Need advice on something personal.

[aspie3000]

My previous issues I've shared on this site... well not the issues but the solution to the issues have been resolved. In short I need to try my hardest to live my life in accordance with the commands of the Bible. If I fall short I am to pick myself up and try again and train myself like an athlete to follow God. I believe that God has revealed this to me. However there is a bit of a problem. An old desire has come back in full force. I have Aspergers syndrome and thus have trouble connecting with other human beings. Over the entirety of my life I have never had a girlfriend and I have always desired strongly to have a female companion and later a wife. Three years ago I was told by God not to desire or seek out a wife unless God decides to give me one and that it would take focus off of him. This statement had always struck me as odd as Moses, Abraham, Issac, Jacob, and pretty much every prophet in the Old Testament had a wife and she didn't hinder them. The fact is that that was three years ago and my desire for a female companion is overwhelming. Every time I try to put it at the back of my mind I cannot suppress it no matter how hard I try. I feel a great longing to have a woman to share my life with and that longing is overwhelming and crippling.

The Bible says that everyone who asks receives and that when you knock the door will be open to you (if it lines up with his will, I know.) It also says that when you ask for bread God will not give you a stone instead. However this longing and that edict feels very much like a stone. So my question is, is it a sin to ask God for what I want? Is it possible for God to change his mind three years after the fact? And what should I do with a desire that I am unable to banish? I would really like God to change my situation and give me what I desire. Despite what I've been told I cannot make my desire go away and I'd really like this desire to be gratified but I don't want to disobey God at all. I've talked to God about it but I don't know how to get an answer from him when I need it so I'm hoping he might speak through one of you. Anyways I would appreciate your help.

 

[Dansiph]

Hi, I am a fellow aspie. Not married yet. We're also the same age.

I think you've got to work at getting a wife with emphasis on work. As in work hard not have an actual job, although that helps for obvious reasons.

Also with people I know it can be hard but sometimes if you're over analysing and overthinking you perform worse in social situations. Trust yourself, try and flow which means do not try. This has helped me. Switching from thinking whilst socialising to just socialsing.

I don't think it's wrong to ask God but maybe ask for the wisdom and strength to take whatever action is needed to have a marriage? Sorry if I'm being patronsing but I felt we're in a similar situation

 

[mmksparbud]

My previous issues I've shared on this site... well not the issues but the solution to the issues have been resolved. In short I need to try my hardest to live my life in accordance with the commands of the Bible. If I fall short I am to pick myself up and try again and train myself like an athlete to follow God. I believe that God has revealed this to me. However there is a bit of a problem. An old desire has come back in full force. I have Aspergers syndrome and thus have trouble connecting with other human beings. Over the entirety of my life I have never had a girlfriend and I have always desired strongly to have a female companion and later a wife. Three years ago I was told by God not to desire or seek out a wife unless God decides to give me one and that it would take focus off of him. This statement had always struck me as odd as Moses, Abraham, Issac, Jacob, and pretty much every prophet in the Old Testament had a wife and she didn't hinder them. The fact is that that was three years ago and my desire for a female companion is overwhelming. Every time I try to put it at the back of my mind I cannot suppress it no matter how hard I try. I feel a great longing to have a woman to share my life with and that longing is overwhelming and crippling.

The Bible says that everyone who asks receives and that when you knock the door will be open to you (if it lines up with his will, I know.) It also says that when you ask for bread God will not give you a stone instead. However this longing and that edict feels very much like a stone. So my question is, is it a sin to ask God for what I want? Is it possible for God to change his mind three years after the fact? And what should I do with a desire that I am unable to banish? I would really like God to change my situation and give me what I desire. Despite what I've been told I cannot make my desire go away and I'd really like this desire to be gratified but I don't want to disobey God at all. I've talked to God about it but I don't know how to get an answer from him when I need it so I'm hoping he might speak through one of you. Anyways I would appreciate your help.

"I have Aspergers syndrome and thus have trouble connecting with other human beings"

