My wife's past

[Dave-W]

I was the one who initiated counseling because of the issues I was having with our sex life and other aspects of our relationship.

Your first mistake. Seeking healing from those things should be initiated by her and on her terms.

 

[Sparagmos]

No

Use of the term "wifely duty" by the author is meant to draw eyeballs to a far more nuanced article than you cared to read, which you obviously didn't. Read the article and figure out the point the author was making and then your comments might make sense.

You are right, I didn’t read the article. I was responding to your use of the term and coming from years of thought and study on the issue of sexual dissatisfaction in relationships. From what I’ve seen, cultures -past and present - that promote the idea of wifely submission and wifely duty, do not do well in the area of sexual satisfaction for women and sexual intimacy overall. That being said, I almost NEVER say no to my husband. I’ve probably said no three times in 8 years. Why would I say no to something that always feels so good, and to someone who is always sensitive to my desires and circumstantial limitations in that moment? I also suggest to the young women who often seek my advice to be more giving sexually and more open to exploring their partners’ sexual desires and needs.

Your responses to people’s advice on this thread have been unusually defensive, even hostile, towards other posters and you haven’t come across as compassionate towards your wife. So I do tend to think that your wife is likely less interested in sex because you have not done all that you can to make it a good experience for her, and have not sought out and listened to her desires, needs, fears, and frustrations with an open heart and mind. If you treat her anything like you’ve treated the posters here, you’ve been insensitive. For the most part, when women are receiving what they need and desire from their partners, they are enthusiastic about sex. Sometimes what they need first is a lot of healing from past trauma. But ultimately, people don’t turn down the opportunity for exquisite pleasure. I’m happy to further discuss what that might look like if you are interested, to the extent I can on this forum.

 

[Guy Incognito]

What hurt are you talking about? What confusion are you talking about? The only confusion is that you are a very poor reader which is being confirmed by the fact that you are misquoting me and misunderstanding very clearly written content.

I don’t know man, if a whole thread of people are “misquoting and misreading” you, maybe the content isn’t as clearly written as you want it to be/think it is.

We can tell you’re upset, and that might be affecting what you’re trying to say. Be patient when you reply dude - as people here are being patient with you.