. His mother also put in 500 for the truck

Last Wednesday my son had to work until 9:00pm. 9:30 came around and he was not home yet so I texted him and about 15 min later he said he worked an extra hour. So I told him he has to let me know that stuff because he is only 16. He came home at 10:30 [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed off. I also need to add that he decided a week earlier that he wanted to sell his truck for a car. I did not know if I wanted to do that but he decided he wanted to. He texted me all day wanting me to find the title and I told him I was busy working.

So after he got home [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed of and not talking I went downstairs to login to work so I called him down and told him to look in these two boxes for his title. He picked up a box and threw it down and yelled at me and said WHY DIDN'T YOU LOOK FOR IT! I said excuse me. And he picked it back up and threw it down again and said your always telling us what to do. Why didn't you look for it. So I hoped up and grabbed his shirt and said you are not going to talk to me that way. He pushed me so I pushed him back. He was next to the stairs going up so he tripped on them. He got up and rushed at me so I grabbed him and took him to the ground and told him he better calm the f$&k down. By this time my daughter is down stairs and said dad let him up. So I let him go. The whole event took less then 30 seconds and it was nothing. I wrestle withy boys way worse then this.

He got up and stood by the stairs yelling and me and his sister is holding him back and he pushes her off him and says get off me. She hits her elbow on the railing. I tell him I am taking him to his mothers and he says he is leaving in the truck and leaves.

I tell his sister to text their mother that we are coming to get the truck. She calls me and says she will take care of it. I told her no we are coming to get it because this is between him and I. We go over there to get the truck and she will not answer the door. We call the cops to get the truck and while waiting for the cops she lets my daughter in the house. The cops come and they tell us because we put this name on the title with my wife there was nothing we could do so I call my daughter and my ex wife answers and I tell her she wants to do things the hard way and hung up on her and we left

My youngest still stayed the night and the next morning my wife and I decided we have done enough for these kids and he needed to be in trouble. So we texted him and my ex stating that we are canceling his insurance and that he needed to get some before he could drive it. My ex wive writes back that she thought I would have been a mature adult and just let things calm down. I tested them all and said we are also shutting off the cell phones and your mom can carry them. She wrote back that I might want to reconsider and if I throw the first stone I cannot take it back

Needless to say around 6 that next night the cops showed up and I have been cited with two counts of child abuse. I am crushed. For two days I was in a fog and my wife had to go to the ER for the baby because of stress.

We had to hire an attorney for all this and that has depleted our saving for when the baby is born. I cry all the time and I follow my son on twitter and the language he uses and the thing he does is awful.

Yes for some reason I was cited for two accounts of child abuse and my daughter is saying I did something to her and she was not even involved. I do not know what the police report says yet so we just have to wait my attorney said if it goes to court it will be in sept when the baby is born.

I am crushed right now because I did nothing wrong and child services is going to come visit this week and money issues now and we are now stuck paying his truck payment because it is in my wives name.

This should be a happy time and it is living hell. I told my ex wive I was coming to get my youngest tomorrow but she said he does not want to see me. Not sure if that is true but I could take her to court for contempt but I don't have the money or time off of work to do it. Plus to be truthful I am a worried about ever seeing them again. If they can do this for shutting off their cell phones I am not sure what they could do. I will never be able to parent them again after this. I have worked hard ally live for these kids but unfortunately they have a mother that is trashy. I cannot deal with her anymore. She is ruining my life. But I cry all the time now because I love my kids. There is so much more but I think this is enogh. Thanks for reading.

you already receive some good advice

I just want to add one thing

I used to be a rebellious son myself, worse than your son

what set me straight is my faith

you see the problem is Satan ( don't laugh, it is true) uses the worldly value to influence young people in a very negative way

get people to pray for your children salvation and let Lord open their eyes

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

I also worked with a lot of at-risk youths who had very difficult behaviour. Not once was there a physical altercation. Ever. There is no need. It could have been prevented by diffusing the anger rather than perpetuating it. The Bible says "fathers, do not embitter your children." Aggression from parents will embitter their children, and is likely part of why the son is having anger issues. Development is part of it, but his individuation needs to be handled with parental skill, not with aggression.

Christians are taught not to repay evil for evil, and to turn the other cheek. That would have been appropriate in this situation rather than grab the youth's scruff, which did nothing more than set him off. And yes, if anyone grabbed my scruff, I'd push them away too. The son was acting in self defense.

you must be a saint, I used to have people work with me as well, including this Ex pastor ( who I believe there should be a special place in hell for someone like him), did work like that.