I am not thoroughly familiar with this syndrome. Let me just say one thing. Marriage means being
connected to another human--one that is totally different from you! They will have their own needs to be met that they will be looking to you to meet them. How will you be able to be united as one when you can not connect? You will be leaving them in an "empty, unfulfilled" state. Is that fair to them?
What are you doing to help you with this? You would need to be totally honest with them in order for them to be a true 'help meet" to you. God gave you instruction and you should not go against those.
Do not pick one out for yourself! You must let Him pick one for you if you are to have a partner. He already gave you an answer--to wait for Him. He knows the desires of your heart--it is no sin to ask for those desired to be met, but they must be met on His terms, not our own. I know, I met them on my own and ended up with 28 years of hell. God would have answered my prayer at the right time, but I did not want to wait. God may be spending this time trying to help you with your syndrome and preparing you to be a better mate. Let Him finish the work. Concentrate of finding solutions to your syndrome first. Until you do that, you will have a problem with whomever is in your life. Marriage, is difficult at times, even when 2 are perfectly suited to each other. Nothing is perfect 100% of the time, but when one is very badly damaged in one way or another, the other person has to be all the more right for you so that you do not cause them unnecessary pain--and only God knows who that person is.
Your relationship with God is a marriage---if you can not have a faithful relationship with Him, you will not be able to have a relationship with someone else.
You ae being sidetracked away from your problem, get back to this and when you are ready, God will answer. Right now, I urge you to keep doing what He told you to do. Instead of asking for your need to be met, ask Him to help you concentrate on what you need to do to be the man He wants you to ne.

 

[sea5763]

when I first read your post about a spirit that forbids you from marriage, my first thought is about this passage in the Bible.

1 Timothy 4:1-5
Some Will Depart from the Faith

1Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons, 2through the insincerity of liars whose consciences are seared,3who forbid marriage and require abstinence from foods that God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth. 4For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, 5for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer.

You claim that you know this spirit is of God, but God does not forbid marriage. I know there are some that advise others to wait on marriage, but I think that being careful who you marry is more important than waiting. There are passages in the Bible that advise us not to go seeking to be married if single or to be single if married, but it is not the same thing as forbidding it.

1 Corinthians 7:25-28
The Unmarried and the Widowed

25Now concerningf the betrothed,g I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26I think that in view of the presenth distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed womani marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.

 

[aspie3000]

when I first read your post about a spirit that forbids you from marriage, my first thought is about this passage in the Bible.

1 Timothy 4:1-5
Some Will Depart from the Faith

1Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons, 2through the insincerity of liars whose consciences are seared,3who forbid marriage and require abstinence from foods that God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth. 4For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, 5for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer.

You claim that you know this spirit is of God, but God does not forbid marriage. I know there are some that advise others to wait on marriage, but I think that being careful who you marry is more important than waiting. There are passages in the Bible that advise us not to go seeking to be married if single or to be single if married, but it is not the same thing as forbidding it.

1 Corinthians 7:25-28
The Unmarried and the Widowed

25Now concerningf the betrothed,g I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26I think that in view of the presenth distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed womani marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.

Interestingly when I was told this by that spirit it used the very verse you cite to justify it (Corinthians 7:25-28). I heard this advice through a sermon which eerily and coincidentally addressed all of the troubles I was having at the time and did it as if the preacher was directly speaking to me thus I believe it was from God.

 

[mmksparbud]

Interestingly when I was told this by that spirit it used the very verse you cite to justify it (Corinthians 7:25-28). I heard this advice through a sermon which eerily and coincidentally addressed all of the troubles I was having at the time and did it as if the preacher was directly speaking to me thus I believe it was from God.

You were not forbidden to marry---you were told to not seek to be married unless He gave you the spouse. that is just plain sense. Wait on the Lord

Rom 8:24 For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?
Rom 8:25 But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.

Psa 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Psa 37:5 Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

 

[longwait]

My previous issues I've shared on this site... well not the issues but the solution to the issues have been resolved. In short I need to try my hardest to live my life in accordance with the commands of the Bible. If I fall short I am to pick myself up and try again and train myself like an athlete to follow God. I believe that God has revealed this to me. However there is a bit of a problem. An old desire has come back in full force. I have Aspergers syndrome and thus have trouble connecting with other human beings. Over the entirety of my life I have never had a girlfriend and I have always desired strongly to have a female companion and later a wife. Three years ago I was told by God not to desire or seek out a wife unless God decides to give me one and that it would take focus off of him. This statement had always struck me as odd as Moses, Abraham, Issac, Jacob, and pretty much every prophet in the Old Testament had a wife and she didn't hinder them. The fact is that that was three years ago and my desire for a female companion is overwhelming. Every time I try to put it at the back of my mind I cannot suppress it no matter how hard I try. I feel a great longing to have a woman to share my life with and that longing is overwhelming and crippling.

The Bible says that everyone who asks receives and that when you knock the door will be open to you (if it lines up with his will, I know.) It also says that when you ask for bread God will not give you a stone instead. However this longing and that edict feels very much like a stone. So my question is, is it a sin to ask God for what I want? Is it possible for God to change his mind three years after the fact? And what should I do with a desire that I am unable to banish? I would really like God to change my situation and give me what I desire. Despite what I've been told I cannot make my desire go away and I'd really like this desire to be gratified but I don't want to disobey God at all. I've talked to God about it but I don't know how to get an answer from him when I need it so I'm hoping he might speak through one of you. Anyways I would appreciate your help.

