My struggles...

[SwordOfGod]

I am a Christian.

I believe in the Trinity of God.

I believe that Jesus came to Earth and died on the cross, so that I could have freedom from my sins and have Eternal life.

I pray nearly 100 times a day with no other motive than to strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

And I'm gay.

And here I am, so confused because my parents, who only want to do good, take me to Exodus International meetings and conferences, and Homosexuals Anonymous meetings, and Desertstream book fairs, and I am so broken because I did what they said! Because I stopped looking at porn, Because I stopped masturbation! Because I broke all my unhealthy relationships and got lots of straight friends! Because I prayed to God to change me IF HE WISHED! And here I am and I hate that soon I guess I'm going to have to tell them its not working....

What do y'all think, I'm not here to debate my religious views, just to get y'alls thoughts on this whole "reparative therepy" thing.

Ugh... I feel like I have cancer...

 

[katautumn]

Reparative therapy is not only useless, but harmful as well. Because you have not been allowed to accept who you are, you now obviously suffer from severe lack of self-worth. It's not masturbation or looking at porn that makes someone gay anymore than owning a handgun makes someone a violent criminal. The hope that you can hang onto is that you'll be eighteen in a year or less and then no one can force you into these bogus reparative therapy sessions. I wish you the best.

 

[ChaliceThunder]

Dear brother in Christ,

God loves you as you are. By your own words you trust him, pray to him and believe in him. You do not need to change for him, as he has already created you a beautiful human being.

If it is at all possible, get away from "reparative" therapy FAST! It has done untold damage to so many people.

Do seek out some guidance from a pastor at an open and affirming church. You will find support and counsel, and you will also find the abundant love of God there.

PM me if you like.
Prayers for your strength and peace.
Bless you.

 

[Tenka]

Reminds me of the 18th and 19th centuries when they would beat the left handedness out of kids.

 

[Lord_Marx]

That form of "therapy" sounds like it would be very harmful. I don't see anything wrong with homosexuality and think that trying to "cure" using guilt and fear is far more evil then being attracted to people of the same gender could ever bee.

I'm not a Christian so I can't say much as far as religion is concerned, but I think that it should be between you and God. You may want to talk to some other homosexual Christens too. I hope that you can come to peace with yourself whatever you choose to do, growing up Catholic I can imagine how hard it would be to be bombarded with feelings of guilt over something beyond your control, even being straight I felt a lot of guilt due to simple biological urges.

 

[loudatheist101]

Well, I support people like you! I'm actually a Bisexual. Don't listen to those jerks that think you can change your sexual oriantation. Because you can't. Just love your life as you are!

 

[The Nihilist]

I am a Christian.
I believe in the Trinity of God.
I believe that Jesus came to Earth and died on the cross, so that I could have freedom from my sins and have Eternal life.
I pray nearly 100 times a day with no other motive than to strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
And I'm gay.
And here I am, so confused because my parents, who only want to do good, take me to Exodus International meetings and conferences, and Homosexuals Anonymous meetings, and Desertstream book fairs, and I am so broken because I did what they said! Because I stopped looking at porn, Because I stopped masturbation! Because I broke all my unhealthy relationships and got lots of straight friends! Because I prayed to God to change me IF HE WISHED! And here I am and I hate that soon I guess I'm going to have to tell them its not working....
What do y'all think, I'm not here to debate my religious views, just to get y'alls thoughts on this whole "reparative therepy" thing.
Ugh... I feel like I have cancer...

And Christians wonder why we don't like them.
So, assuming there's a God... it sounds like you have your answer from God. He has either heard your prayers and likes you the way you are, or he has not heard your prayers, in which case, you're on your own. Either way, it sounds like the gay is here to stay.
That being said, buddy, you have to stop listening to those people. They will drive you to kill yourself. It is the job of the reparative therapist to tell you you're not good enough. Next time he does that, hit him. Even if it's a she. Tell it like it is. Tell them God has either answered you or he hasn't, and this isn't changing. If your parents get mad, throw a chair. Make gay friends, look at gay porn. Get in touch with people who know what you're dealing with. Jesus died for you, don't let these people make you die for him.

 

[SwordOfGod]

The idea goes like this...

Father = abusive or ignoring or just not there
Mother=too close, "special relationship"

Result: The son identifies with the mother and denies his masculinity.

This is the basic equation for a male homosexual.

That's what THEY say of course...

 

[sinneD]

Whether reparative therapy is good or bad is moot... the point is that, regardless, it has not worked for you.

I am glad that you have loving parents who are trying to do the right thing... it is sad to think, but I know of parents who have thrown their own kids out on the street.

You have focused on God and avoiding temptations.. you are making progress..

But I find the most troubling sentence in your post being

... I feel like I have cancer...

Depression and low self-esteem are battle fronts you need to address..

I hope you will consider the points I raise in the PM that I just sent

 

[loudatheist101]

And Christians wonder why we don't like them.
So, assuming there's a God... it sounds like you have your answer from God. He has either heard your prayers and likes you the way you are, or he has not heard your prayers, in which case, you're on your own. Either way, it sounds like the gay is here to stay.
That being said, buddy, you have to stop listening to those people. They will drive you to kill yourself. It is the job of the reparative therapist to tell you you're not good enough. Next time he does that, hit him. Even if it's a she. Tell it like it is. Tell them God has either answered you or he hasn't, and this isn't changing. If your parents get mad, throw a chair. Make gay friends, look at gay porn. Get in touch with people who know what you're dealing with. Jesus died for you, don't let these people make you die for him.

That is.....great. Really nice. SO true. God must like you this way if you prayed to "Him" so just do what you want and do whatever it is that makes you happy, even if that includes that gay porn website. I've never met any gay Christain that has had God cure them. (Almost as if he doesn't exist...?) So, I guess God is fine with gay people. I mean, he has the power to create the Universe, if he really existed and hated gay people, he would change your sexual oriantation. Go on and live your life the way you want.

