Had another blow out yesterday.
This time towards the end she told me that there is too much hurt in this marriage and she doesn't want to be a part of it anymore.
I keep telling her that we can have a happy marriage and be happy together, but she keeps saying she doesn't want to be happy with me anymore, that she just wants the marriage to end. That there has been too much fighting and she doesn't care for me or the marriage anymore. That the only one that will make her happy is herself. That she is happiest when she is single.
I just found this forum thread. I was searching for a place to share my story on this forum and ask for help but I see you have already wrote most of what I had to say and I found it without searching it intentionally. I think God has sent me here and I was amazed to see how God gave me a sign in such a hard time. I prayed to God to guide me, help me find guidance and help - and I didn't expect Him to give me an answer and send me directly to this post.
I can totally understand what you're going through and I know how it feels the heartache and pain. I'm praying to God each day and night to raise this and make me strong to get through this.
So, how are things now? Did things improve since?
If you're still in need with the books, I could give you access to my account and you could read there the "Love must be tough" book. I know it's a bit incorrect toward the book author which needs to sell them to people, but I know this might help you and towards God this is a right thing to do if you only use the book for yourself. Please tell me if you want access to it and I'll send you privately the ID and password.
To tell you about my situation, maybe it helps, I've continuously prayed to God, and there were many signs from Him that my wife and I should be together: one day we went to church and prayed and right after, in the metro a 25 year married couple was sitting by chance in front of us and they just started talking about the 7 years itch without we having asked anything; also, one of our friends knew a person with psychic abilities that was coming very rare to him and that happened just in the day we visited our friend(he is in a different country and we can go there also very rare - also, we wanted to leave just before that person came , but the phone battery went dead, we couldn't talk to the next friend we wanted to visit that day, it started raining and so we were destined to meet the psychic person whom talked to us and he made my wife think that we are destined to be together - before that she removed her wedding ring from her hand but after the night with the psychic person she put it back and now we still have our wedding rings on. Also, all our friends are telling us that we should remain together.
In despite all this, she tells me that even if logic, God and all our friends say we should be together, she still has this desire to do her own way, to think about the work colleague she has dreamed about in the past few months.
She thinks that God's will is unfair, that she wants to do her own will, she wants to be able to decide for herself.
In the past time I prayed a lot to God to give me strength and power to "seem" unaffected by the situation, so that I feel totally confident in God and that He will help me be able to live with this and go on with confidence. Last night I came happy from work, I was feeling this confidence that God only has given to me and I can't thank Him enough for what He's done for me and how much He helped.
In the past days it was our wedding anniversary and I thought even with our present situation, I don't want to let it slip away without leaving something nice behind. So I went out, bought a couple of roses, a bottle of wine, a nice box of chocolate. Then I carefully placed the petals of the roses over the room to create a very romantic and nice atmosphere. I left some massage oil on the stairs and a rose petal path leading to it and the bottle of wine and chocolate. I thought that even if I wasn't going to ask for more from my wife, I just hoped that a nice massage or at least a nice dinner will perhaps bring us a bit closer together. But it didn't, because my wife said that she is emotionally unprepared for this and she wanted a normal dinner, without eating anything from what I had prepared. It was no problem, I tried to understand although I felt bad at the moment.
A few days after, my wife was perhaps impressed by my attitude from the past time, that she said to me that she wants to get away from her work colleague, to find a way to be with me and to forget about him.
But in that moment, my first reaction was to apply "loving toughness" and I said to her that in the past few days I've been thinking about getting a new apartment, that I think she is now in a state of "sevrage" and I don't think that I could trust her current attitude to remain the same. Also, I tried to explain to her the concept of "loving toughness", that if I love her, I must be hard on her doing whatever she wants and think whatever she wants, I must not allow her to do these things without any consequence.
She told me that maybe she deserves this, that maybe I should go on and take a new apartment.
The next day, after praying again to God, I thought that maybe I was too tough on her, and I tried to tell her that maybe I should have listened to all she had to say about her plan to get away from her work colleague. I thought about the "forgive our sins as we do forgive our sinners" and it made me give another chance to my wife, be understanding and kind. But this only made her back away more, she didn't recognize anymore what she had told me yesterday, she told me I misunderstood her. She was very distant, but at the same time she was crying. I just can't stand this because I know at heart she is a very good and loving person that just had lost her way at the moment - and this is because I lost my self-respect to her, like in the "love must be tough" book. She loved me like no one else could do, and before marriage, we both had been in a moment when we cried to God to help us find a soulmate that could love back just the way we could. God has given us just that - and it happened in a similar miraculous way.
We now live in a foreign country for about 1 year, we have jobs here and we pay a lot of money for an apartment we stay in. I know I have spoken my mind out to her about getting a new apartment for myself, but I just don't know what is best for me to do.
In any case, I hope it helps you or any others here to see just another "love must be tough" situation out there in this world full of games played with our hearts. This leads me back to God and I know that only in Him we can totally trust(although until now I was having the impression that my wife was the one I could trust with all my heart).
I have an uttermost confidence in myself and in God, my Father and my Sun. I strongly believe that praying persistently and continuously to Him and with His help, I can achieve anything and everything will be turn out according to His Holy plan to which I totally embrace.
I hope everything will be all right for you and besides anything you read or hear, do not forget to trust and pray to God with all your heart and soul.
I wish you'll be able to get back with your wife and that what I wrote might help you in any way!