What do you mean when you said God told you? Did He speak audibly to you or was it a knowing?

 

[sea5763]

Interestingly when I was told this by that spirit it used the very verse you cite to justify it (Corinthians 7:25-28). I heard this advice through a sermon which eerily and coincidentally addressed all of the troubles I was having at the time and did it as if the preacher was directly speaking to me thus I believe it was from God.

Did you read the sentence right after that that says marrying is NOT a sin?

 

[sea5763]

Also, consider that the Bible says it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

1 Corinthians 7:8-9
8To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

You are clearly burning with passion, so you should marry. Obviously be careful who you marry so you don't end up in a nightmare situation. However, you clearly are dying on the inside pining away for a spouse, so try dating and finding a wife. The passage that says to not go seeking a wife is to emphasize that if you do have self control and don't feel the need to have a wife that you don't waste time that could be spent doing stuff like volunteering and helping the needy by seeking out a spouse just because it is social convention. However, it was NOT meant to forbid you from marriage. I think you need to take into account how desperately you want a wife. It would be better to marry than to later fall into sex outside of marriage and stuff like that.

 

[Radagast]

Three years ago I was told by God not to desire or seek out a wife unless God decides to give me one

And how do you know that it was God speaking?

 

[FutureAndAHope]

My previous issues I've shared on this site... well not the issues but the solution to the issues have been resolved. In short I need to try my hardest to live my life in accordance with the commands of the Bible. If I fall short I am to pick myself up and try again and train myself like an athlete to follow God. I believe that God has revealed this to me. However there is a bit of a problem. An old desire has come back in full force. I have Aspergers syndrome and thus have trouble connecting with other human beings. Over the entirety of my life I have never had a girlfriend and I have always desired strongly to have a female companion and later a wife. Three years ago I was told by God not to desire or seek out a wife unless God decides to give me one and that it would take focus off of him. This statement had always struck me as odd as Moses, Abraham, Issac, Jacob, and pretty much every prophet in the Old Testament had a wife and she didn't hinder them. The fact is that that was three years ago and my desire for a female companion is overwhelming. Every time I try to put it at the back of my mind I cannot suppress it no matter how hard I try. I feel a great longing to have a woman to share my life with and that longing is overwhelming and crippling.

The Bible says that everyone who asks receives and that when you knock the door will be open to you (if it lines up with his will, I know.) It also says that when you ask for bread God will not give you a stone instead. However this longing and that edict feels very much like a stone. So my question is, is it a sin to ask God for what I want? Is it possible for God to change his mind three years after the fact? And what should I do with a desire that I am unable to banish? I would really like God to change my situation and give me what I desire. Despite what I've been told I cannot make my desire go away and I'd really like this desire to be gratified but I don't want to disobey God at all. I've talked to God about it but I don't know how to get an answer from him when I need it so I'm hoping he might speak through one of you. Anyways I would appreciate your help.

I asked God if there was any particular direction for you, and He did not give me an answer. When this happens in my life I generally feel that God is not for/nor against the idea, that it is our choice. I would suggest don't feel guilty about wanting a wife. Just continue through life, going towards your goals. God often gives us our hearts desire, and if we can't cope with something he has asked of us, He often changes direction to walk along side us, not push us down.

 

[aspie3000]

I asked God if there was any particular direction for you, and He did not give me an answer. When this happens in my life I generally feel that God is not for/nor against the idea, that it is our choice. I would suggest don't feel guilty about wanting a wife. Just continue through life, going towards your goals. God often gives us our hearts desire, and if we can't cope with something he has asked of us, He often changes direction to walk along side us, not push us down.

So God often speaks to you? And he didn't give you an answer? Is it too much for me to ask you to ask again? He doesn't speak to me often so hearing from someone who regularly hears from God is valuable to me.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

So God often speaks to you? And he didn't give you an answer? Is it too much for me to ask you to ask again? He doesn't speak to me often so hearing from someone who regularly hears from God is valuable to me.

I can go away and pray for a while and see if I get an answer, but at the moment I am not getting anything specific.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Hi,

I really don't know, but it is possible God is still desiring the following for you. I did get that verse once when praying for you.

1Co 7:31-33 And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away. But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.

However, when ever you look to God's will it is always with in the context of his written Word. And His written word gives you provision to marry if you want to. With the context of "And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away."

I would say there is a possibility God is asking you if you could remain unmarried at this time to seek his kindgom. But if it is too much to bear, then I am sure God will allow you to marry.