 

[SwordOfGod]

I would like to make it clear that I DO believe God has certain moral standards for us though....

 

[SwordOfGod]

Lol!

 

[DLaurier]

Hey Sword,
That crap they feed you in so-called "reparative therepy".. Spit it out and bury it. You dont want it.
You are a good person and a normal homosexual with a full sense of masculinity.
Theres nothing wrong with you.
Focus on harnessing your sexual energy for creativity and/or some kind of volunteer work.
So help out at a soup kitchen or something like that.
You can pray 100 times, Or you can make 100 sandwiches for hungry people. But whatever you do, Do it with honesty and integrity.

 

[Joykins]

The idea goes like this...

Father = abusive or ignoring or just not there
Mother=too close, "special relationship"

Result: The son identifies with the mother and denies his masculinity.

This is the basic equation for a male homosexual.

That's what THEY say of course...

That sounds very much like what Dobson says in _Bringing Up Boys_. He seems to think that one can prevent homosexuality by parenting. I think there is very little evidence to support this, just as the evidence to support reparative therapy is controversial and its efficacy is not well-established. That is, it doesn't work for many people, although some people do seem to be helped (sexual identity being more flexible for some than others)

I think Christian ""gay" ministries ought to focus primarily at helping homosexually-oriented folks who think homosexual behavior is sinful and for whom reparative therapy seems ineffective, to become comfortable with their orientations and equip them to handle the temptations and struggles involved in a life of celibacy (or counter-orientation heterosexual marriage should this be desired--there are actually some ministers who work in this area).

 

[The Nihilist]

You have focused on God and avoiding temptations.. you are making progress..

Part of the problem, however well intentioned. No offense, sinneD.

 

[Steezie]

The idea that it takes a distant or abusive father and a close relationship with the mother to create a gay man is ridiculous.

I never had a close relationship with my father, when he wasnt working he was drinking. My mother and I were very close untill my mid-teens. So by the rule, I should be gay. Well Im getting married to a wonderful woman and Im not bi so....

I would venture to say that "reparative therapy" does no good in a person's life. It legitimizes trying to shame a person into repressing a behavior. There is zero accepted psychological evidence that this is even remotely effective

 

[Robbie_James_Francis]

I think you need to tell your parents that it isn't working. And that the solution to that is not to increase the err..."therapy" (sic) but to stop it altogether. I'm sure your parents care about you a lot and think they're doing the right thing. Unfortunately, however, they are not. You're parents are obviously not abusive, because they're trying to do the right thing, but the perverts that run groups like Exodus International are nothing less that psychological child abusers.

I suppose if you want to stay celibate for life, then you could suggest that to your parents. But either way denying who you are and trying to change it are categorically not the solutions. They need to understand as much as you do that being homosexual is not a sin in and of itself...it cannot be because it is not a choice. It is not a disease. Even if you feel you must accept your parents' brand of Christianity (not the only one out there by the way...a lot accept homosexuals gladly), and therefore your sexuality is somehow "disordered", then your religion still teaches that God loves you and that God created you the way you are. You deserve love, respect and acceptance from everyone, and you already have it from God. You can remain celibate and avoid the "sin" of homosexual behaviour but not have to deny who you are.

How do you think your parents will react when you tell them that you're not going to carry on with this therapy?

Oh, and just a sidenote for everyone else...you wonder why I hate fundamentalism and the lies it spreads? You wonder why I an incensed by the ignorance and close-mindedness of the 'homosexuality is a choice' brigade? Why I think the seemingly 'loving therapy' (sic) of 'curing' homosexuality is actually pure evil, perversion, torture and criminal child abuse?....HERE'S WHY.

peace

 

[sparklecat]

The idea goes like this...

Father = abusive or ignoring or just not there
Mother=too close, "special relationship"

Result: The son identifies with the mother and denies his masculinity.

This is the basic equation for a male homosexual.

That's what THEY say of course...

Well, does that match your experience, or do you have evidence that they're incorrect?





In my opinion, the reparative therapy groups are wrong on many things. I also think they hurt a lot of people along the way, and I don't much like that.

If you ever want to, feel free to PM me and just vent or whatever.

 

[momalle1]

I am a Christian.

I believe in the Trinity of God.

I believe that Jesus came to Earth and died on the cross, so that I could have freedom from my sins and have Eternal life.

I pray nearly 100 times a day with no other motive than to strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

And I'm gay.

And here I am, so confused because my parents, who only want to do good, take me to Exodus International meetings and conferences, and Homosexuals Anonymous meetings, and Desertstream book fairs, and I am so broken because I did what they said! Because I stopped looking at porn, Because I stopped masturbation! Because I broke all my unhealthy relationships and got lots of straight friends! Because I prayed to God to change me IF HE WISHED! And here I am and I hate that soon I guess I'm going to have to tell them its not working....

What do y'all think, I'm not here to debate my religious views, just to get y'alls thoughts on this whole "reparative therepy" thing.

Ugh... I feel like I have cancer...

You need to stop listening to everyone else and start listening to yourself and God. Do you believe that homosexuality is a sin? This sentence "Because I prayed to God to change me IF HE WISHED! And here I am " makes it sound as if you don't. You don't need to convince me, you need to convince yourself. Kat Autumn is right, porno doesn't make you gay, why would you listen to people with that type of logic?

I hope you come to terms with this, I would hate to see you live your life miserably because of someone elses judgements. Maybe, you should give your chance from both sides of the issue. You've already tried the cleansing method, you could try an accept your homosexuality place.

 

[momalle1]

And Christians wonder why we don't like them.

You do realize that not all Christians are the same, right?