 

[aspie3000]

What do you mean when you said God told you? Did He speak audibly to you or was it a knowing?

So, I was having issues in my life that I needed resolved (and still am though I'm trying to overcome them) sin, a deadening of the holy spirit in my life, and a deep desire for a female companion that I've had for my entire life. So one day after seeing a pastor online that scared the crap out of me I went to the college ministry at the church for the first time in forever. That day the pastor preached a message that eerily hit every problem i'd had in my life dead on. The problem in dealing with a spouse was to be handled in the way it was said earlier. I don't hear from God audibly or though any kind of knowing.

 

[aspie3000]

"I have Aspergers syndrome and thus have trouble connecting with other human beings"

I am not thoroughly familiar with this syndrome. Let me just say one thing. Marriage means being
connected to another human--one that is totally different from you! They will have their own needs to be met that they will be looking to you to meet them. How will you be able to be united as one when you can not connect? You will be leaving them in an "empty, unfulfilled" state. Is that fair to them?
What are you doing to help you with this? You would need to be totally honest with them in order for them to be a true 'help meet" to you. God gave you instruction and you should not go against those.
Do not pick one out for yourself! You must let Him pick one for you if you are to have a partner. He already gave you an answer--to wait for Him. He knows the desires of your heart--it is no sin to ask for those desired to be met, but they must be met on His terms, not our own. I know, I met them on my own and ended up with 28 years of hell. God would have answered my prayer at the right time, but I did not want to wait. God may be spending this time trying to help you with your syndrome and preparing you to be a better mate. Let Him finish the work. Concentrate of finding solutions to your syndrome first. Until you do that, you will have a problem with whomever is in your life. Marriage, is difficult at times, even when 2 are perfectly suited to each other. Nothing is perfect 100% of the time, but when one is very badly damaged in one way or another, the other person has to be all the more right for you so that you do not cause them unnecessary pain--and only God knows who that person is.
Your relationship with God is a marriage---if you can not have a faithful relationship with Him, you will not be able to have a relationship with someone else.
You ae being sidetracked away from your problem, get back to this and when you are ready, God will answer. Right now, I urge you to keep doing what He told you to do. Instead of asking for your need to be met, ask Him to help you concentrate on what you need to do to be the man He wants you to ne.

When I say that I have trouble connecting with people I mean that I suck in social situations. Aspergers makes social situations insanely difficult. For people I know well such as my family I do connect with them rather deeply. However I am VERY introverted and generally am not interested in forming friendships with random people like normal people seem to do. Talking with most people to me is very boring as other people never say anything that is of interest to me and I find I cannot keep a conversation with these people going. It is a very rare occasion that I find someone who I think are genuinely interesting people. I admit pretty girls often fall in the interesting category as well as people intelligent enough to carry on a captivating conversation with. If I could find a pretty girl that I can carry on an intelligent conversation with then I'd be a happy man.

 

[aspie3000]

And how do you know that it was God speaking?

It might not have been God speaking, but it sure seemed like it and there's no way to positively test whether it was or not to my knowledge.

 

[aspie3000]

Hi,

I really don't know, but it is possible God is still desiring the following for you. I did get that verse once when praying for you.

1Co 7:31-33 And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away. But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.

However, when ever you look to God's will it is always with in the context of his written Word. And His written word gives you provision to marry if you want to. With the context of "And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away."

I would say there is a possibility God is asking you if you could remain unmarried at this time to seek his kindgom. But if it is too much to bear, then I am sure God will allow you to marry.

I sincerely hope you're just hearing things. I honestly cannot bear a no answer. I've waited for too long.

 

[mmksparbud]

When I say that I have trouble connecting with people I mean that I suck in social situations. Aspergers makes social situations insanely difficult. For people I know well such as my family I do connect with them rather deeply. However I am VERY introverted and generally am not interested in forming friendships with random people like normal people seem to do. Talking with most people to me is very boring as other people never say anything that is of interest to me and I find I cannot keep a conversation with these people going. It is a very rare occasion that I find someone who I think are genuinely interesting people. I admit pretty girls often fall in the interesting category as well as people intelligent enough to carry on a captivating conversation with. If I could find a pretty girl that I can carry on an intelligent conversation with then I'd be a happy man.

LOL! Now she has to be pretty! Well, are you handsome enough and are you enough of a "captivating"
conversationalist to interest her??? You could have already met her--maybe she was having an off day and her conversation wasn't as brilliant as she would normally be! You may have written her off without giving her a full chance. Stay within the guidelines God gave you--a Christian woman--and He will answer your prayers. I still say work on your syndrome so you do not pass her up.